~Poetry~By the Commando

Hello, and welcome to my little thread. When I found out ZU supported poetry threads I was like YAY. I have over 100 poems right now and growing. Constructive Critism I would like.

Poem#1: House of Entertainment
Bio: This was my very first and I wrote it long ago in like 5 mins. So it sorta sucks.

The walls are stained with the blood of victims,
the floors are damped with the scent of death,
and the cealing is leaking the souls of the innocent.
The air is heavy and you start to hear your heart beating.
This painful house we call life,
why do we live and why do we die?
We are the T.V.s the big man sees,
entertainment he watchs and laughs.
We are vessels without souls,
he just wants us to feel pain and sorrow.
Our lifes have already been written,
we live each page day by day,
seeking love and hope,
but in this house of misery,
we'll never find what we are seeking.

Poem#2: My Eyes
Bio: This was my second, wrote it in bout 10 minutes. Prolly one of my best, was published in two books.

In this world of love and hate,

Why do I get all the hate?

The hail storm crashing down like stones,
And yet, I dont sense anything,
I will never be loved , for that is fate,

The doves will fly over my grave.

I wish I was never born,

When I die noone will morn.

If I could Id change it all,

But these shadows are ingulfing me,

Im lost and cant find my way.

I wish there was someone to light the way,

Someone who could see,

Someone who was just like me.

See the world in my eyes,

I dont care and life is never fair,

My eyes are blinded by fate,

My eyes see too much hate,

Im seeing things mortals shall never see,

I m tired of it and wish I were blind.

I hear when you die,

Your soul is free,

With my eyes I wanna see,

What it means to be free,

And live without hate and misery.

Now I can't remeber when I wrote my other poems. So from this point on I'll jsut put down poems.

Moonlit Shadow

An nocturnal raven- beauty of the dark,
hunting of the owls,
the prey of the wild,
the light is nothing more,
all under a moonlit shadow

Home, a temporary security,
hiding from the lost and the shadows,
risking thy last hope and faith on such a inevitable force,
yet noone can hide from their fate,
and comes a end- within this twilight hollow.

Even the earth bares witness,
to the dark- for none can hide,
past, space, and death,
these things are hidden, but found.
And the earth grows over it- From the spine of a twilight root.

All that sleeps,
feed on dreams,
of a strong depression,
that seems to die?
Postive it is- Thoughts and dreams- of a well-lit mind.

The Watching Eye,
sees all the weather,
floating- Drifting!- past all the clouds,
time just seems to slow down with the life- in one pile.
This is the sadness- of a Lunar Cycle.

It sees all, even the spirits,
that still walk alone,
"Poor things." the living eye says,
It fades- but always- wake.
A opened moonlit phase.

Rodants toil in the trees and flowers,
When the bright sky fades in,
Losing its focus,
Its sanity spreads through the leaves,
And so ends this mysterious moonlit tale.

SqrlCommando, i thought your Poems are really good the second one Eyes was really sad but unforutanetly reflects the world we live in today

Originally Posted by Life

SqrlCommando, i thought your Poems are really good the second one Eyes was really sad but unforutanetly reflects the world we live in today

Yay, my first true poster. Thank you, and sadly it is sadly true that my sad poem is sadly reflecting the sadness of this sad world. Now I am sad...

I feel I must ask you this, Are you an Aspie?

I'm one, and let me tell you, there are people like you.

Aspies, just in case you don't know, have boosted Memory and Intelligence, but it comes at a bad price, Our emotions are Extremely potent, especially the 'negative' ones.

You aren't alone, in your views.
There are others, just like you.
Misery, Anger, Sadness, Hate,
That's what we tend, to see in FATE.

Sorry if I stole some of your spotlight...

Originally Posted by Link-herooftime

I feel I must ask you this, Are you an Aspie?

I'm one, and let me tell you, there are people like you.

Aspies, just in case you don't know, have boosted Memory and Intelligence, but it comes at a bad price, Our emotions are Extremely potent, especially the 'negative' ones.

You aren't alone, in your views.
There are others, just like you.
Misery, Anger, Sadness, Hate,
That's what we tend, to see in FATE.

Sorry if I stole some of your spotlight...

Aspies, sounds like something else.... Anyways, you took a rhyme from my poem "hate and fate" so I don't consider you taking my spotlight .

Anyways, I'll post more if people want more.