The Legend of Zelda: Blade of Evil's Bane

A/N: This story is based off a discussion in the Nsider forums about Dark Link entering Link's body. I was inspired to write this story. I hope you all like it. ^_^
NOTE: There might be characters based off the main characters from "Interveiws with the Zelda Characters."
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Chapter One: Shadows in the Graveyard
Shuffling on the dirt and stone walkway, a thing lumbered towards a new grave. Hunch-back and deformed, he had the appearance of a monster, but he was not a monster, he was man, a Hylian. His name was Dampe and he was leading a group of children behind him in his "Heart-Pounding, Grave-Digging Tour". Shovel in one hand and lantern in another, the grave-watcher slowly made his way to the new grave. When he got there, he read the name.
"'Here lies Link, the Hero of Time and Savior of Hyrule.'" he read aloud in a croaky voice. The children cluttered together, knowing a horror story was about be told to them about Link. What they got was diffrent.
"This man was 60 when he died. By then, he was the husband of the now Queen Zelda, Slayer of Ganondorf, savior of the Gorons, Zoras, and Hylians. When he was dying, he asked to be buried next to his father, which is why his tomb isn't as elaborated as previous kings' tombs."
As Dampe talked on and on about Link's grand and noble deeds, a boy by the name of Matthew RedFlower spotted a fleeting shadow out of the corner of his eye. Spinning around fast, he looked at the direction of Dampe's shack, but there was nothing.
Dampe chuckled. "Eh, so the graveyard is getting to you, kid? Yes, there are ghosts in this graveyard."

After the tour was over and the kids rushed back to their homes, Matthew stayed behind with Dampe. He was charged to clean up the wrappers the kids had dropped in the graveyard just before the tour began. He just couldn't get the shadow out of his mind.
"Dampe," Matthew spoke up. "Do you think Link's ghost haunts this place?"
"I doubt it." Dampe muttered as he counted the rupees that the kids' parents paid him so they could be on the tour. "Link was a happy, caring soul. He seemed complete in the end. Most ghosts return when they have unfinished buisnesses." Dampe then retired back to his shack.
Nodding, Matthew got up and started to walk up the slope to get more trash over there when he spotted Link's tomb. Walking towards it and examining it, he realized that it looked as if someone was trying to dig to the coffin! He put his hand on the dirt and drew it back. It was freezing, bitter cold. But how? The ground was warm and wet that night! How could this one be freezing cold? Deciding to leave it alone and ask Dampe later, he got back up and resumed his work.

Matthew had just finished picking up the last bit of trash when he suddenly saw a black boot, but it didn't look like an actual boot, more like a shadowy image of a boot. He looked up and suddenly saw two beady eyes and a long flowing hat behind the long pointy ears. He stepped backwards. Who was this figure? Why was it taking the form of Link? Slowly, he rose up to his feet. His heart was pounding and he was sweating profously. His mind was screaming at him to get out of the graveyard. As he was about to turn, the figure lunged at him and he felt a sharp pain in his stomach as if he were being punched. Then, before he knew it, he felt a tightning sensation around his neck, as if fingers were wrapped around it.
Gasping and gagging, Matthew fought to get the shadowy figure to let go of his neck, but the figure showed no mercy. It tighten its grip on him and sneered. Suddenly, the shadows seemed to dissapate and the eyes started turning from red to blue. Gasping, he realized he was in the chokehold of Link! But how? He was dead! He didn't have time to think things through, because in that instant, he felt impact and all went dark. He knew no more.
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How was it? Sorry if it seemed rushed. Every first chapter i do in my story seemed rushed. But for those who don't get the plotline.

Spoiler (Highlight to read):

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Basically, Dark Link inhabit's Link's body and as the Hylians learn more and more about this, they realize they have to defeat him

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It sounds pretty good so far. It has a good start to it and like the way it is written. One thing I noticed was that you might want to use stronger and not so bland words here and there. But, keep in mind, don't chock it full was soo much it's to complicated to read.

-NC

Thanks! I'll try not to type to blandly and chock it full of stuff.

But some questions, how do i not type it to where it's complicated to read?

Originally Posted by Link the Zora

Shuffling on the dirt and stone walkway, a thing lumbered towards a new grave.

Ok here, you used 'thing' see thats kind of blunt and not really precise, it leaves open the door to many 'things' Instead of using something so blunt, try using more stronger word choice: figure, mass. etc. Something that puts more 'umph' behind the meaning of the word.

Shovel in one hand and lantern in another, the grave-watcher slowly made his way to the new grave. When he got there, he read the name.

A key in making writing good is detail, good, clear and precise details. Here you have it stated as a 'new grave'. Once again, to make it a little more deatiled, something like this might be better: 'With shovel and lantern in hand, the grave-watcher made his way steadily to a new grave, marked with fresh earth and a clean headstone.' See how that makes you feel more like you can see the Grave directly infront of you, as if through the eyes of Dampe or one of the children.

"'Here lies Link, the Hero of Time and Savior of Hyrule.'" he read aloud in a croaky voice. The children cluttered together, knowing a horror story was about be told to them about Link. What they got was diffrent.
"This man was 60 when he died. By then, he was the husband of the now Queen Zelda, Slayer of Ganondorf, savior of the Gorons, Zoras, and Hylians. When he was dying, he asked to be buried next to his father, which is why his tomb isn't as elaborated as previous kings' tombs."
As Dampe talked on and on about Link's grand and noble deeds, a boy by the name of Matthew RedFlower spotted a fleeting shadow out of the corner of his eye. Spinning around fast, he looked at the direction of Dampe's shack, but there was nothing.
Dampe chuckled. "Eh, so the graveyard is getting to you, kid? Yes, there are ghosts in this graveyard."

This bit sounds really good and has very nice dialog.

The rest of it sounds fairly well also. Keep in mind some of the things I mentioned about detail. Incoperating Good word choice inhances detail.

-NC

Thanks a billion! I shall remember the tips you gave me!

I'm planning out the new chapter, but i don't know where i should begin. Should i begin it where it was some days after he was attacked? Or he wakes in his house or he wakes in the graveyard?

I don't know why, but in the first chapter, it seemed i made Matthew a bit obsessed with Link. He sees shadows of Link, he talks about Link, he even gets attacked by a person who even looks like Link! Should i make him a bit less obsessed then he was in chapter one?