Songs of Riddle

Would you guys help me improve my songs that I am writing; I will post new songs at this thread continually, and need your opinions on them.

Well, heres the first one

Title: Have a Nice Life


Have a good Good Friday
And a happy Easter Sunday
And I wish you a happy birthday
For now and many years on
Make some good grades
And get into college
Find a great guy
Marry him under the clear sky
Have a kid, or maybe even 2
Just be happy with your life
Now that I am not there with you


I got to pick up my bags
Just moving along
I don’t know why I’m even singing this song
Were we meant to be?
I can’t really tell
It’s just something I’m unable to see



Could we have been more?


Maybe, but than again maybe not

So there’s just one thing I want to tell you




Have a nice life.
================================
(c) Alexander Fick, 2006

Just to let you know, this song has personal meaning to me, and that's why I have the refrences to Good Friday and Easter. Also, I wish I could convey the way I want the music and melody to go, but I can't so bear in mind that this goes to music.


EDITS TO SONG:

I decided to take this stanza out...

Did you even give me a chance?
We never even shared a dance
Was I just the flavor of the week?
Was I just another little meek?
Were you just another girl?

Changed "Maybe not, but than again maybe yes" to what you see it as now.



I have a couple more to post, I'll show them after I get some replies on this song.

Change 'there with you' to 'here with you'. It sounds creepier and more mysterious that way. meh, i suck.

Originally Posted by cdx75xmx

Change 'there with you' to 'here with you'. It sounds creepier and more mysterious that way. meh, i suck.

I actually had it as "here" originally, but thought it was, as you say, creepy. I don't really want the song to be that way, the song has a kind of a "nice knowing you" attitude, than, oh baby please come back to me attitude.

Yeah your right, having it say 'here' would have made it seem like you're dead, otherwise, great song. I'd make it longer though, put that stanza back and all, but other than that, its cool.

Heres my second song. I consider it to be more of a fun and exciting song, but it starts and ends a little serious.


title: Just a Dream

Am I just in a dream?
I want to believe it’s real
I need to know that it’s all real
I want to believe that there is a purpose
I need to know that I have a purpose
But close my eyes, and it’s all just a circus


I woke up late one night
Close my eyes, just keep dreaming
Don’t need to worry
Go back to sleep, I’m in no hurry

7am, time to wake up again
Get dressed, eat, drive to work
On the freeway, to downtown
See the skyscrapers
(Was that the grim reaper…?)
Look in my mirror, and what does appear
GODZILLA!
KING KONG!
SUPERMAN, BATMAN, SPIDERMAN! (Chuck Norris…) (chuck norris is said in the background)
THE INCREDIBAL HULK (Hogan) (Hogan said in the background also)
WOLVERINE, HURCULES, SPAWN
AND THAT GUY AQUAMAN(pronounced aquamahn)


Pinch myself, it’s just a dream
No pain, and of course no gain
Just sleeping my life away
Just dreaming my life away

Several hours later, riding the elevator
Jill says, “Hi”, and Bill says, “DIE!”
Reach for my gun
And what does he do,
Well he just stuns
As I Fall to the ground
I call for help, but no one hears you
When you’re in a dream.

When you’re in a dream(hold the dream on this line and the next)
When you’re in a dream
You try to scream
But nobody can, hear it
You try to escape
But nobody can, know it
You want to find the way out of this
But nobody can, see it

When you’re in a dream
I once could really, smell it
I heard some can even, taste it
Maybe you don’t even, know it
And maybe you will never wake up
And never know
If it was real?

Copyright (c) Alex Fick, 2006

No one has any comments on Just a Dream?

Here's another

Title: Sloth

Breathe;
Breathe in deep
Don’t waste the mountain air

Share;
Share the wealth
Don’t be afraid to care

Please;
Please don’t leave
I want to show you more

Go;
Go now that we are done
Being with you is such a chore

Take a break
It’s time to rest
Join us now
We are the best

Sleep;
Sleep tonight
The stars are all right

Time;
Time is running short
Let us end this fight

All is calm
And all is right
Please don’t wake us
It’s still the night

Eat;
Eat that now
Don’t be afraid to be a cow

Fat;
Fat is what you are
Just like a big sow

Rest;
Rest with us
We shall invite you to come

Sleep;
Sleep’s all right
That’s just umm....

Copyright (c) Alex Fick, 2006

The song basically fades out in a tiresome fashion on the umm...