Aren't a title

i am new at this so please gice me your oppinion about this because I ussaly write storys not poems. So hear is a shot!!!


The rain talks
Every day and night
It sounds like my brother chalks
Even when it's bright

For some reason it makes me go too sleep
I don't know why
Kinda like whan you see gold you leap
I guess its like I talk even though i'm shy

But the main thing is that it brings joy too are life
Even though you can't find a wife
So i guess it really is just triying too say
Go on with your life and pray

Cause one night you might not hear it at all
And you won't see exept a chain saw
The next morning your guts are on the wall
Split splat your life is GAW!!!


SEEYA!!!

Munchkin#7

That was very good! The ending made me laugh...
You had a lot of spelling errors, but that doesn't really matter.
You used some rather.... interesting comparisons..
What is "brother chalks"?
Don't mind my little comments, though. I don't know much about poetry.
Keep practicing and you'll get better at it!

Thanks but that was not a good poem. What spelling errors I used slang if that counts. Anyways I would write a story but it's way too long it wouldn't fit thanks for the comments how did it make you laugh... 0_o ) Oh!! brother chalks is you knoe if you just keep tapping on a chalk board it kinda sounds like rain hitting the ground kinda like I spin around!!!


SEEYA!!!

Munchkin#7

tho is spelled Though, too is spelled To, leep should be Leap, are should be Our, Trying is the correct way to spell "triying", and exept is supposed to be spelled except. CAUSE should be 'CAUSE as well. Made me laugh 'cause death is funny and the mood just kinda suddenly changed from all this rain stuff to yer guts bein' on the wall! IT ISSSSS GOOD!!! I know what you mean about stories being to long. I write these long 50 page stories, so I can't really post them.. ( Well... I COULD, I'm just to lazy to.)

I think I am going too make a new thread because nobody is coming into this thread maybe it's the title the title stinks or my poems stink which one!!!! well thanks for the hints but I edited the poem so there are no more mistakes. So you lioke stuff about guts and blood, gory stuff don't you. But do you think I should make another thread!!!

SEEYA!!!!


Munchkin#7

I don't think you should make another thread. I thought the end was funny, too. It was just all serious and then it said guts on the wall and your life is gaw. It's just funny becuase of the sudden change of mood.

I didn't really like the poem because it sounded like you tried to hard to rhyme. You write stuff that doesn't make too much sense or doesn't really go with the poem.

For some reason it makes me go too sleep
I don't know why
Kinda like whan you see gold you leap

I think that rhyme was the dumbest one. Keep in mind I am not trying to be mean but, when you write poems you don't have to rhyme, poems are a way to put your emotions on paper so don't worry about rhyming.

Thanks I know my poem stinks and thanks for the hints so when I write a another one I won't try so hard too rhyme. Thanks Kumori I tried to make it more interesting but my friend was telling me too hury up and post something. Well im glad you enjoyed the poem I really like your poems. I really like the one about the wheather thats how I got my topic the rain well thanks!

SEEYA!!!

Munchkin#7

I don't know what your talking about... I never said to hurry.... I just kept asking if it was done yet over and over again...

sure you asked if I was done and you said hurry it up anyways I didn't mean you I meant Links Love. Thanks anyways detention girl! haaaaaaaaa!
LOOKS like im more EVIL!

SEEYA!

Munchkin#7

Hey sorry for double posting but thinks Mirren maybe thats why nobodys coming toomy thread. Just wanted to say thanks.

Seeya!

Munchkin#7

nobodys coming toomy thread.

Uh, are you asking for more replies?


Your rain poem does sometimes stretch coherency a bit, but there are some jewels in it every now and then! 'Brother Chalks' was one, I thought you meant that the sound of the rain was like the scrapping of chalk on a sidewalk, which is a very novel and excellent comparison, I thought.

But the main thing is that it brings joy too are life

I thought that that was a good line too, it mde me smile. I also like the 'wife' bit that comes after, because I don't think there is too many people thinking and agonizing so far ahead in life. But the rhyming was a little heavy handed, in my opinion.

Are you going to be posting more poems?

Have a good one.

Yeah I will be writing more poems. Thanks very much about your thoughts I try too write good poems but this was my first time and I uasually write books, but thanks again about your oppinions and I will write more if you want me too. SCREW ALL OF U Except Holly11, Damn with you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, Except Holly11 and Kumori!!!

Seeya!

Munchkin#7