A Poem by Kumori

EDIT: If you read this thread, please tell me what you think! I want to know!

This is the first serious poem I tried to write so please give me comments but not insulting ones. Here it is:

The Soldier’s Grave
by Kumori

Rough bark
Against my shoulders
Cold rain
Upon my feet
As the pain
Aches within me
The pain of
Defeat

Silent bodies
Lay before me
Puddles full of
Rancid blood
I alone have lived to suffer
In that quiet, deathly wood

But wait
I see a shadow
There among
The many trees
Tall and robed
In dark attire
Figure swaying
In the breeze

Coming nearer
Wading through the
Fallen leaves
Upon the ground
The figure makes
His way to me
And he never
Makes a sound

I look up
At this creature
It’s robe
And it’s pale face
Then I realize
It is Death
Who has found me
At this place

My eyes
Are closed
My body numb
As I wait for the time
When my life will be done

He strikes
I fall
All dark
All night
There are no men left
Who survived the fight

Please reply!!!!!!!!

WOOOW!!! That was good! I loved it! I write things that give personification to Death, too. Keep up the good work. I WANNA HEAR MOOOOOORE!
domoredomoredomoredomoredomoredomoredomoredomoreDO MORE!!!

you really liked it? oh thank you sooooo much! I will try to write more when I get another inspiration.

You're welcome. Hope you get an inspiration soon!

I have another one, but I think my first one is better. This is kind of how I feel.

The Sakura Tree

A bird flies
From the tree
As I sit
Alone
Underneath

Why is it me?
All alone in this world
A cold breeze rushes by
The sun is setting
And no one is here with me

Why must some be neglected?
Darkness is coming
I should leave
But I just sit
Under the sakura tree
Thinking of
My lost love

Why am I alone?
The crickets begin to chirp
Their constant song
An owl hoots
The moon shines
I cry

Why does no one comfort me?
It is nearly midnight
I stand up
I walk home
No one is there
To greet me
To take care of me
I will always be
Alone.

That one was really good, too! Your poems are great! The first one was a LITLLE better than this one, but they are both wonderful. They have great meaning to them, to me. Keep writing!

Your poems have a certain Eastern feel to them, which is great, especially for "The Sakura Tree". You have very striking rhythm and imagery.

Why am I alone?
The crickets begin to chirp
Their constant song
An owl hoots
The moon shines
I cry

I find that stanza especially beautiful.

Wow thank you. I am so glad you think they are good! I promise I will try to write more if you keep coming and reading them.

Then I'll keep coming and reading them!

ok I wrote a new one I just have to type it up it will be here soon!

Yay!!!
Is it long, or........ are you not a fast typer?

wow.. didnt know that u wrote poems untill u PM'ed me. I think they are good. They have real life meaning, and are easy to understand. Hope to see more soon. (although i know ur busy with school)

-Fiend10

Here it is!

A Golden Flower
Dedicated to Hurricane Victims

The frozen snow
It melts and thaws
Giving room
For spring
A red-breast robin
Sings it’s song
Church bells start
To ring

Amid all this
A flower bud
Bursts from beneath
The ground
A silent beauty
Now is born
A beauty
Without bound

Days have past
The flower grows
A bud
Comes into bloom
The many shades
And tints of gold
Bring joy
To any gloom

All who walk by
Can’t help but stop
And gaze
Upon
It’s splendor
And also
Cannot help but think
Of it’s shy but graceful grandeur

Though sunny day
A fear is felt
A tempest has
Begun
Rivalry
The rain and wind
Blocking out
The sun

The flower wilts
The day is sad
The wind rears
It’s ugly head
The rain falls down
And leaves
The flower
Shattered, broken, dead

Years have passed
The storm is through
Flowers grow,
Tall and lean
But such a tender
Golden flower
Will ne’er again
Be seen

OMG that was AWESOME!!! Glad I waited for it!!! Great poem. Best one so far, IMO.

Thank you very much! I feel so special.

WELL YOU SHOULD 'CAUSE YA ARE SPECIAL!!

oh thank you. Oh, I have a new one! I don't like it as much as the others but I wasn't really that inspired, either. Inspiration is a weird thing..... anyways, here it is!

An Eternal Round

Cold and dreary
Barren wasteland
All around
The purest white
It is beautiful
But deadly
If you stay out
Many nights

Glistning rain
Pours down upon us
As we take
A mid-day stroll
Bursting from
The trees and bushes
Leaves come forth
And grow their souls

Hot and humid
Are the days now
Bees are buzzing
In the air
Children playing
People laughing
All the world
Is without care

Golden brown and
Red and yellow
Are the colors
That I see
Cool and breezy
Is the weather
Blowing leaves
Off from the trees

All these seasons
Put together
Make one big,
Eternal round
They will always
Pass us by
Until the end
Of time
Is found

If you read this PLEEEAAASE reply! I have had 101 veiws so far and only 16 comments! I want to know what you think!

GOODGOOD!!! It's not bad at all!!! You ought to look at your work with GOOD thoughts!
I don't usually like my stuff and always say it's horrible, but HEY guess what?!?!? I put it on this site and people said it was good. Boosted my confidence quite a bit. Anyways, keep it up and write moree!!!!

great to see that 2 more poems are up. I like the golden flower one the best so far.