Nihil Obstat: Nothing Obstructs

I think it's time for me to start my poetry thread. Just as a foreword I would like to say that I enjoy critiquing and being critiqued. Do not be afraid to be blunt about my work. Remember to include comments about what you did and didn't like and any suggestions for revisions. Also, I write in many different forms. I'll inform you what form I am using before each poem. Thanks!

Exposed (free verse)

Trapped.
In a prison drilled into our heads.
Bombarded in a hazy gray of over-lapping
right and wrong answers,
stifling our creativity and preventing originality.
No longer possible to think for ourselves.
To be ourselves.
Our soul screams from within this polluted cage,
forced upon us,
thirsting to express.
In writing, composing, sketching, painting, and sculpting
we can defeat this suffocating jail
and discover freedom.
Nothing can obstruct our creative expression.
Nihil Obstat

Excellent poem twilight sage! It was an enjoyable read. I read it more than once, and have to own that I find nothing in need of alteration or criticism, except, perhaps, the aligning of the piece. It was a bit odd reading it on the right. Otherwise, this was great: the concept was wonderful. The initial delineation of being "trapped" was very good, and your solution to this problem was also meritorious. I loved the final line! Is it Latin? The simplicity of your style is also very nice.


This poem strikes me as the hall porter to your vault of poetry, and the title of your thread is perfect; an indication of things to come. Great job! I look forward to reading more of your poetry. Welcome to the A&W board!

- Selah

Hey, nice to see some Latin squeezed in! That was an incredibly vivid and expressive poem, much better than I could do. Keep it up!

It's brilliant that your poem's alignment itself is a signal of creative expression, of defying the "right way". Your use of imagery intensifies the powerful message within.

Yes, welcome to the writing board!

Nice i found it enjoyable to read. I like the words you used they fitted it perfectly.

To me it seemed like you had or have experienced this before and you was telling us how it feels to be trapped. Good work keep it going i'd like to see more.

Yes, it is latin. It has a few different meanings, but the definition I liked the most was nothing obstructs. I'm glad to hear that everybody liked it. That was the hardest piece I have ever had to write 'cause it was for my school's literary magazine. I had to make it simple enough that everybody would understand what Nihil Obstat meant but poetic enough that I wasn't under estimating everybody's intelligence. But, now for another piece.


Evolution (free verse)

Man came from monkeys
The snowball effect, right?
Try "organic" enhancers, a.k.a steriods
Monkey to man, simple 7 step plan,
Unless you know the secret handshake.
Make checks payable to the black market.
Peanut brains enlarge after eating greens,
Though it may damage the body and result in cancer,
Guaranteed or your money back!
Come on, what do you have to lose?
If anybody asks, you can plead insanity.
One lamb and magically two.
Double vision? Nah. It's cloning.
Welcome home!
Side effects may include:
Rashes
Diarrhea
Swelling, bloating, gas
Unnatural redness
Shaking, shivering
Lung cancer
Stomach cancer
Cancer of the brain
and hot flashes.
Consult your doctor and find out if evolution
is for you!

The first poem is what I would like to see as an introduction to a 21st century poetry collection! It's a great poem about poetry itself! I am attracted to your original style in writing. "Evolution" I sense is somewhat hateful against the theory of evolution. A good anti-evolutionist expression! It appeals very much to me because of my own opinion on evolution, but it is also a neat image on our modern scientific culture where perfection and correctness are the only purposes with life. Brilliant!

And I hope this isn't the last we will hear from you! :cool:

Allready now I understand that you have a strong personality, and you have strong opinions. There will be much good poetry from you in the future! Keep cool!

Thank you very much. Now that I've posted two free verse poems, I think it's time to integrate some other forms.


Appearances (triolet)

Behind this mask is a jail of hate.
It chains me to the pain I don't need.
But I cannot find the key to unlock the gate.
Behind this mask is a jail of hate.
If somebody does not set me free, it might be too late.
My heart screams, my soul bleeds.
Behind this maks is a jail of hate.
It chains me to the pain I don't need.

Very good!

I enjoyed these last two poems twilight sage! The one on evolution is quite interesting, and your latest poem, 'Appearances', was also very enjoyable. I like that you provided a link that explains what a triolet is. Great job! I look forward to more!

- Selah

Thanks! I hope sooner or later something will come up that I can improve on. I know my poetry's not perfect.


Oblivion (pantoum)

Murder vibrantly splattered against black
Clawing fingers scratching words on the vast expanse
Ripping the silence from the vacuum
Shredding ignorance with sharpened daggers

Clawing fingers scratching words on the vast expanse
Bleeding darkened truths
Shredding ignorance with sharpened daggers
Exploding the innocence of the raw soul

Bleeding darkened truths
Screaming through the suffocating void
Exploding the innocence of the raw soul
Heaving rich confession

Screaming through the suffocating void
Ripping the silence from the vacuum
Heaving rich confession
Murder vibrantly splattered against black

Wow. That's quite a poem. Very vivid. Your application of the pantoum poetic structure was great, and you did a wonderful job on retaining the "making sense" component of the poem. I look forward to reading more!

- Selah