Empty Bottle's Melancholy Poetry

Don't expect these to be good, by the way, as I'm just starting out.

The Boy With The Melted Face

All he wanted was a friend, to laugh with him, cry with him,
To listen to his words and understand his hurt, to maybe even try to ease the pain.
But all stayed clear of the boy with the melted face, and as time went on,
As well as his face, his heart had melted too.

O, fire may change bodies, but it will never change the soul,
He whispered in his mind, close to tears.
But sadly, though his thoughts were right, he wrongly overlooked,
The fact that men would never see the truth.

For though, as he so meekly concluded, inside he was immaculate,
His defected outside turned them all away.
And so, despite his purity, his shining, hopeful mind,
That ugly, filthy, worthless rat no longer lives.

Addiction

Musn’t succumb, no, musn’t give in,
I have to fight it, yes, have to win,
I know I can survive without this need.

Get it out of my head,
I must get it out of my head.

Just thinking about it, it’s making me sad,
This terrible lust, it’s driving me mad,
Carrying on this way will soon destroy me.

Get it out of my head,
O, please get it out of my head.

An undying urge, a twisted yearning,
This evil desire, inside me it’s burning,
I cannot live without it, must give in...

JUST GET OUT OF MY HEAD!
FOR GOD’S SAKE, GET OUT OF MY HEAD!

You do mean this is your first time writing poetry on the forums, right? Because it seems like you've been writing poetry for a while. Good job.

Originally Posted by Broken Heart

You do mean this is your first time writing poetry on the forums, right? Because it seems like you've been writing poetry for a while. Good job.

Yes, I'm new to writing on the forums as opposed to poetry itself. But to be honest I haven't done much writing outside of school. Thanks.

Those were pretty good. I liked the Boy With the Melted Face one. So sad. The second was great too. It's exactly what the addicts go through in rehab. It was very nice and it had no grammatical errors. Very nice job!

I liked those they were pretty good!
I liked Addiction best and how it all flowed and went together.
Good job again, post more soon!

Ok, here's another equally depressing poem.

By the Window

He sat by the window, staring through it, crying frozen tears,
On the glass, misted by his desperate sighs, he traced smiling faces,
Drew out the life he missed so greatly.
He stared out into the blistering cold and waited for his parents to trudge through the snow,
To come back to him.
Though they were assumed dead, frozen beneath the cold white blanket,
They were coming back,
They had to come back,
They could never leave him alone.
Yet still, as the hours ticked away,
No signs of life were seen near the house,
And, sadly, when his parents finally came,
The boy himself had frozen in the cold.


Maybe I'll dosomething more uplifting next time.

i liked it its good for a beginner im gonna give you the same advice i was givin you can make it ryme or make it a patter say you wanted it to spell link go
Lovely
Instien
Nice
Kind
i think you get the idea but good job i like the boy whith the melting face halariouse!

Originally Posted by ZeldasShadow

i think you get the idea but good job i like the boy whith the melting face halariouse!

Hmm...yes...hilarious. I laughed and laughed and laughed....*cough*sadist*cough*

Thanks for the advice etc.

Oh... 'The Window' was such a sad poem. Nicely written; the concept was simple and straightforwardly put. I also liked the first two poems you posted. The final two lines of 'Addiction' were quite interesting: the capitalization gave the words emphasis. Great job!

- Selah

Originally Posted by Selah

Oh... 'The Window' was such a sad poem. Nicely written; the concept was simple and straightforwardly put. I also liked the first two poems you posted. The final two lines of 'Addiction' were quite interesting: the capitalization gave the words emphasis. Great job!

- Selah

Thank you, I'm glad to hear you liked them. More coming very soon, but for the moment, I'll just recycle a poem I already posted in another thread.

Ode To A White Pikmin

O most pitiful of creatures,
Your watery red eyes and pathetic claws have truly touched my heart,
And the doleful expression on your pale countenance has earnt my greatest sympathy,
So why must your suicidal behaviour continue?
At first, when I saw not the beauty in your soul, I laughed as your white shadow rose to
Heaven,
But now the thought of it strikes fear into my mind.
Cruel God, why not take me instead,
Or better yet, the putridly bloated purple beasts I command?
Just spare judgement of those sad, spindly snowflakes.
As I doubt I can stand to hear that dreadful whimper again...

EDIT:
Sorry for double posting, but here's another, somewhat short poem I have written:

The Grey River

The grey river, once crystal clear, flows mellifluously through the barren
wasteland,
It nods to the ghosts of the long dead trees as it vomits up garbage onto
its banks.
Forgotten deer come to drink from its mirky soup, and wash in its sickly
black shallows,
While above, the moribund clouds hover mournfully, grayed by old age.
Over the surface of the sludge, a chilling wind passes;
The Earth is sighing.

Wow, "The Grey River" is so morbidly vivid. I can almost feel as if I were there. Your choice of words is impeccable.

You tear-jerker! How can you make even a poem about Pikmin so utterly touching? Even though I don't know Pikmin very well, "Ode To A White Pikmin" is my favourite so far. Simply exquisite!

Originally Posted by Szerenade

You tear-jerker! How can you make even a poem about Pikmin so utterly touching? Even though I don't know Pikmin very well, "Ode To A White Pikmin" is my favourite so far. Simply exquisite!

Well...thank you. I'm glad to hear some sympathy for Pikmin. It makes me feel like I'm not alone.

I've never heard of Pikmin before. But the poem was beautiful. Sad, and yet, at the same time, quite lofty and majestic. And 'The Grey River' - I've never read anything like it! It was very vivid. The final line was doleful: it is as though the Earth has resigned herself. Wow. Marvelous poetry Empty Bottle! I look forward to more!

- Selah

Originally Posted by Selah

I've never heard of Pikmin before. But the poem was beautiful. Sad, and yet, at the same time, quite lofty and majestic. And 'The Grey River' - I've never read anything like it! It was very vivid. The final line was doleful: it is as though the Earth has resigned herself. Wow. Marvelous poetry Empty Bottle! I look forward to more!

- Selah

Thanks a lot. I'm glad once again to hear Pikmin support, and am equally elated to learn of your enjoyment of The Grey River. I'll write some more as soon as I get the chance.