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#1
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07-27-2005, 01:56 AM
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Songs of darkness
this isnt very good but just tell me if you like it
Who do you see? i dont see. All there is is darkness. wake me up. Now. Come and get me now. Save me so i can see. SAVE ME. before i come and die. Save now help me find a light. The light is jesus light is jesus. This is the lamp. Give me jesus give me jesus Help me to find him please. I now know him and i see it is no longer dark inside! I dont feel empty anymore. what do i do know tell others. help me to love my jesus. zeldasshadow Last edited by CryingSesshomaru; 08-04-2005 at 07:54 PM. 
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#2
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07-27-2005, 08:54 AM
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Re: Songs of darkness
Try typing it out like this. It'll make it a lot easier to read. ^_^
Who do you see? I don't see. All there is is darkness. Wake me up! Now! Come and get me now! Save me so I can see! SAVE ME! Before I come and die! Save me now, Help me find a light. The light is Jesus! Light is Jesus! Give me Jesus, Give me Jesus, Help me find him please! I now know him, And I see it is no longer dark inside. I don't feel empty anymore. What do I do now? Tell others! Help me, to love my Jesus. I also think it would be a better read if some of those exclamation points were turned into periods, just my opinion. This is fairly good! I've certainly written much worse. ^.^ I'd love to see some more of your stuff! Just remember, how something is written out can make a huge difference. It doesn't seem like it, but it affects how you read it, and it also makes it easier to read. And the easier it is to read the more people will want to read it. ^_^
__________________
  Panique made the sig, chibis by Andrea. The squee-inducing avy is by DQ. <3 BA Characters: Sarah Hamilton, Bella, Luna
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#3
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08-04-2005, 07:49 PM
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Re: Songs of darkness
thanks i think ill do that. thanks for the idea! if you would like to learn how to love jesus pm me please it would make me and him happy
Last edited by CryingSesshomaru; 08-04-2005 at 07:57 PM.
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#5
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08-07-2005, 01:07 AM
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Re: Songs of darkness
...I see your future... I see... improvement... [takes of gypsy hood] ...but keep in mind, like SB said, how you type it out can make all the difference.
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#6
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08-08-2005, 11:39 PM
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Re: Songs of darkness
Also, how you choose to use capitalization can change the meaning of the poem. Your capitalization seemed sporadic and I couldn't tell if you wanted it that way or not. It's your personal style and I respect that. I just wanted to let you know that if you intentionally did your capitalization that way, I couldn't tell. Overall, very well done.
__________________
Mysterious things happen when Twilight begins.
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#7
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08-09-2005, 03:19 AM
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Re: Songs of darkness
I think it's pretty good. I think it just needs the right music to help it move along the right way. But that all depends on how you want it to move along...
__________________
Salad(fingers) anyone? You come down from there right this instant, Hubert Cumberdale. You're just a sticky river. Straight from the asylum.
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#9
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08-11-2005, 09:37 AM
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Re: Songs of darkness
Wow! thanks you guys! I appreciate your honosty and constructive critisism^.^
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#11
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08-13-2006, 08:31 AM
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#12
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08-28-2006, 09:36 PM
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Re: Songs of darkness
Thanks it's been a while since I wrote it like a year or two ago so I think I'll edit it a little thanks for the support everyone ^^
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