[Act] The Great Alzian War

well peeps I have been working on this story for a while, I wrote one draft then left it sitting for a like 9 months >.> I have just started to edit in more details and such, this is in this post you will find Chapter 1, the interlude, then Chapters 2 and 3, tell me what you think

Chapter 1
The End

The field grew deathly silent. A fowl stench loomed in the air from the 3 day slaughter. Corpses from the great joint Kingdoms of Hurculus, and Oritus lay mangled on the battle field. In the distance screams from the mortally wounded begin to fade. Haramis, a King of Hurculus was a tall man he grew so tall they had to heighten the door ways in the palace just to accommodate him his hair an unforgiving black but now dirty from sweat and dirt and blood, his nose crooked, a scar from a battle long ago fought, his cloths, tattered and weak from the battle, were once green and white, the colors of his kingdom, sweat and blood stain the garments in many places, his armor, now battered and dented, was a brilliant shiny metal with gold where is articulated.
“We have won the day Haramis,” Ordin, a King of Oritus, Yelled out with joy, “Let’s celebrate, pints for everyone chicken, pork, and other assorted food stuffs, bring it all out.”
“We have won the day but the fight is not over,” Haramis said methodically, “While the King of Gangula lives I shall not rest, tell the men to rest now, because tomorrow we take Geldis Galhem.”
“Why,” asked Ordin,” we should ask for their full and immediate surrender.”
“I’ll not wait for a reply you remember what he said last time so I’m going to go by his previous arrogance,” Haramis said angrily, “tomorrow we take it and we will be free from the tyranny of the evil empire of Gangula.”
Haramis just stood there for hours starring at Geldis Galhem ‘I will have my revenge’ he thought to himself over and over, the thoughts rolling around in his mind how should we take the evil city, should we destroy it, shall we burn it to the ground, soon however his mind was occupied by thoughts of his adventures all that he had done to get to this point, the one act that started the Borius war, his father, the great battles he had fought, the days of uncertainty, pushing the enemies back into their own lands and here he was at the altar of victory and all he could think about was all that he had lost, all that he had given up, all that he had sacrificed.
Finally he said softly, “but it was worth it, it was all worth it.”
Haramis jumped down. A Gangin soldier Grabbed at his leg, “help me,” he said weakly, “help me please.”
Haramis took out his sword and stabbed down, piercing the man’s throat. He screamed spewing blood out of his mouth he fell down on his back. His blood still trickled out but his body was lifeless. Haramis continued down to his tent, and went to sleep. Ordin was already asleep.
"If you stand in my way, Ordin," Haramis walked over to Ordin's side and whispered threateningly into his ear, "I will kill you." He put the sword to Ordin's throat for a short while, before backing up and walking over to his own bed. "Good night, Ordin," he said.

Interlude

In the land of Alzio, a continent on the world of Grisima IV, in the age 437 after Haradin Hurcule the Great, a war was about to be fought between the Kingdom of Gangula and the Kingdoms of Hurculus and Oritus, and it would change the course of things to come, inventions, innovations, and enlightenment.

Chapter 2
The Beginning

Darkness engulfs the land; morning dew rests upon each of the blades of grass. A cool morning Breeze blew through the ranks of an army. They marched from an orange glow; a city was on fire behind them. They approach another city much grander than the one they set ablaze thick walls made of stone would not be easy to breach. They blew a horn, it broke the morning quite. People in the city began to wake up, they blew their horn again.
“Get up the enemy is upon us,” Captain said running through the barracks, “Haramis get up the enemy is at our gate.”
“Enemy,” Haramis Hurcule, future King of Hurculus asked confusedly, “what enemy, no one could get pasted the Great Gate of Haradin Hurcule.”
“The Gangins,” said Captain, “they came across the border last night, now get to arms we ride out in one hour, the Great Gate of Haradin will not hold forever.”
“Yes sir Captain,” Haradin said while half asleep, he jumped out of bed.
Everyone in the barracks rushed to get into their armor frantic cries of where is my this and where is my that could be heard for half an hour. Haramis Stepped out onto the castle walls where his dad stood looking at the Grand army of Gangula, the evil empire, that lay to the south of Hurculus, only one road lead to Gangula, between the Barrang Mountains and the Hophna Forest.
“We can’t win son,” said Himthar Hurcule, King of Hurculus said despairingly.
“Dad, don’t talk like that,” Haramis unconvincingly, “we will fight to the last man to protect Hessis and the rest Hurculus.”
“Sir what should we do,” asked Captain, the lines of the enemy soldiers caught his eye, He was made speechless, finally he said, “look at them all.”
“Captain, what would you do,” asked Himthar.
“Sir,” asked Captain.
“What would you do in my situation,” Himthar asked pointing to the horde that had gathered just outside of this capital city.
“Well I would run to Otivon, Oritus and pled for help from Ordin, King of Oritus, we cannot win whatever is happening here on our own,” Captain said desperately.
“I say we fight,” Haramis exclaimed, “we can win this battle, I believe in the men of this country and their abilities to kill when they are asked to defend their lands, and the people who occupy it.”
“Send riders to the surrounding cities, gather soldiers, also send some riders to Oritus as well,” Said Himthar bleakly, “maybe they will be kind enough to help us.”
“Yes sir, right away,” said Captain, “I need rider’s lieutenant,” he said to the guard near the door.
“Son, I’m promoting you to Captain,” said Himthar, “you’ll lead the right flank, I am trusting you to kill all Gangins you are able to, Haramis.”
“Thank you dad,” Haramis said shockingly, “I will lead well and kill those who would try to kill us.”
“I know son, now prepare for battle,” Himthar said, “go get your captain armor, be safe son,” Haramis walked back into the Barracks.
Himthar stood on his castle walls watching as the armies of Gangula march ever closer to the Hurculus capital of Hessis. The Great Gate of Haradin opened to let the riders go and attempt to collect more troops to defeat the Gangins 50,000 warriors. Haramis Marshaled his men, 2,000 elite mounted knights, on the right flank, Captain doing the same to his 5,000 mounted knights and foot soldiers except on the left part of the line, Himthar and his 8,000 mounted knights and foot soldiers stood in the middle. The armies of the Gangins formed up on the opposite side of the field. 1000 archers lined up on the walls of Hessis.
The Gangin armies began to march toward the Hurculian lines.
The Archery Sergeant yelled “FIRE”, a volley of arrows was shot toward the enemy lines, many of them fell, yet still others rushed into the onslaught. A second command was given, “FIRE AT WILL,” a steady stream of arrows fell on the enemy lines like rain the stream was that extremely thick. Blood shot out of the wounds of the people hit by an arrow.
“CHARGE,” yelled Captain a loud roar came over the Hurculian lines, the men began to run forward, wanting to finish off whatever Gangin they happen to run in to.
“Come men fight for your king and kingdom,” the rest of Himthar’s men stormed forward, leaving a trail of dust in their wake.
“Their left flank is ours,” screamed Haramis, and his men charged forward, the ground thundered and shook from the horse hooves clapping on the ground.
The battle raged for hours, Haramis’ horse was shot out from under him at one point. Haramis had migrated toward the middle he fought alongside his father. The Hurculian armies were encircled; the king and his son fought and fought until Himthar was stabbed, he fell to the ground. Haramis fought his way closer Himthar.
“Dad!” screamed Haramis angrily, as he bent down to hold his dying father.
“S... Soo…. Son be... behind,” Himthar eked out.
Haramis fought and killed the cowardly Gangin warrior who tried to stab him in the back, he turned back to his father, “Dad?” no answer came, and Himthar son of Haramir, King of Hurculus was dead. Haramis, at age 19, was now the king of Hurculus.
A horn blew. Haramis looked up, it was reinforcements from the surrounding castles at least 40,000, they slammed into the Gangin lines and desperately tried to free their fellow Hurculian countryman.
After three and half hours the Gangins fled the battle retreating to Borius, a city near the Hurcu-Gangin boarder that was taken and burned before the Gangins marched on Hessis.

Chapter 3
Fall of the King

Haramis and his army, now only 34,000 troops buried the dead Hurculian soldiers and burned the dead Gangins, and even the ones that were still alive but mortally wounded, they preformed a religious ceremony called Fufsly for the dead soldiers of both countries pleading the Goddess Kangi for safe passage to the underworld as well as a good afterlife there.
After the ceremony they retire to Hessis after killing over 36,000 Gangin soldiers such a crushing defeat was dealt that Captain, now promoted to Major, convinced Haramis to attack Borius and set the boarders back to what they were they day before.
“How many should we take to the enemy sire,” asked Captain.
“Send 30 scouts to see their numbers in the city then I will decide how many we will bring,” Haramis, now the King of Hurculus, said wisely.
“Yes sir,” agreed Captain.
“Sir the King of Oritus sends 3,000 troops to aid you in our struggle against Gangula,” said a messenger from Oritus.
“Tell Ordin: Haramis King of Hurculus thanks him for his help in our time of need,” Haramis said graciously.
The rest of the day they honored the dead and celebrated Ganzi’s, the Hurculian God of war, favor for the rest of the night, though the Oritans believed in Houpi, the Oritan God of war, they took part in the festivities as well, drinking the night away.
It was morning before the scouts returned from Borius, but something happened to them only a third had returned, and they were battered and bloodied, the metal on their armors dented and dulled.
“Where are the rest of the scouts,” asked Haramis drink speech was apparent when he spoke.
“The Gangins ambushed us we fought all night but we lost so many it’s a wonder that any of us survived at all,” reported a member of the scouting party, he was missing his hand.
“I see,” said Haramis said trying not to stare at the man’s lack of a hand, “did you get the numbers of their forces?”
“About 30,000 soldiers ready and willing to fight,” replied the soldier.
“Good then we will send 40,000 soldiers,” said Haramis.
“Sir if I may,” said Captain, “we should gather at least 15,000 more men to the fight.”
“I think 40,000 soldiers will do fine,” Replied King Haramis, “we had less than half the soldiers they had today, and we still destroyed the Gangin armies.”
“That may be sir,” conceded Captain, “But we had a veteran leader, where as you have only held a leadership position in one battle, plus we had reinforcements that came and surprised them from behind, I don’t think we should risk a quick victory, this war might just drag on for years if we lose this one battle, I don’t think we should risk it, let’s get some more warriors, then attack the Gangins at Borius.”
“I have faith in my men, just like I have faith in Grisim to rise every day, and I believe we can take Borius and end this before it begins,” demanded Haramis, “and I will avenge my father’s death.”
“Yes sir,” said Captain unwillingly.
Haramis and his 40,000 man army set out from Hessis heading toward Borius to oust the Gangins from Hurculus. Captain came but he still felt that they should have gathered more soldiers to take the city. Haramis was ever confident and fueled by his rage over his father’s death made him believe he could win the fight and he intended to, no matter what the cost to his men, he would reclaim his lands, the lands that his father ruled, and his ancestor Haradin, ruled.
The Oritans began to fall behind, still a very drunk from the night before; they were still stumbling there were some that even stopped to throw up a few times. They finally arrived, but not in any forcible fighting condition, Haramis had no choice though, he would have to field this rag tag group of Oritans.
The armies lined up on either side of the battle field. Haramis in the middle flanked on the left by the soldiers from Oritus and on the right by Major Captain, and his men the elite mounted knights, which Haramis himself commanded in the last battle. The soldiers from Gangula charged the Hurculian lines then smashed the lines crushing the right flank, no Oritus soldiers survived; Ordin had sent troops who liked the drink too much, trusting that the Hurculians could defend themselves. The battle lasted only one hour Haramis and Captain escaped with only 5,000 soldiers they retreated to Hessis. Smoke began to rise; the dead and dying Hurculians were being burned, while the dead Gangins were being buried.
The Hurculians that survived finally arrived at Hessis in the night. Haramis went straight to his bedroom and didn’t come out for the rest of the night.


so post tell me what you think and thanks for reading.
Special thanks to Behind the Mask and ValaVarda for the help with ideas.

This was an interesting story. The story seems kinda short and rushed, maybe you could have started the story from an earlier time? Or you could explain the relations or something? There are quite a few misspelled words and lots of grammatic errors in this story also.
For the times tthose people live in, I would say to use different words eg: dad should be father.
But it's your story, so it's your decision. =)

Good work though! And keep it up! : D

ahh yes comrade, keep in mind this is only the beginning there are 12 more chapters to go, they are all written I'm just rewriting, like I said in the first post.

Originally Posted by candc32

ahh yes comrade, keep in mind this is only the beginning there are 12 more chapters to go, they are all written I'm just rewriting, like I said in the first post.

The first post looks like you said it took you 9 months to write this much and you're just writing it up now xD Oh well =P

Good work though, keep it up

I shall once I get some sleep and finish my homework. I may have several other stories planed to go along with this one.

Wow, this is a lot to nitpick! I shall just do it tomorrow. It's late, and I'm lazy. Unless some other grammar Nazi wants to ninja me in this work, because that would be alright as well.

Chapter 4
Rise of Gangula

Haramis and Captain found, when they woke up, that the Gangins were marching on Hessis, again. Haramis’ men begged to flee to Oritus, their begging fell of deaf ears, Captain was leading the begging, though even his most trusted man could not sway Haramis’ decision to stay and defend his city. Haramis still thought that with more troops the Gangin forces could be defeated but was ultimately persuaded to run to Oritus. He ordered his army and the people of Hessis to flee to other cities or into the Barrang Mountains until the Gangins could be repelled. Everyone in the city rushed to gather what they could and get out of the city.
The ride from Hessis was Haramis’ most embarrassing moment, a king fleeing his capital city what a disgrace, he thought to himself. As they rode they began to hear screams Haramis and Captain looked back Hessis was burning and with all those that could not make out of the city in time, those poor souls were being slaughtered, this made Haramis even madder. He lost his Father, his City and now his people were being slaughtered.
“Let Kangi, have mercy on their soul,” Haramis said to Captain, “because I will show none.”
“Those poor people,” Captain said, “they do not deserve that.”
After three days of riding Haramis and his troops arrived at Otivon, Oritus. They were immediately granted an audience with Ordin, King of Oritus. They entered the Great Hall of Otivon, pillars spaced six feet from each other, two rows one set to the right and the other to the left, fifteen on each side behind these pillars were the fest tables, Haramis remembered these, when he was 12 he fought a boy from Oritus there at a fest in honor of the sun god Grism both gods were called the same in both religions, the boy turned, as Haramis thought he realized on of the Oritans that died had been, the boy he fought, on the walls were trophies of past battles and hunts, the sword of Zeaglet Hurcule, from when he was decapitated in a boarder skirmish in 146 AH, other such adornments such as the hand of Phrik Gangu, Haramis remembered this as it happened when he was five back in 423 AH, still more adornments were on the wall, but Haramis could no longer pay attention to them, he was approaching King Ordin, he has been on the throne for 23 years and has been alive for 39.
“Where are the troops I sent your father,” Ordin asked.
“Those people,” Haramis asked out raged, “you call them troops?”
“Boy I asked you, where are my troops,” Ordin asked again.
“Dead,” Haramis said not batting an eye, “single every one of them, they like the drink far too much Ordin.”
“You lost all the troops I sent,” Ordin said shockingly.
“I’m sorry for the loss of your men,” Haramis said apologetically, “but we had defeated them before with less than half the soldiers they had when we fought them at Hessis, I assumed we could do the same at Borius.”
“You must have at least three times as many troops to take a city as the defender or else you will lose,” Ordin said with rage, “so tell me what you were thinking, tell me what your father was thinking, sending a boy to take a city.”
“I thought I could win,” Haramis, began to cry, “and my fa-”
“So your father sent you to apologize for your outstanding military defeat when you lost 10,000 Oritans?”
“My father died in the battle to defend Hessis from the first Gangin attack,” Haramis said sadly.
“So then who is defending Hessis,” asked Ordin.
“By now I would guess the Gangins.”
“What you managed to lose your capital city, your land and your father,” Ordin exclaimed out raged.
“Yes,” said Haramis shamefully, “but with our combined forces we can retake all of Hurculus and put the Gangins in their place, please Ordin, Hurculus needs your help, we are losing our way of life.”
“By god Alzo, lord of the land and soil, I will not risk the lives of my soldiers to defend a nation that does not deserve my help,” Ordin said, “you need to go and get your lands in order by yourself Haramis, I refuse to get my people involved in your war.”
“Fine,” Haramis said hopelessly, “please Ordin, can my man and I at least stay here for the night, we will leave in the morning to try and recapture our lands from the Gangins.”
“Okay, you may stay the night, now leave my court,” Ordin said angrily, “I don’t want to see you for any of the time you are here Haramis.”
Haramis turned from Ordin. Captain and every other Hurculian left the Great Hall of Otivon.
The next morning refugees from the forest and desert lands of Hurculus poured over the Oritan boarders. Haramis and Captain were called to the Ordin’s court.
“Haramis I have learned from the refugees from your lands, or should I say former lands, that the Gangins have taken nearly all of Hurculus,” announced Ordin just to embarrass Haramis.
“What, that can’t be,” Haramis said despairingly, “what will we go back to?”
Captain stepped forward and knelt down and looked Ordin right in the eyes, “Ordin, King of Oritus will you help us,” asked Captain, “as soon as the Gangins have captured our lands they will come after yours, do not fool yourself into thinking otherwise Ordin, I have been in three wars with Gangula this is how they work, if not for Hurculus your lands would be attacked more frequently.”
“Though that may be Captain we will not help,” declared Ordin, “we will remain neutral, they may just leave us alone if we don’t take any aggression.”
“Thank you anyway Ordin,” said Haramis, “we may not help when they pour across your boarders.”
“You may stay in Oritus for the rest of your lives if you wish and that is all we will do for you,” said Ordin.
“We will not stay for long,” Haramis stated, “Gangula will invade Oritus and then you will have to make a choice, join us in arms against Gangula or suffer the same fate as the lands of Hurculus.”
Haramis, Captain and the men of his armies turned and left the Great Hall. Ordin sat on his throne, hoping that Gangula will leave Oritus alone, something he knew would most likely not happen.


ahh longest chapter so far, enjoy comrades!

EDIT:
>.> note comrades I have decided it would be best to tell how this world came to be and therefore must back track in history, this means that this will be put on hold and possibly totally overhauled, sorry for anyone who was waiting to the next installment, though I doubt anyone was and if anyone was, it will make the story that much better.