[Sf] The Fires of Prometheus (T)

Ok, this is my first attempt at writing a story, so its quality may not be to0 good. Fires of Prometheus is a sci-fi story which takes inspiration from things like Dune, Star Wars, Star Trek, Halo, Endar's Game, Chronicles of Riddick, Firefly, and several other science fiction stories. I hope you like it.

Prologue

Briefing Room of Celestial Starship Inferno

“I ask you again Byleex, why have you failed me?” The voice of Isun’Rotang, High Admiral of the 3rd fleet of the Celestial Empire, was calm and collected. He kept the seething rage he was feeling in check, as befitting his species' cool and emotionless manner. Inside however, he wished the Telozi still followed the ethical standards they had in ancient times, when fools like Byleex were immobilized by the Telozi’s paralyzing venom and then eaten alive.

Despite Rotang’s calm demeanor, Byleex, the mercenary in question, was still terrified. Any words were terrifying when coming from a Telozi, a 7 foot tall, green skinned reptilian humanoid that had more in common with a tank than a living being. He tried to speak, but only managed to say “Admiral, I…I…”

“You failed, completely and utterly. I hired you to complete a single job, a simple assassination. I gave you the latest intelligence, the latest weapons, and I even agreed to pay you the ridiculous amount you specified. Yet you return to me with the Grand Lord I assigned you to kill still alive. Furthermore, your botched attempt may attract the eyes of the Emperor. He is already suspicious of me. Now tell me, why did you fail?

“Admiral,” Byleex pleaded “There were complications. It was like he knew I was coming somehow. You must understand. I will not fail you again.”

“No”, Rotang agreed “You won’t.”

In one smooth motion, Rotang stood up from the desk he was sitting behind, drew his sidearm, and fired. A bolt of violet energy spat from his pistol and blew off a significant portion of Byleex forehead. Byleex fell like a stone, dead before he hit the floor. Rotang leaned over a pressed a button on his desk to summon guard droids to remove the body.

As the droids left, a portion of the floor began to ripple. The ripple slowly formed a pool of black liquid. The liquid slowly began to coalesce into the shape of a human.

“I apologize for this failure, My Lord” Rotang addressed the shape as it continued to shift.

“Do not concern yourself with Byleex” The blob said in a strange, hypnotic voice. The blob had finally formed into a human male, wrapped in a jet black cloak, his face hidden by a featureless steel mask. “He was never intended to succeed. He was merely testing the waters for us. The real mission will be completed by a mercenary group known as the Hell Hawks. I have been monitoring them for some time. They are far more skilled. They are currently on an assignment for the Grand Lord of New Wales. They will fit our purposes adequately.”

“And if they become aware of our true intentions?” Rotang inquired.

“Don’t worry about that. Countermeasures are already in place” And although his face was concealed by his mask, Rotang could hear the smile in his voice.

The main character's, most of the Celestial Empire's backstory, beginning of the plot, and a few other things will all be introduced in the first chapter. Please feel free to give any criticism (no matter how negative) below. Suggestions are welcome.

A nice set up for some space-based intrigue there. Couple of things, just in the sentence, "befitting his species cool and emotionless manner", 'species' needs to have an apostrophe on the end and also, a matter of title formatting. You need to just pop a rating on the end of your title as described in the rules:

Fiction

To post Fiction on the according subforum, it is required that you include a topic prefix before the actual topic name by choosing it while making your thread, ie:

[Hor] My butt went nuts (G)

[Hor] being the topic prefix, and "My butt went nuts" being the topic name and [G] being the topic suffix.

I'm going to just put an 'M' there for the moment. If you feel it should be something different, then just let me know and I can change it accordingly. : )

Back to the story though, I'm interested to see how things are fleshed out in the first chapter proper, the prologue does a good job of drawing me in. Can't wait to see more.

I had originally intended more to happen in the first chapter, but adequately introducing the characters took more space than I thought. I have thus divided up my intended chapter 1 into two different chapters, so all the action stuff will be in the next one (which may come out later today or tomorrow at the latest).

Chapter 1

Rec Room of Civilian Freighter Brave Bird en route to New Wales

Out of moves Link Atraydyz thought to himself. As he surveyed the chess board, he unconsciously brought one of the throwing knives out of the slot in his sleeve and began twirling it in glittering arcs in his left hand, while he absentmindedly tugged on the lobe of his pointed ear with his right.

“Come on Atraydyz, we both know you’re out of options. Checkmate.” his human opponent, Jack “Reaper” West said.

“And how do you know that Reap?” Link said as he continued to toss the knife up and down, each time catching it by the hilt while still looking strait at West.

“Link, I’ve known you for years. Any time you start fiddling around with stuff, especially sharp stuff, your nervous.”

Link stopped tossing the knife and instead balanced it by the tip of the blade on the end of his finger. It remained there, perfectly still for several seconds, until it fell due to a subtle shift in the Brave Bird’s artificial gravity.

“Attention all hands, we have exited slipspace, get down to the main hold” a female voice said over the com. Both men got up and proceeded down the ladder to the mess hall, and through the next portal into the briefing room. There the rest of the team was already gathered around the holoprojector, which rested on a round table in the center of the room. Also on this table was emblazoned with the Hell Hawk’s logo; a hawk holding a battle axe in one talon and a sword in the other with the words “Anube rafik gabriid”, an Old Heleon phrase which translated to “We don't miss”.

Link surveyed his team. On his left sat Zala Demour’t’sa, covered almost entirely in a sleek white and green suit of powered armor, with only her helmet missing. An Aurialan, her skin was a vibrant teal, with downy yellow feathers on her head in place of hair. Her specialization was stealth. Her suit contained a unique miniature cloaking device, similar to the one which resided on the Brave Bird as well as most Imperial vessels. Her ability to hide in plain site as well as the fact that she was one of the best snipers in the galaxy made her exceedingly deadly.

Next to her sat YT-343, a black and gold droid packed with enough concealed weaponry to single handedly conquer a small city. 343 had been a prototype for the YT series of guard droids, a series of droids manufactured by HyTek Inc., meant to reproduce the same imagination and tactical abilities as living soldiers. Because AI constructs were too expensive to be practical to mass produce, and current droid brains were too basic to equal sentient beings, the team at HyTek made a new droid brain to operate the YT. The development was a success, and in simulations it was able to perform almost at the same level that a sentient being could. But when the first brain was tested on the prototype, YT-343 promptly became self aware, went crazy, and killed the entire development staff before escaping the lab. He then found he needed money for upgrades and repairs and a place to hide from the Empire, so he offered his services to the Hell Hawks.

Before joining the Hell Hawks, Jack West had been captain of the Soul Reaper, a pirate ship so successful that legends were told of it in spacer’s pubs around the galaxy. He was however, betrayed to the Celestial Navy by his second in command, and faced life imprisonment on a penal colony, until the Hell Hawks broke him out at least. Now Jack, or as he liked to be called, Reaper, was the teams demolitions expert, as well as being good with most other weapons.

Next, there was Miral Devora, Links long time friend and current girlfriend. She was a Twilik, a genetic offshoot of Link’s own species, the Heleons. Like Heleons, Miral looked mostly human, the only difference being the fact that their ears tapered back to a point, rather than being rounded like a humans. Unlike Heleons, whose skin tone looked like the light tannish tone human’s bizarrely called “white”, Miral’s skin truly was white, and her lips were a bluish color, rather than red. She wore a black cloak, whose hood covered up most of her shoulder length red hair. Miral was the only member of their team who was unarmed, mainly because she didn’t have to be. Miral instead had access to numerous psionic abilities, including telepathy, telekinesis, and numerous forms of energy projection. These abilities, like Link’s superhuman strength, speed, and reflexes, were given as a result of-

“Link, uh, you there? You do realize I’ve been talking for the last 5 minuets, right?” Link’s thoughts were interrupted by the same female voice that had summoned them here in the first place. This voice belonged to LOTUS, an Artificial Intelligence unit they had stolen from an Imperial research facility and reprogrammed to assist them. She appeared as an 8 inch tall transparent hologram of a Heleon woman in her early 20s. Her body was completely orange, with white hair that trailed down her back. Numbers and symbols scrolled across her body, which showed in some unreadable computerized language what LOTUS was currently “thinking” about. This was of course just her avatar, a visual representation of herself to make her less awkward to communicate with; she was really just a small crystal data chip about the size and thickness of a playing card. Although most people did not consider AI’s to be more than super genius level toasters, LOTUS had long since been considered a member of their team. She helped do anything technology related, from hacking security systems to piloting the Brave Bird through slipspace, and was able to manipulate any computer data she was installed into. She prided herself that in years of service, she had never met a system she couldn’t crack.

“As I was saying, your target is a human male by the name of Fredrick Halsey.” As LOTUS spoke a hologram of a human male roughly 50 years old dressed in green suit of power armor and wielding a Dak and Holix K-55 automatic laser rifle appeared on the table. “We don’t know much about him, only that he was a former member of the Imperial Marines and has been retired for the past 10 years. He and a sizable droid force have recently attempted to stage a coup of the New Wales government, it failed, but he is still currently on the loose. We have been hired by George Becket, the Grand Lord governing New Wales, to catch him for a bounty of 1,000,000 credits alive, 500,000 dead, so we obviously need him alive.”

“The planet you will be working on is New Wales, a colony of mostly human population with a small minority population of other species, founded in 19,572, with a population of over 9 billion.” The hologram of Halsey was now replaced by a hologram of a planet mostly covered by water, with only a single large landmass. “The planet is mostly ocean, with a single landmass covering roughly a fourth of the planet’s surface. Covering the entirety of this landmass is the capital city of New Cardiff. Halsey is believed to be hiding in one of the poor districts. Any questions?”

“Query:” interjected YT-343 “Why is it that we cannot simply blast the organic meatbag? I would find it most entertaining.” Although YT had been reprogrammed to be more docile than he was when he originally joined, he still remained incredibly bloodthirsty.

“That would be because we get more money, bolt brain” explain Zala.

“Pleading Request: Friends, is money all that matters to you? Is a quick buck really worth shattering a poor droid’s dreams?

“Um, yeah” Link said, “it is. Shattering dreams are definitely worth half a mil, especially when those dreams consist mainly of homicidal rampages and genocide on a mass scale.

“Admiring Statement: Link, you are a very cruel and unfeeling meatbag. It is why we get along so well.”

“Great, whatever. Now unless anyone has any real concerns, can we begin?” Link looked around, everyone shook their head.

“LOTUS, begin reentry.”

Hmm. An interesting concept, with interesting execution.

I like the idea of planets being named "New Wales" and "New Cardiff". That, combined with the Empire, makes me think that Britain was somehow the driving force in the space expansion.

The characters are interesting too. The personalities haven't quite been defined yet (Except YT's, of course), but I'm sure from the short description's you have given that they'll be very interesting.

The almost unnoticeable flaw in your story is the names. Some of them are bit too familiar, like "Atraydyz", and some are incredibly outlandish, like "Isun'Rutang". When coming up with names, I recommend looking into other languages as inspiration. Arabic and Oriental languages can provide some excellent names.

I enjoyed these two chapters and I look forward to more.

Chapter 2

Armory of Civilian Freighter Brave Bird, Sector 6 Manufacturing District of New Cardiff

Jack West pulled his two gold-plated Mauler pistols out of their holsters and loaded into each a clip of razordisk rounds, or as he liked to call them “Death Frisbees”, small metal disks 2 inches in diameter resembling miniature buzz saw blades. When he was satisfied with the level of compressed air in each gun, he slung a pack of breaching charges over his back.

Zala took her fully customizable Scorpion class sniper rifle off the wall. She stripped off the night vision scope she had used on their last mission and instead replaced it with a TriSight, which provided views in visible light as well as infrared and ultraviolet with 20 times magnification. She then took way the laser generator assembly and replaced it with a magnetic accelerator and a clip of armor piercing slugs, trading in less firepower in exchange for ammo that, unlike a laser beam, couldn’t be visually traced. Finally she strapped a few grenades to her belt and placed the final piece of her suit, the helmet, over her head.

Link’s weaponry consisted only of a sword, a 10 inch dagger, throwing knives, and a whip, all completely hidden by his white cloak. A product of the Hashashiyyin Academy, a warrior training school in the Colaren sector, Link followed their philosophy that the use of projectile or energy weapons in combat took honor away from the battle. While this crippled him in a long ranged fight, he was able to smuggle his weapons where others couldn’t, since most security checkpoints only scanned for the energy signatures given off by the power cells of modern weaponry.

bYT-343 had all his arms built in to his chassis, and simply took a few nanoseconds to run a system diagnostic. Miral of coarse had no weapons to equip, so she merely continued studying the mission’s background information.

There was a gust of wind as LOTUS opened the exterior door, where Jack could see 1000 feet below the abandoned droid factory Halsey was hiding in.Past that, Jack could look down and see the planets surface 5 miles below, barely visible due to the hundreds of bridges and walkways going between each building. Jack nervously ran his fingers through his short brown hair and tried to keep from throwing up. He then, along with the rest of the team, pulled on the most controversial piece of equipment, the grav-belt.

These grav-belts were essentially strap on G-Diffusers, that theoretically, which Jack thought was simply a polite term for hopefully, alter gravity enough to allow one to fall hundreds of feet unharmed, without the give away visuals that a parachute or jetpack would produce. The only problem is that they had only been recently “liberated” from an Imperial weapons R&D center, and they had never been tested.

“Are you sure these things are safe?” Jack asked for what was probably the millionth time. “You know I have a bit of a ‘minor condition’ with heights. Are you sure we can’t do this some other way?”

“For the last time, yes they work, and no, we can’t do this any other way.” LOTUS exclaimed with an exasperated sigh. “If we bring the ship any closer than this, all the sensors he has wired to that building will pick us up. Do you people pay attention to anything I say?”


“If you guys are done bickering, can we go?” Zala asked. Zala yanked LOTUS’ data chip from the system and placed it in a slot in her armor before leaping out of the ship, followed by YT. Miral gave Link a quick kiss and then dove out the side.

“Look, Link, why don’t you go first?” Jack asked in as innocent a voice as he could manage. “I’ll be right behind you.”

“Of course. I trust you, my friend.” Link replied with a smile. Then, still smiling he leaned forward and pushed Jack through the open hatch, watching as he fell screaming and flailing through the air. “But not to that extent.” Then Link stepped into open space.
__________________________________________________ _________

Abandoned Factory, Sector 6 New Cardiff

“Does anybody else feel this is a tad too easy?” Miral asked.

“Well:” LOTUS stated, using an external speaker wired through Zala’s suit, “Halsey is neither a criminal nor a soldier, but merely a political idealist. Logically, this background gives him little knowledge of proper security procedures.”

Breaking into Halsey’s base of operations had been relatively easy, Zala reflected. She had done numerous operations that had been far more difficult. It had been a simple manner to break into one of the many unguarded air ducts on the roof and use that to get inside the main complex. As easy as entering was, finding him in a building with an area of nearly 10 square miles was another matter entirely. Of course, wandering around a massive building, having to occasionally battle droid patrols, while desperately searching for a computer terminal to help them find where they were supposed to be going wouldn’t be so bad, if it weren’t for Jack West’s constant talking.

Ever since she had joined the Hell Hawks, Zala had been resisting the undeniable urge to beat the living hell out of West. He was constantly bragging, cracking bad jokes, or as he was currently doing, complaining. As he continued to whine about how Link had thrown him out of the ship half an hour ago, Zala preyed to every deity of every alien culture she knew of that she would be struck with sudden deafness.

Unlike West, Zala was emotionally restrained, and rarely spoke to anyone unless it was absolutely necessary. She spent most of her free time alone in her room, rarely socializing with the rest of the group. This caused most to view her as somewhat “creepy”. To make matter worse, West seemed to take utter delight in trying to make her drop her reserved exterior, which in turn infuriated her even more. Of course, she took great care to avoid letting her anger, or any other emotion, show.

They finally came to a computer console, and Zala pulled LOTUS’ data chip out of a pouch on his belt and stuck it in the terminal.

LOTUS found a map of the building, analyzed it for the most likely location of Halsey, found he was in the former office of the factory’s supervisor, then broke the primitive encryption key guarding Halsey’s personal files and downloaded all of them, all in exactly .00152 of a second. Immediately after this, both of the chamber’s doors slammed shut. LOTUS mentally kicked herself for not noticing the cause for the doors closing, a simple program that put the room into lock down when certain records were accessed.

“Well, what do we have here?” inquired a voice which spoke over the loudspeaker with what human’s called a “Southern” accent. “I’ve been watching you scurry around for quite a while. I may be 'merely a political idealist’, but I still have a trick or two. What you people don’t realize is that my little revolt here is for the good of the people. The Empire is a corrupt system, from the rich folk like Grand Lord Becket here on New Wales, all the way up to the Emperor. They exploit the common people, and take the profit they make for themselves. In a sense, they are all just like more subtle versions of you, a group of people willing to kill and destroy for their own personal profit. With the economic system I am proposing, the common people will-.” He was cut off as LOTUS disabled the loudspeaker as well as all the hidden cameras throughout the building.

Immediately after this, two hidden panels in the walls on each side of the room sprang up and droids emerged, lots of droids.

“Well, this should be fun” Link said, then, in a motion so fast that if one blinked they would have missed it, he drew a throwing knife and hurled it into the head of the nearest droid. The knife’s diberite alloy blade sliced easily through the droid’s titanium plating and lodged in the droid’s central processor, causing the droid to fall in a shower of sparks. Link had a brief moment to grin before the droids opened fire.

__________________________________________________ ________

Miral made a quick hand gesture and a shining blue forcefield immediately surrounded them. Miral considered herself lucky, the droids were United Automations MX3s, and were built under a “quantity over quality” approach. The droid brains within knew very little outside of simply aiming and firing at anything they perceived as target. As such, each droid opened fire at the exact same time, and, not realizing that their guns had no effect on the forcefield she held up with her mind, continued to fire until they all simultaneously ran out of ammo.

As all the droid stopped firing and changed clips together, Miral dropped the shield and threw her hand out, hurling a fireball into the torso of one of the droids. Jack pulled out his pistols and started filling the air with razordisks, while Zala lobbed a frag grenade into the mass of droids. YT’s arms split apart, revealing two mini rail guns, and started blasting away. Link dove into the fray, brandishing his sword, decapitating droids left and right.

They continued fighting for what seemed like hours, although was only about 4 minuets, until Jack dispatched the last droid with a kick to the torso, followed by several razordisks.

“Down with a roundhouse kick baby, I’m just like Chuck Norris!” He triumphantly exclaimed.

“I probably am going to be sorry for asking this” Zala said, “But who is that?”

Before Jack could answer, LOTUS piped up: “Imperial records indicate Chuck Norris was one of the many deities worshiped by humans before they made contact with the Empire. Records indicate he performed many miracles, such as beating a brick wall in a tennis match, eating just one Lays potato chip, and killing two stones with one bird. It is even said that he does not sleep, he waits. In 19,066, or 2010 by the human calendar, the First Church of Norrism was founded and became humanity’s most popular religion. However, 3 years later, a schism in the church called the Chuckistant Reformation occurred, starting a large-scale conflict know as World War III.”

“Off topic Complaint:” YT interrupted, “Why is it that nobody ever uses organic henchman anymore? Combat is simply not as amusing when the targets do not explode into a delightful splash of blood and brain matter.”

“If we are done the history lesson and/or complaints, can we please get this door open?” Link inquired.

“Right” Jack said as he dug out his charges, “Ok, it a bendezium plate, so it’ best to go with a three pound charge. Now the best point to place it would be across the structural fault which would be-”

Miral made a gesture and the door was ripped off the wall and launched to the other side of the room. Jack said nothing, merely standing there with an awkward look on his face. They continued on, facing 6 more traps of a similar nature before finally reaching the place LOTUS had indicated. Jack set a charge and blew down the door. The room was practically a museum. Scattered around were display cases with old documents and various pottery and jewelry. A desk sat in the back of the room. On top of the desk sat a small 10 inch tall stone statue of a human male with a strangely styled beard, with words in a language Miral had never seen before reading “Пролетарии всех стран, соединяйтесь”. Underneath the desk was Frederick Halsey.

“Please, don’t hurt me.” he cried, sounding nothing like the smug voice they had heard on the loudspeaker earlier. Miral found this strange. It was true, years of experience had shown her that many people who were confidant when hidden became immobilized by fear when the assassins they were taunting were in the same room. However, to Miral, this felt staged somehow. As Link brought out a pair of stun cuffs and approached Halsey, she heard a faint whirring noise. Only Link’s superhuman reflexes allowed him to backflip away in time, preventing him from being incinerated by the columns of flame that suddenly shot up from the floor. Halsey used the momentary distraction to make an attempt to run for it, running past them and out the door. Attempt was the keyword here, as Miral, with a wave of her hand, launched a frigid blast that coated the floor around Halsey with ice, causing him to promptly slip and fall.

“I’d called that a bit of a slip up.” Jack said. Out of the corner of her eye, Miral saw Zala smack her face into her palm with an exasperated sigh.

Link slapped a pair of stun cuffs on Halsey, injected him with a sedative to keep his unconscious while they transported him, and then searched him, finding nothing interesting in his pockets except a very aged paper pamphlet with the words Manifest der Kommunistischen Partei on it in yet another language Miral was unfamiliar with. Link glanced at it and then tossed it aside. He then picked Halesy up by the chain of the stun cuffs and threw him over his back.

“Let’s get out of here” Link said.

__________________________________________________ _______

Civilian Freighter Brave Bird in high orbit over New Wales

LOTUS floated over the holotable in the main hold of the Brave Bird, watching everyone else as they sat around celebrating asucessful capture and 1,000,000 credit in the bank.

“Let me propose a toast to how much ass I kicked today” Jack, who according to LOTUS’ observations seemed to be slightly drunk, said.

“Every day you show me new reasons why you’re an idiot” Zala said with a sigh.

“Well, as you know, behind every great man there is a woman who says he’s an idiot”. Jack replied.

“Yes, but you wouldn’t know that, because there isn’t a saying that describes what is behind an egotistical dumbass” came Zala’s retort.

LOTUS was drawn away from Jack and Zala’s bickering when the ships sensors informed her that a large ship had just dropped out of slipspace. A quick scan revealed it as the CSS Inferno, a 5000 foot long Wraith class warship, commanded by High Admiral Isun’Rotang. LOTUS thought little of it until the Inferno locked a tractor bean onto the Brave Bird.

Everyone immediately stopped talking as the ship shuddered and began moving towards the Inferno. A hail came from the Inferno and LOTUS put it over the com.

“Attention freighter Brave Bird, you are in violation of statutes 9645D and 774Y of Celestial Law. Lower your shields and surrender your ship or you will be fired on.”

LOTUS knew that an attack against a Wraith class was practically suicide, so she did exactly as instructed. Nobody said anything as the Brave Bird was drawn into the Inferno’s hanger bay.
__________________________________________________ _____________________

Originally Posted by Mr Mander

Hmm. An interesting concept, with interesting execution.

Thanks.

I like the idea of planets being named "New Wales" and "New Cardiff". That, combined with the Empire, makes me think that Britain was somehow the driving force in the space expansion.

Actually, the Empire existed far before humans became involved with it (I'll go into both human and the Empire's history in either the next chapter or the one after that, depending on how I decide to divide them).

The characters are interesting too. The personalities haven't quite been defined yet (Except YT's, of course), but I'm sure from the short description's you have given that they'll be very interesting.

In this last chapter, I tried tobriefly touch on the personalities of both Jack and Zala, and I plan to cover the other character later in the story.

The almost unnoticeable flaw in your story is the names. Some of them are bit too familiar, like "Atraydyz", and some are incredibly outlandish, like "Isun'Rutang". When coming up with names, I recommend looking into other languages as inspiration. Arabic and Oriental languages can provide some excellent names.

Coming up with names is probably the hardest part of writing this. I actually had some japanese names for a few of the characters, but I scrapped them because imo they sounded too human. I have taken what you said into account, though. I didn't introduce any new characters in this last chapter, so its not very evident, the only example being Hashashiyyin (the warrior's school Link was a member of). The Hashashiyyin were a branch of Muslims during the crusades, and the word assassin is believed to originated from them (Altair from Assassins Creed is a member of this tribe, though I don't think the game ever actually says that out loud).

This is an interesting story to say the least, a good read so far. I did see a few things that could be edited around with later chapters, however. I'll poke at a few places and use as examples.

“Admiral” Byleex pleaded “There were complications. It was like he knew I was coming somehow. You must understand. I will not fail you again.”

After the word "Admiral" there should be a comma, as you are still continuing on with the sentence and a period after the word "pleaded" as that should end the sentence. You could also work this part around like:

[b]"But Admiral," Byleex pleaded, "there were complications. You must understand, it was like he knew I was coming somehow. I will not fail you again."

There are several other places in the first couple of parts you posted that are like this and can be changed around so that it flows more easily. I used the above as an example of how you can look at what you've written and maybe change it around a bit.


“No”, Rotang agreed “You won’t” In one smooth motion, Rotang stood up from the desk he was sitting behind, drew his sidearm, and fired. A bolt of violet energy spat from his pistol and blew off a significant portion of Byleex forehead. Byleex fell like a stone, dead before he hit the floor. Rotang leaned over a pressed a button on his desk to summon guard droids to remove the body.

Add a period after "You won't" and make everything else after that ( starting with "In one smooth motion.....") as a different paragraph. Or you can put "You won't" in the same quotations as "No" and keep everything as a single paragraph.


“Link, I’ve known you for years, any time you start fiddling around with stuff, especially sharp stuff, your nervous.”

Get rid of the second comma, add a period, and capitalize "Any". Also might want to change "your" to "you're".


That's just a couple of things I found while reading what you've posted. Again this is a good read and a good storyline you've set up so far. Am looking forwards to what else you may post.

I love this story. I like how you took basic concepts introduced in several different sci-fi movies and novels and expanded them with your own original materiel. One very minor issue I have is that YT-343 seems to be a little too obviously based off HK-47 from KotOR. Both droids are bloodthirsty, refer to humans as "meatbags", and start off their sentences by stating the type of sentence it is. However, I found HK-47 to be the funniest video game character ever made, so I don't mind his type of character reappearing here.
Also this:

Before Jack could answer, LOTUS piped up: “Imperial records indicate Chuck Norris was one of the many deities worshiped by humans before they made contact with the Empire. Records indicate he performed many miracles, such as beating a brick wall in a tennis match, eating just one Lays potato chip, and killing two stones with one bird. It is even said that he does not sleep, he waits. In 19,066, or 2010 by the human calendar, the First Church of Norrism was founded and became humanity’s most popular religion. However, 3 years later, a schism in the church called the Chuckistant Reformation occurred, starting a large-scale conflict known as World War III.”

was ♥♥♥♥ing hilarious. I was laughing for about 10 minuets strait when I read this.

In this chapter, we finally introduce the main plot. I was intending to do this last chapter, but things got screwed up and so it got pushed off.
Chapter 3

Briefing Room of Celestial Starship Inferno

High Admiral Isun’Rotang flicked his clawed fingers over his keyboard, calling up the dossiers of the Hell Hawks he would be meeting with shortly. He had never heard of them until the Darkness brought them up, so he thought he might as well see what the database had on them. He brought up the first one, a man who he was already quite familiar with.

WEST, JOHN
SPECIES: HUMAN
AGE: 28
HOMEWRLD: NEW CONSTANTINOPLE
CAPTAIN OF PIRATE VESSEL SOUL REAPER. CAPTURED WITH ASSISTANCE FROM SECOND IN COMMAND RAMANO, GIDEON. TRIED FOR 963 COUNTS OF PIRACY, 758 COUNTS OF SMUGGLING, 689 COUNTS OF DISTRIBUTION OF ILLEGAL WEAPONRY, AND 1125 COUNTS OF POSSESSION OF A CONTROLLED SUBSTANCE WITH INTENTION TO DISTRIBUTE, SENTENCED TO LIFE IMPRISONMENT ON PENAL COLONY SLASHTOWN. ESCAPED 3 YEARS INTO SENTENCE WITH ASSISTANCE FROM MERCANARY GROUP HELL HAWKS. CURRENTLY AT LARGE. CURRENT WHEREABOUTS UNKNOWN.

Rotang had been the one who captured West, so he already knew much about the man. Rotang was grateful however, that the file did not mention the fact that in order to convince Gideon Ramano to betray his captain, Rotang had to pay him a hefty price of 10 million credits as well as grant him Letters of Marque and amnesty for his crimes. Rotang’s superiors had not been pleased about that, to say the least.

Rotang keyed in the next file.

DEMOUR’T’SA, ZALA
SPECIES: RESTRICTED
AGE: RESTRICTED
HOMEWRLD: RESTRICTED
FILE REQUIRERS LEVEL 4 SECURITY CLEARANCE
PLEASE INPUT APPROPRIATE COMND. CODES

It was not surprising to often find criminals with restricted files, which usually meant that criminal had been a former member of the Imperial military. What was surprising was that Demour’t’sa’s file was level 4 clearance. In the Imperial databank, restricted files had security clearance levels ranging between 1 and 25, with 1 being the top level. Rotang’s rank of High Admiral gave him clearance up to level 2. As far as he knew, level 1 was only reserved for the Emperor and his top advisers. This was the first criminal he’d seen so far whos file had a clearance level above 11. Curious, Rotang input his command codes.

DEMOUR’T’SA, ZALA
SPECIES: AURIALAN
AGE: 22
HOMEWRLD: ILLUMIZIUMOPOLIS
Rotang stopped reading. Illumiziumopolis, really? This Zala was certainly turning out to be unique.

Roughly a hundred years ago, a survey probe discovered a small inhospitable planet near the borders of Imperial space. It had a rare orbit in which the planet’s day was the exact same amount of time as its year, which meant that one side always faced the sun, and the other side always faced away. This caused the night side to have temperatures of -200 degrees while the day side had temperatures of about 500, leaving just a small habitable strip of “twilight” region in between the two. This planet would have been marked off as completely insignificant if it were not for the fact that the survey probe discovered in it’s crust a substance known as Illumizium. Illumizium was an orange crystal that was agreed by many to be more beautiful than diamonds, but its true value was that when used as a fuel source in starships, Illumizium gave off more than 300% more energy than conventional fuels while being 250% more efficient, as well as being much longer lasting. News got out and thousands of people got their families together and when out to this new world, which they termed Illumiziumopolis, in hopes of striking it rich. Large cities were erected in the habitable twilight region between the two sides of the planet, and the planet thrived. However, after 2 years of successful mining, scientist working for the Imperial Geological Department found a way to synthesize Illumizium at much cheaper cost than naturally mined Illumizium. Illumiziumopolis’ economy collapsed practically overnight. Most of the colonists living there returned home, leaving most of the large cities deserted. However, there were those who could not or simply refused to leave. All form of law collapsed after this. With no Imperial presence to give order to the planet, anarchy ensued. Violent gangs took over the cities, homicide and rape were every day occurrences. The planet literally became a living hell. Zala must be a descendant of Illumiziumopolis’ forgotten colonists.

Rotang continued reading:
DISCOVERED BY BLACK HAND RECRUITERS ON ILLUMIZIUMOPOLIS AND WAS INDUCTED INTO THE BLACK HAND AT AGE 12. WORKED AS BLACK HAND OPERATIVE FOR 7 YEARS BEFORE ESCAPING. CURRENT WHEREABOUTS UNKNOWN.

Ah, so that’s why the high restriction Rotang thought. The Black Hand was a secret police organization that reported directly to the Emperor. Its duties mostly consisted of assassinating traitors, or simply killing Imperial officials that displeased the Emperor in some fashion. However, because of their amazing skill at killing people while making it look like an accident, most people didn’t even know of its existence. Rotang knew little about the Black Hand; however, he had heard rumors of them being kidnapped at young ages and brainwashed into joining, as well as tales of them being given cybernetic implants and genetic enhancements to help them fulfill their duties.

Rotang opened the next file

DEVORA, MIRAL
SPECIES: RESTRICTED
AGE: RESTRICTED
HOMEWRLD: RESTRICTED
FILE REQUIRES LEVEL 0 SECURITY CLEARANCE
PLEASE INPUT APPROPRIATE COMND. CODES

Rotang gazed at the screen, dumbstruck. Level zero? That doesn’t even exist! Must be a glitch. That zero is probably meant to be an 8 or is an incomplete 10 or 20, something like that. Rotang typed in his command codes.

INVALID COMND. CODES. CURRENT USER DOES NOT HAVE NECESSARY CLEARANCE TO ACCESS FILE. FURTHER ATTEMPTS TO ACCESS FILE WILL BE CONSIDERED A VIOLATION OF IMPERIAL STATUTE 1472R AND WILL RESULT IN PUNITIVE ACTION.

Confused, Rotang called up the last file.

ATRAYDEZ, LINK
SPECIES: RESTRICTED
AGE: RESTRICTED
HOMEWRLD: RESTRICTED
FILE REQUIRES LEVEL 0 SECURITY CLEARANCE
PLEASE INPUT APPROPRIATE COMND. CODES

I can understand one glitch, but two? This doesn’t make any-

Rotang’s thoughts were interrupted by a chime at his desk. He pushed the button for the com.

“What do you want?” Rotang snapped.

“Sir, Lieutenant Reed, sir. We have captured the freighter you were looking for.”

“Very good, search the crew down to the last follicle of hair on their head, and then bring them to me.”
__________________________________________________ _______
Miral had the distinct impression that the guard holding on to her was doing it for reasons other than simply keeping her from running off. She would have incinerated the fool if it weren’t for the fact that it was more important for the guards dragging the Hell Hawks through the endless hallways of the ship to think she was helpless. As such, she merely put up with the groping guard and took solace in imagining the look on his face when she telekinetically ripped off a certain part of his anatomy.

The group was finally dragged into a under lit room with a Telozi in a High Admiral’s dress uniform sitting behind a desk. The Telozi scrolled his creepy, yellow, snake-like eyes over the four of them; YT-343 had been deactivated and left in the ship because the Imperial guards had correctly assumed he would be too dangerous to attempt to move.

“Ah, High Admiral Isun’Rotang, fancy meeting you here.” Jack said with a sarcastic smile. “You know, I never got a chance to properly thank you for that lovely all expenses paid 3 year vacation you gave me to Slashtown. It was such a lovely place. It’s so nice spending some time relaxing on a tropical rainforest planet with flesh eating diseases, man eating predators, and fellow inmates who will kill you over something as simple as your breakfast. By the way, did you get the postcard I sent you?”

Rotang gestured to one of the guards, who stepped forward and jabbed Jack in the back with an electrostunner.

“Aggh, that painful tingling sensation really does bring back memories. I suppose you brought us here so you can gloat for 20 minuets about how we were outwitted by the illustrious Celestial Empire? I seem to remember you doing that last time.” Jack continued talking, being either too drunk or too stupid to realize he should just shut the hell up. Maybe Zala has a point, Miral thought to herself.

“No you fool; I brought you here so I can hire you.” Rotang said calmly.

“Well great, go ahead and give your lecture” Jack continued. “I’ll just lie down and take a good long na-wait, WHAT!?”

“I have a series of assassinations I would like you to perform.” Rotang said.

“And you expect us to do your dirty work in exchange for our freedom?” Link asked incredulously. “Don’t insult me.”

“Of course not. For completing these tasks you will be given a sum of 100 million credits as well as amnesty for all of your crimes.” Rotang replied.

“100 million? We could freaking retire!” Jack exclaimed triumphantly, without a trace of his former sarcasm.

Miral glanced at Link, who didn’t seem at all convinced. Rotang seemed to notice this as well.

“Right now your thinking this is all too good to be true. But you also thinking this is an offer too good to pass up.” Rotang said as he handed Link a holodisk. “Here is all the information we have on your first target, Shigu’rusa’kaguchi, Grand Lord of Xanado.”

“Grand Lord?” Miral asked “Am I correct in assuming that this mission doesn’t have the Imperial stamp of approval?”

“Obviously” Rotang said with a dismissive wave of his hand. “Because of this, if you are captured, you will receive no help from me. You are no free to begin. According to the report I will file on your capture, you managed to escape. I have already had the crew of the ship given psychological conditioning; they will believe anything I tell them, so they will back my story. Good luck and good hunting.”

After the Hell Hawks left, the shapeshifting figure Rotang had mentally labeled as the Darkness rose from the floor.

“It is all going according to plan, My Lord” Rotang said.

“Very good Rotang, very good.” The black clothed figure said. Then, in a voice too quiet for Rotang to hear said “So, Saber, Nova, you are alive.”
__________________________________________________ _______________________

Originally Posted by Hell Hawk

One very minor issue I have is that YT-343 seems to be a little too obviously based off HK-47 from KotOR.

I had originally planned on him being a bit more subtle, but I found he just wasn't convincing that way.

Also this: was ♥♥♥♥ing hilarious. I was laughing for about 10 minuets strait when I read this.

I'm glad you liked it. I thought I would be ridiculed for that joke, mainly because it was the first real joke in the story so far, so it was kinda coming out of nowhere.

In this chapter, we finally get an explanation on how humans became part of the Empire. I'd been trying to find a way to work this into the story for a while, and here I finally made it work.

Chapter 4


Masayaf Spaceport, Enix IX

“Link, you know I hate to tell you that you don’t know what you’re doing, but I don’t think you know what you’re doing.” Jack said as they walked down the Brave Bird’s boarding ramp into the hot, arid air of Enix IX. “See, Admiral Scaly said the target was on the planet Xanado, and this is the planet Enix IX.”

“Yes, but the disk he gave us simply contained his holo and his database profile. It doesn’t help us much. However, at 1300 today, I have an appointment here on Enix IX with someone who can.”

“Please don’t tell me your contact is Akyyyr.” Jack pleaded.

“The one and only.” Link said with a sympathetic smile. “Don’t worry, it’s just me dealing with him, you and the rest of the team can explore Masayaf or something.”

“I heard there is a good casino in the North Sector. Maybe I’ll-”

“On second thought, I heard LOTUS say she and YT-343 needed a hand doing some maintenance on the Bird's coolant system. I’m sure they’d appreciate your help” Link said, remembering an incident a few months ago on Farpoint Station, a space station resort famous for its casinos, where a Senator had paid them 300,000 credits for rescuing his kidnapped daughter, which Jack gambled away in less than 2 hours.

Jack swore and went back up the ramp. Link said goodbye to Miral and Zala, who said they were going to look around the Merchant District, and headed out the spaceport main gate and out into the city streets.

Link couldn’t help but look around as he walked towards the restaurant where he was to meet his contact. Link had always liked Masayaf; it’s architecture was so unique compared to the cities of the rest of the Empire. For one, all the buildings were relatively small compared to the 5 mile high skyscrapers of other worlds, the highest buildings in Masayaf being only about 60 stories at most. Furthermore, rather than the glass and steel of normal buildings, Masayaf’s buildings were all constructed of sandstone, with carvings and bronze statues decorating the sides and roof of the buildings.

Enix IX, along with the rest of the Enix system, had been part of the original 11 planets given to the humans by the Emperor. Humans had left their homeworld 662 years ago in 19,203, or 2147 by the calendar the humans used at the time, in 11 large generation ships carrying about 16 billion people in total. They were refugees, fleeing their homeworld, Earth, Link believed it was called, after a massive war had left it irradiated and barren. At this time, the Empire was in the midst of a bloody civil war that had been going on for the past 200 years. Desperate, the Emperor struck a deal with the humans, promising them all eleven of the planets in the Enix system in exchange for their aid. The human’s technology had been primitive; it had taken them over 60 years to reach Imperial Space from their homeworld, a distance which a modern slipspace-drive equipped ship could travel in about 2 days. However, despite their technical limitations, the humans proved to very resourceful, and most were able to learn to use modern technology in less than a month. In fact, the humans proved to be better soldiers than some of the Empire’s native species. Within 3 years, the Empire was able to win the war with the help of the human outsiders. True to his word, the Emperor granted them the Enix system to colonize.

Since then, humans had colonized 22 other worlds and had become one of the dominant species in the Empire. Human culture continued to be prevalent on human colonies, while many other species had since dropped their own native cultures and conformed to the universal culture of the Empire. For example, most of the inhabitants of Enix IX still followed the same religion they had when they lived on Earth; Link could hear the noon prayer being called down from the tops of towers throughout the city. Human culture had even affected the rest of the Empire in some ways. For example, a form of music the humans called “heavy metal” had become popular, performed in bars and concert halls throughout both human and alien worlds alike.

Link paused in his reflections as he approached the exterior of the restaurant he was to meet Akyyyr, his contact. It was one of only a few restaurants in Masayaf that was open; most restaurants had closed till sunset because of a religious fast currently going on. Pulling his hood down, Link entered the building.
__________________________________________________ _____________________

Engine Room of Civilian Freighter Brave Bird

“YT, will you toss up that arc welder?” Jack called down. Jack was hanging from the engine room’s ceiling by a cable, trying to patch a leak in one of the many coolant pipes located there.

“Appeasement: As you wish, meatbag.” YT said, throwing the device into Jack’s waiting hands. “Suggestion: However, I believe I would be much more suited to this task, considering my superior mechanical programming and, more importantly, my lack of Acrophobia.”

“I am not afraid of heights!” Jack said, trying not to look down.

“Observation: My biosensors indicate a 23.4% increase in heart rate, as well as rising adrenaline levels whenever you look in the direction of the ground. This data indicates-”

“Oh shut up!” Jack said, exasperated. “LOTUS, go into the computer and open music file 27D.”

Immediately the sound of the droid was mercifully blocked out by the pounding drums and wailing guitar of an ancient Earth musical composition. Jack resumed his work, putting a bead of solder in the inch long crack in the coolant line.

“Quote: ‘Kill your enemies/My brothers dead around me/Wounds are hurting/Death is creeping for me’.” The droid said, amazed. “Compliment: I had no idea your species of meatbag was capable of making such delightfully violent music. Observation: The musical group who composed this song must have been an impressive bunch of warriors. Well, at least as impressive as meatbags can be in combat.”

“Please, for five minuets, can you just shut up?” Jack pleaded as lowered himself down. “LOTUS, are you detecting anymore leaks?”

“No, you can go now” LOTUS replied.

“Thank God!” Jack exclaimed as he headed off to his quarters. Once there, he knelt by a large grey box, opened it with a hiss of air, and began leafing through the 100 or so comic books inside.

These 800 year old relics were all genuine comic books from the mid to late 20th century, and were a gift from his father. Because of their incredible age, and the fact that the environmentally controlled box they were kept in kept them in perfect condition, they were worth an huge amount of money; Jack had once had them appraised by an antiquities expert as being worth over 1.3 billion credits, but Jack wouldn’t trade them for anything. The truth was, they had been his only real friend growing up.

Jack knew that theoretically he should have had the perfect childhood. His family was incredibly rich, and he lived on New Constantinople, a planet consistently ranked in the lists of “Top Five Best Planets to Live On” put out by many magazines. However, things did not go according to that formula. Jack had grown up an only child. His mother had left his father when Jack was 4 for reasons Jack never figured out. Jacks father was the head of the Imperial Department of Trade and Commerce, and as such was rarely home. This meant that the closest things he had to parents were the servant droids that looked after him. As a hobby, Jack’s father collected relics from numerous civilizations, including some from 20th century Earth. Because of this Jack in turn became interested in this time period, which was why his father gave him the comics. As such, as he grew up, he considered among his list of friends the likes of Wolverine, Rorschach, Batman, DareDevil, Deadpool, and numerous others. Finally, Jack couldn’t take it anymore, and at age 15 he ran away and joined the crew of the Soul Reaper. He worked there for several years, and during that time the Captain was so impressed with him that he named him the next captain shortly before he died. Jack hadn’t seen his father since he ran away, 13 years ago. He assumed his father was still working for the Department of Trade and Commerce, if the sheer irony of his son becoming a pirate hadn’t killed him that is.

Jack finally found the comic he was looking for, a Superman comic written in the year 1932, and began reading.
__________________________________________________ ________
Côte d'Azur restaurant, Masayaf

The Côte d'Azur was one of those establishments that tried to be classy and expensive, but only managed to get the expensive part right. He followed the maître d’ to the table at which Link’s contact, Ayyyr, sat.

“Hey, the mercenary, my best friend! How goes you adventurous life of violence for profit? Waiter, a glass of wine for my friend.” Ayyyr exclaimed in an accent that Jack claimed sounded “like a white guy trying to impersonate an Indian after having a few drinks and a root canal”.

As both men ordered their food, Link eyed Akyyyr. Akyyyr was a Heleon male in his mid 30s, with a receding hairline and a bit of a weight problem. He had been the head programmer for HyTek Inc., the same company responsible for YT-343’s creation. He had been fired for selling trade secrets to rival companies, although he continued to insist his termination was because he found incriminating evidence against the company’s CEO. This piece of evidence changed each time Akyyyr told the story, sometimes it was that the CEO was a spice addict, sometimes it was that the CEO used to be a professional assassin, and sometimes it was that the CEO was using the war droids Hytek produced to kill the executives of rival companies. Ever since Akyyyr had been fired, he used his considerable skill at finding and analyzing restricted data and worked as an information broker.

“So my friend, what service can I impart to you today?” Akyyyr asked with a smile.

“I need the blueprints for the mansion of Grand Lord Shigu’rusa’kaguchi, access codes for all the locks and computers, and anything else you can give me.” Link said.

“You are going after the Grand Lord of Xanado?” Akyyyr asked. “I would not recommend that, my friend. However, I shall do as you ask for the price of 10,000 credits.”

“Bull♥♥♥♥.” Link exclaimed. Aside from his voice and constant references to Link as “my best friend”, Akyyyr’s ridiculous prices were one of the most annoying things about him.

“Ah, since you are my very good friend, I will reduce my price to 8,000, just for you.” Akyyyr said hastily.

“Forget it. 4,000 or no deal” Link said.

“My friend, you must be joking.” Akyyyr said.

Link simply stood up and walked away. As he walked, Link counted in his head 5…4…3…2…1…

“Wait my friend, I have reconsidered.” Akyyyr shouted. Link returned to the table. “Because of our long and prosperous friendship together, I will lower my price to 4,000. I will have the data delivered to your ship tomorrow morning. Now please, let us continue this delicious meal.”
At this point, the waiter came by and laid the bill on the table. Akyyyr glanced at it.

“Sadly my friend, I have one small amendment to our negotiated price.” Akyyyr said. With a sigh, Link took the bill out of his hands.
__________________________________________________ _______________________
By the way, anyone who can identify what song Jack was listening two (partial lyrics are quoted by YT) will get 500 awesomeness points, and my respect for having good musical tastes.

Originally Posted by SheikahSage

Akeer exclaimed in an accent that Jack claimed sounded “like a white guy trying to impersonate an Indian after having a few drinks and a root canal”.

That sounds oddly familiar for some reason....

By the way, anyone who can identify what song Jack was listening two (partial lyrics are quoted by YT) will get 500 awesomeness points, and my respect for having good musical tastes.

That would be "Scream, Aim, Fire" by Bullet for my Valentine.

Anyway, I like all the references to the modern day in this story. Halsey from the second chapter seems to hold communist/socialist ideas and has a miniature of the Marx monument in Moscow and a copy of the Communist Manifesto in his possession, there is a planet that seems to follow Islam (I may be wrong, but it is the only religion I know of that practices fasts that last till sunset and has a noon prayer), some of the people listen to 20th century metal, and comics like the Watchmen and X-men are valued by these people in the same way we value a Da Vinci painting. By the way, I'd like to point out that a 1932 Superman comic would probably go for a ♥♥♥♥ton of money now (since that would mean it would have been one of the first issues). Anyway, I thought these references to our time really helped the story seem a bit more plausible.

Chapter 5

Station 27, planet Xanado

Xanado was a unique world in that it was one of the only colonized gas giants in the Empire. It had originally been settled because of its high atmospheric concentration of tetraline gas; a gas used as a coolant for slipspace drives, but had since become a popular tourist location due to its many casinos. Because its atmosphere was toxic to most species, all of Xanado’s residents live in Aeropolis, a city consisting of 33 large spherical space stations clustered around each other in high orbit. The space around these stations was cluttered with ships of all sizes ferrying people in between stations, as well as the massive harvester ships that descended into Xanado’s upper atmosphere to harvest tetraline gas.

The Hell Hawks sat in the observation deck of Station 27, looking through the Plexiglas window at their target, the Grand Lord’s Mansion. Like the rest of Aeropolis, the mansion was a space station. However, it was much smaller, and consisted of a half sphere on the bottom and a structure resembling a Gothic cathedral or castle on top, surrounded by a large green lawn. A forcefield around the upper half kept in atmosphere.

Link ignored the view, instead focusing on the hologram of their target, Grand Lord Shigu’rusa’kaguchi. The holo showed a Heleon man in his late 30s, with shoulder length black hair tied back into a top knot. Link had never met the Grand Lord before, but for some reason he seemed familiar. He almost looks like Forecast, Link thought, Of course, that was a long time ago.

His thoughts were interrupted by Jack: “Ok, looks like we have about 50 laser turrets surrounding the complex” Jack said, holding a pair of electrobinoculars to his eyes. “There are three hanger bays, each of which could hold about two squadrons of fighters each. I see sensors of some kind lining the exterior, probably infrared, and to top it all off there are maybe 300 guards, both organic and droid, patrolling the complex. And of course this is just the exterior, we have no clue what’s inside. Long story short, we aren’t getting in without being seen and we are both outgunned and outnumbered.”

“So trying to fight our way in is no good.” Link said. “LOTUS, are there any civilian ships that are permitted to land there. Public tours? Anything like that?”

“No” LOTUS said, searching the local database.

“Could we sneak aboard a supply ship making a delivery there?” Zala asked.

“All incoming cargoes are heavily scanned; you would never pull it off.” LOTUS said.

“Wait a minuet,” Jack said. “That mansion is also the location of the local Imp prison, right?”

“Correct” LOYUS stated.

“Link, I have an idea, but you’re gonna have to trust me.” Jack said.

“And this brilliant idea is?” Link asked

“Well,” Jack said. “Lets just say you won’t like it.”
__________________________________________________ ______________________
Gas Works Bar and Grill, Platform 27

Jack glanced around the Gas Works, a bar named after the tetraline gas processing factories that took up much of Aeropolis’ infrastructure. The dimly lit smoke filled bar was full of people at this time of day, many of whom were gambling away their paycheck at the many card tables. The patrons were all watched over by several Imperial Security officers. Jack noticed one particular table, a bunch of off duty Imperial Marines playing a game of poker.

“That’s the one.” Jack said to Link.

“Are you crazy? There are four Imp Marines there.” Link exclaimed.

“That’s the idea.” Jack said as they walked over to the table.

“Deal us in.” Jack said as he laid a handful of credits on the table. Jack was dealt a poor hand, only a high card. Jack then, with far less subtlety than he usually employed when cheating, drew a royal flush from his sleeve.

“Hey, this guy’s trying to cheat us.” one of the marines said. Link grabbed the marine by the neck.

“No body calls me or my friend a cheater, especially not a dirtbag like you.” Link said.

“Alright, lets teach these jokers a lesson.” One of the other marine said before clubbing Jack in the head with a barstool. Link took the marine he had been holding a choke hold and threw him into the wall. He then turned and grabbed the arm of another man and, in one smooth motion, snapped the bones of his forearm before punching him in the face. The man with the barstool swung at Link, but was choked into unconsciousness from Jack. Jack grabbed the last marine by the back of the neck and slammed his head into the table, knocking him out cold.

“That’s was pretty fun.” Link said, surveying the four unconscious marines.

“Yeah, we should definitely do this more oft-” Jack was cut off by a stunbolt to the back. Link turned around and had time to see the Imperial Security officer fire his stunner before he too was knocked unconscious.
__________________________________________________ ____________________

Detention Block RR-76, Mansion of the Grand Lord

Link woke up in a cell block, wondering where he was. Within second though, memories of the bar fight and Jack’s stupid plan came back. He shook Jack awake.

“I’m up, I’m up.” Jack said as he looked around. “Grey walls, no window, definitely a prison. See, I told you this would work. I just wish that you had stopped that guy from hitting me with that stool.”

“Hey, it was your plan to start a bar fight, how is it my fault that you got hurt?”

“Well, it wasn’t in my plan to-”

Jack was interrupted by the cell door opening. In the door frame stood Zala, who had been invisibly by their side since they entered the bar.

“You guys coming, or are you just going to argue about who should have covered who?” Zala asked.

“I don’t know if I can adjust to life on the outside, Zala.” Jack quipped. “I’m all institutionalized now.”

“I see your 40 minuets in prison didn’t improve your jokes any.” Zala said dryly. Jack and Link stood up and walked out of the cell. 3 guards lay dead on the floor; victims of Zala. Link began stripping them down and changed into the suit of black armor they had been wearing while Jack did the same.

“Alright, let’s go.” Link said. “Jack, Zala, you two find a way to shut down the shield around the complex so Miral and YT can bring the ship in. I have a governor to kill.”
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Sorry this chapter has taken so long to get up. School started this week, so I have had far less time to write. Plus, I had to rewrite half the chapter: I originally had them infiltrate the mansion by hiding on a transport ship, but I though deliberately getting arrested was more clever and original, so I changed it to that.

Chapter 6

Inside the Mansion of the Grand Lord

Link casually walked by another patrol, and thanked himself for the hundredth time that he had the presence of mind to strip the armor off the marine Zala killed. Wearing the black and red titanium armor and hiding his sword and other weapons in a backpack, he could go anywhere in the mansion at his leisure.

What he was not as happy about was the DL-7 assault rifle he had to carry to look the part. I took an oath at the Hashashiyyin Academy that I would never fall into dishonor by using energy or projectile weapons, Link thought with a wry grin, I’ll bet Master Zsiingishu could lecture for hours on this if he saw me now.

“Hey, Link, you there?” Jack asked through the compiece in Link ear, “We had to ghost a few marines, but me and Zala got the shield generator all rigged with C12. Give me the word and I can blow it.”

“Copy” Link said, “Keep me informed. Out.”

Link continued down the hall until he reached a waiting room. A large fountain with a gold statue of the Emperor dominated the room. A blond woman in her mid 20s sat behind the front desk, looking very bored.

“The Grand Lord left strict orders that he is not to be disturbed.” she said in a matter of fact tone.

“I’m sorry,” Link said, “but this is a matter of great importance.”

“Well,” she said, “it can wait. Come back later.”

With a sigh, Link leveled the assault rifle at her. Her bored expression immediately vanished, and was replaced by fear. She gripped the edge of the desk in terror, eying the barrel of the rifle.

“Sorry honey, but I really need in there. Now please, open the door before I burn a hole in your skull.” Link threatened nonchalantly. Link of course had no intention of following through with his threat; to kill someone in cold blood was the highest offense a Hashashiyyin could commit, and resulted in the perpetrators life being forfeit.

Suddenly, Link heard a whirring noise behind him. Link turned towards the sound and found himself facing 6 Mark V Gladiator droids, who had risen up from a concealed hole in the floor. Link groaned, She must have triggered a panic button when she grabbed the desk. Why didn’t I catch that?

Link dodged out of the way as laserfire tore up the floor where he had been standing. He took his sword out of the backpack he had carried it in and charged forward. I lopped off one of the 4 arms of the nearest droid, and then buried his sword into its torso; it fell in a smoking mess. Link dodged out of the way of a rocket, causing the blast to hit the droid behind him, destroying it. Link spun and bisected the next droid at the waist, then decapitated the fourth. Link then dropped his sword as one of the droids shot him with a coil gun from behind.

However, against the predictions set by the droid’s logistics algorithms, Link did not die. He did not even fall, and detailed analysis of his body did not even reveal any injuries. The droid did not have time to analyze this impossibility however. Link soon afterward leaped high and landed on the droid’s back, where he grabbed a handful of wires and ripped them out, shutting the droid down. Link finally charged the last droid and punched the droid in the torso, his fist punching through the droids titanium chassis and out the other side.

Link grabbed his sword off the floor and held it against the neck of the receptionist, who remained behind the desk, immobilized by fear, during the course of the battle.

“Now, can you please stop fooling around and open the door?” Link inquired.

“S-Sure” she stuttered as she pressed a switch. “The droid shot you. How did you…Why aren’t you….What are you?”

“I’m…complicated.” Link replied as he walked through the door.

As Link entered Grand Lord Shigu’rusa’kaguchi’s office, Link realized that this job wouldn’t be as complicated as he thought it would be. He would not have to kill the Grand Lord after all.

Grand Lord Shigu’rusa’kaguchi was already dead.
__________________________________________________ __________________

Chapter 7

Inside the Mansion of the Grand Lord

Link approached the desk where the Grand Lord’s body slumped. The face was a bloody mess, but Link was still able to see that it was the man he was looking for. The body was cool to the touch; Link estimated he had been dead for at least 4 hours. From the pistol in his right hand and the angle of entry, the Grand Lord had obviously committed suicide.

Link noticed a glint of metal in the Grand Lord’s left hand, he reached for it and came up with a small holoprojector. Probably a suicide note, Link thought, But why? He couldn’t have known we were coming, and even if he did, why would he kill himself? He was a decorated military commander before he was appointed as Grand Lord; he wouldn’t try to take the easy way out like this. This doesn’t make any sense.

Link pocketed the projector and tapped his ear, opening up a com frequency.

“Jack, Zala, be prepared to blow the shield generator on my command.”

“You got him?” Jack asked. “Good job. Anyway, we are ready to detonate. We’ll meet you on the front lawn. Out.”

Link tapped his ear again, changing channels.

“Miral, stand by to pick us up. We’ve accomplished the mission.”

“Is everything alright?” Miral asked, concerned. “You sound…troubled.”

“Don’t worry, I’m fine. I’ll tell you later. Out.”

Link started out the door of the office, but as soon as he stepped into the waiting room he found himself face to face with 12 Imperial Marines. Link drew a throwing knife into each hand and hurled them, stabbing the two guards blocking the door in the torso. Then, with superhuman speed, Link bolted past the remaining guards and out of the room.

An alarm sounded in the distance. As he ran through the hallways, he pressed the release buttons on the marine body armor he was wearing and shrugged it off; there was no use for it now that his cover was blown. Automated turrets occasionally popped out of the ceiling as he ran down the halls, but he was moving too fast for them to hit.

“Link, we’re at the rally point.” Zala’s voice said over the com, “Where are you?”

“There’s been a complication.” Link said as he ran. “Blow the shield, and have Miral bring the ship in.”

Link heard a distant rumble as the shield generator exploded. He saw a large Gothic window ahead, and the lawn beyond that. Without hesitation, Link dived through the glass. He fell six stories and hit the ground running, landing completely unharmed. Up ahead he saw Jack and Zala, standing on the entry ramp of the Brave Bird.

As the ship flew overhead, Link leaped forty feet into the air and landed on the boarding ramp. Once there, he slapped the ramp control button and collapsed into a heap in a chair, breathing heavily. Second later he felt the subtle gravity shift of the ship entering slipspace.

“Great job people!” Miral said over the intercom. “We’re home free.”
__________________________________________________ ______________________

Main hold of civilian freighter Brave Bird

Link pressed the rewind button on the holoprojector and began watching the Grand Lord’s suicide note for the third time.

“Friends, I regret that you must see this.” the Grand Lord’s hologram spoke. “But this is a necessity. For, like the great Prometheus, I have stolen the fires of Zeus. Now the gods pursue me, trying to keep me from sharing these fires with mortals. My only choice is to give up my life, so that Hercules may slay the eagle. Goodbye and good luck.”

Although the psych evaluation that had been part of the Grand Lord’s file indicated that he was perfectly normal, Link had reason to doubt it. The entire letter made no sense, with all the ramblings about Prometheus and gods. Is there some other context? Link thought. The only Prometheus I know of is from some old human legend, and that doesn’t make…

Wait a minuet, there are two Prometheus stories I know of…and one of them involves me.

On blind impulse, Link typed a 12 digit ID code into the keypad of the projector, a code that hadn’t been used in any Imperial computer banks in centuries. The projector beeped, and the Grand Lord appeared again. This time however, he was wearing simple traveler’s cloths, rather than the rich garments he had been wearing in the previous message.

“Well Saber, I see you figured out my riddle, as I saw you would.” Link winced at the sound of his old code name. The voice of the hologram was markedly different from the aristocratic tone of the Grand Lord. “Let me first assure you that I am not dead. The corpse you saw was a flash cloned body, which I placed there where I saw you would find it. As you have guessed by now, I was once Forecast. In the centuries since Prometheus was abandoned, I have cultivated myself to blend in with the populous, and I eventually was appointed as Grand Lord of Xanado by the Emperor.”

“Now Saber, I must tell you the reasoning behind all this. I believe someone is hunting the Prometheans. I foresee the death of all of us, but strangely I cannot see who is responsible. However, I did see that you were a key figure in all this, and that you are the only one who can stop this. I saw that my demise was necessary as a catalyst for these events, so I faked my death. I cannot see much, my friend, my sight is clouded. I’m afraid all I can give you is this warning. Goodbye and good luck.”
__________________________________________________ _____________________

Miral sat on a couch in the rec room with Zala, Jack, and YT watching one of the ancient human 2D dramas Jack found so alluring.

“Critique:” YT interjected. “I must say I enjoyed the portrayal of this ‘Terminator’ in the first film more than in this one. In the first film, he was quite admirable, blasting organic meatbags left and right. A very good role model for droids everywhere. In this one, he helps the young meatbag and his mother instead, which is incredibly stupid. Than again, I must say I like this liquideous Terminator. He is quite a delightful random massacre generator.”

“Just shut up and watch the flick.” Jack said.

“Miral, can I talk to you for a minuet.” Link said as he walked in.

Miral got up and followed Link into the mess hall.

“Nova, I need to show you something.” Link said.

“Nova?” Miral said, surprised. “We haven’t used those code names in years. Getting nostalgic?”

“No, but you should see this.” He tossed her the holoprojector. “It concerns Project Prometheus.”
__________________________________________________ ___________________

Chapter 8

Cockpit of civilian freighter Brave Bird on approach to Heleon Prime

Link activated the cockpit’s holoprojector and reread the file on their next target. Their target’s was listed as Charles Archer III. He was a human, and was regarded as one of the greatest thieves on Heleon Prime. He had a knack for getting into and out of buildings completely undetected, often bypassing armored doors and top of the line security systems without sign of forced entry, and none of the authorities knew how he did it. Because of this, he was in high demand for anyone who wanted to hire a professional thief for the theft of gems, money, computer data, or practically anything else.

“I don’t get it.” Jack said as he guided the ship toward the planet. “Our first assignment was the governor of a major colony, and our next is a glorified diamond thief. Where is the connection?”

Link knew the connection well enough. Charles Archer was familiar to him as Shifter, a fellow Promethean. Link had no intention of telling this to Jack, however.

“Also,” Jack continued. “How are we gonna find this guy? Heleon PD has been trying to get this guy for years.”

“Well,” Link said “They aren’t us. By the way, I want you to check with Inara. She’ll help.”

As the Brave Bird began reentry, Link looked through the window at the shining ball that was ball that was Heleon Prime, the home of the Heleon race, and the capital of the Celestial Empire. The planet had originally had little water on it, but the oceans it did have had been rerouted underground almost 18,000 years ago. Now the entire planet was dominated by multi-mile high towers. Even though the Brave Bird was approaching from the night side, the city shown with thousands of lights which were visible even from high orbit.

“We’re approaching a bit fast.” Link said, noticing the rapidly growing size of the planet in the window.

“That’s just because I’m coming down too quick.” Jack said calmly. “I’ll likely crash and we will all die in a fiery inferno.”

“Oh. Well, when that happens, let me know.” Link said as he headed out.
__________________________________________________ ______________________

Befic Village, Heleon Prime

Walking through Befic Village’s “streets”-which were actually wide bridges suspended between buildings-Jack felt at home. Befic Village took its name from the Budali-Entyr Firm of Interstellar Commerce (BEFIC), a trading company that used to own the area and had been bankrupt and forgotten over two thousand years ago. Jack always liked this place; it was one of the only places in the galaxy that had what he considered the perfect balance of crime. There wasn’t so much that Jack was in danger, but the area’s population of pickpockets, whores, spice dealers and the like kept people like Jack from sticking out.

Jack stopped in front of the Alco-Hole, a local bar lit modestly with just a few neon lights. Despite the outside appearance, the Alco-Hole was only a bar as a secondary function. Its primary use was as the appointment offices of most of the local criminals. Assassins, thieves, bounty hunters, smugglers, mercenaries, body guards, loansharks, and anyone else who was for hire had representatives sitting at the Alco-Hole’s tables, waiting for perspective clients to drop by. These “secretaries” paid a small fee to the bar’s owner for use of the place, and in return the owner made sure they were covered with alibis and fake IDs when the Heleon Police Department did surprise searches.

As Jack walked in, he was approached by Zuuro, the Alco-Hole’s bouncer. A Norgu, Zuuro watched over the bar to make sure its patrons stayed in line, and at 8’11” with four incredibly muscular arms, he was able to do this rather well. His abilities had served him equally well when he had worked for Jack, back when he was captain of the Soul Reaper.

“Captain?” Zuuro asked, breaking into a smile. “How you doing pal? I haven’t seen you in at least a year. How’re the Hell Hawks doing?”

“Good.” Jack said. “It’s great to see you, man. Sadly though, my days as a pirate captain are long gone. Gideon Ramano saw to that.”

“Nasty business that was, betraying you to the Imps for a quick buck. That’s why me and Inara left the Reaper. Well, you’ll always be captain in my book, just like old times.” Zuuro said, patting him on the back.

“Yeah, hurt then too.” Jack said, rubbing his shoulder.

“You should see Inara.” Zuuro said. “She’ll be happy to see you too.” Zuuro started to turned, then stopped.

“Oh, by the way.” Zuuro gestured to some lockers by the wall. “Sorry, even old friends are subject to house rules.”

“Don’t blame you.” Jack said. He took the guns from his holsters and the knife out of his boot and put them in the locker, then headed toward the bar.

Behind the counter stood the Alco-Hole’s owner and barkeep, Inara Chally, looking as beautiful as he remembered. She was wearing a bright green dress, which matched her eyes and complemented her brown hair nicely. Back when Jack had been pirating as the captain of the Soul Reaper, Inara had been the ship’s cook, as well as Jack’s lover. When Jack had been betrayed and imprisoned, Inara had left the ship with Zuuro and opened up the Alco-Hole. As he came up to the bar, she stopped mixing the drink she was making, leaned across the counter, and greeted him with a long kiss.

“Long time no see.” She said in a warm tone.

“Far too long.” Jack replied.

“Well, we could make small talk for a while,” Inara said with a teasing smile, “But I know you hate that. So, what can I do you for?”

“We’re looking for Charles Archer.” Jack said.

“Looking to steal something?”

“No, the Imps have a contract out on him.”

“That one over there is Archer’s secretary.” Inara pointed to a table where a human male wearing a trench coat and fedora sat. “I’ll bet if you set up a deal with him, it’ll lead you to Archer.”

“Thanks.” Jack said.

“No problem.” Inara said, kissing him on the cheek. “Say hi to the rest of the team for me.”

Jack smiled back and headed toward the indicated table.

“’Ello.” called the man as Jack sat down. “You need the Archer’s services for a knockover do you?”

“Yes,” Jack said.

“Than right you are.” The man said. “The name’s Hawkins. Now, what’s the lay?”

“I want-”Jack rapidly tried to think of a target “The Imperial Special Warfare Division database. All of it.”

“How much sugar you willin’ to pour?” Hawkins asked.

“5 mil.” Jack said.

“Oie!” Hawkins interjected “A sneak like that is worth far ‘ore ‘an that. If the Archer gets nailed on that, ‘e’ll be under glass for a long time. Up the dough, or scram out. Savvy?”

“Fine, 7 mil.” Jack said. “Take it or leave it.”

“Well mate.” Hawkins said. “I think we may be able to do business together.”
__________________________________________________ ______________________
I'd just like to point out that the Hawkins character was insanely hard to write, despite his trivial role. Its very hard to type a cockney accent, and the various 19th century criminal slang terms he uses took me a while to work out.

Just letting you guys know, I am putting this story on hiatus for a while to work on other things. I'll probably resume in a month or two.