Cynical

This is the first chapter in a book i have been working on for over a year! I hope its good, i just re-did my whole first chapter because i felt it needed to be fixed. I liked the result hope you do to.


It was outrageous; it was like a slap across the face! I couldn't help but think that as I finished 'Breaking Dawn', the last book in the 'Twilight' series. How could anyone possibly imagine any self respecting vampire to be like that at all? Glitter skin, really? I know its a book but come on! The book was age's old but I had run out of reading material and looked for 'classics' in the book store. The thought of what the vampires in the story could do enraged me, but that was probably because I was joking around with myself, nothing like a good laugh!, and maybe the fact that I was the only vampire left in existence.
I was born in 1894. Yes, I do mean 'born', as in I was conceived from that sweet honeymoon my parents had, and then come out of the womb nine months later. Both of my parents were vampires, they had conceived me as vampires, and my mother gave birth to me as a vampire.
I shifted to sitting up instead of lying down, like I was actually going to sleep. The book had something right, though I wasn't 'half vampire' (oh my god! That book was failure!) I still aged to certain point. Every 10 years for a vampire was like 1 year for a human, or at least that's how long the physical change took. The measurements were as easy as one year. We stopped 'aging' at 21, which was convenient considering how many human things required being that old. So you could figure that into 210 years. I had just turned '14' this year, so I was just starting high school even though my intelligence is thirty times normal for this age.
I set down my book and reached over to the table by my bed and grabbed my copy of Rubber Soul, one of my favorite Beatles albums. I walked to the living room--which was probably over the speed limit anywhere, vampire speed was correct in the book to--and opened the DVD player. I put my CD in and pushed the close button. I turned a little to the right and switched the stereo on that sat massive on top of my TV next to the DVD player.
I leaped to the sofa behind me, which lay right beneath a window, and lay down as 'Drive my Car' started playing. I closed my eyes to think, as I usually did when I was bored, and the music started to become just a part of the background. Tomorrow I started high school--that was in three hours, vampires didn’t sleep--so I was bored out of my mind.
I shifted through my memory taking some of the most pleasant things and leaving the black hole of it alone because that's where my worst memories were, hence the nickname.
The first memory that I pulled was one of me first learning how to kill. It may have not seemed pleasant to a human but it was enjoyable to me. I was in the middle of a forest trying to notice any sign of movement, when something in the bushes caught my attention. A deer stepped out and I launched myself straight for it, my teeth catching it on the back, ripping the flesh off with a snarl. It kicked and flailed as it tried to knock me off its back, but I was laughing like a 3 year old who just got a toy he could throw at people. When the deer was dead though, I stopped and started to cry. My dad laughed and told me it's ok to have killed it, humans do it to. I turned to him and said "Its not that he's dead....it’s...” my dad was bewildered and said "Well what is it then?" There was genuine wonder on his scarred face.
I could remember my father so vividly, his chestnut hair always short but never buzzed, his forest colored eye's always looking beyond yours, the way he always stood like you were wasting his time even if you were yelling at him. He always had this sense of strength and respect about him that only I and my mother seemed to notice. My father was someone I had always wanted to be proud of me, but didn't everyone want there father proud of them?
I paused then answered "I wanted to play with him more", as soon as I finished my dad was on his back laughing so hard that the trees shook. "Jake its ok, there's plenty more to play with," he found a way to hold the laughter enough to come over to me and put his arm around me, "but you should drink up, the blood helps you concentrate".
I grabbed another memory of me and my mother at a Beatles concert. She was ok with their music but I was drawn to it like I needed it to live. They were so good live that I couldn't even sing along with 'Long Tall Sally' because all of the girl's in the crowd couldn't stop screaming. Music was my life, it was my blood, it was my soul. Maybe I did need it to live. I looked up at my mother and pointed at George Harrison, "Mom, can I meet him someday?" She looked back at me with her tender oak brown eyes and smiled, "Of course you can, now watch, they're going to play your favorite."
My mother was beautiful beyond belief. Her golden hair flowed as fluent as water and it lightened her smile whenever the sun was out. She was so loving of me that I have other memories of my earlier life where she would sit and hold me for hours.
Sure enough my mother was right as they started to play 'Yes it is'. If you wear reeeed tonight, remember what I said toniiiiight. For red is the color that my baby wore, and what's more, it's true, yes it is." I held onto my mother and rocked gently with her as the song played on.
I snapped into realization when I felt a tear run down my cheek, I was crying at the memory of my parents. They had only died 30 years ago, along with every other vampire. I wrapped my arms around myself to hold the shivering and maybe calm it down.
There had been a strange virus that could infect a vampire and kill us from the inside out by corroding the muscle's and eating the organs at such a fast pace death was expected within a week of contamination. Somehow I was immune to the strange virus which made me happy. I'm glad it didn't take me, which would have only made my parents sad. The strangest thing I noticed, when I thought about all of this was a fiery anger rose up from the pit of my stomach, it always tasted like revenge on my tongue when that happened.
Worst of all, I had to watch as my parents collapsed to the floor and died. I had to see them in such pain with nothing that I could do. I had to watch as my mother’s last words left her mouth...
I shook my head as if to shake the memory out of me. I got up and went back to my room and opened the top drawer. I grabbed out a white envelope that said "To you, young beautiful Jake." I cringed at the memory of my mother’s handwriting. I didn't want to open it yet, even though I said it was alright once I was 14. I wasn't quite sure that I was ready to handle its contents. I set it back into my dresser and walked back out into the living room.
The song had shifted to 'Wait' as I stepped out of the hallway. I popped the CD out, I liked the Beatles but variation was good. Instead I put in a CD that my father had made me almost a month before he died. 'Soul Kitchen' by The Doors started to play. I glanced at the clock. 4:30AM. Only half an hour? How lame.
I rocked out to my CD, blasting it as loud as I want. One of the main advantages about having a house in the hills in a desert was no one lived near you. At time's I felt kind of like a hermit, but a hermit that knew how to rock. The next song was 'Shade Grove' by Mudcrutch, such an excellent classic, I was happy I got to be alive for all that marvelous music. Today, everyone listened to this screamo crap like they have been for the last twenty years, when will they realize its just metal (which was excellent) combined with those who can't sing for ****?
I had pretty much absolutely nothing to do for the next two and a half hours. That's the only thing that suck's about not being able to sleep, you do eventually run out of things to do since there is a lot more time in the day--well I wouldn't call it the day since it never ends for me.
I looked at the clock again, 5:32AM. Could time be any slower? My head soared with the boredom I was feeling; it exhausted me to no end. Time just need's to pass by!
I closed my eyes again, searching through my memory. Instead of avoiding the black hole I jumped right into it. I was bored enough to face whatever my fears had lined up for me, and boy did they have one hell of a fear to hit me with.
It was an ordinary day, sitting on the couch reading a book. Nothing special. My mother walked down the hall, "Jake, can you help me with the laundry?" I jumped up, pretending to be the two year old I looked like, "yes momma!" I was always eager to help my mother, even when I was a hundred; I had loved her so much. I would never have done anything to her on purpose.
"Can you hand me a hanger Jakey?" I nodded and smiled as I jumped on top of the dryer and pulled down one of the hanger's. "Here mo-", I fell forward and there was an intense burning in my heart. But not just my physical heart, it felt like the fabric of my very soul was on fire.
The pain came in increments, like trying to fit a puzzle piece somewhere it just didn't belong. The pounding at my heart consumed my body, most noticeably my left arm and on the left side of my back.
I didn't hear it but I felt my mother gasp as my body thudded on the floor. "What's going on!?" My father burst open from the door. My mother was shouting so fast I couldn't hear her, or maybe the pain was blocking my ears?
Then the pain cooled for a second, then if faded to nothing. I lay still on floor, making sure it was gone.
But as soon as I tried to stand up there was a pain at least three times as horrible as the last. I couldn't help myself this time and I yelled at the top of my lungs with a shriek full of pain.
I felt my mind corroding, filling with anger and the need to hurt. No. Not just hurt, kill. I felt the anger swarm through my head; the need to kill grew and grew as the rage filled my head. What was happening to me?
I didn't notice it but I had stood up, the right side of my body was still burning immensely. How the **** did I stand up? I tried opening my eyes but only my right one opened. I looked around quickly; my mother and father were standing at the end of the hallway. I have never seen as much fear in there faces as I did right then.
I tried opening my left eye but it just didn't seem to want to open. I tried harder to get it open and as an instinct I tried lifting my left arm up to it. My left arm didn't move. What in the lord is happening to my body? I tried even harder to open my left eye and lift my left arm but a big voice inside my mind shouted at me with such command I froze.
Just then the left side of my body moved to where I could see it. I hadn't been trying to lift my arm; I had been trying to life something's claw. I was terrified of what I saw, how did this happen? I turned more even as I struggled to stop. I did stop when I was fully turned towards my parents and the rage filled my head.
At that moment I could feel someone else inside my brain, a second conscious that seemed to want one thing. Blood.
I heard all of it's thoughts about how it needed to kill my parents. I tried to mouth the words for them to run but the second mind was in complete control of me now. I felt myself start to cry, a weird half cry where only my right eye dropped tears down my face.
I think my dad saw this because as soon as I striked, he pushed himself and my mom out of the way. It was close but I don't think my dad expected it. I turned around and launched again, catching my dad in the arm.
There was blood on my claw and where my dad's shirt hadn't been cut was soaked with blood. I could feel power growing inside me, my own hatch of anger.
I launched and struck even faster but my dad was ready so he moved just in the knick of time. But I grabbed his foot and squeezed it. My father let out a tremendous scream of pain, I felt his bone's shatter under the claw, and he wasn't running anywhere anymore. I have to help him!
I stood up and gazed at my mother, ultimate terror written all over her face. I felt an evil grin crawl onto my face, my second mind was nuts! I lunged at my mother and she screamed. As I put out my claw to strike her down something caught my foot and I fell face first. "Don't you dare hurt her!" My father was lying on the ground gripping my foot, "give me my son back you bastard!" He squeezed and the pain helped me awaken my senses from control.
I saw immediately that what my father was holding was actually a claw of something that I had never seen before, scaly, two big claw's sticking out, and a weird glowing black color. I looked over to my arm; it was the same thing, except there were seven claws on my arm. Had I not noticed the color before?
My father squeezed even harder and I felt the second mind recede back. I felt the power to speak return to me; my arm's ability to function was also working. "It's working! Break my freaking foot!" My father looked at me like I was nuts. I had to be blunt; I wasn't sure how long I would be in control. "Just do it!" At first he was unsure but then he snapped my leg.
The pain flowed from my foot and connected to my mind. The second mind completely disappeared and I was left alone to deal with the rest of the pain from my foot. I let out a scream when my father broke my foot but I didn't care, it had made that monster go away.
I lay on the ground in the now wrecked hallway, trying to calm myself from the pain. What had come over me? What was that second mind? Why did it want both of my parents dead? The only answer I could come up with on my own was that I was possessed by some demon or monster.
"Jake!," my father was over me in a second with my mother only an instant behind. "I'm ok," I muttered in my two year old voice. "That monster is gone now." I looked down to my foot and saw my own leg. Good. That's good.
The pain from my leg blocked my hearing and filled my nose with the scent of pain. I was tired, my head felt beat in, but I was normal. My dad was yelling over me but I couldn't hear him through the pain and I closed my eyes. I needed to sleep that was for sure.
The next day I woke up and had cast's on my arm and leg where that thing had taken over. At least I was in care. I wore the casts for the next month and then I was fine, everything went back to normal.
I looked over to the clock and sure enough it showed the time at 6:30AM, finally time for school. I stood up and stretched my back, my muscles were sore from lying on the couch for an hour.
I went back to my room and flung the backpack I’d already prepared over my shoulder. I got so bored I fixed one up and went over a list of supplies multiple times. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a piece of pizza from the fridge leftover from last night. I didn’t have to drink blood, I could eat anything humans did, and it didn’t affect my health whatsoever. I grabbed a root beer from the fridge, the taste was excellent with pizza and coffee was nasty so I never drank it. I sped out the door and locked it behind me.
Having a house in the middle of the desert in Kennewick was great, no humans to see my freakish vampire speed. I darted through the brush taking long, slow strides. I wanted today to be fun so I took the longer route to the school. Running had always been a lot of fun to me, it was just so exhilarating. The wind against my sleek body just felt perfect and gave me a refreshed feeling. I turned sharp and a cloud kicked up from the dirt.
I saw the street ahead and I stopped immediately without moving anything on the ground or even having to skid to a stop. The ultimate version of a break. I started walking casually, like that was exactly what I had been doing all along and as I approached the school everyone hurried inside. I smiled, a weird thought popping into my mind. The bell had rung, and fate began its course.

its not going the direction you think it is. Trust me.

I wasn't thinking anything at all, but I'm kind of curious to see where this goes.

I enjoyed the excerpt despite not knowing what this story is about. I'm not so sure about the pop culture references - some critics/editors/publishers don't really like it; but more importantly, I think you have to be careful referencing things not in the public domain. A safe alternative would be a shout out to something real by "referencing" a made-up book. Twilight's pretty well-known so a variation on "sparkling vampires" would have a similar effect to referencing the real book.

I could feel the narrator's fatigue living such a long life, and his closeness to his parents made their deaths devastating even though it was described in retrospect at such an early point in the book. It's teetering close to an info dump, the way you began the story with this reminiscence, but I think you pulled it off quite well because I was intrigued.