I shall write!!

Ive decided to write some stuff. im going to write 10 poems, then a story chapter, then 10 poems, then a story chapter, then 10 poems, etc.

Poem #1: Just Last Night
I couldn't fall asleep last night,
because the moon was much too bright.
And while I was still wide awake,
I cooked myself a juicy steak.
When I was done with my steak,
I thought I'd jump into a lake.
I swam in the lake for about an hour,
and then I got a superpower!
The power to fly fast and high.
So high that I was in the sky!
And once I had to save the town,
and they gave me a golden crown!
It all gave me quite a fright,
and it all happened just last night.


So tell me what you think!! I want some criticizm. good and bad. i thought of that in about 5 minutes.
P.S. hopefully only good criticizm though

This goes to the Art & Writing section.

If you want criticism, or anything like that, it's best suited there.

ok.

Ehehe! That was whimsical. You want criticism? Let's see (mind you, it's subjective):
1. The rhythm and rhyming is very basic, which doesn't quite work for this already simple poem.
2. There's no underlying theme or meaning. It's all a bit random.
But then you wrote that in 5 minutes. On the positive side, it's a humorous and light-hearted piece of work, which suits me. I would love to see something that took a little more time. Not that time is indicative of quality, but it'd be intriguing to see what you're capable of.

Originally Posted by Tiare

Ehehe! That was whimsical. You want criticism? Let's see (mind you, it's subjective):
1. The rhythm and rhyming is very basic, which doesn't quite work for this already simple poem.
2. There's no underlying theme or meaning. It's all a bit random.
But then you wrote that in 5 minutes. On the positive side, it's a humorous and light-hearted piece of work, which suits me. I would love to see something that took a little more time. Not that time is indicative of quality, but it'd be intriguing to see what you're capable of.

thanks!!

flowed nicely, understandable
i enjoyed reading it