Fragments (the beginning of a story)

Chapter One: Escape

Sam could hear it gorging on the last unfortunate person dropped into the Pit, and she knew it was almost her turn. She had studied the order of The Feeding, farthest cells to nearest. The last victim's cell was just two left to her own.

How long have I been here? Sam asked herself, I do remember crying, and a dark room, and I think a flash of something silver, but everything else is blank....

Well, time was irrelevent, all that mattered now was to get out of here, wherever she was.... however long she had been here...

How had she survived? She had been moved here who knows how long ago from another prison, terrible, but not nearly as bad as the one she was in now. That was how life had been as far as she could remember; moving from one place to the next, not knowing who she was, who her parents were, not anything. She had eventually decided on a name for herself, Sam, as she was moving for the who knows whatth time she had seen a little girl named Sam, the girl's mother had called her that. She decided she liked that name, so she decided that she could share it with the little girl. She didn't know how old she was, but she decided that she was twelve, at least she was twelve now. When she had first decided her age, she said she was eight. The day she had decided her age was her birthday, at least to her.

She liked how old she was now best; twelve seemed like a good number, and that way she got to have the excitement of almost being a teenager. That was what she liked the most about her current age. The only problem was that she might never live long enough to be a teenager.

The clanking of chains and scrape of metal against stone interrupted Sam from her quiet thoughts. She saw the guard, a Graark, dragging a screaming prisoner from his cell. The Graark's piglike body covered in bear fur which, also, was covered in rusting iron armor; in one hand the creature carried a rusty chain. It scared Sam that someone like herself, and innocent prisoner, could become that mad by merely being in this awful place; how had she survived? She had been moved here a month ago from another prison, terrible, but not nearly as bad as the one she was in now. That was how life had been, as far as she could remember; moving from one place to the next, not knowing who she was, who her parents were, not anything.

She ran to the back of her cell, trying to escape the terrifying screams of the old prisoner. Sam waited until the old man was out of view to move out of the back of her cell. Will I become like that? she asked herself. Will just being here drive me mad? How can just being somewhere drive you mad? I've lived in different prisons my entire life, and I'm still sane. At least I think I am. Then it dawned on her, the last victim's cell was just two left to her own! Another one had just been taken to The Pit! And it was morning!

There were three feedings every day, one in the morning, one in the evening, and one at precisely noon. At noon Sam would be dragged out of her cell and taken to The Pit to be fed to that awful creature, the Dranoth. Dranoths were terrible creatures, with their gaping mouths full of sharp teeth, their ape-like bodies, and their terrible, bright-yellow eyes that seemed to penetrate your mind and soul and were said to drive you mad the moment you looked into them.

Sam shuddered at the thought of the Dranoth. I have to get out of here, but how?

(This is unfinished, and I realize it needs to be edited. Still, I would appreciate comments and critisism)

Break the fourth parapraph into two, please.

It also lacks description. You seem to focus more on what's going on inside Sam's head, but it's important to know what the things I'm thinking about look like. For example, what the hell does a Graark look like?

Aside from that, good.

Ehhh....it isn't bad. Like Ringo Starr just said, you lacks description. Also, just the way it is written is a little generic.

How long have I been here? Sam asked herself, I do remember crying, and a dark room, and I think a flash of something silver, but everything else is blank....

That is pretty general there. I mean, perhaps you should think of a more original method for her to end up in the cell?

I have a prologue written that I'm planning on posting. (If I can find where I wrote it...) It gives what information I think you're wanting.

Ah crap, last time I edited it I must've deleted the description of the Graark... I'll have to fix that... (Not right now though, cuz I'm too lazy )