Circumstancial Inspirations

Well, I never thought I'd see myself in this part of the Art & Writing forums, yet here I am. I have some poems I've written, not necessarily out of experience, just some thoughts I've had. I'm a bit doubtful of my poetic ability, compared to some of the other poets here, yet here I am, in a leap of faith. Constructive critisism welcome.





Found

Seas of blue
Wisps of indigo
Swirl and mix
And sparkle with life

All my dreams
All my ambitions
Forgotten in a moment
An eternal moment

Thoughts are needless
Time is meaningless
Alas my mind is lost
Yet my heart is found

Hearing your voice
Caressing your hair
Tasting your lips
Indulging in your warmth

Imprisoned...
Incarcerated...
Forgotten...
Forsaken...

Lost forever
In your sapphire eyes

Till my life is spent
Death I do not fear
For in your love
Myself I have found





The End

Lost in the cold and madness
Enveloped in a mist of darkness
Forsaken in the chains of anonymity
Captive in a world of fear and misery

The time has drawn near
A sweet misery numbs my mind
My soul lies in blissful content
Yet I feel I'm fading away

The beauty of the world enthralls me
Giving me one last strand of hope
Inspiring my empty heart
Warming my frozen emotions

Broken kingdom of dreams
Shattered illusions of peace
Crushed hopes of understanding
Endless void of confrontation

I wish I had
I wish I felt
I wish I had lived
I wish I had learned

What more is there for me
Existance waning
Brink of life approaching
End of the road

May you have joy
May you find peace
But now I must depart
So I beg you adieu






Hell

Heading for the jungle
Don't forget your knife
No doubt you'll need
To cut with the blade

Shear your world in half
Keep your friends on one side
And your enemies on the other
Hypocrisy always was
The best policy

Run, run like hell
No time to waste
No moment to savour
And you might just
Reach work in time

There goes another day
Reaching home
Spirits exhausted
Only desire is sleep

Kids are shouting
Happy to see you
Wish you could feel them
They seem so far off

Wife gives you a hug
A warm kiss on the lips
Wish you could feel her
But you're just numb

Wearied bones
Twisted wills
Nohing earned except
One more sleepless night

Welcome to Misc. Writing, Andúrhil!
Your poems are wonderful! I don't think you should doubt yourself.

"Found":
I like the way you describe the blue eyes in the first stanza, but not mention them until the sixth. It kept me wondering where the blue-ness came from.
Nice contrast on the notions of what is "lost" and what is "found".

"The End":
This is my favourite of the three. I especially enjoyed the following lines:

Broken kingdom of dreams
Shattered illusions of peace
Crushed hopes of understanding
Endless void of confrontation

Your combinations of adjectives and nouns are rich and masterful. They add great depths of beauty and darkness to the first four stanzas, and I like how the swelling mood of those stanzas taper towards the end.

"Hell":
The first stanza calls for a certain savageness that lingers throughout the poem. It was somewhat surprising for me to find that the poem's actually about something rather ordinary. What you describe is so true.

Thank you for the comments Szerenade. I'm glad you enjoyed them

I have written a new poem which I believe is better than the previous smaples of my work. Comments appreciated.




Blight Of An Unrequested Affliction

Trudging through the maelstrom of sorrow
Shards of muted laughter stifled in dread
Reluctant to disturb the remorseful bitterness
A winter heart beneath alluring spring skies

Nothing to fill the empty shell of life devoid
Faces drawn in placid acceptance of grief
Eyes swollen with implacable longing
Staring down corridors lined with memory

Vandalism the acts of pain on scars unheeded
Where to find solace in the land of the dead
Smoking manifestations upon blistered lips
To mask the uncertainty of the imminent demise

Blind guardians and bringers of sustenance
Lost in the abyss of their fallen angel's tomb
Harbinger of vanity borne on steed of steel
A silent memorial of faltered youth

Gone forever in a moment of obscurity
What bliss can exist beyond the descent?
Numbness brought on by the cold insanity
Guilt calling forth endorsemnt of raw emotion

Instinct of ensuing survival plagues the mourning
Frozen tears embedded in impervious marble
A lonely sigh of exasperation the final epitome
Death beside the bleak banner of oblivion

whistling through the darkness
the arrow flew
singing her song of death

for a moment both friend and foe listened
to her pained whine
doing nothing
frozen in time

who would feel her kiss
as she directs her pain through the night?
who would fell the brush of her stiff, light hair?
and who would feel her cold love-bite?

that's if she chooses one of us at all,
if she chooses
or failing that sinks her piercing touch
into something
undeserving
like a damned tree

Very well done, I like the way you work, keep an eye out for my work, maybe we can work on something together?

cool. sounds like a plan

Andúrhil, I love your poems very much!

"Found", "The End" and "Hell" are poems that I can read again and again and keep discovering something new. They leave meanings open to the reader and your expressions are simple yet very strong and feeling. "Hell" is even very relevant to today's working situation!! I can really relate myself to it. "Just another day at work"-mentality.

Back to "Found". I take it it's a love poem? It's very sweet!

Lastly... The "Blight of an unrequested affliction" is evident that you've put a lot of emotion into. Sounds like it originates from a real life experience. Real life experience brings out the best in poets, I think. And so did this one! It's very touching and gives a lot of food for after-thought, things to dwell on.

I'm very, very interested in reading more of your poetry whenever you have the time to post more!

Hey Mrs G, or, should I say, Seirbhíseach Dé! Thank you for giving such thorough read through my work.

About "Hell", it's good that you get that impression. I intended to capture the essence of the daily routine we are required to follow each and every day, and the often hypocritical decisions we make.

As for "Found, yes, it is a love poem... in a way. It's just that I make an effort to bring out both the good and the bad things that make up our lives.

And lastly, my newest addition. You are correct, it is inspired by a real life experence, the verses you see there are of distilled emotion put into words. It wasn't actually a personal situation, but it still affected me enough to write this.

As for Shimsil and AFF Link, why exactly are you hi-jacking my thread? Shimsil, if you want to put up your own poetry, I suggest you make your own thread.

oh i didnt knoe it was urs only. sorry dog

AEF link liked it....

*pokes thread*

I haven't posted in here in a while. But here I am now with an attempt at an old-school rock n' roll song. Compared to my other works, it's, um... cheerful ^.^; Besides, who said everything needs to be deep and philosophical?



Drive

Oh, you know you can't resist
Baby, won't you please assist?
Oh, you get me so sentimental
Girl, your curves drive me mental

You're so modest or so it seems
But you know that deep inside
There's a naughty feline just
Just begging to be released

You can keep your heart intact
I was never much good with tact

Just please give me all your loving
And I promise you'll keep coming

Oh, you know you can't resist
Baby, won't you please assist?
Oh, you get me so sentimental
Girl, your curves drive me mental

Tell me that you love me
Even if you don't feel a thing
Kiss me like you need me
Even if it's make believe

Wipe away my depression
With your loving expression

Your ardent gaze is so inviting
But your touch is ever so exciting

Oh, oh
You give me my drive
Oh, oh
You make me feel alive

[insert guitar solo here]

Oh, you know you can't resist
Baby, won't you please assist?
Oh, you get me so sentimental
Girl, your curves drive me mental

Oh baby, baby, baby
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh baby, baby, baby
Oh, oh, oh, oh

That last one, like you told me it's superficial, and misogynistic, and shallow.

But brilliantly cool nonetheless.

*runs*

Shallow, yet too old school for me not to love it. Keep it up, ma brotha from anotha mutha.

Have You Forgotten?

Have you forgotten...
What it's like to be in love

Have you forgotten...
What it's like to be young

Have you forgotten...
What it's like to be alive

Have you forgotten...
What it's like to be content

Pass your judgement unto me
Lash out your tongue and spit
Lost in your self-indulgent lies
You have forgotten

My heart is young and ardent
It can withstand your ridicule
Don't dare say you understand
You have forgotten

I've made my priorities so very clear
Pity your values find it sinful waste
My darling is the only true heaven
You have forgotten

I kiss her velvet lips goodnight
After a sunset of making love
Aware that she's mine forever
You have forgotten

I'm giving myself to her embrace
Yet you think it's a big disgrace

Have you forgotten...
What it's like to be in love

I'm striving to live for the moment
Yet all you give is endless torment

Have you forgotten?
What it's like to be young

I'm dying to make the most of life
Yet all you do is bring such strife

Have you forgotten...
What it's like to be alive

I'm too joyous to spread derision
Yet all you do is play inquisition

Have you forgotten...
What it's like to be content

Have you forgotten?
Have you forgotten?
Have you forgotten?
Have you forgotten?

You have forgotten...

Have You Forgotten? is poignant and bittersweet. The repeated lines of "Have you forgotten" and "You have forgotten" are like echoes haunting the aged. The tone of the poem itself is reflective of the vigour and intense passion of youth.

I also enjoyed the organisation. Four stanzas of "Have you forgotten?", then four of "You have forgotten...", followed by the first four alternating with the couplets of contrast.

My Sweet Red Rose

A prick of the finger. Is it beauty, or just a nuisance? Your petals speak of emotion. The possibilities are endless, my sweet red rose. But what if I'm living but a lie? Delicate as you are, your scent masks the thorns lying in wait, betraying the gullible flesh lured by your ethereal charm. I know it isn't just lust, it can't be. My blood trickles down your stem, yet all I can do is stand idly by, as you slowly drain my life away. Do I want to be saved? A reasonable question, but one which I can't - don't want to - answer. Abuse my soul at your discretion. But now I must sleep, my sweet red rose. Don't be too hard on me in the morning. Good night.

And... this thread gets reborn once again. After quite a while. Behold:


Interstellar Affection

Star-borne kite
My heart your flight
Close your eyes
Give me all your lies
Just this once

Solar deference
Of what is preference
Inside my eclipse
Surrender your lips
If you please

Universal limit
Hearts never timid
Hold my hand
Time will understand
This stellar unity

So very beautiful
In this iridescent cubicle
Nothing to fear
Please don't shed a tear
This starry night

Undying affinity
Your eyes my infinity
Love is forever
In our cosmic endeavor
Our hearts as one

Ooo...wow, I really liked this poem. *nod nod nod* The imagery you present is quite stunning, and it all flows very nicely together. And how is this not exactly a happy poem? I didn't find it depressing at all.

Why thank you LEA ^^

I'm glad you liked it. I've been working on it for quite some time, but I'm not very satisfied with my last verse on the three last stanzas. It hinders the flow of the poem somewhat :/

Oh, and this isn't that poem I told you about. I haven't posted that.

You

I've had my share of damsels
Who gave me great distress
But never in my life have I met
A girl quite like you

Oh, and I'd hate to admit it
But there ain't no way to beat it
I'd give up all the pretty faces
Just for your sweet lips

And when you go
I can't stand it baby
'Cause my heart's yours

Oh, and don't you know
I still want you baby
'Cause you're my own

Don't need no great adventure
So you can save your lecture
Just know that I'm all yours honey
If you only play nice

So please my little kitten
Just be the feline that you are
And purr for me softly
As we slowly make love

Oh, and when you go
I can't stand it baby
'Cause my heart's yours

And don't you know
I still want you baby
'Cause you're my own

Oh, and how I love you baby
Won't you stay with me tonight
You be my pretty damsel
And I'll be your shining knight

Here's a poem that i wrote in 6th grade for a project (people laughed at me for it though)

Penguin Cinquain
Love Falls
To The Penguins
As They Joyfully Mate
Later Penguin Babies Appear
Now Life

As you can see, the kids in my class were not as mature as I were and laughed at me. Also, penguins are my favorite animals and I needed to write a poem in 10 minutes for school. This is what resulted, hop you like it.