09-27-2009, 10:42 AM
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It's time for a hero to step in...to a bucket.
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please critisize my work.
okay folks, I'm not sure if I'm allowed to do this because my character isn't approved yet but I'm going to try to write a short story with my unapproved character Connor Jaxon, and I'd like to you all to critisize my work. Any pointers will be appreciated so I won't be I won't be a lowly n00b once I'm approved for the battle arena.
It was a peaceful night; the moon was shining brightly along route 66. “Low light pollution.” Connor thought, and it was true, along the surprisingly deserted desert highway the only lights of civilization were the dividing lines on the highway. But that monotony was broken up when Connor's bike rolled up on one of those interstate oasis's. "A gas station/restaurant/souvenir store and hotel, “Looks good to me.” he thought. The hotel must have been privately owned thought Connor, he'd never heard of 66's 66. "A room for one please, with a kitchen and washing machine." Connor said to the hotel’s clerk. “Okay Hon,” said the young clerk “I’ll just get your key.” “Gee what a cutie’’ thought Connor. But he wiped the red of his cheeks quickly because the clerk was back with his keys. ‘’Room 37, and that will come to 125 bucks.” After Connor paid, the clerk chimed, “have a nice night!” “Thanks, I will.” Connor chimed back.
After 5 days on the highway; Connor was to say the least: beat. He had been feeling especially lonesome for a while, and for some reason Connor sought solitude when he was lonely, He skipped town after town, just riding on, only stopping for gas once. Though an aloof one, Connor thought the earth made a great friend. After the second day Connor had summoned every last bit of strength in him to transform into a wolf, and through some sort of miracle managed to kill a boar while it was drinking. Even though he had been full, and slept soundly by that desert stream, Connor felt that it was a poor substitute for a warm bed and a hot meal. He smelled like dog and his clothes were covered in dust.
Looking at his dusty clothes, a sudden sense of isolation hit Connor like an unseen attacker; he just stood for a while, wishing someone would slap him and bring a little sense back into him Self-pity is stupid! Worthless! Where is your resolve! Having second thoughts now? Of course you are, you’re weak! How could you ever call yourself a wolf? You miserable lonesome dog! If I… The Insults kept coming, he had a problem with that he did, beating himself up. Under normal circumstances his facade would have been iron strong and he would have regained his composure before anyone was the wiser; but it was different now, and his only company was his precious memories, his self-pity, and the snide sarcastic, self hating persona of his. Ultimately the last one got the better of him.
It was then that tears welled up in his eyes and he choked once; He reached in his soul for the wild and restless part that was a savage animal. THE PART THAT IS A WOLF! He thought! His heart was now manically laughing at the feeling of power it gave him. He crouched, and with an angry snarl became a wolf! Like this he could tear apart everything that ever hurt him, he could savagely strike fear into the hearts of his enemies, it would then be them that was ashamed of their weakness, and he would be victorious!
NO!
It struck him like a punch in the gut; but was like soothing to the soul. The soft cool memory of Elie, the sweet girl he left behind in Florida flooded his consciousness. She wrapped her arms around his neck and softly kissed him. Everything is going to be all right. He shed a tear and ran out the open window. The savage beast in himself had been soothed, but the pain of solitude, the grief of what he had turned away from was still there. He ran and ran… Finally he stopped; he looked to the sky and saw the moon. Instinctively he howled, somewhere in the world his Elie was looking at the same moon and howling too.
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