Flames

The darkness surrounds me
I am running through it
My light cuts a thin path
And in the distance I see a small light
It quickly grows into an all consuming flame
Smoke chokes my vision
Through the haze I see a body
I flee from the flames, the body slung over my back
I charge forward, the smoke growing thicker still
And I see a light
A different kind of light
Soft and inviting, it beckons to me
It’s a window, a way out
I take it
Once I am out I collapse
After I recover I stand and look to my side
The body I have pulled from the fire barely moves
I look at it’s face
Only to find myself staring
Into a mirror.

That was interesting. I wasn't expecting the ending.

Thanks Mandi

Wow. Very interesting. I am not one to like poety, but wow. A very unsuspected ending. I really like your poem there because it makes you think. It's not strait foreward. When i'm reading it, i see 2 or 3 ways that a person could interprate it. Good work.

That was my intention the reader has to interpret it thereself and not one person will interpret it in there own way. I as the author interpret it I my own way through my own experiances

too much like a story, too little like a poem

It was intended to be in unrhymed verse, thus it seems more like a story.

That was really cool! I think the ending was great, I really enjoyed it.

I think it reads too much like a story.

Originally Posted by Kitsuné

I think it reads too much like a story.

dude stop flaming the poor guy he's new

....*facepalm*

Just going in circles now...

That was my intention the reader has to interpret it thereself and not one person will interpret it in there own way. I as the author interpret it I my own way through my own experiances

I like how you did that. The better poems are the ones left to interpritation.

Poems ARE basically stories...

And they say the poems that don't rhyme are the best ones.

I'd like to elaborate on my earlier comment.

I like the message you're trying to portray, but I genuinely feels that this idea would be better conveyed as a narrative. It just feels like a short story you wanted to blurt out outside the constraints of punctuation.

Maybe it's just me, but I always find myself in a skeptic preset when poetry is concerned. That's just my opinion, though.

And they say the poems that don't rhyme are the best ones.

'eh, that's somewhat true, but not because of rhyming and not rhyming itself, but because when you try to make a poem rhyme you're always going to have to stretch, and you'll find your poem more shallow than you'd want. If you can get that depth whilst maintaining a good rhyme scheme (The Lady of Shalott) then you're on the right track.

Originally Posted by Kitsuné

I'd like to elaborate on my earlier comment.

I like the message you're trying to portray, but I genuinely feels that this idea would be better conveyed as a narrative. It just feels like a short story you wanted to blurt out outside the constraints of punctuation.

Maybe it's just me, but I always find myself in a skeptic preset when poetry is concerned. That's just my opinion, though.



'eh, that's somewhat true, but not because of rhyming and not rhyming itself, but because when you try to make a poem rhyme you're always going to have to stretch, and you'll find your poem more shallow than you'd want. If you can get that depth whilst maintaining a good rhyme scheme (The Lady of Shalott) then you're on the right track.

I understand what you're saying here, and felt the same way at first.
But once I had read a few lines, I said "wait a minute..."
I started over, reading "out-loud-in-my-head" imagining how a person might deliver this poem in spoken form, thus conveying the body language and thought patterns behindg the punctuated narrative.

I thought it totally worked.
Try reading it out loud in a "poemy" voice, lol

Thanks margar for that and anyone who didn't flame me lol j/k

Wow, it's beautifully dark and depress. I like it.

Originally Posted by Margar

I understand what you're saying here, and felt the same way at first.
But once I had read a few lines, I said "wait a minute..."
I started over, reading "out-loud-in-my-head" imagining how a person might deliver this poem in spoken form, thus conveying the body language and thought patterns behindg the punctuated narrative.

I thought it totally worked.
Try reading it out loud in a "poemy" voice, lol

I've read it that way; whenever I read anythign I try to read it with different aspects in mind. It's the content I'm talking about, rather than than the poeticism behind it.

You can sing a story, but it's still a story, not a song.

I truly think that it would be be better conveyed through a narrative, because it feels like you wrote a story then made it into a poem. xP

That's just my two cents. It's still nice.

Originally Posted by Kitsuné

I've read it that way; whenever I read anythign I try to read it with different aspects in mind. It's the content I'm talking about, rather than than the poeticism behind it.

You can sing a story, but it's still a story, not a song.

I truly think that it would be be better conveyed through a narrative, because it feels like you wrote a story then made it into a poem. xP

That's just my two cents. It's still nice.

I don't entirelly agree with that.
It is not unheard of a song tellings a story
Just like a poem can tell a story

I meant in the narrative sense, not the storytelling sense. xP

A bad example. xP

Well it was one of the better poems I've read on these forums so far.