[Sf] Tempus Frangit (T)

So a couple of weeks ago I was bored enough to gather enough inspiration to write this thing I'd been thinking about for a couple of years now. This is the result.

Tempus Frangit, Part 1
Tempus Frangit, Part 2

It's not yet finished, I'm thinking maybe one more part to round it off, but I just want some feedback on how it's going. I've been waiting for harsher criticism than what I've already received, so no holds barred. The only rule is that if you don't like something, tell me why - I can't try to improve if you decline to comment on what exactly is terrible about it.