The Rose

well, here is a poem that i quickly put together. Im fairly new at poetry and it might not be so good.


The Rose

The rose is a form of power and lust put together
It makes us believe true love lasts forever
Let red pedals and thorns fool you not
For the trickery inside may confuse your thoughts
The rose may bind our souls
Or it could rip them apart, who knows
As beautiful the rose may be
Never let it blind you or not make you see
The rose, a fragment of love

Interesting. I think this is good, except I've always seen the rose a lot differently. I guess the poem is saying I should not see the rose the way I do. Goddies.
Have a happy pen. *hands happy pen* =D

Originally Posted by Ivysaur

Interesting. I think this is good, except I've always seen the rose a lot differently. I guess the poem is saying I should not see the rose the way I do. Goddies.
Have a happy pen. *hands happy pen* =D

Yes, I am glad that you liked it. I really appreciate your comment.

There are to many poems and stories about roses be so good and lovely, so I made a poem about the rose being something bad that leads to love also being bad. Dont take me wrong, I think love is great, I just had the craving to make something entirely different and original.

Anyways, I will still continue to make poems, even if they are good or bad.

Yah. I'll prolly read anymore if you post them.

I meant to say goodies, instead of godies. lol

And have a cookie, too. I love giving people cookies. Hehe. *gives cookie* And there so much better than cupcakes, too.

Well, here is another poem that I have come up with. I think this one is better than the last one that I wrote

The Beast

On a starry night, walking down a lonely street
Eyes stuck on my striding feet
A sound I hear, something very queer
My heart stops with unintentional fear
I stop dead, look around and nothing is there
I hear it again,look in the bushes, two green eyes look back with a stare
A beast springs out onto my chest
I look into its enormous green eyes, he was angrily expressed
He looked back into my eyes and knew I was filled with fright
So he jumped off and into the dark depths of the night
I slowly got up in total shock
I turned around and started my slow walk

-----------------------------------

Well, I've got another poem to share. Again, this one seems better than the last one that I wrote.

Fire

I burn, I destroy, I terrorize
My smoke clears away the bright blue skies
In some eyes, I may look elegant
Touch me? You cant
For I will sting your skin
I will warm you and heat you up within
I am made up of colors in fact
Red, orange, yellow and blue to be exact
I dance, I hurt and I warm
Just for you, I do perform
Use me wrong and I can be dangerous
At most precarious
Use me properly and I will be harmless
At most Innocuous
So, fear me not for I am your friend
Do not bring me to close for I am not pretend

Hmm...

The Beast .. I dunno, but I couldn't catch a rhythym, and it was confusing.. I hope I explained that correctly. :S

Fire I really thought this was great. I really did.

I dunno what else to say.. sorry.

Just remember that it's ME telling you this, and I usually think my own poems aren't any good. ... Except sometimes.

Originally Posted by Ivysaur

Hmm...

The Beast .. I dunno, but I couldn't catch a rhythym, and it was confusing.. I hope I explained that correctly. :S

Fire I really thought this was great. I really did.

I dunno what else to say.. sorry.

Just remember that it's ME telling you this, and I usually think my own poems aren't any good. ... Except sometimes.

You are totally right with that comment and I agree 100% with it.

Now that I look back at The beast, it was confusing and the lines were probably longer than they should have been. You are right, the beat wasnt too well done either. I am glad that you like Fire, I thought that one was my best so far, but Im still going to write more.

I am going to use your comment well and try not to make the mistake I did again with other poems. Thanks Ivysaur.

--------------------------------------------

Lightning

I see a chain tonight
I see a chain this evening
This chain is oh so bright
And thunder claps are oh so appealing
The chains open the dark night with light
the beauty is so admiring
But some people think its a major fright
The color is so astounding
So wrap you arms around me tight
For the loud sounds give me this funny feeling
And tell me everthing will be alright
My mind this storm is stealing

^^ Hehe.

I really like your style for these poems of yous. It's different and I like it.

Oh, I really like Lightning. I especially liked the first four lines, and the last four were great also. Oh, and you spelled wrap incorrectly.

Oops, you are right, I have to correct that (wrap) ,heres another one, hope you enjoy

Angel

Here you are, with me today
I dont know how, but I hope you stay
Were you blind or could not see
For you could have chosen one better than me
I look into your beaming eyes
You're so beautiful that you could make me cry
Your face with joy, it does shine
I am happy to say that you are mine
If you cry, I will cry with you
Our love is oh so true
Night or day you always look magnifecent
In any way you look so innocent
Love you I do with all of my heart
I loved you from the very start
Sent from the heavens you were
A gift from God for sure

just finished another, hope you like

Lost

Where am i?
Do I see shadows spry
Will I ever again see the light of day
Or will I be trapped and have to stay
Have I been here before
These questions I ask more and more
My heart beats uncontrollably
Sounds and noises, I hear constantly
Every turn looks the same
This is no funny game
Every moment I become more scared
My fate is still undeclared
When will I get out of this tragic maze
I only hope to see the suns rays
Crazy, I am starting to feel
I am starting to wonder if this is all fake or real
I must find a way out
Or I'm going to blow and start to shout
Corner after corner and there is no way to leave
Until I see a sight, and become deeply relieved
A light at the end of the corridor made me jump
Quickly, my heart started to pump
I run on the other side to a forest of green
It was such a beautiful scene
All of a sudden, I grew wings and started to fly
It then occured to me that I did die

Stallord Knight, a quick note before I comment on your poetry. When you have a new poem to post the same day as when you last posted a poem (or, indeed, even a day or two after) and no one's commented yet, it would be best to just edit it into your last post. It helps keep the thread neater. On a related note... if you can, it's best to reply to comments on your poetry WHILE posting a new poem. (I merged a few posts where you had a comment reply and then a new poem back to back.)


*cough* Now that that's done... let me say, you have a lot of potential with this. There are obviously improvements to be made (everyone can get better, after all ), but you're definately on the right track. I really loved 'Fire', the personification of it was done excellently, and I liked how you portrayed its dual nature -- friend and foe, helper and harmer, depending on how it's used. Excellent job. *tosses a brownie*

My reccommendations include studying a bit into techniques of poetry, since your work choice is already better than I can come up with, though I improvise impulsively...

You seem a bit confused within your poems. Inner feelings trying to portray?

Definitely enjoyable. I see a theme arising. Try to flow away from that and focus on a variety of things. That will help improvement.

Also, remember to put the right grammar insertations between lines and such. Makes poetry look more professional.

Good job, adoptee. <3

Thank you southern belle for cleaning the thread up for me, and I am sorry it was you who had to do it. I will try and not to make that mistake again. I am glad that you like Fire, it was probably my best so far. Im going to try and take more time on writing and think alot more too.

I am glad that you thought they were enjoyable Sarah, I really appreciate it. I will take you advice well, and I will study alot more than I have been.

Thanks again southern belle, and I am deeply sorry.

Heres a poem I just finished.

Friend?

We were friends when we were young
Until you did something that deeply stung
My heart ached for what seemed like years
I couldn't keep away the dark tears
I still remember your cold face
But you vanished without a trace
You somewhat scarred my life
With your back stabbing knife
For a while, revenge was what I wanted
With this thought, my head was haunted
You were actually my best friend
My brain with evil thoughts you tried to wend
You offered and I said no
Although this was many years ago
I do not regret what you did proffer
In fact, I look back without laughter
You were drug dependent
Your love with it was resplendent
I learnt to speak with others besides you
For you broke my heart through and through
I would see you and you would look at me
I could feel your soul let out a sorry plea

I might be alone in this, but, out of all the poets on ZU, you're my favorite. I really like your poems and the way you write them.

I really loved Angel. It is my favorite of all the ones you have posted. I say it was awesome. These were my favorite lines:

Originally Posted by Stallord Knight

Night or day you always look magnifecent
In any way you look so innocent
Love you I do with all of my heart
I loved you from the very start

I liked Lost. I felt I could relate to a lot of what was in that poem, except the dying part . This was a lot different than how I would have written it, and I loved it more so for that.

Well, Friend? was sure different than your other poems. I liked the beginning, but, to be honest, I did not much like ths poem, at least not as much as your other poems.

You write a lot differently than I've ever seen. You always fit rhymes into your poems. There is nothing wrong with rhyming, but it just seems strange, to me, with the way you write your poems. I really like your poems, but the fact that they rhyme always confuses me.

Again, remember this is just me talking.

Our castle

The walls of a castle, our two bodies are
Our hearts act as the king and queen
Its hard not to see our love from far
For as a crystal it is serene

Our minds act as our generals
Thinking of plans to keep our love true
They try to protect from other appeals
and make sure our souls stick like glue

Our strength acts as our army
Protecting our love with all force
I will also make sure no one harms thee
Strength will also keep our love on course

Our dignity acts as our armor
May it never be pierced
It keeps our love beautiful and full of glamour
Or the results may be fierce

So here you are, our beautiful structure
Binding us together through and through
Every day like a new adventure
Making sure we never fall
No one can penetrate our beautiful wall

I really liked Our castle. One reason is because it compares a castle to love, that is 'right on'-ish. I liked how you compared love with crystal, and saying they're both serene. I especially liked the last three lines of the poem. Awesome job, Stallord Knight.

Well, I have another to share. Its been a while.

Love Pursuit

I chased you across the country
I chased you across the entire land
For what? A lonely stand?
So, here I stand, outstretched, is my hand

There was a time when our love soared free
I would look at you and you would look at me
Everything seemed so clear
There was nothing we had to fear

With these thoughts, my mind has drowned
All these feelings, they do surround
I try to keep it out, its no use
It’s a terrible and frightening mind abuse

What have I ever done to you?
I thought our love, was oh so true
I think about you day and night
To not see you, is to put up a deadly fight

You would not answer when I would call your name
It would bring onto me, endless shame
When will you forgive me through
Or for you, shall I pursue?

Alright. There were a few commas in the wrong places, but other than that it's good.

~ Ivysaur

Hey all ur poems r great!!

,nikita