I always felt like I was a little different from the rest when I grew up. I listened to music no one else in school did, I preferred manga over children’s books, and I played video games a lot more than my friends did. It’s not that I didn’t know that girl gamers didn’t exist, but more the case that I simply hadn’t met one.
I didn’t even think of myself as a gamer until a few years ago, although I have never been afraid of telling others that I enjoy playing video games. But I never really had any girls in my class at school who would tell me that they really liked playing video games too. It wasn’t something I usually asked my classmates about and it wasn’t something they would ask me. If I found out that they did play a few games every now and then, I didn’t make an effort to discuss the games with them. I don’t know why, but I suppose I didn’t feel much of a need to talk games with friends when I was so young, and perhaps they didn’t either.
I remember a time when the boys in my class used to discuss their latest World of Warcraft adventures during every woodcraft class. I wanted to join in with their discussions but couldn’t because it wasn’t a game I had played or knew particularly much about. If I were to guess now, if I had tried to join their conversations, I bet they would’ve looked at me with skepticism for a moment before letting me in, a bit like when I sometimes asked them if I could join their basketball games during breaks. I wasn’t necessarily accepted, but I was tolerated, perhaps because I knew how to play and score better than the rest of them.
I remember when my brother asked me if I wanted to join him to see the new Nintendo 3DS before its release at the Hard Rock Café and I told him, yes, of course I wanted to see it. The air was still cold that day when we stood in what felt like a never-ending queue, and I entertained myself by watching others who were waiting in line with us. I looked at those standing behind us and those before us, and I jokingly told my brother that perhaps I was the only girl present. I felt like I didn’t belong, but at the same time, in that moment, I didn’t want to be anywhere else.
When we finally got inside, I noticed that I wasn’t the only girl there after all. We weren’t many and I could count us on one hand, but seeing that I wasn’t alone made me feel better. Though I also felt a hint of sadness: Why weren’t there more of us? Those thoughts soon left my mind though and I was in awe as I got to experience the 3D effect for the first time.
I remember when Skyward Sword came out and how I tried to draw Link and Fi for a smaller project for my English class. I was really excited to play the game but didn’t have anyone to share my excitement with; my brothers were too busy with their studies and I hadn’t seen my friend Victor for years, the only friend from my childhood who loved The Legend of Zelda as much as I.
It was around this time when I stumbled across Zelda Universe for the first time, and I considered joining the forums for a while but never created an account. I was scared.
I had little to no experience when it came to playing video games with others and when I did, it was usually with my big brothers. As I grew older, I read stories online of how women sometimes had to endure comments from others online (usually male) gamers, how they would get harassed and ridiculed, and I never wanted something similar to happen to me. Since I hadn’t exactly met any female gamers up until that point of my life, I didn’t know what would be waiting for me on the forums. Would there be rude people? Would they mock me if my knowledge of Zelda lore wasn’t correct? Would I find the forums to be a safe place to express myself in? Would I feel at home?
The years passed by and I took a break from video games as I tried to focus on my own studies instead. But something was missing. I wasn’t myself and the joy I had always felt from playing video games was nearly gone. To find it again, I decided to follow Zelda Universe on social media to stay updated on the latest Zelda news and, one day, I saw that they were looking for writers. Once again, I considered joining the community before that old fear crept back and told me that I shouldn’t. “English isn’t my native language,” I reasoned with myself. “They wouldn’t want someone like me on their team, and maybe I don’t know Zelda as well as I think I do.”
Half a year passed before I noticed that they were still looking for writers. I still wasn’t feeling like my old self but I was desperate for new friends, and friends I could talk about video games with. I pushed that old fear of not belonging in a world of video games away and made it stay in a corner of my mind long enough for me to send in my application for the position as a columnist. All I could do next was wait for them to make a decision. I was so nervous and almost completely sure that they wouldn’t pick me but then, one day, I got an email back.
“You sound like just the sort of person I’m looking for at Zelda Universe.”
I was happy, of course, and I wanted to believe those words, but I still doubted myself and continued to do so until I familiarized myself with the Zelda Universe staff and forum users. It was the first time I truly came in contact with other gamers and they weren’t rude like I thought they could be, they weren’t even trying to mock me. They were just like me. And there were more girls and women regularly checking the forum threads than I anticipated.
There were funny people, kind people, people who would passionately express their love for a particular Zelda game or any other franchise, and people who would openly share how their day had been. By just being themselves, they taught me that I had nothing to fear. Somewhere along the way from childhood to adulthood, I had forgotten that you can’t expect a group of people to all behave like the men in the stories I had read from female gamers. Not only would it be unfair, but it would also be untrue. Fighting against my own prejudices is something I always try to do but, somehow, I had forgotten to do it when it came to gamers, a category I had failed to see myself fit within.
I know that I haven’t been with Zelda Universe for very long, but I’ve finally found the home I have been looking for. Congrats to all of you in this beautiful community for keeping it alive for 20 strong years! I hope to be here for the next big anniversary as well.
Zelda Universe is now celebrating its 20th birthday! Be sure to check out more of our memories from the site’s two-decade history.
