My Review For Chess

[Captain "Samuel Adams" Cornflake]

Chess is a crappy tactical turn based RPG developed by a bunch of monkeys.

Right away you'll notice Chess has no storyline. Instead, all you notice is the the White army and the Black army are fighting each other over a battlefield. Note the "a battlefield," because Chess only has one story map.

As for the actual combat, it's extremely dull. Each unit can kill another with only one hit. This means units with a real good movement ability dominate the field (more on that bellow). There aren't even any combat animations or anything that happens in combat. One unit moves on it's space and "captures" it, and they piece is removed from the game with no form of action or special effects.

Yawn.

Chess has ****ty class balance. The Queen is flat out overpowered while your actual front line units, the Pawns. can't do ****. I think the developers were afraid that no one would use the female character so they buffed up her abilities really high but now theres no point in using any other unit.

The rest of the units suck. Rooks can only move in 4 directions, same with Bishops. Boring. Also, whats up with the Knight? It has the most bizzare combat abilities of all the units? They're retardly hard to use cause they jump around like retards to move and attack. The devs should have named this unit Ninja, since Knights didn't jump around like that in real life.

Worst part, is the king. You see, the devs decided that if your king gets captured, you instantly lose the game. W-T-F? This wouldn't be a problem, except that he can't move for crap. Seriously, the most important unit in the game can only move 1 space a turn? Good luck keeping him alive while every other unit in the game dances around him.

Unbalanced classes, lackluster gameplay, and not to mention repetitive 1 hour+ games. Chess is not worth the time or your money. Buy Final Fantasy Tactics or Disgaea instead.

3 out of 10.

[V99]

Outstanding review.
You've 100% sold me on this game.

But could you tell me when it was released and what platforms I can buy this game on?

I. must. have.

[Sinoda]

I've heard that the sequel, Checkers, is even worse.

[Notsil]

Originally Posted by Sinoda

I've heard that the sequel, Checkers, is even worse.

Then don't even bother importing the Chinese version. =|

[Eternal Paradox]

Originally Posted by Notsil

Then don't even bother importing the Chinese version. =|

At least the Chinese version has a better multiplayer.

[Daphnes]

A review of chess, from the perspective of a video gamer. Funny.

[Lantean]

What are you guys talking about! Checkers is a true sequel. You get to hop over people, and there are many different options to choose from, like Forced Jumping, and upgrades. King Me.

[Razekial]

Originally Posted by Blizzaga

What are you guys talking about! Checkers is a true sequel. You get to hop over people, and there are many different options to choose from, like Forced Jumping, and upgrades. King Me.

Checkers felt like an over hyped spin off, rather than the true sequel it should have been.

They tuned down the difficulty too far as well.

[God of Twilight]

I love these kinds of threads.
But...where's the part about Chinese Checkers?

[Sinoda]

Originally Posted by Notsil

Then don't even bother importing the Chinese version. =|

[Sailboat]

And what's with the female characters? The queen has no sexy outfits whatsoever.

Plus, there was a huge controversy over this game, and it was banned in Alabama. Big racial thing. Why do the whites go first? What happened to equal rights?

Anyway, Clue was a much better game. It had a great intriguing story, and some great action, too. My favorite weapon is the candlestick because it has a +20% smash hit rate and an insane attack multiplier.

[God of Twilight]

Originally Posted by Sailboat

And what's with the female characters? The queen has no sexy outfits whatsoever.

Plus, there was a huge controversy over this game, and it was banned in Alabama. Big racial thing. Why do the whites go first? What happened to equal rights?

Anyway, Clue was a much better game. It had a great intriguing story, and some great action, too. My favorite weapon is the candlestick because it has a +20% smash hit rate and an insane attack multiplier.

I've played Clue.
I always loved Colonel Mustard. His character development was lacking though.

[Sailboat]

Dude, Professor Plum has the +5 bonus on ALL saves, and also his monocle gives him a +5 fortitude save bonus, which also comes into play during stealth. He also gets +8 agility when he uses the knife.

He is seriously the best character. My favorite level to play in is the Conservatory. It's a big challenge to make it look like an accident there, and there's absolutely NO place to hide the pipe.

[Daphnes]

Originally Posted by Razekial

Checkers felt like an over hyped spin off, rather than the true sequel it should have been.

They tuned down the difficulty too far as well.

Checkers was a sequel. Chinese sheckers was the spinoff to the sequel. Checkers is very controversial, as the rules to the game seem to be very lenient. The rules to checkers often depends on who's playing the game at the time. That was my experience in school, at least.

[Sailboat]

Chess DID have some pretty good AI, I'll tell ya that.

[Poe Black]

Hey has anyone heard of the MMRPG called Risk? I was into that a while back.

[God of Twilight]

Originally Posted by Poe Black

Hey has anyone heard of the MMRPG called Risk?

OoO yes!
Very intriging.

But hardly anyone is ever on.

[Lantean]

There's the Pirates of the Caribbean chess remake I think you should try. You might up your review score a couple points.

There's nothing like pwning the board with the Flying Dutchman.

[Tiroth]

While I applaud the humour and (probably minimal, but still sufficient) effort that Capn put into this thread, he really should've paid more attention to the board descriptions.

*moves thread*

Oh, and I deleted a few of the spammier posts as well. Funny idea or not, "I approve of this thread" is not a valid post.

[SkulkerZX]

I completely agree on the Knight->Ninja scenario, maybe we could put a few walls on to improve the poor terrain and to go him something to do?

[Poe Black]

Originally Posted by Blizzaga

What are you guys talking about! Checkers is a true sequel. You get to hop over people, and there are many different options to choose from, like Forced Jumping, and upgrades. King Me.

Yes But you forgot that Chess had Upgrading two, it was just harder to upgrade.