fathers

[Marty0]

I just found out that my dad, isn't my dad.
He got mad, we had a blood test, everything,
My real dad lives in New York, so I'm gonna go find him this weekend.

Who do you consider your father, and love more for that matter, the guy who raised you, or the guy who birthed you with his own sperm?

[lavvy]

My real Dad does not think I am his...yeah, I wasted a trip up to Croydon to be told by my own dad (in his own words)

"I don't know who's son you are, frankly I don't give a ****, But you sure as hell are not mine!"

I will never forget that moment...a horrible feeling...like a crushing in the pit of your soul...like your hopes have just been stamped on.
To be honest, that comment has actually made me doubt if I am his son at all...if my dad is just someone my mum had a fling with...it is just so strange to not know who your real dad is


My step dad is nice to me, I have no complaints about him, we are good friends...It was him who got me my first games console actually, we sat down and played Mortal Kombat 1 together...good times

[Mini-Link]

Depends on who you talk to. Some kids fathers' ditch them and their kids hate them, and they don't like to consider them their father.

Technically your real father is your biological father, but it depends on the state of mind. If I was in your shoes, I would consider the person who raised me as my father.

[Midna of Twili]

i never knew my father, and i dont have a step-father...my only parent is my mom. but if i had to choose which i consider my father (step-dad or dad), i would choose the one who raised me (most likely step-dad), because, obviously, my real father didnt care enough about me to raise me...

[Mini-Link]

Originally Posted by Zora Link

i never knew my father, and i dont have a step-father...my only parent is my mom. but if i had to choose which i consider my father (step-dad or dad), i would choose the one who raised me (most likely step-dad), because, obviously, my real father didnt care enough about me to raise me...

Well, (for me) it would depend on why he left my mother. If it was because he didn't want a child, or it was one of those bang and go things, then I would have to say I'd hate him. But if he left because my mother wanted him to or there was a financial problem, then I guess it would be Ok, I wouldn't hate him as much.

[Daphnes]

I don't have more than one dad, so this doesn't apply to me personally. However, it's more important who the father figure is, than who's sperm fertilized your mother's egg.

Sometimes, though, you may find you like your birth father more than you like the guy who raised you. Just like how many kids like their friend's parents more than they like their own.

If your birth father left for a justifiable reason, then try not to hold it against him just for that.

[nighthawkx]

my mother was not faithful during her marriage and had an affair. My paternity was in dispute. Holding that the DNA test is accurate, my father was my mother's husband and the person whom I've known all my life as "dad"

aside from height(I'm only 5'9 he's 6'1) we're very similar as well. Before I started lifting I looked very similar to him physically when he was my age. Almost identical bone structures, same nose. same sense of humor, comparable intellectual capacitance, same like dislikes etc. my dad is basically an older, wiser but somewhat less moral version(spill over from the 70s) of myself.

[Chencheya]

Originally Posted by Daphnes

I don't have more than one dad, so this doesn't apply to me personally. However, it's more important who the father figure is, than who's sperm fertilized your mother's egg.

Sometimes, though, you may find you like your birth father more than you like the guy who raised you. Just like how many kids like their friend's parents more than they like their own.

If your birth father left for a justifiable reason, then try not to hold it against him just for that.

I think I agree with Daphnes on this one. Biologically, your father is the one whom your related to via blood, but theoretically can be the man who helped to raise you, as the father figure. Naturally, we're often drawn towards those who share our blood, hence why many adopted people often seek out their real parents, but the bond you develop with the ones who raised you (blood or not) is what sticks with you for life. I may be wrong on this however, but in my situation, my mother and father are my real parents.

[Sam250]

I see my biological father twice, maybe three times a year. I get the feeling that we get on better this way then we would if he had raised my all my life. We can be friends that way. It's nice. My stepfather is a wanker. I try to see people how they are, and so I don't hate/love my parents because they are my parents, I try to build up a genuine opinon of them.

My father is my father. But I think that if your biological dad did abandon you when you were young and had no part in raising you, I don't think that he has the right to be called your father. He could be a great guy, but I think the man you raised you the way you are today is your real dad.

[Power Shot]

Power Shot's dad is one of the most boring individuals in the entire world. He analyses everything, making it impossible to speak to him, as he will go off on a tangent at the slightest communication. I cannot watch movies with him, as he points out the plot holes and comments during the movie.

That being said, I would not have him any other way. I have realized that his analytical skills have passed on to me and made me a better person for having them. Simply put, he is awesome. Plus, he's ex-Army, which makes him even cooler.

[Ralphie]

My Dad is the man I´m at now, who raised me and gave birth to me. I dont call my moms boyfriend dad and i never will

[Ogmios22188]

I demand to know why my post was deleted. I said nothing wrong, nor insensitive. This is a thread about fathers. Saying I had a rather idyllic upbringing in regards to my parents, and saying I'm sorry for those who didn't is not insensitive, as I wish everyone had that kind of upbringing. So a big **** you to whichever mod deleted my post.

This is a thread for serious discussion, right? So why are you always deleting posts that may rub someone the wrong way, even if that's obviously not their intent? Yet stupid mother ****ers get to say whatever they want here and spout their nonsense, while the more intelligent people have to walk around on egg shells. If you have a problem with what I have to say, then ****ing ban me and get it over with.

[Puck]

Originally Posted by Ogmios22188

I demand to know why my post was deleted. I said nothing wrong, nor insensitive. This is a thread about fathers. Saying I had a rather idyllic upbringing in regards to my parents, and saying I'm sorry for those who didn't is not insensitive, as I wish everyone had that kind of upbringing. So a big **** you to whichever mod deleted my post.

This is a thread for serious discussion, right? So why are you always deleting posts that may rub someone the wrong way, even if that's obviously not their intent? Yet stupid mother ****ers get to say whatever they want here and spout their nonsense, while the more intelligent people have to walk around on egg shells. If you have a problem with what I have to say, then ****ing ban me and get it over with.

OH MY OVER REACTION

Things like that is what PM's are made for.

In regards to fathers I don't really like either of mine. TO start with me biological father he is a complete [Enter swear word here], he caused my mom to lose her job, and her masters degree, and wouldn't let her out of the house without supervision. She ran away and he followed close by, now he lives with his new wife just fourty five minutes away but he only calls about once a year(Twice sometimes he will call on my older brothers birthday), so he's around just enhough for me to realize that he isin't around.

My stepdad is just an idiot. Hard headed, mean, verbally abusive, and crazy. He favours his own biological children as apposed to his stepchildren to the point they can do no wrong in his eyes (My stepsister rana way did a lot of drugs, came back pregnant and he hardly reacted, while my brother fails a course and he threatened to beat him...). So yeah I don't really consider either of them my father. ^_^

[Ogmios22188]

Originally Posted by Puck

OH MY OVER REACTION

Things like that is what PM's are made for.

It would be an overreaction if this was the first time a post of mine was arbitrarily deleted, ostensibly on the grounds of being insensitive, combative, or off-topic. But it's not. I take offense to it because I feel I'm a contributing member to this community, yet some perceived, nameless insulted or sensitive person is given more consideration than me.

[lavvy]

Why are you dragging post count into this? Seems pretty stupid if you ask me...




Puck, I can empathize with the whole "Step-dad and their real kids" Situation.

Whilst it is not as bad as what happend with you, it is still rather annoying. Me and my Dad were playing some videogames, and the second my sister wanted to play, dad booted me off...kinda irritating.


I find there is only one way to deal with a situation like that! Crawl under your bed and sulk, thats what I do! ;D

[Puck]

You brough post count into it....Seriously...wow...that's a bit petty don't cha think? Most of my posts are ACUTALLY in the BA, see the Ba Council banner, yeah makes sense now doesn't it? Jeeze I'm defending my post count, how sad is this.

If you would like to continue this conversation, my PM box is always open =3

Puck, I can empathize with the whole "Step-dad and their real kids" Situation.

Whilst it is not as bad as what happend with you, it is still rather annoying. Me and my Dad were playing some videogames, and the second my sister wanted to play, dad booted me off...kinda irritating.


I find there is only one way to deal with a situation like that! Crawl under your bed and sulk, thats what I do! ;D

Crap it seems my bed touches the ground so I can't, that suckorz. xD

Honestly I have gotten used to it, I don't even talk to him anymore(usually end sup in a fight), so I just talk to my Mom. She's much nicer, ya know?

[GDwarf]

Ogmios, you should know that the I:SB has slightly different rules than the rest of ZU.

Namely, posts here should add something to the discussion.

Yours didn't.

Nor does -OC-'s latest post here, in case he's wondering where it's gone to.


Edit:
As to your mini-flame war there, consider yourself lucky for not being warned.

Regardless, I'm not here 24/7, so if you have a complaint you should be prepared to wait until I'm around to see it. Rather than attacking other posters and yelling about how I'm not around.

In addition, if you really want my attention, PM me.

I browse the I:SB maybe every hour or so when I'm online, and I tend to have to go through tonnes of posts when I get back from school. That means that I miss stuff. PMing me makes sure I get your message.

In addition, it stops threads going off topic like this one did.

[Ogmios22188]

Originally Posted by GDwarf

Ogmios, you should know that the I:SB has slightly different rules than the rest of ZU.

Namely, posts here should add something to the discussion.

Yours didn't.

Right, because posts that demonstrate the alternative possibility of things OBVIOUSLY have no merit.

Regardless, I'm not here 24/7, so if you have a complaint you should be prepared to wait until I'm around to see it. Rather than attacking other posters and yelling about how I'm not around.

Actually, if you would've bothered to notice, he was the one who alluded to my whining and being a jackass before I got personal with him. But I'm sorry to say that I'm not surprised for being the one singled out; it just further demonstrates what I stated in my initial post of complaint.

Originally Posted by PUCK

And you where over reacting, then you flamed me...which once again was over reacting. Blah, see this is why I never come into I:SB, I always get yelled at.

Though the evidence has been destroyed, you were the one who called me names before I gave you a taste of your own medicine. Hopefully you've learned your lesson.

[Margar]

fathers... wow this may become a long post...
my parents were together til I was 9. then my mom left my dad. I guess it was because he had been unfaithful, and was a pathelogical liar. She just couldn't take his BS anymore.
All throughout my childhood, though, he was a GREAT dad. he's play with me, be silly, take me to the park, etc. when I was bad, he'd spank me with the belt, but it was always very controlled, explaining what i did wrong and how many spankings i was to get. I respect him for that.

Then things changed.

After my mom took me, he became very erradic and sometimes wouldn't pick me up for his weekends. I'd go a month or 2 without seeing him, and he got laid off and really hasn't kept a job for more than 2 years ever since. His lying and fakeness has gotten rediculous (actually, I'm probably just old and wise enough to see it now). He never says what he really feels, he just puts up a facade of being happy and perfect. Not to mention that he seems to think his morals are perfect and he knows everything, even though his actions (or lack thereof) show quite the opposite.

I had a step-dad for about 12 years. when I was 14 I decided I didn't want to live wiht mom and step dad anymore so I went to live with my dad (my step dad was an abusive crack addict, nuff said). but it wasn't much better with my dad. his new wife had completely convinced him she knew everything about raising teen girls, so he just let her think for him (never mind he'd known me all his life and SHOULD have known me well enough to know how to take care of his own daughter). so he began to nit pick at me for little things, like retracting my allowance if i missed one dish or forgot to dust something, meanwhile my step sister would ignore all of her chores all week, then on like friday, would just shove a bunch of crap under her bed, make the bed and get coddled and fauned over for being so great, and would get allowance PLUS bonus. Cinderella anyone? one time, she even destroyed my room while i was at my moms for the weekend and when i caomlained about it,my dd sat quietly while my step mom said "We don't have time for your kid problems" yeah. That's exactly what she said to me. One time, my dad threatened that he's disown me if i moved back with my mom. I didn't care.
I decided a week later I'd rather live with a crackhead step dad and at least a mom that cared, rather than two people that were so selfish they were willing to comletely disrespect me as a human being.
He changed the locks on me. (something he did when my mom and i first left, which he'd tearfully promised me he'd never do again. broken promises...)we didn't speak for over a year. Finally I broke down and called him one day and we started to talk again, but it's always been rocky. we went another 7 months without talking once, too but he caled me the next time.

So now, I've completely given up trying to look to him for any type of guidance, or "fatherly" stuff. We talk mostly about music.

POSITIVE TIME!:
ok so you all are probably thinking my dad is a piece of ****... well he's not completely.
I inherited his sense of optimism. my mom's a rather negative person, so I'm glad about that. I also my love of rock and roll from him. he taught me how to play guitar, and I'm forever thankful for his musical influence. And he DOES have a really funny sense of humor. he's not all bad. he has good intentions, but definately psychological problems.

[lavvy]

Margar...wow, that sounds rough! I mean really...

I'm suprised things like that happen...it is actually quite hard to imagine that, seeing as I had (and have) an abuse-free household...

But it must have been aweful...how the hell did you put up with that?

[GDwarf]

Right, the fighting stops now.


I figured you'd get the message with my last post, but obviously not.