Is this guy right? Ugh...

[Sloths Rule]

On the topic of age in relationships, in another forum...

Him:
I draw the line at 4 years.

However, if the girl is 5 years younger, and she happens to be very special, I'd make an exception just for her.

Me:
Seriously, 14 and 19 ain't cool. I'm not attacking you as a person, but holy crap. How could you think that? :/

Him:
I see no problem with a 19 year old and a 14 year old dating so long as their maturity levels are about the same and even then I have very strict criteria that must be met before I can approve of such a thing, and even then, it's their business.

Me:
Well it just freaks me out that you'd be willing to date a 14 year old no matter what! That's my sister's age!!! You're turning 20 this year! It's just wrong and I don't know how you can't see that. You're at completely different stages of life.

And then he cries over it, saying how he's right and how he's always right, etc, so I give up.

That's why I'm moving it here. Is he right? Is 19 and 14 acceptable? She's just entering puberty and he's already left it!

[Chencheya]

Did you perhaps keep in mind that he might just be a troll? If he tries anything, he'll get done by the law (depending on age of consent laws there are)

[Igna]

I'm pretty sure he's wrong about his perception of relationships.

I see no problem with a 19 year old and a 14 year old dating so long as their maturity levels are about the same

They won't be, unless it's a very immature 19 year old, or a very mature 14 year old. While it wouldn't be impossible, the odds are so against it that I would feel safe saying it's never going to happen to him.

Simply put, there's an overwhelming chance that any relationship which takes place will be one-sided and at least half juvenile.

[Cody]

Well, when they're both 10 years older, and it's a 29 year old and a 24 year old, everyone says "oh that's perfectly normal". Then it makes sense that that relationship can start earlier.


It's only lately in terms of culture that this kind of problem has been seen as bad. A few hundred years ago, girls were marrying at 13/14 (note, sexually developed and capable of children). Nowadays, if an 18 year old has a relationship with a 17 year old, some people run around screeching "PEDOPHILE PEDOPHILE IT IS UNCLEEEEAAANNNNNN". It's a bit ridiculous.

[Igna]

Originally Posted by Cody

Well, when they're both 10 years older, and it's a 29 year old and a 24 year old, everyone says "oh that's perfectly normal". Then it makes sense that that relationship can start earlier.

Not true.

A 19 and 14 year old would not be able to interact on the same level as a 24 and 29 year old would.

By your logic, a 11 year old and a 1 year old should be able to have a perfectly normal relationship, because later on it'll be the difference of a 50 and 60 year old. Of course, this is ridiculous, as the 1 year old has not even learned to speak yet. I could look two years back into my own writing and already see a substantial decline in my overall intelligence and maturity.

Simply put, we mature dramatically in our early life, and mature very little in our later life. Applying the same age-difference to different age-groups doesn't work.

[GentleArtillery]

As far as I'm concerned, a 60-year-old can date a 13-year-old if both want to. Love shouldn't be limited until it actually hurts someone, as long as both consent.
If the children are too young to know their own best, I don't think they should be allowed to do certain things. If they are old enough to know their own best, but still want to do what is not their own best, I don't think they should be stopped. However, I have no idea where to put the border; when to children "know their own best"?

[Daphnes]

I don't agree with a nineteen year old having a relationship with a fourteen year old. Especially at younger ages, relationships should be made by people who are within a year or two of each other. When they're older, and both past twenty, then sure they can date someone a little beyond their age group.

I do know that people married young back then, and parents prepared them to marry when they were in their early to mid teens. I'm not sure why it changed to where parents don't even want their kids to know sex exists until they're eighteen.

[Knightmare_63]

Originally Posted by Cody

Well, when they're both 10 years older, and it's a 29 year old and a 24 year old, everyone says "oh that's perfectly normal". Then it makes sense that that relationship can start earlier.


It's only lately in terms of culture that this kind of problem has been seen as bad. A few hundred years ago, girls were marrying at 13/14 (note, sexually developed and capable of children). Nowadays, if an 18 year old has a relationship with a 17 year old, some people run around screeching "PEDOPHILE PEDOPHILE IT IS UNCLEEEEAAANNNNNN". It's a bit ridiculous.

Well, that pretty much sums it all up.

[GentleArtillery]

Originally Posted by Daphnes

I don't agree with a nineteen year old having a relationship with a fourteen year old. Especially at younger ages, relationships should be made by people who are within a year or two of each other. When they're older, and both past twenty, then sure they can date someone a little beyond their age group.

I do know that people married young back then, and parents prepared them to marry when they were in their early to mid teens. I'm not sure why it changed to where parents don't even want their kids to know sex exists until they're eighteen.

What is your motivation for this?

[Daphnes]

Originally Posted by GentleArtillery

What is your motivation for this?

My motivation? Well, I know there's usually a gap in the level of maturity between people in their early teens, and people in their late teens or past their teen years. There's also usually a gap in power. Like a successful nineteen year old will have a job, income, a car, and maybe his own place. While the fourteen year old has at most a summer job, and has all the changes of puberty to handle as well as the rest of life's troubles. It leaves a lot of room for the older guy to control the younger girl. I would say the same thing if the girl was older than the boy as well.

As for the marrying young, if people want their kids to wait until marriage to have sex and all so bad, why did they up the marrying age so far past where puberty usually starts? Back then girls thirteen years old were groomed for marrying, and boys became men at sixteen. I don't know why all that stopped, but then I haven't done much research into it either.

[Igna]

As far as I'm concerned, a 60-year-old can date a 13-year-old if both want to. Love shouldn't be limited until it actually hurts someone, as long as both consent.

The point is that a 13 year old is generally not fully capable of consenting, in the same way that they can't consent to sex.

If the children are too young to know their own best, I don't think they should be allowed to do certain things. If they are old enough to know their own best, but still want to do what is not their own best, I don't think they should be stopped. However, I have no idea where to put the border; when to children "know their own best"?

I agree with pretty much everything here. The problem is, the majority of 14 year olds are too young to know their own best. The border and filter, generally speaking, are our parents, and there's a reason we aren't independent of them until about 18. Beyond the public schooling system, that is.

[Virtigo]

That is only true in America.

Outside of it, 14 and 16 year olds can marry and have sexual relations with men of any older age. Even in Europe.

The strange truth of it is, the only reason our 14 and so girls and boys are treated as immature is because they are raised thusly, when such concepts do not exactly work elsewhere.

[Igna]

I can't really argue about elsewhere in the world, since I've always lived in America, but in my own personal experience, 14 year olds have a long way to go.

Of course, there are some people who never fully mature, and some people who mature far beyond their age. I'm not trying to say that such relationships can't work, or that they are immoral, I'm saying that they are rarities, and that for all practical purposes, a 19 and 14 relationship is going to typically be very uneven.

[Nietzsche]

Originally Posted by Igna

I can't really argue about elsewhere in the world, since I've always lived in America, but in my own personal experience, 14 year olds have a long way to go.

Of course, there are some people who never fully mature, and some people who mature far beyond their age. I'm not trying to say that such relationships can't work, or that they are immoral, I'm saying that they are rarities, and that for all practical purposes, a 19 and 14 relationship is going to typically be very uneven.

In Europe, quite a few countries have 14 as the legal age of consent. Which, honestly, is the best possible age for it. I, personally, remember getting stiffies when I was 12, and by 14, I knew how it worked. 14 is a totally acceptable age. Much better than 18, but not stupidly young.

[GentleArtillery]

I'm 14 years old, and if I wish to have sex with a 19-year-old (remember that this is in theory), that's my choice. I do know my own best; but what says that having sex with someone five years older than me would not be the "best"? Or 23 years older, for that matter. Seems more like a social taboo than an actual issue.

Of course, it might simply be hormones and the "invincible" syndrome. And all 14-year-olds aren't the same as me, as I am aware of.

[ShiekahSage]

Originally Posted by GentleArtillery

I'm 14 years old, and if I wish to have sex with a 19-year-old (remember that this is in theory), that's my choice.

I don't know how it is in Sweden, but here thats actually illegal. Even if the 14 year old gave permission the 19 year old would still be charged with satuatory rape.

[GentleArtillery]

Oh, I forgot that. Well, 15 years is the age of consent here. But laws aside, I would.

[Puck]

This topic is actually about "Dating" someone not about having "sex" with someone, and those two things are not mutally exclusive.

Dating is a tricky thing because while a younger person(Be them male or female) would still be going through puberty during the timeframe stated in the first post, then their sexual maturity would not have reached it peek, and could be tricked by an older(do I dare say it? pedophile) into beleiving they are in love with the older person, when in fact this is not true. Me general thought on this is I do not think it is Morally right, but that may be because my Sister is Fourteen and If I found out she was dating a 19 year old I would beat him to withen an inch of his life...

As for sex...no...just no. It is against the law, and it is against the law for a reason.

[Vega]

Originally Posted by Cody

Well, when they're both 10 years older, and it's a 29 year old and a 24 year old, everyone says "oh that's perfectly normal". Then it makes sense that that relationship can start earlier.

There's little difference in the average cognitive development between a 24 year old and a 29 year old. A 14 year old really isn't cognitively mature, whereas a 19 year old is.

There's a huge difference there.

I don't think I'd be comfortable with a 14 year old dating a 19 year old, especially where sex is involved. The average 19 year old is very different to your average 14 year old psychologically, and they're probably going to hold a stronger and more defined position within society as well. The balance of power is VASTLY tipped in favour of the adult in these relationships, which is why I think that they are so dysfunctional.

At the very least I'd be inclined to percieve an awkward power-play.

[Igna]

In Europe, quite a few countries have 14 as the legal age of consent. Which, honestly, is the best possible age for it. I, personally, remember getting stiffies when I was 12, and by 14, I knew how it worked. 14 is a totally acceptable age. Much better than 18, but not stupidly young.

Sex ed isn't the criteria for a mutual dating/sexual relationship.

[Virtigo]

You're making the mistake that kids are raised in a culture that looks at sexuality just like the U.S. does.

[Igna]

Originally Posted by Virtigo

You're making the mistake that kids are raised in a culture that looks at sexuality just like the U.S. does.

I'm now curious, since I honestly don't know what the difference is.

[Duo]

Isn't there some formula that equates the youngest you can date somebody without it being considered too much?

That said, 19 and 14 is a bit much. 19 and 15 however is perfectly fine.

[Tazryl]

4 years older or younger in general is fine by me. Unless of course the dude is 19 and the girl is 14. That is just creepy. Although I must admit if it was a girl that was 19 and a boy that was 14 I would congratulate him.

Yes I know its a double standard.

Well still, i suppose I would be against the idea. but if lets say the man was 20 and hte girl was 24 I see no problem. I do not see a problem if the female was 28 and the guy was only 22. Well that works the opposite way to, like if the guy is 28 and the girl is just 22.

But I must admit that its a bit creepy if one of them is around 14 or 15 while the other is about to hit the twenties.