Three Little Unimportant Words

[Notsil]

There are only three words in the English language that are both the easiest and the hardest to say. It’s all about circumstance. Who are you saying it to? Where are you saying it? What does the sky look like? How bright or dim is the lighting in the room you’re in when you say it? Are you outside? Is it raining, or is it overcast, or are you standing on a blanket of fresh snow, or is the sun shining?

You could be leaning against the doorjamb of your brother’s room, smiling happily as you fidget your pajamas more comfortably over your body. A draft hits your back and you shiver, reminded of how much you want to be under the covers, falling asleep and warm. You flash him a grin and a thumbs up, mumbling the words sleepily before turning away, plodding down the hardwood floor to your own room.

Or you might be lying beside your girlfriend, sitting on the couch. She’s leaning against your chest as you watch a movie together. The room is dark, and the television screen flashes white, giving her skin a milky sheen for a moment before it darkens, her face darkening and the glint in her eye vanishing for a moment. You lean closer, your lips mere inches from her ear as she begins to drift off to sleep. Your breath, slightly anxious but thick with feeling, ghosts against her skin as you whisper the words.

You could be sitting on your bed at home, fiddling with a loose thread on the quilt as you talk to your dearest friend on the phone. The lights are glaring into your eyes and your conversation turns from books and movies and music to more amusing topics. As you roll back and forth on your bed, phone pressed so hard against your ear that it hurts a little, you laughingly cry the words.

Or you might be sitting on that same bed, cross-legged, your hands tucked into your lap, that same friend sitting beside you, lounging back against the wall. The room is just as warm, but your skin is clammy, your hands trembling, hence your idea to hide them from his view. You say the words, stumbling over the three tiny syllables before you lean forward slightly. Your lips graze his cheek, nervous, gentle.

You could be standing in an airport with your mom before you leave for college, the words mumbled into her sleeve. The air is cool, and you can pick out, if you try, the distant rumble of the air conditioning system. The vast glass walls let in the glare of sunlight, giving the scenario a warm surreality. A rush of people around you instills a sense of urgency– a feeling you ignore as hard as you can, prolonging the moment you have to leave her behind.

Or you might be standing in that same airport beside a girl you’ve been watching from afar for months, not sure how to tell her your feelings, unable to be as casual as you wish you could. The sun has set and it’s late– there are fewer people, the glass walls are dark and gradually cooling after the warmth of constant sunlight. The air conditioning has finally been shut off, but the room is too cold after a day of it running. You say the words, debate within yourself if you should kiss her on the cheek. You decide not to, and turn away, not daring to look back because you’re afraid of what her face will show.

Everything’s suddenly different when it’s your friend, your coworker, your neighbor. When you say it to that person that you shouldn’t– you knew you shouldn’t–couldn’t, but couldn’t help it, it’s suddenly the hardest thing you’ll ever have to say in your life.

“I love you.”

No I didn't write that, but I sure wish I did. All credit goes here.

Anyway, yeah. Those three little words have the power to completely change lives. I don't think there's a phrase in the English language with more weight behind it, to be honest. They have the power to make someone happier than possible, make things all too complicated or eat someone up inside for years, debating their feelings.

-Is this phrase over used in today's society?
-'the hell do you do when someone takes it out of context?
-And, most importantly, to me, anyway, how do you know when to really say it?

Any and all discussion on the topic is free by me here, so go nuts.

[Tenshi_Hyoeyu]

ask my friends (chi_warrior and mistu_nikkou) I believe that those three words should never be taken out of context. they are way to powerful to me. it is true what you have said. it can completely changes a life so you should think about it before you say it. do you really mean it?

[Erimgard]

The world love has many different meanings depending on the context really.
In the case of romantic love, I feel that a person should be careful in using that word. I don't think you should say you love someone if you're not sure. There's a big difference between being interested in someone and loving them.

[God of Twilight]

That's how I feel about it^
I think too many people throw that phrase around to the point that it means nothing.

[sugarpoultry]

When we were first dating, my (now) husband and I didn't say we loved each other until we knew we loved each other.

Not to say you have to wait till you know, but it made the words much more meaningful. Part of what stole my heart about him, is that he waited till it meant something to both of us. ^_^

[God of Twilight]

Originally Posted by sugarpoultry

When we were first dating, my (now) husband and I didn't say we loved each other until we knew we loved each other.

Not to say you have to wait till you know, but it made the words much more meaningful. Part of what stole my heart about him, is that he waited till it meant something to both of us. ^_^

Couldn't agree more.
It almost upsets me when I see new couples dating for only a few days, and they're saying "I love you" every 10 minutes.

[sugarpoultry]

Originally Posted by God of Twilight

Couldn't agree more.
It almost upsets me when I see new couples dating for only a few days, and they're saying "I love you" every 10 minutes.

Oh gosh I agree. Thats not love, thats very deep infatuation. Course, you can't say, "I'm in like with you." Tee-hee. Buzz and I teased each other about that for a while.

There aren't many other things to say, but those words should never be wasted on just anybody.

[sea]

Originally Posted by Notsil

-Is this phrase over used in today's society?
-'the hell do you do when someone takes it out of context?
-And, most importantly, to me, anyway, how do you know when to really say it?

Overused? How could it be? What else do you propose in its stead: "I possess deep affection for you and hope that it is mutual?"

Out of context? In what context is it supposed to be used in? What is the "out" context?

I don't know when it really say it because I've never been in such a situation and doubt that I will be. Television shows and films have taught me that using it at the most inopportune time imaginable is likely to get the best results, but I'm going to assume that's just a ridiculous narrative cliche.

[Notsil]

Originally Posted by God of Twilight

Couldn't agree more.
It almost upsets me when I see new couples dating for only a few days, and they're saying "I love you" every 10 minutes.

That's the kind of usage I mean, sea, when it's taken "Casually", instead of being saved for a serious and meaningful situation.

[sea]

Originally Posted by Notsil

That's the kind of usage I mean, sea, when it's taken "Casually", instead of being saved for a serious and meaningful situation.

Well, then I'd just say that those people are using "love" and "like quite a bit" the same way... which, due to the multiple meanings of the word "love," is perfectly acceptable.

[Anime_Queen]

Hm, I wonder why this thread is in the serious business section
No matter -

Notsil - thanks for quoting that beautiful passage!

and also:

Originally Posted by Notsil

That's the kind of usage I mean, sea, when it's taken "Casually", instead of being saved for a serious and meaningful situation.

hm, I still .. kinda take Sea's stance here.
There isn't just *one* type of love- the deep romantic love thing.

There is the kind of love that is so real but has been around for so long, becoming part of the reality of oneself that it has a rIGht to be said casually whenever. Like I do with my family and friends. People like Haret, Ashley, Liah - I DO love them and it's just become a part of me :p

Then there's- ok, this is where I publically take my hat off to andi for explaining this to me, and I finally agree with her.
Love for a guy friend doesn't AUTOMATICALLY mean that you love them romantically, and it shouldn't be confused with the other.
It's still scary and disconcerting feeling such powerful feelings of care and love for that person so.. actually, I don't know at wHICh point one can start differentiating. Where's the "cut-off point" as it were.


How often do you guys feel overwhelming feelings of love for someone who isn't family/an old friend? Do you ever get alarmed by it?
and here's another thing - would you ever say it if you didn't think the other person shared that same sentiment? would you be scared of making a fool of yourself? how do you KNOW they do?
and .. would you ever say it first?


How about if you know they love you and you do too but you're too scared of consequences - would you ever refrain from telling someone you love them because of that?

EDIT - last question!
(assuming you're straight) do you think it IS possible to love someone from the opposite gender yet not feel romantically towards them?

[Awkin]

I think it's entirely possible to love someone in a non-romantic way, Asia. Now, this doesn't really compare 'cause my biological sister is a right wee turdface, but I know there are people I love like I would a sister who didn't hate my guts. I mean, I care about them, do what I can for them and would feel pretty damn rotten if anything happened to them -- one of my sisters went missing for a couple of weeks earlier this year, and I didn't sleep for days at a time.

But it's not as though I like them in a 'I'd like to spend the rest of my life with you' kinda way. And it's not exactly conclusive, because I feel obliged to keep an eye out for people who's shown interest in me and been turned down -- even the one who stabbed me. I don't love them at all -- but I feel I need to resentfully keep an eye out.

Now, I've only ever said 'I love you' to one person (Not all too hot on the 'I love you, brudda' and hugging your guy friends kinda thing) -- and I believed that was sincere and meaningful. I know a sister of mine really loves her friends openly -- and she'll randomly spout 'Aww, I love you' after someone's told a good joke and completely freak them out until she's explained herself.

But as a phrase it's dangerous for obvious reasons -- some people throw it around and some'll only use it for one person in their lifetime -- if the former says it to the latter it'll really shake them up, and if vice says it versa it'll be batted aside.

How about if you know they love you and you do too but you're too scared of consequences - would you ever refrain from telling someone you love them because of that?

Almost definitely. But there's always the chance of them already knowing -- if they see through the deception then, over time, it'll become an obstacle in the friendship.

And so on.

[Lantean]

Love is a lot more than just romance. It's also charity and friendship.

And actions speak louder than words.

[Verrick]

I wish we were like the Greeks with their multiple ways of saying love:

Agape (unconditional)
Eros (basically lust)
Philia (brotherly love)
Storge (parents to children and such)
The one I forgot (desire for something)

Anyways, the phrase "I love you" can seem overused, but often people do have "philia" and as such it seems appropriate. Then ofcourse there are people with "eros" who use the phrase a lot. (too lightly) And ofcourse parents say it to children. It may seem overused, but really, it's something the world needs to say more. I just wish people didn't take the phrase so seriously.

[Pikana]

Originally Posted by Rhalen

Anyways, the phrase "I love you" can seem overused, but often people do have "philia" and as such it seems appropriate. Then ofcourse there are people with "eros" who use the phrase a lot. (too lightly) And ofcourse parents say it to children. It may seem overused, but really, it's something the world needs to say more. I just wish people didn't take the phrase so seriously.

Well...I do agree. It's amazingly difficult to sometimes say to my mom that I love her, like children love their parents and vice versa, so, in many cases I wouldn't say it's overused. Then again, it must be very much a cultural thing, whether it seems overused or not.

I understand it's sometimes annoying to listen how couples repeat the same phrase to each other, suuure, why not, but can't help but think mean things like "I wonder how long their relationship is going to last, and I wonder if they're really in love, or are they just showing off..."

[GarmGarf]

As some people have mentioned earlier, I believe that those three words should be used sacredly. In fact, I even confronted a friend of mine who I overheard stating that he loved his girl friend, over the phone, and since he is only 17, I can be almost sure that he doesn't really know if he loves her or not. But of course he stated "you just know", when I asked him how did he know.

Here is something else to discus:

"Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough"

- Chasing Cars, Snow Patrol

Initially, I misheard "They're not enough" to be "But not enough", and of course I agreed (with the lyrics I though I heard). I believe that people who are unsure about their possible love state it to be existent way to much, however, some mature relationships are lacking in stating their love, and this is what I thought the lyrics meant. But what do they actually mean?

Originally Posted by Anime_Queen

EDIT - last question!
(assuming you're straight) do you think it IS possible to love someone from the opposite gender yet not feel romantically towards them?

Yes.

[Sage of Earth]

I don't say them. Call me heartless and bitter but I don't believe in love, and even if I was in a relationship with somebody I could never be able to say it to them because it'd be a lie. If they said it to me, I wouldn't know what to say. I've also made a point of never using the word in conversation even if it's not in that kind of context.

I see these teenagers saying they love each other after having been out for a week, then break up soon after in a blaze of hatred and fury because one of them forgot to call the other once, or didn't reply to a text message, or one of them looked at another man/woman besides each other. I've had toilet breaks that last longer than many teenage relationships.

Seriously, what is love? (Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more). It's a word that has no meaning any more. You vaguely like something, you "love" it. You say you don't know what it means but that you feel it "here" then point at your chest, but that's also where I feel it when I when I listen to a song I really like, and also when I get a chest infection or heartburn.

[Viatrix]

I do think the phrase is overused, and I overuse it myself. I can't recall if I've ever said "I love you" directly to someone in my life, but "I love him/her/them" is something I say quite easily in conversation.

Originally Posted by GarmGarf

As some people have mentioned earlier, I believe that those three words should be used sacredly.

My stance is the opposite of yours, I'm afriad. Speaking of romantic love here: my main reason for this belief is that, when you say it, you're just reiterating what others have said and done, and nothing more. I think every relationship is unique. There is "love", then there's something else, something more. I think this "something" should be emphasised, because it's different with every person.

Originally Posted by Anime_Queen

(assuming you're straight) do you think it IS possible to love someone from the opposite gender yet not feel romantically towards them?

Entirely! I have this friend whom I feel strangely attached to, but I know for certain there isn't any romantic attraction at all.

[Sage of Earth]

Originally Posted by Viatrix

Entirely! I have this friend whom I feel strangely attached to, but I know for certain there isn't any romantic attraction at all.

No offence intended, but I'd like to ask a question. It only applies if you're male however, so disregard if you're female.

If your friend were to walk into your room, take off all her clothes, and demand that you take her there and then, would you:
A) Tell her that you don't want to ruin your beautiful friendship?
B) Comply?

[Tenshi_Hyoeyu]

*sigh* why can't somepeople just wait...it'll only help them in the long run. those word mean so much to me i havn't even thought about saying it to anyone yet.

[Holic]

Originally Posted by sugarpoultry

When we were first dating, my (now) husband and I didn't say we loved each other until we knew we loved each other.

I actually sort of agree with you here (I know, I'm practically falling off my chair XD).

Firstly, there is something that sort of irks me about the way the word "love" is used. Actually, I think it's a bit of a flaw in our language. "Love" covers so many sensations and emotions and relationships under the one word, but people talk about there being a "true" love. I find that silly. Love is long-lasting or fleeting, physical or sexual or spiritual or just because you need someone to keep you sane or whatever. People seem to be under the impression that love has to last forever, or has to be aimed at specific features, or has to be perfect, for it to be valid.

So for example, me and the person who I am seeing wouldn't say that we love each other because of the connotations that the term carries. What we've got going is pretty casual, and we don't expect it to last for that long (at least I don't, I can't speak for him that much). We're just enjoying it while we've got it. It's a sort of love, but not the sort that would be included in the popular definition, you know?

So yeah, we're not saying that because the phrase "I love you" has silly implications reinforced by years of popular culture that made it out