Need massive help. new

Yo people I'm Tingle Mauler and I'm new. This site is confusing me so if somepeople would tell me how to do pretty much eveything that would be just fabulous. Also, does anyone know what the kid on in Windwaker, the emo one want?

I'll tell you how to do most things. Do you know how to PM? At the top right of the browser click on private message. Go on the left hand side of the browser and click send new message. Type in my name Dathen, then the topic ,Help. Then in the big box type, all the questions you have. Then at the bottom click on submit message and I will send one message back with all your answers. Whenyou have a message back from me a window will pop up telling you you have a message. I'd adopt you but I'm too new. Adoption, that would mean I introduce you to the site. And look after you. I'll see now whether I can adopt you.