Badass Animals

Let's get right to it. This is a thread to talk about badass ****ing animals. We're going to start with the platypus, because he's like a big "**** you" to common logic.

First off the platypus isn't just it's own living species, it's its own family and genus too. The fossil record says there were more in the family in the past, but the Platypus was the only one to survive? Why? Because he's just too badass to die. Too B to D.

Just listen to this description. It's "semi-aquatic egg-laying, venmous, duck-billed, beaver-tailed, otter-footed"

How do you give birth? A placenta? **** that! The platypus can't be bothered carrying around a kid. It lays eggs. You try to lay eggs. You can't. Why? You're a mammal. So is the platypus, but to that he just says "**** you I'll have kids the way I want. Me and the Echidna are just going to chill over here with our eggs and hair. We got **** to do."

Also. How venomous are you? You're not! Not at all. In fact, it's one of like six poisonous mammals. And how does it deliver it's venom? Biting you say? Nah.It has spurs on its leg. Basically it has a roundhouse kick that would incapacitate you and could kill something as big as a dog. It's the only species that has a poison kick. You following this camera guy?

It's also like a frankenstein freak of nature. It's like six animals in one. What a value! What do you look like? You look like a hairless primape. You're kind of gross. The platypus is like a wonder of convergent evolution. It gets what it wants. It wants a bill? It gets one. It wants a tail like a beaver. Bam. You don't even have a tail. So where do you store your fat? Well, it's not his problem.

It's also semi-aquatic. That means it's also semi-terrestrial. It has the best of both worlds. It's like the Hannah Montanna of wild animals except it can probably sing better.

Just listen to this. The platypus (with the Echidna) are the only "mammals known to have a sense of electroreception: they locate their prey in part by detecting electric fields generated by muscular contractions. The Platypus' electroreception is the most sensitive of any monotreme." You try to detect electric fields, buddy. Yeah, thought so.

Basically, we normally see God as a man. But who are we to say what God looks like? I think if God did take on any animal form, it would be a platypus, because basically it's the best of everything.



Just look at this beauty. It's basically giving nature the middle finger by existing.

I sometimes just have to love Australia for its weird wildlife. We're the only country that even has monotremes at all (the only other monotreme in existence being the echidna).

Although I am somewhat disappointed by its lack of native cats, excluding the feral kind.

Speaking of cats...may I present, the best animal in existence:

IIRC, they don't lay what we usually think of as eggs. They lay things that kinda resemble sacks of leather.

Not sure on that one.

Originally Posted by Comrade Postman

I mean...

We have a winner folks. I could post plenty more awesome animals but postman just posted the king.

Bears.

Originally Posted by master iem

^ I laughed at this.
But this thing is so cute anyway, and I like its colour

Originally Posted by Mirror Image

Let's get right to it. This is a thread to talk about badass ****ing animals. We're going to start with the platypus, because he's like a big "**** you" to common logic.

First off the platypus isn't just it's own living species, it's its own family and genus too. The fossil record says there were more in the family in the past, but the Platypus was the only one to survive? Why? Because he's just too badass to die. Too B to D.

Just listen to this description. It's "semi-aquatic egg-laying, venmous, duck-billed, beaver-tailed, otter-footed"

How do you give birth? A placenta? **** that! The platypus can't be bothered carrying around a kid. It lays eggs. You try to lay eggs. You can't. Why? You're a mammal. So is the platypus, but to that he just says "**** you I'll have kids the way I want. Me and the Echidna are just going to chill over here with our eggs and hair. We got **** to do."

Also. How venomous are you? You're not! Not at all. In fact, it's one of like six poisonous mammals. And how does it deliver it's venom? Biting you say? Nah.It has spurs on its leg. Basically it has a roundhouse kick that would incapacitate you and could kill something as big as a dog. It's the only species that has a poison kick. You following this camera guy?

It's also like a frankenstein freak of nature. It's like six animals in one. What a value! What do you look like? You look like a hairless primape. You're kind of gross. The platypus is like a wonder of convergent evolution. It gets what it wants. It wants a bill? It gets one. It wants a tail like a beaver. Bam. You don't even have a tail. So where do you store your fat? Well, it's not his problem.

It's also semi-aquatic. That means it's also semi-terrestrial. It has the best of both worlds. It's like the Hannah Montanna of wild animals except it can probably sing better.

Just listen to this. The platypus (with the Echidna) are the only "mammals known to have a sense of electroreception: they locate their prey in part by detecting electric fields generated by muscular contractions. The Platypus' electroreception is the most sensitive of any monotreme." You try to detect electric fields, buddy. Yeah, thought so.

Basically, we normally see God as a man. But who are we to say what God looks like? I think if God did take on any animal form, it would be a platypus, because basically it's the best of everything.



Just look at this beauty. It's basically giving nature the middle finger by existing.

This guy just stole my original post. He called out the platypus and even named it a badass.

VERY ORIGINAL ****FACE

I was honoring you because your thread was locked and I had **** to say about platypuses.

Originally Posted by Mirror Image

I was honoring you because your thread was locked and I had **** to say about platypuses.

sorry for spazzin

Thanks for the tribute bud

Keep the faith in Platypus' ALIVE

A transparent fish that can see through itself. Hard to beat that.

Originally Posted by Black_Mamba

A transparent fish that can see through itself. Hard to beat that.

that looks "fishy"........pardon the pun

I think we can all agree that my dog is bad ass.

I gotta say some Octopuses are pretty cool

They have 8 arms and they're not afraid of anything lololololololol.

Originally Posted by Hot Dog

I think we can all agree that my dog is bad ass.

Can I have your bad ass dog PLZ?!

Oh it's totally the Mola Mola.
A thing this awkward looking (and moving) has survived for thousands of years?




that's pretty badass

****ing Narwhals guys. They're the unicorns of the sea. You can't beat that, I'm sorry.

Originally Posted by Freedom G

****ing Narwhals guys. They're the unicorns of the sea. You can't beat that, I'm sorry.

Damn it. These guys and bears.

MOD NOTE: Posts from here on out consisting of only an image, or an image and one-liner, are not going to make the cut.

Now, it's time to educate you folks on what a real badass animal is. And that, my friends, would be the motherlovin' Honey Badger

Sounds pretty harmless, right? Cute, even? NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT.

Let's start at the top. These suckers are so unique and cool, they have their own genus all to themselves. They have the sweet reputation of being renowned snake-killers, putting those pathetic mongoose things to shame. A five foot snake? ENTIRELY GONE IN FIFTEEN MINUTES.

You think bears are so tough. Why? Because they steal some honey every now and then from a bee's nest? Please. The Honey Badger loves that **** ten times more. They eat the whole damn hive. Stuff is like crack to them, they love it so much they'd even risk getting stung to death to get their teeth around some of those sweet delicious cones of awesome.

And know how pretty much any animal with a bit of intelligence knows to give crocs a wide berth? Yeah, a Honey Badger would rather eat one, particularly the babies and smaller varieties. These magnificent beasts are smart too. They even use tools to catch more prey for their endless appetites.

You think being such a magnificent bastard, other animals would want to try to take on the Honey Badger, trying to get the crown. No such luck! The Honey Badger has such a fearsome rep that other animals don't dare mess with them. No, not even Lions or any of those weak little babies. They give the Honey Badger its damn space. Even when they are old and weak they are more than formidable. One old lady Honey Badger, nearly toothless and blind in one eye (presumably using the opportunity to wear a sweet eye patch) took on a leopard. Sure, she lost, but it took an hour for the leopard to take the old lady down. The Leopard reportedly simply buried the body and adopted her as his personal savior, rather than eating the body.

They are pretty much the toughest dudes in the animal kingdom. The Guinness Book of World Records, perhaps the most reputable publication of all time, has even named the noble Honey Badger the most fearless creature. Anyone who has ever been in the Iraq region may have heard legends of 'killer badgers' that took on people and livestock alike. Guess what that 'killer badger' was?

Let's do the math: Fearless + Attacks prey much larger than themselves + Rarely attacked because they are too goddamn tough + Smart as a chimp =

http://www.jacklovesyou.com/misc/Cloverfield.jpg