Yesterday was almost the end of me

It is really hard to sit here and type this today. My body is still in shock, and the whole experience is still stuck in my head and I don't know if there are any members of this community that will actually care anymore.

As some of you know, (I don't know if you specific people are still here) almost a year ago now I tried to kill myself by overdosing on certain medications and other things. I spent a week in the hospital for physical rehabilitation because I had fried my body so hardcore. This experience was terrible because I was constantly hallucinating while trying to walk again. (try concentrating while that is going on) Anyways, I should have been dead, but keep in mind that was by choice, I wanted to die.

Well yesterday, me and my girlfriend were bored (like we usually are) so we decided to float down the river by our house. Nothing too extreme right? Knee high water, slow moving current.

Well, we floated for about a mile and came to a small little waterfall, maybe 10 feet tall, which spilled into a white-water pool, which then overflowed into the river again.

This did not look dangerous at all, but because we were a little hesitant we decided to go over the second part first (because it was so much smaller and the water on the other side of it was pretty shallow, so we could just stand up if needed). We ended up going over that 2 or 3 times, and there were 3 guys with beers standing on the rocks watching us. They hooted and hollard at us, obviously thrilled that we would have the guts to do it.

So I got up some courage and decided to float over the "big one". I decided that if I were to hold on to my tube whilst going over, I would be fine. I slowly floated to the edge, and then I let the current take me.

Over I went, and the current was too fast for me to hold on to the tube, so I just went *smack* face down into the water. Immediately I knew I was in trouble. The current grabbed me and pushed me under. I was 15 feet deep. My eyes were closed and the water was ice cold. I remember thinking to myself "Just swim to the surface" and I tried. But I got pushed down 4 times into the depths. On the second time of being pushed down I decided to open my eyes. I could see a little light. I thought, if only I could get away from this waterfall I could swim up to the surface. But the undertow kept me swirling about underwater. I couldn't touch bottom, and I couldn't reach air. I asked myself "Is this how it is going to end?" and I faintly remember telling myself to not open my mouth, otherwise I would be done for.

I was fast running out of air. I was getting tired, and I had hit my back on a rock. I was in terrible shape. I just became still in the water... Motionless. Then I was pushed deeper, everything went black. You have no Idea the despair I felt in my heart. There was nothing I could do. I thought of everything I had done in life. All the terrible **** I have been through, and all the terrible **** I have caused other people to go through. I thought of how my girlfriend, of almost a year, would react. Seeing my cold, grey, lifeless body laying on the wet stone.

When I was about to give up all hope, I hit my head on a rock, and without thinking, I stood up. The water was waste high and I was finally far away from that dreaded waterfall and the fast undertow. I just looked around and smiled. I'm sure I would have cried if I wasn't all tired and all wet. But I was standing on the edge of the second waterfall, so I just fell over, hit my back, and stood up again. I looked at the 3 guys holding the beers and I yelled at them to not let my girlfriend go over that. They ended up catching her right before she was about to go over. In the meantime I climbed up on top of a rock and just laid there for what felt like forever. The sun felt so good on my battered, cold body. After that I don't remember much. I ended up sleeping for the rest of the day. But that night, I kept on going through what I went through, every time I closed my eyes.

Now look, I'm not asking you guys to pitty me or make me feel better. I seriously need to just write this out. I feel like I'm the luckiest guy in the world to have lived through that. Just take a look at my terrible writing skills and tell me what you think.

I've been down the road of just needing to write it out to feel better. Glad you lived through it though.

Originally Posted by Silent Eyes

It is really hard to sit here and type this today. My body is still in shock, and the whole experience is still stuck in my head and I don't know if there are any members of this community that will actually care anymore.

As some of you know, (I don't know if you specific people are still here) almost a year ago now I tried to kill myself by overdosing on certain medications and other things. I spent a week in the hospital for physical rehabilitation because I had fried my body so hardcore. This experience was terrible because I was constantly hallucinating while trying to walk again. (try concentrating while that is going on) Anyways, I should have been dead, but keep in mind that was by choice, I wanted to die.

Well yesterday, me and my girlfriend were bored (like we usually are) so we decided to float down the river by our house. Nothing too extreme right? Knee high water, slow moving current.

Well, we floated for about a mile and came to a small little waterfall, maybe 10 feet tall, which spilled into a white-water pool, which then overflowed into the river again.

This did not look dangerous at all, but because we were a little hesitant we decided to go over the second part first (because it was so much smaller and the water on the other side of it was pretty shallow, so we could just stand up if needed). We ended up going over that 2 or 3 times, and there were 3 guys with beers standing on the rocks watching us. They hooted and hollard at us, obviously thrilled that we would have the guts to do it.

So I got up some courage and decided to float over the "big one". I decided that if I were to hold on to my tube whilst going over, I would be fine. I slowly floated to the edge, and then I let the current take me.

Over I went, and the current was too fast for me to hold on to the tube, so I just went *smack* face down into the water. Immediately I knew I was in trouble. The current grabbed me and pushed me under. I was 15 feet deep. My eyes were closed and the water was ice cold. I remember thinking to myself "Just swim to the surface" and I tried. But I got pushed down 4 times into the depths. On the second time of being pushed down I decided to open my eyes. I could see a little light. I thought, if only I could get away from this waterfall I could swim up to the surface. But the undertow kept me swirling about underwater. I couldn't touch bottom, and I couldn't reach air. I asked myself "Is this how it is going to end?" and I faintly remember telling myself to not open my mouth, otherwise I would be done for.

I was fast running out of air. I was getting tired, and I had hit my back on a rock. I was in terrible shape. I just became still in the water... Motionless. Then I was pushed deeper, everything went black. You have no Idea the despair I felt in my heart. There was nothing I could do. I thought of everything I had done in life. All the terrible **** I have been through, and all the terrible **** I have caused other people to go through. I thought of how my girlfriend, of almost a year, would react. Seeing my cold, grey, lifeless body laying on the wet stone.

When I was about to give up all hope, I hit my head on a rock, and without thinking, I stood up. The water was waste high and I was finally far away from that dreaded waterfall and the fast undertow. I just looked around and smiled. I'm sure I would have cried if I wasn't all tired and all wet. But I was standing on the edge of the second waterfall, so I just fell over, hit my back, and stood up again. I looked at the 3 guys holding the beers and I yelled at them to not let my girlfriend go over that. They ended up catching her right before she was about to go over. In the meantime I climbed up on top of a rock and just laid there for what felt like forever. The sun felt so good on my battered, cold body. After that I don't remember much. I ended up sleeping for the rest of the day. But that night, I kept on going through what I went through, every time I closed my eyes.

Now look, I'm not asking you guys to pitty me or make me feel better. I seriously need to just write this out. I feel like I'm the luckiest guy in the world to have lived through that. Just take a look at my terrible writing skills and tell me what you think.

God dude, that's terrible. And like he said, I've needed to write things out. But dude, I feel sorry for you. If that had happened to me I would have probably died. As I was reading this I put myself in your shoes, as everyone else should do. It was the most terrible feeling to come into my heart. I ca only imagine what it must feel like for you.

Ouch.
Very deep story. I don't what to say other then, it's really cool that you're alive!!!

I've never been that close to dieing but I sort of get a picture of what it's like now. But I'm so glad you're alive man. I wish you the best of luck for recovering physically and mentally because you deserve nothing but.
The sad part is, in the internet, you can't always find out about what happened to someone if they disappear from the site for a while. One of the worst limitations ever.

I appreciate you guys commenting and not flaming me for my illiteracy. I really am not sure what to say, but I have a better appreciation of life as it is now.

And snips, you've always been a good friend to me, I hope we stay that way till the bitter end mate!
I just hope nobody else has to go through something like that. I remember when Duke of Clubs passed away, it was very devastating.

Well, off to chain smoke! *runs off*

I'll remember you when you die of lung cancer
I remember I almost drowned once. I was walking across a little inlet into a local river. The ground got really deep all of a sudden and I couldn't reach the bottom. I also couldn't swim at the time (not well) and so I was just trying to stay above water. The annoying thing was the 20 some odd people on the shore (which wasn't far from me, 10 feet max) just watching as I screamed for help. I could float on my back to catch my breath but the I kept trying to get closer to shore. The shear terror of dieing in water was vast. And if I went under I'm sure someone would have dragged me out etc. So I can really feel for you in the almost drowning part.

While this thread is serious, it doesn't really belong in the SD.

Moved to GCC.

Oh, thank GOD you're safe!

I hope that life goes better for you. While, I don't know you, I'm VERY glad your still alive.

Holy **** dude. That's crazy. I'm glad you're okay though. >_<

Glad your okay dude. Nobody should have to go through that, especially after accepting life again. I'm glad the forum could help you vent, even in a small way. =)

That is some crazy stuff man. I'm glad you made it through. I had an experience like that but not as scary.

Originally Posted by Silent Eyes

It is really hard to sit here and type this today. My body is still in shock, and the whole experience is still stuck in my head and I don't know if there are any members of this community that will actually care anymore.

As some of you know, (I don't know if you specific people are still here) almost a year ago now I tried to kill myself by overdosing on certain medications and other things. I spent a week in the hospital for physical rehabilitation because I had fried my body so hardcore. This experience was terrible because I was constantly hallucinating while trying to walk again. (try concentrating while that is going on) Anyways, I should have been dead, but keep in mind that was by choice, I wanted to die.

Well yesterday, me and my girlfriend were bored (like we usually are) so we decided to float down the river by our house. Nothing too extreme right? Knee high water, slow moving current.

Well, we floated for about a mile and came to a small little waterfall, maybe 10 feet tall, which spilled into a white-water pool, which then overflowed into the river again.

This did not look dangerous at all, but because we were a little hesitant we decided to go over the second part first (because it was so much smaller and the water on the other side of it was pretty shallow, so we could just stand up if needed). We ended up going over that 2 or 3 times, and there were 3 guys with beers standing on the rocks watching us. They hooted and hollard at us, obviously thrilled that we would have the guts to do it.

So I got up some courage and decided to float over the "big one". I decided that if I were to hold on to my tube whilst going over, I would be fine. I slowly floated to the edge, and then I let the current take me.

Over I went, and the current was too fast for me to hold on to the tube, so I just went *smack* face down into the water. Immediately I knew I was in trouble. The current grabbed me and pushed me under. I was 15 feet deep. My eyes were closed and the water was ice cold. I remember thinking to myself "Just swim to the surface" and I tried. But I got pushed down 4 times into the depths. On the second time of being pushed down I decided to open my eyes. I could see a little light. I thought, if only I could get away from this waterfall I could swim up to the surface. But the undertow kept me swirling about underwater. I couldn't touch bottom, and I couldn't reach air. I asked myself "Is this how it is going to end?" and I faintly remember telling myself to not open my mouth, otherwise I would be done for.

I was fast running out of air. I was getting tired, and I had hit my back on a rock. I was in terrible shape. I just became still in the water... Motionless. Then I was pushed deeper, everything went black. You have no Idea the despair I felt in my heart. There was nothing I could do. I thought of everything I had done in life. All the terrible **** I have been through, and all the terrible **** I have caused other people to go through. I thought of how my girlfriend, of almost a year, would react. Seeing my cold, grey, lifeless body laying on the wet stone.

When I was about to give up all hope, I hit my head on a rock, and without thinking, I stood up. The water was waste high and I was finally far away from that dreaded waterfall and the fast undertow. I just looked around and smiled. I'm sure I would have cried if I wasn't all tired and all wet. But I was standing on the edge of the second waterfall, so I just fell over, hit my back, and stood up again. I looked at the 3 guys holding the beers and I yelled at them to not let my girlfriend go over that. They ended up catching her right before she was about to go over. In the meantime I climbed up on top of a rock and just laid there for what felt like forever. The sun felt so good on my battered, cold body. After that I don't remember much. I ended up sleeping for the rest of the day. But that night, I kept on going through what I went through, every time I closed my eyes.

Now look, I'm not asking you guys to pitty me or make me feel better. I seriously need to just write this out. I feel like I'm the luckiest guy in the world to have lived through that. Just take a look at my terrible writing skills and tell me what you think.

Are you kidding? You need need to write an auto-biography or something.

Hey man, I'm glad you're ok.
I'm not trying to start a huge debate about religion or anything but I just wanna say that these things that open up your eyes about spiritual accomplishment, ya know?

But that's beside the point.
I'm just glad that you're ok.

Don't get me started on debate.

Cool story bro.

Originally Posted by NinjaZone

I hope that life goes better for you. While, I don't know you, I'm VERY glad your still alive.

I agree wholehearrtedly with this. I can't begin to imagine the dread and despair when everything goes black, and your last flicker of hope is extinguished. Like you said, you're lucky to be alive, and I hope you never go through anything like that again.

Even though I don't know you, I'm glad you're alive.

I would have probably given up if that was me. I hope life gets better for you and you recover from that.

Glad you are ok, sounded very bad that did. Hope life improves for yourself.

Jesus christ man, you're lucky you're still alive. I hope you recover properly. Have you been to see a doctor to make you're everything's all okay?