ZU Men's Advice thread

Originally Posted by ZeldaMaster#1#1

Yeah. Even worse, we've been dating for almost a year now. And unfortunately, I can't talk until Monday, at school. :<

Yeah, so I talked. That was Monday last week.

So today, I was walking down the hallway, talking to her. I look away for 1/2 of a second and find out she ran twenty feet in front of me, completely ignoring me like a rag doll.

Not like that helped my already crappy mood.

Originally Posted by ZeldaMaster#1#1

Yeah, so I talked. That was Monday last week.

So today, I was walking down the hallway, talking to her. I look away for 1/2 of a second and find out she ran twenty feet in front of me, completely ignoring me like a rag doll.

Not like that helped my already crappy mood.

Hmmmmmm. The problem here is that if you complain too much about her neglecting you, you'll come across as clingy and controlling. On the other hand, clearly this isn't working for you as is.

My advice is drastic; start hanging out with other girls. Not in a "get in their pants" kinda way, but more in a "make her jealous, and also have options if you two break up" kinda way. Because it's starting to seem (to me) that she might like you, but doesn't really want to be in a relationship right now. Many girls like being single when they're young, and being in a relationship is too much like responsibility (not that this doesn't apply to guys, too). She (from what I can tell from the limited info I have) seems to not like being shackled to a boyfriend when her friends are off doing stuff. Another thing you can do is to become more friendly with her friends; if you can be INCLUDED in the "doing stuff", there's no more problem, and this will happen more if her friends are like "oh man this is so funny, we should call Zeldamaster#1#1 over and tell him too".

Relationships are often made or broken depending on whether you get along with your partner's girlfriends. My best friend, for example, has a bad habit of hiding his girlfriend from his friends when he's in a relationship. This seems to be because he thinks he can either hang out with his friends or his girlfriend, but not both at the same time. I have no idea why. His current girlfriend seems perfectly nice and I have a good laugh with her when we occasionally talk, but I don't really know her despite them going out for the best part of a year. Suffice it to say that I'm not confident about them lasting - if you can't integrate your loved one into the rest of your life, you eventually start to resent the fact that while you're with them, you're not doing all the other stuff you want to do. And you therefore resent them, through no fault of theirs.

Originally Posted by Bravo

Hmmmmmm. The problem here is that if you complain too much about her neglecting you, you'll come across as clingy and controlling. On the other hand, clearly this isn't working for you as is.

My advice is drastic; start hanging out with other girls. Not in a "get in their pants" kinda way, but more in a "make her jealous, and also have options if you two break up" kinda way. Because it's starting to seem (to me) that she might like you, but doesn't really want to be in a relationship right now.

For quite awhile now, I have wondered about that. It seems more truer everyday. Hm....

But, you see, I am not the person to mingle with other people. I have a tendency to sit down and be quiet rather than converse with anyone. And that no one would really "date" me.

Controlling? Quite the opposite of my personality. I've never really complained to her about anything.

Many girls like being single when they're young, and being in a relationship is too much like responsibility (not that this doesn't apply to guys, too). She (from what I can tell from the limited info I have) seems to not like being shackled to a boyfriend when her friends are off doing stuff.

The thing is is that I have never actually kept her from her friends, nor from doing anything at all. In fact, preoccupied in trying to avoid this current situation, I was keeping myself from doing other things, which doesn't bother me since I don't have anything to do.

Another thing you can do is to become more friendly with her friends; if you can be INCLUDED in the "doing stuff", there's no more problem, and this will happen more if her friends are like "oh man this is so funny, we should call Zeldamaster#1#1 over and tell him too".

I know her friends. I'm friends with her friends, besides one, who gives me the incentive that she wants to rip my head off. Honestly, I don't think I'll ever be included in anything she does, as she pulls the run off thing before I even attempt. I'm quick to attempt, too, so being any quicker is impossible.

Relationships are often made or broken depending on whether you get along with your partner's girlfriends. My best friend, for example, has a bad habit of hiding his girlfriend from his friends when he's in a relationship.

Again, I have never kept her from her friends.

- if you can't integrate your loved one into the rest of your life, you eventually start to resent the fact that while you're with them, you're not doing all the other stuff you want to do. And you therefore resent them, through no fault of theirs.

I've tried and failed; and this advice is void as it is a little too late....

Excuse the long post, but I am actually new to this "game" (if you will), so advice is necessary.

Originally Posted by ZeldaMaster#1#1

But, you see, I am not the person to mingle with other people. I have a tendency to sit down and be quiet rather than converse with anyone. And that no one would really "date" me.

1- That'll change. As you get older and gain more life experience, you'll probably become a lot more outgoing. I was a totally anti-social bookworm in primary school (Irish equivalent of elementary), but I now am sort of an "alpha dog" in college. Long story short - it gets easier as you get older.
2- Don't sell yourself short - if ONE girl is willing to date you, then there's really no way that she's the ONLY one who would. Besides, I didn't say to date anyone, I just said to hang out with them.

Controlling? Quite the opposite of my personality. I've never really complained to her about anything.

Because if you did, you'd run the risk of seeming "controlling". But there are ways to communicate without talking. If you spend less time with her and more with your friends, SHE'LL come to YOU and ask what's wrong. And if she doesn't and seems HAPPY that you're spending less time together, then that's a sign. Note that you shouldn't expect her to immediately notice that you're spending less time together; it'd take a few weeks before a pattern emerges.

The thing is is that I have never actually kept her from her friends, nor from doing anything at all. In fact, preoccupied in trying to avoid this current situation, I was keeping myself from doing other things, which doesn't bother me since I don't have anything to do.

That's a BIG problem. Having a girlfriend shouldn't define your life. YOU should define your life. Learn guitar, or a martial art, or go for jogs, or get a part-time job you enjoy, or even just study. I'm afraid to break it to you, but even if your relationship was as happy as could be, I would tell you that at your age, it's unlikely that it'll last past high school. And if/when it ends, you won't want to have wasted your teenage years on a relationship that didn't work when you could have been developing your interests and improving yourself. I'm sure there are things about yourself that you either don't like or simply wish were better, like your social skills or your physical fitness or your academic abilities. These are important skills and abilites, and you'll need them. Rethink your priorities - where do you want to be in 10 years time, and who do you want to be? If you want to be President, you'll need to have a lot of experience in things like student council or charitable work. If you want to be a rock star, you'll need to practice. If you want to be James Bond, you'd better start learning jujitsu now. Tomorrow starts today.

I know her friends. I'm friends with her friends, besides one, who gives me the incentive that she wants to rip my head off. Honestly, I don't think I'll ever be included in anything she does, as she pulls the run off thing before I even attempt. I'm quick to attempt, too, so being any quicker is impossible.

Then take a hint and hang out where you ARE wanted, and do what you want to do. If she neglects you, show her what that results in - you not being there. If she realises she doesn't like that, great. If not, then she's not a very good girlfriend to begin with.

Originally Posted by Bravo

1- That'll change. As you get older and gain more life experience, you'll probably become a lot more outgoing. I was a totally anti-social bookworm in primary school (Irish equivalent of elementary), but I now am sort of an "alpha dog" in college. Long story short - it gets easier as you get older.

Hm....

2- Don't sell yourself short - if ONE girl is willing to date you, then there's really no way that she's the ONLY one who would. Besides, I didn't say to date anyone, I just said to hang out with them.

I'll try, I guess.

Because if you did, you'd run the risk of seeming "controlling". But there are ways to communicate without talking. If you spend less time with her and more with your friends, SHE'LL come to YOU and ask what's wrong. And if she doesn't and seems HAPPY that you're spending less time together, then that's a sign. Note that you shouldn't expect her to immediately notice that you're spending less time together; it'd take a few weeks before a pattern emerges.

Will do. It'll be pretty easy in this situation.

That's a BIG problem. Having a girlfriend shouldn't define your life. YOU should define your life. Learn guitar, or a martial art, or go for jogs, or get a part-time job you enjoy, or even just study. I'm afraid to break it to you, but even if your relationship was as happy as could be, I would tell you that at your age, it's unlikely that it'll last past high school. And if/when it ends, you won't want to have wasted your teenage years on a relationship that didn't work when you could have been developing your interests and improving yourself.

I was actually expecting this. But the truth isn't what we like all the time.

I'm sure there are things about yourself that you either don't like or simply wish were better, like your social skills or your physical fitness or your academic abilities. These are important skills and abilites, and you'll need them. Rethink your priorities - where do you want to be in 10 years time, and who do you want to be? If you want to be President, you'll need to have a lot of experience in things like student council or charitable work. If you want to be a rock star, you'll need to practice. If you want to be James Bond, you'd better start learning jujitsu now. Tomorrow starts today.

Well, being that I could never decide what I would like to do, I just threw in random ideas. But a pilot sounds good—but the only flying experience I have is from a short time on a flying emulator. Hm....

Then take a hint and hang out where you ARE wanted, and do what you want to do. If she neglects you, show her what that results in - you not being there. If she realises she doesn't like that, great. If not, then she's not a very good girlfriend to begin with.

...Okay.

I will take the advice, since every time I didn't, it turned out crappy. Thanks again.

Originally Posted by ZeldaMaster#1#1

Well, being that I could never decide what I would like to do, I just threw in random ideas. But a pilot sounds good—but the only flying experience I have is from a short time on a flying emulator.

Airline, charter, or air force?

Originally Posted by Bravo

Airline, charter, or air force?

You know, I never thought of that.... Possibly airline or air force.

How to become an Air Force Pilot

Requirements include:
- Bachelor's Degree at a college or university (Engineering or similar is ideal); high GPA
- Good physical fitness to endure training
- A resumé that includes character references and extracurricular activities such as community work that display your strong character and leadership qualities
- Flight training will be provided, but already having a pilot's license is a definite advantage
-and more

How to become an Airline Pilot

Requirements include:
- Bachelor's Degree at a college or university (Engineering or similar is ideal); high GPA
-First Class Medical Certicate from an FAA medical examiner
-Private Pilot's License
-Somewhere in the region of 3000 hours flight time
-Certified Instrument Rating
-Commerical Certificate
-Certfified CFII and MEI ratings
-A helpful way to gain plenty of flight experience to to get an Instructor's Certificate and actually teach at a flight school.
-Often, Air Force pilots become Airline pilots after they retire



Better get cracking, buddy. Flying lessons like the ones here can cost in the region of $10,000 for a full course with a pilot's license at the end (not including Instrument Rating training, etc), so if you're REALLY serious about it, you'll need to start working part-time jobs NOW. On the bright side: if it IS what you really want to do, then it's definitely achievable ($10,000 sounds like more than it is), and at your age, you're way ahead of the game - most people don't know what they want to do waaaay into their 20s.

Originally Posted by Bravo

How to become an Air Force Pilot

Requirements include:
- Bachelor's Degree at a college or university (Engineering or similar is ideal); high GPA
- Good physical fitness to endure training
- A resumé that includes character references and extracurricular activities such as community work that display your strong character and leadership qualities
- Flight training will be provided, but already having a pilot's license is a definite advantage
-and more

First two: awesome. I'm good at endurance, and my GPA is pretty high.
Third: I have to do forty for school. Will it help? Somewhat.
Fourth: Doable.

How to become an Airline Pilot

Requirements include:
- Bachelor's Degree at a college or university (Engineering or similar is ideal); high GPA
-First Class Medical Certicate from an FAA medical examiner
-Private Pilot's License
-Somewhere in the region of 3000 hours flight time
-Certified Instrument Rating
-Commerical Certificate
-Certfified CFII and MEI ratings
-A helpful way to gain plenty of flight experience to to get an Instructor's Certificate and actually teach at a flight school.
-Often, Air Force pilots become Airline pilots after they retire

Hm....

Better get cracking, buddy. Flying lessons like the ones here can cost in the region of $10,000 for a full course with a pilot's license at the end (not including Instrument Rating training, etc), so if you're REALLY serious about it, you'll need to start working part-time jobs NOW. On the bright side: if it IS what you really want to do, then it's definitely achievable ($10,000 sounds like more than it is), and at your age, you're way ahead of the game - most people don't know what they want to do waaaay into their 20s.

$10,000? I'm not even old enough to get a part-time job. D: Well, better get started when I can, then.

But as I said, I'm not sure completely, though I would like to fly.

If you're old enough to have a girlfriend, you're old enough to have at least a paper route. Or you could mow lawns for elderly neighbours. OH! And cutting hedges and general gardening stuff always needs to be done, and people rarely want to do it themselves. So they hire you!

Plus, with all the hours you'll spend working, you'll achieve two things with your girlfriend (hopefully):
1 - more cash means more attractive (it's sad but true when it comes to teenagers - wait until you get a car; you'll have to beat them away with a stick! )
2 - absence makes the heart grow fonder

**** women they make zero sense.

Oh Yami. You beautiful man.

I'm ****ed socially, and don't know what to do.

Basically, I have two groups of friends. School friends and friends from where I live. The friends from school I never saw when I went out, only in school, and the friends I went out with have all ended up as drug obsessed stoners who do (literally) nothing but get wrecked 24/7.

So now, November 2009, I'm feeling pretty much lonely. I don't really want to hang out with the friends I did, because they all just sit in peoples houses (see: council houses using dole money) and, well, get wrecked. The friends from school who are actually decent people now live all over the place due to University and whatever. There are two people (Gary and Dan) who live close to me who go out drinking, but I haven't seen them in years because they never came out before.

Eh, I don't know what to do. I'm not in college now, but even when I was, I couldn't make friends with anyone, they were all just 'people I talked to'. I'm pretty sick of my life, sitting on this computer posting at ZU getting excited about video games.

OK so you're finished college. Do you have a job and if so, do you get along with the people you work with? If you don't have a job, that should probably be your first concern - making new friends should come second since it's easier to socialise when you have a steady income anyway.

I have a crappy job at Tesco, lol. I find it hard to make friends though, they're more 'people I talk to'. Maybe I should just go to the local and have a few drinks with the few friends that still live nearby from school.

Originally Posted by GK: 5895/9999

I have a crappy job at Tesco, lol. I find it hard to make friends though, they're more 'people I talk to'. Maybe I should just go to the local and have a few drinks with the few friends that still live nearby from school.

Well if you still consider them friends after all this time, then yes, definitely. Might I also recommend partaking in some clubs or stuff? Like, a club where you get to know people that have shared interests - like a book club or skydiving club or something. Also, it might be worth making an extra effort with your co-workers; since you have to see them on a daily basis anyway, you may as well get to know them better or whatever.

Haha, a book club. I've been playing guitar since about 11 years old and I skate, so there aren't any clubs I could attend really. As for my co-workers, eh. It's not like I'm being all segregated or something, I just don't see them as my friends. Plus, there aren't many I could be friends with anyway, since a lot of the staff consists of older men and women. Tesco = supermarket.

Help, there's this girl I like but every time I talk to her, she says, "go away you ****ing creep". I don't even stalk her, I just come up to her close, give her a hug, and then talk to her about how awesome she is and other stuff like video games, anime, and music! Then I get close to her again and ask if she wants to hang out! What do I do?

Originally Posted by GK: 5895/9999

Haha, a book club. I've been playing guitar since about 11 years old and I skate, so there aren't any clubs I could attend really. As for my co-workers, eh. It's not like I'm being all segregated or something, I just don't see them as my friends. Plus, there aren't many I could be friends with anyway, since a lot of the staff consists of older men and women. Tesco = supermarket.

Go to a local guitar shop, and sit and play in there for hours. I've met loads of people that way, quite friendly with a few of them as well. Plus, if you get to know the staff well enough, there may be other rewards .

Originally Posted by Nox

Help, there's this girl I like but every time I talk to her, she says, "go away you ****ing creep". I don't even stalk her, I just come up to her close, give her a hug, and then talk to her about how awesome she is and other stuff like video games, anime, and music! Then I get close to her again and ask if she wants to hang out! What do I do?

Tell her "dai suki!" followed by a peace sign, and she'll be all over you.

Originally Posted by robhc

Go to a local guitar shop, and sit and play in there for hours. I've met loads of people that way, quite friendly with a few of them as well. Plus, if you get to know the staff well enough, there may be other rewards .

Hand jobs.

Also, my problem seems to be solved somewhat, since it wasn't really a problem to begin with.