ZU Men's Advice thread

Originally Posted by Slimerspaze

Okay this is a completely different situation. A few months back I was really liking this girl, she really liked me too. She's been a friend since birth and I know her pretty well. Unfortunately I currently reside in North Carolina and she lives in Maryland. By the time I moved this guy started showing up around her facebook pictures, this guys name was Aaron. I just thought he was a friend until I realized it was her new crush. I wasn't exactly destroyed over this, but I was mad. I found his facebook and told him lies about her and called her a slut. (bad move I know) I did this to try make sure he doesn't steal her. Well this douchebag told the girl and she told my best friend who the told me that she knew. I felt really really bad. The next day I told her that I was just being an ass and I was kidding. She forgave me and we're still good friends but I know she's still hurt by it.

Anyway I recently learned that I might be moving back to Maryland. I'm happy about this but I'm also worried. Because when I see this girl again it's going to be awkward as heck. So since the economy sucks at the moment my house hasn't been doing so well on the market. I figure while I wait I outta write her a message and tell her the truth about the situation. The only problem is I don't know what to say, of course it's going to be just as awkward going up there and seeing her knowing that I still have a bit of special feelings for her. So I need your guyses help to figure out what I should say in my big apology message.

I am most definitely not the best person to help you out, but perhaps you should start off with the truth on the "slut" situation, then apologize. After that—well: I cannot give you advice on how to do that.

*points to my last post*

@Slimer: SWEET JEEBUS, that's quite a mess. I WOULD say "I hope you've learned your lesson" but I'd say you have. First things first: I don't know whether you know this or not, but can no longer expect her to like you. I don't know what else you think might come of this apology, but her falling into your arms is not going to happen. If that's your reason for apologising (that you think she might be all like "oh well it was kinda sweet in a way - gimme a kiss"), don't bother. You probably already know that, but just in case you don't.

I had a draft apology written up, but I just deleted it. Why? Because I realised if you actually are sorry, then you already know what you have to say. If you realise that she didn't deserve to have lies spread about her (especially to a guy she liked, and by another guy she trusted), then that's what you'll say. Don't say anything you don't mean. There's no point giving her MY apology, or someone else's.

The awkwardness of an apology is just one of the consequences of your actions - accept it.



@ZeldaMaster#1#1: Is this girl your actual official g/f, or just your date to homecoming? If the former, give her a piece of your mind. If the latter, then just forget her.

Originally Posted by Bravo

@Slimer: SWEET JEEBUS, that's quite a mess. I WOULD say "I hope you've learned your lesson" but I'd say you have. First things first: I don't know whether you know this or not, but can no longer expect her to like you. I don't know what else you think might come of this apology, but her falling into your arms is not going to happen. If that's your reason for apologising (that you think she might be all like "oh well it was kinda sweet in a way - gimme a kiss"), don't bother. You probably already know that, but just in case you don't.

I had a draft apology written up, but I just deleted it. Why? Because I realised if you actually are sorry, then you already know what you have to say. If you realise that she didn't deserve to have lies spread about her (especially to a guy she liked, and by another guy she trusted), then that's what you'll say. Don't say anything you don't mean. There's no point giving her MY apology, or someone else's.

The awkwardness of an apology is just one of the consequences of your actions - accept it.

Not necessarily true. Pending on age and how naive she is. She could very well want you right now.

Under those very strict conditions of course.

Originally Posted by Deckard

Not necessarily true. Pending on age and how naive she is. She could very well want you right now.

Under those very strict conditions of course.

It's POSSIBLE - in the same way that winning the lottery is possible. I've seen it happen the way you describe a million times on TV and in films, but in real life? Never seen it once, nor heard of it.

Well I guess I'll give this a go.

Well, I liked this girl for awhile and someone else asked her out before I got around to it. I think I've started to get over her, but I think I still might like her a good bit. Oh, and her boyfriend is a complete jerk to me most of the time. I guess what I'm asking is how I could deal with the situation or even how I could try to get over her. I still want to be friends with her because she's super awesome. I've been thinking that even if she was single again in the future that she just wouldn't be interested in me though. So I think the healthiest route would be to find a way to get over it.

And I guess this would be a two-part question. I think I have somewhat of a "helpless romantic syndrome", meaning that I constantly think about potential relationships with girls, even after only knowing them for a few days. I don't know how that could be a healthy mindset and I'm thinking that maybe it stems from the fact that I've never really been in a relationship before? I guess what I'm asking is how I could try and fix this kind of mindset in a healthy way.

Originally Posted by YoungLinkFan

Well I guess I'll give this a go.

Well, I liked this girl for awhile and someone else asked her out before I got around to it. I think I've started to get over her, but I think I still might like her a good bit. Oh, and her boyfriend is a complete jerk to me most of the time. I guess what I'm asking is how I could deal with the situation or even how I could try to get over her. I still want to be friends with her because she's super awesome. I've been thinking that even if she was single again in the future that she just wouldn't be interested in me though. So I think the healthiest route would be to find a way to get over it.

And I guess this would be a two-part question. I think I have somewhat of a "helpless romantic syndrome", meaning that I constantly think about potential relationships with girls, even after only knowing them for a few days. I don't know how that could be a healthy mindset and I'm thinking that maybe it stems from the fact that I've never really been in a relationship before? I guess what I'm asking is how I could try and fix this kind of mindset in a healthy way.

In my experience, the easiest way to stop pining after a girl is stop thinking of her as a possible girlfriend and to start thinking of her as just a friend. When you stop thinking of her as the gateway to kissing and another physical satisfactions and start thinking of her as person who just happens to be girl, it'll be easier to stop having feelings for in the romantic sense. This even applies to your hopeless romantic syndrome. Stop thinking of girls in terms of possible girlfriends and start thinking of them as individual people.

If you constantly remind yourself of this, it'll be easier stop yourself for fantasizing about possible relationships with girls you barely know.

Originally Posted by Bravo

@ZeldaMaster#1#1: Is this girl your actual official g/f, or just your date to homecoming? If the former, give her a piece of your mind. If the latter, then just forget her.

The first one.

Hm.... If it'll work, I might as well try. Thanks.

Originally Posted by YoungLinkFan

Well I guess I'll give this a go.

Well, I liked this girl for awhile and someone else asked her out before I got around to it. I think I've started to get over her, but I think I still might like her a good bit. Oh, and her boyfriend is a complete jerk to me most of the time. I guess what I'm asking is how I could deal with the situation or even how I could try to get over her. I still want to be friends with her because she's super awesome. I've been thinking that even if she was single again in the future that she just wouldn't be interested in me though. So I think the healthiest route would be to find a way to get over it.

And I guess this would be a two-part question. I think I have somewhat of a "helpless romantic syndrome", meaning that I constantly think about potential relationships with girls, even after only knowing them for a few days. I don't know how that could be a healthy mindset and I'm thinking that maybe it stems from the fact that I've never really been in a relationship before? I guess what I'm asking is how I could try and fix this kind of mindset in a healthy way.

There is nothing wrong with you - stop feeling guilty for finding girls attractive. There's absolutely nothing unusual about being romantically interested in a girl you've just met. No reasonable girl will find it odd that a guy who's only known them for a week is asking them out.

Your real problem here is that you have little to no self-esteem, and so feel like being interested in an attractive girl is somehow thinking above your station. You are a wonderful person who exercises their mind and their conscience, and a girl who doesn't appreciate you is not a girl you want to be with. Ergo, any time a girl rejects you, you've dodged a bullet.

Your main problem seems to be that once you start liking a girl, you find it difficult to think about anything else. Correct? Well, the only cure for that is to ask her out and see what she says. If she says "yes", then obviously great! If she says "no", then you will no longer wonder whether it MIGHT be possible, and you'll stop thinking about it! So also great. If she says "no" in the way you're worried about (i.e. "What? You think I'd go out with a loser like you? Hey everybody, come over here and help me point and laugh at this freak!"), then you'll feel humiliated for a couple of hours, and then you'll suddenly realise "hang on a sec... the problem's not with me... the problem is that she's a ♥♥♥♥♥!". And all of a sudden your self-esteem will be fine again. Though to be perfectly honest, her being that mean is unlikely.

The above advice doesn't apply to situations when the girl already has a boyfriend, though. In such a case, asking her out anyway is likely to alienate/offend her, and that won't be her fault since you should've known better. In such a case, the best thing to do is find another girl to be interested in, and spend less time with this one. DO NOT be confused: you say this one is "super awesome", but that's your dick's opinion (pardon my crudity). You have put her on a pedestal and she's just human, like anyone else. She may be a nice girl, but trying to convince yourself that you're happy "just being friends" will fool only yourself. You are dangerously close to the Friend Zone - soon you'll be listening to her complain about her boyfriend, and will be secretly hoping that they break up so that you can be her shoulder to cry on. That's NO way to live. Like I said: she may be a nice girl, but cut back on your time with her until such a time as you don't feel that way about her anymore. For both your sakes. It's for the best.

Originally Posted by ZeldaMaster#1#1

The first one.

Hm.... If it'll work, I might as well try. Thanks.

Good luck... you deserve better treatment than that.

You, sir, are incredibly helpful. Thank you very much for the good advice. I really appreciate it. I'll definitely take it to heart and try to improve on my self-esteem.

Much love.

Originally Posted by YoungLinkFan

You, sir, are incredibly helpful. Thank you very much for the good advice. I really appreciate it. I'll definitely take it to heart and try to improve on my self-esteem.

Much love.

No problem; I've been there myself and found out the hard way, so you don't have to!

Originally Posted by Bravo

Good luck... you deserve better treatment than that.

Yeah. Even worse, we've been dating for almost a year now. And unfortunately, I can't talk until Monday, at school. :<

I'm drunk. Dealing with being dumped. You may see it as a normal thing. But I was dumped 2 months ago!!!! For her ex. Why can't I get over her?

Originally Posted by Acid

I'm drunk. Dealing with being dumped. You may see it as a normal thing. But I was dumped 2 months ago!!!! For her ex. Why can't I get over her?

Because your relationship with her obviously formed what you see as an important part of your life. Being drunk doesn't help. You need to remember that you're young; you'll probably go through heaps of relationships with girls over the course of your life. A relationship with just one isn't important, and if she left you for her ex, she was probably a useless whore anyway.

Originally Posted by Jodd

Because your relationship with her obviously formed what you see as an important part of your life. Being drunk doesn't help. You need to remember that you're young; you'll probably go through heaps of relationships with girls over the course of your life. A relationship with just one isn't important, and if she left you for her ex, she was probably a useless whore anyway.

^My sentiments exactly. All you need is time, and to stay away from her (if you get drunk and text her at midnight telling her how you feel, it'll just make things worse, so just cut her out of your life).

And do things that make you happy. You now have a whole lot more free time that she doesn't have a monopoly on, so you can learn guitar or kung fu or something. Think in terms of opportunity.

Yeah, I have a crush.

The problem is, I'm good friends with her. If I ask her out, I may lose one of my good friends forever.

What do I do?

Arrange some group outing (like to the cinema) with you, her, and your mutual friends, and ask her if she wants to meet up for coffee beforehand, or if she wants company on the walk home afterwards, etc. There are many numerous ways you can make a "date" without making it uncomfortable. Then, when alone, it should be fairly easy to gauge whether she's interested in you.

In any case, if she stopped being your friend JUST for asking her out, you haven't lost that great of a friend now, have you?

Originally Posted by LinkingTheMemories

Yeah, I have a crush.

The problem is, I'm good friends with her. If I ask her out, I may lose one of my good friends forever.

What do I do?

when it comes down to it, either have the testicals to ask or torture yourself with 'what if' thoughts forever, really.


Come up with innocent ways of having her tell you what she feels about you. That is probably the safest thing to do before you start asking anything else.

There's this kid I'm friends with and he pushed my drink while I was drinking it and it spilled all over me, so I gave him a light punch to the face(in a rather friendly manner). And then he got all serious and ****ing decked me in the nose and gave me a pretty bad nosebleed, I didn't hit him back because I didn't want to start a serious fight over a spilt drink.

Do you think I should beat his ass the next time he does something like that?

Originally Posted by LinksShadow66

There's this kid I'm friends with and he pushed my drink while I was drinking it and it spilled all over me, so I gave him a light punch to the face(in a rather friendly manner). And then he got all serious and ****ing decked me in the nose and gave me a pretty bad nosebleed, I didn't hit him back because I didn't want to start a serious fight over a spilt drink.

Do you think I should beat his ass the next time he does something like that?

Don't take **** from nobody, otherwise you'll become his *****.

A bro shouldn't be a bro's *****, bro.

Originally Posted by Beh

Don't take **** from nobody, otherwise you'll become his *****.

A bro shouldn't be a bro's *****, bro.

Thanks dude.