ZU Men's Advice thread

Originally Posted by mmmmm_PIE

Not that I don't still have my problems

Men of ZU, have you ever struggled with your sense of communal worth?

You know, I have the same sort of thing going on right now.

I spent my high school years doing NJROTC and Civil Air Patrol. I did everything from give marching commands, learning military history and what was most important to me, teaching younger cadets. It gave me a huge feeling of self worth knowing that my lessons were found interesting, educational and helped the younger cadets advance in the program.

I also did a good deal of aeronautics, search and rescue, and political education myself. Ontop of that, I was a Captain in my school's marching band. I kept the younger members in my section in line, while making suretheir musical talents were as high as they could be. So, I was a pretty big help to my "community" during high school.

Now? I'm sitting around at my parent's house with no job, no college education, waiting for an enlistment date.

I didn't toss all that prior work aside because I was lazy, I simply wanted to move on to something bigger, so I could reach out and effect more people. But in order to do that, I have to wait. It sucks, being as I'd like to be working, but due to reasons outside of my control, I can't really add to society right now. I know, soon enough, I'll be back out there doing my best, and making an impact.

My best remedy for you? Just ignore it, and focus on becoming as good of a person as you can be, so when you get back to a situation when you can be helpful and kickass, you will be. Even though getting an education is pretty much leeching off society, you're doing it for the greater good (hopefully).

Heck, think of it as you "obligation" to the community to further yourself, so you can do something meaningful in the future.

Originally Posted by Forte

Speaking of which, recently I haven't had many problems. I used to be a VERY stressed out kid. I'm a very happy person now. Not only that, but I'm a better person now. Life is lookin' up guys!

Hurrah! :D

mmmmm_PIE:

The world doesn't need your help to survive, but I bet there's a lot you can voluntarily contribute to make it better anyway! Just because someone doesn't say "I specifically need you for my survival!" doesn't mean you can't make a great positive impact on his/her life.

Like your friends, for example. Did they specifically tell you, "Need...new...friend...to avert...severe depression...*hack* *cough*" when you first met? Probably not. But you gave them all the great benefits of having you as a friend. Benefits so great that they'd be worried if you weren't in their lives anymore!

What I'm saying is, someone desperately in trouble is not a prerequisite for making excellent contributions; volunteer work makes a difference, too.

Are you willing to believe that?

That said, what other options do you have for making the kinds of contributions you want to make (this semester)?

I'm gay.

.. and a girl.

Can I give manly advice? Seriously.

Originally Posted by brokenjoker

I'm gay.

.. and a girl.

Can I give manly advice? Seriously.

Sorry, don't think so. Advice of your calibre still belongs in the other thread.

But what if it came to advice for girls? Hmm? Like, romantically? I mean, I am girl and have dated them... so like, does that count?

Well your advice would be helpful for girls approaching other girls, but society as it is now puts different standards on men than women, regardless of their sexual preference, so the advice here needs to be targeted with the male mind in mind. :/

True, yes, you're right.

And I realized that I may have sounded slightly obnoxious in my last few posts, so please forgive me.

I was, honestly, just curious in lending some kind of helping hand.

Originally Posted by brokenjoker

I was, honestly, just curious in lending some kind of helping hand.

Ya know what, 'Joker? I have a case that you'd be perfect for, involving one of my friends. Catch me on AIM or something, I wouldn't mind talking to you about it.

Originally Posted by brokenjoker

True, yes, you're right.

And I realized that I may have sounded slightly obnoxious in my last few posts, so please forgive me.

I was, honestly, just curious in lending some kind of helping hand.

I understand this, and no, I did not think you sounded obnoxious.

Originally Posted by Mr. Lexxi Aileron

Arcanine: I don't know what to tell you about your parents-- I'd probably take MDK's route personally, but as for overcoming your shyness... sometimes it just takes a confidence boost. Think of something else that you've always wanted to try but been afraid to. You mentioned swimming-- do you participate in competitions? Generally performing or being active in public events helps raise confidence. This might help with overcoming your fear of talking to the girl.

Nah, I don't participate in competitions, I only swim because anything that requires alot of work on my knee I can't do, because I injured it at Army Cadets, and can't bend it that much. Incidentally, I'm a senior rank in cadets, and have to take lessons and drill, which requires confidence, but I never feel I have the confidence until I'm stood there taking it.

I'm away to school, I'll check this when I get home.

@Arcanine: It doesn't sound like you have a great deal of confidence or self-esteem, and from what you've told us, your parents may have a lot to do with that. I'm particularly concerned about your dad and his drinking. My own mother is a powerful women - there isn't a single other person in the world who can make me feel as bad about myself as she can, and she's an alcoholic to boot. Worst it's ever gotten, we once got into a fight over something completely ridiculous while she was in a stupor, and she said to me: "You're not my son anymore." She said it with more venom than I've ever seen. I didn't speak to her for two days, until she tried to make it seem like nothing had happened. When I did confront her and tell her why I was angry, she laughed in face. That was not on. It was eventually resolved, but had a very negative effect on me for months to come, and I ended up destroying my car in a head-on collision with another. Suffice to say, no one was hurt, but it opened my mother's eyes. This happened when I was 19.

I strongly advise that you don't allow this to reach breaking point like I did. I'm no expert in the ways of the North, but I would hazard a guess that you would have to be at least 16 to join the Cadets. If you're any older than that, your parents have absolutely no right to tell you who you're allowed to be social with. It must end now.

Incidentally, was it your own idea to join the Cadets, or did your parents have some say in the matter?

Originally Posted by Notsil

I didn't toss all that prior work aside because I was lazy, I simply wanted to move on to something bigger, so I could reach out and effect more people. But in order to do that, I have to wait. It sucks, being as I'd like to be working, but due to reasons outside of my control, I can't really add to society right now. I know, soon enough, I'll be back out there doing my best, and making an impact.

I'm going through pretty much what's listed here. I'm not in school because I have to wait for it to become cheaper for me (out-of-state tuition costs are insane!), and I can't get a job because the economy sucks right now. But that doesn't mean I can't and don't contribute in other ways. I participate in community activities for the Catholic Student Fellowship on campus, I sing in the choir at Mass, and I attend a meditation/book group.

Just being active helps; you don't have to be doing anything that contributes to larger society. Service projects are always good, though.

Originally Posted by MDK

I'm no expert in the ways of the North, but I would hazard a guess that you would have to be at least 16 to join the Cadets. If you're any older than that, your parents have absolutely no right to tell you who you're allowed to be social with. It must end now.

Incidentally, was it your own idea to join the Cadets, or did your parents have some say in the matter?

You Have to be 12 to join cadets up here, and I joined a month after my 12th birthday (the day my detachment opened), but I'm going to be 17 in February, so that was 5 years ago.

My dad made me join when the ad came through the letter box, but I was going to join anyways.

Originally Posted by Arcanine

I don't know how I want to start this, so I'm just going to start typing and see what happens.

There is a girl at school who I like. However, I have a really hard time approaching and talking to people, even with my friends, they have to start a conversation, I just simply can't talk to people, I'm to shy. My problem is, I want to talk to her, and ask her out. Also, for reasons I don't want to discuss, I can't have my parents find out (jesus christ, I'm nearly 17 and I'm not allowed to even be friends with a girl, never mind go out with someone).

I can't help you much with the 2nd part, I'm afraid, but the first I can assist a bit with.

See, I'm similar. Or was similar, rather. I still find starting conversations with strangers difficult, but not as much as I used to.

First thing, remember that in an absolute worst-case scenario you'll end up mildly embarrassed for half-a-day, so there's little reason not to talk to her.

Second, practice overcoming your shyness. This is more of a long-term thing, and won't help you get a date yet, alas, but it will end up making it much easier for you to be social.

I found that ZU worked wonders for my shyness. Go to the chatroom (If you don't mind rather not safe for work discussions) and chat to people there, talk to people on their walls, etc. Push your boundaries.

I found it much easier to do that sort of thing online than in person. Do that for a bit, then start doing it in real life. Keep an eye out for people who look interesting or who are doing interesting things and go up and talk to them. You don't have to say much, just chat a bit about general stuff.

Eventually you'll be able to do that with pretty much everyone you meet, and it's a great feeling.


As for specifically asking a girl out, I'm afraid I'm really not able to help you there either, aside from saying that just generally chatting with her is a great way to strike up a friendship, just sort of...fish, I suppose, for interests that you have in common.

Originally Posted by BigGoronSword

Ah! What you're telling me is this: You're looking for a girl that has something in common with you (by sharing an activity/club you both go to), however, you're not stepping out of your comfort zones. Why do I get that sort of impression? Well you said that the clubs you've joined mostly have geeky guys...I take it you're a geek aswell (pssst! So am I The secret is out). And let me guess, any girls that are in the clubs, are already taken by another male club member (I've been in the exact same situation).

Hah, pretty much exactly.

How about joining a club that's a little bit outside of your norm? If you want the world to change, you yourself have to change[/guru-like statement]. Now I'm not saying turn a full 180, but try something that you may be comfortable with.

Alas, most clubs aren't taking new members any more, they're oddly...insistent about that here.

But yeah, next term I'll try joining some different ones.

-Religious Clubs: For some adults, religious beliefs go out the window once they touch campus ground for the first time. If you're looking for a good girl to bring back home to mother, this may be a nice place to look around.

Alas, it would seem that few girls on campus care for the Atheists/Agnostics/Freethinkers club, and the fact that I belong to that should tell you about my chances with a girl who belongs to the Campus Crusade for Christ or similar.

Now if clubs aren't your thing (or you just want to "widen your net" as they say) go partying. Now if you're too afraid to go alone (which is completely normal), go with a few (2-4) of your guy friends. You guys may come in the party together, but you certainly don't have to leave together (meaning you may leave with a girl).

>< I'm also not a party person, but yeah, I'm obviously going to have to change stuff to make this work out, so I may as well start going to them. My house-mates are the Ur-party people, so I may go out with them next weekend or something.


Anyways, I'll certainly think about the stuff you and MDK have said, and, as I said, I'll be trying some different stuff next term.

Originally Posted by gdwarf

I can't help you much with the 2nd part, I'm afraid, but the first I can assist a bit with.

See, I'm similar. Or was similar, rather. I still find starting conversations with strangers difficult, but not as much as I used to.

First thing, remember that in an absolute worst-case scenario you'll end up mildly embarrassed for half-a-day, so there's little reason not to talk to her.

Second, practice overcoming your shyness. This is more of a long-term thing, and won't help you get a date yet, alas, but it will end up making it much easier for you to be social.

I found that ZU worked wonders for my shyness. Go to the chatroom (If you don't mind rather not safe for work discussions) and chat to people there, talk to people on their walls, etc. Push your boundaries.

I found it much easier to do that sort of thing online than in person. Do that for a bit, then start doing it in real life. Keep an eye out for people who look interesting or who are doing interesting things and go up and talk to them. You don't have to say much, just chat a bit about general stuff.

Eventually you'll be able to do that with pretty much everyone you meet, and it's a great feeling.

I can talk with people online alright, its just talking with someone face to face that I can't do. I can go into a chatroom and talk away, or go on MSN and speak with people I wouldn't usually speak with. The only place I can't talk online is on sites like bebo, but I'm only ever on those once in a blue moon any ways...

Then you're half-way there already.

The next part is a big step, no question, but once you've managed to talk to a stranger once you're home-free. As I said, just find someone who looks like they're doing something interesting and ask them about it, it's an easy way to start up a conversation, and it trains you to talk to people you don't know.

Originally Posted by gdwarf

Then you're half-way there already.

The next part is a big step, no question, but once you've managed to talk to a stranger once you're home-free. As I said, just find someone who looks like they're doing something interesting and ask them about it, it's an easy way to start up a conversation, and it trains you to talk to people you don't know.

KK, cheers mate.

Originally Posted by Loser Master

In my telecommunications lecture there was a girl who kept looking back my direction for about 3 days multiple amounts of times in one lecture. I get the impression she wants to know me or something like that. I'm looking for friends everywhere so the next lecture I sat next to her and introduced myself. She's really shy. If you know me then you know I love shy people. Doesn't look interested in me, I ask her a question about herself every once in a while before class and I talk about myself. I try to steer into a conversation but she doesn't want to talk. She stopped looking backwards when I sat next to her which means she was looking at me. I guess the reason she did that was because I'm "threatening" to her or something. I think I should give up. Thoughts?

I wouldn't give up if I were you. Make sure that when you are talking, talk softly and gently. Act slightly more shy than you normally would and try to make her feel comfortable. I'm not quite sure what else I can say about this. Just try being more soft when you talk. Meh, it is just a thought.

Originally Posted by Jodd

I have a question. I beat off like, 6 times a day, upward. How do I kick the habit of jerkin' the gherkin whenever I have a spare minute. I should be using that time to study, not shake hands with the president. Does anyone know some ways to keep my hands off the tool?

Ah, yes! I have the perfect thing for you!!! Wear a rubber band around your wrist! And whenever you get the urge to fire the surgeon general, (The reference I just made is an American issue. An Aussie wouldn't understand it x3) snap the rubber band really hard.

Or if that doesn't work...Is there a set routine you go through? Once when you get up, or before you got to bed, or while you're doing work? If there is a time when you normally do it, go off and do something else. Go for a walk or count from one thousand backwards to negative one thousand. Start focusing on something else. Do yoga on Wii-Fit if you have it! xD

My girlfriend is ****ing crazy when she gets drunk.

In the past there have been incidents involving her being too flirtacious with other guys. Last night she went out drinking with 2 of her co-workers and there wasn't too much of a problem, but she rang me and said she misses me and kept calling me baby way too much.

Is it wrong if that made me feel really uneasy? Hmm.

Originally Posted by Eijiro

My girlfriend is ****ing crazy when she gets drunk.

In the past there have been incidents involving her being too flirtacious with other guys. Last night she went out drinking with 2 of her co-workers and there wasn't too much of a problem, but she rang me and said she misses me and kept calling me baby way too much.

Is it wrong if that made me feel really uneasy? Hmm.

It's not wrong. I would be pretty damn suspicious in your shoes. I really despise these kind of things, pisses me off to no end.