ZU Men's Advice thread

I have a question. I beat off like, 6 times a day, upward. How do I kick the habit of jerkin' the gherkin whenever I have a spare minute. I should be using that time to study, not shake hands with the president. Does anyone know some ways to keep my hands off the tool?

Originally Posted by Raunm

I can imagine. I'm friends with a lot of college guys, and all their friends whom are girls are attractive, intelligent, and ass loads more mature than the stupid girls at my High School.

Is this possibly the reason why you find yourself more inclined towards more mature women, because you've seen the greener grass?

Originally Posted by MDK

Is this possibly the reason why you find yourself more inclined towards more mature women, because you've seen the greener grass?

Well that, and also because the relationships I have been in with younger girls/girls my age/girls in high school have just. Sucked. The first real relationship I was in lasted a year, and we did the same thing every friday. I'd go to her house, we'd watch a movie, tease eachother, make out, then go our merry way. Sure, sounds perfect, but she had a lot of self-image issues, and as I got older, I realized how ****ing annoying it was. So I broke up with her, and now she is always talking about how I made her have an eating disorder and how depressed she was/is and ****. Then another girl I was involved with is really cool and fun to be with, but she was always real shy when I'd try and be outgoing to get her to open up, and she'd just sometimes ignore me. She'd say we'll hang out on a certain day, then not call me on that day and not answer her phone when I called.

AND THEN another girl I was involved with was real crazy, full of energy and ****. I liked her at first, but after a while I realized we only really texted eachother and rarely saw eachother, so I broke it off. And then she cut herself. And told me and blamed me.

And I could just go on and on, but that's basically the short version.

Originally Posted by MDK

What kind of difficulties do you have with your dad?

Just don't get on with him, we argue alot and he refuses to do anything for me ie. if I'm in town with my mates and miss my bus or the train, he won't pick me up, I have to walk home. Really unless it is something for school, he won't do anything. Also he's a right prick when he's drunk, which is most of the time he isn't working.

I'm away to bed, I'll check this thread tomorrow before I leave for school.

Dads just suck in general I guess. lol My step dad beat the snot out of me last night.. and my real dad is a coward... so.. To hell with fathers. lol

Originally Posted by Raunm

Well that, and also because the relationships I have been in with younger girls/girls my age/girls in high school have just. Sucked. The first real relationship I was in lasted a year, and we did the same thing every friday. I'd go to her house, we'd watch a movie, tease eachother, make out, then go our merry way. Sure, sounds perfect, but she had a lot of self-image issues, and as I got older, I realized how ****ing annoying it was. So I broke up with her, and now she is always talking about how I made her have an eating disorder and how depressed she was/is and ****. Then another girl I was involved with is really cool and fun to be with, but she was always real shy when I'd try and be outgoing to get her to open up, and she'd just sometimes ignore me. She'd say we'll hang out on a certain day, then not call me on that day and not answer her phone when I called.

AND THEN another girl I was involved with was real crazy, full of energy and ****. I liked her at first, but after a while I realized we only really texted eachother and rarely saw eachother, so I broke it off. And then she cut herself. And told me and blamed me.

And I could just go on and on, but that's basically the short version.

Wow. I just avoid/ed high school relationships because it's mostly (Even if only subconsciously) just to prove to other people that you can get a girl/boy friend. And I saw no point in this. Besides, not one person in my High School is remotely like me, so I'll befriend them, but I'm not gonna get into all of that crap.


Although that's just...strange. I guess, just...I don't know. So far not being in a relationship has helped me loads. So, I guess that's my advice.

Originally Posted by Forte

Wow. I just avoid/ed high school relationships because it's mostly (Even if only subconsciously) just to prove to other people that you can get a girl/boy friend. And I saw no point in this. Besides, not one person in my High School is remotely like me, so I'll befriend them, but I'm not gonna get into all of that crap.


Although that's just...strange. I guess, just...I don't know. So far not being in a relationship has helped me loads. So, I guess that's my advice.

Yeah, I've been avoiding them pretty well. But it'd be nice to meet someone sane to be with.

LoserMaster: By "she doesn't want to talk" do you mean you're essentially talking to a wall before class or she just never wants to talk about herself? Also, should you give up? No, keep being nice and friendly. It may not get anywhere, but at least it's got more potential than giving up. If she starts to give indication that she's creeped out you might want to tone it down a little, though.

linksmolecules: Since she goes to the same university as you do, you could try asking whether she wants to pick up some lunch/dinner either between her classes and work or something. Start off casual; it's not always the case that guys asking girls to lunch is considered "threatening"-- I've been lunching with a lot of my female friends many times. It's normal for students in college to be social. Be confident, but ask nicely, and you'll be fine. I don't so much think it matters where you ask her, or even if other guys are around (she might be impressed if you ask in front of other guys) but try to find a good time.

VenomousNinja: It's hard to determine which people are "trustworthy." Generally I'd say the people who trust you most are the people most likely to respect your trust in them, however. It takes some time to decide when you think this level of trust is really achieved. If they're willing to confide close personal information in you, however, and you demonstrate confidentiality, they will more probably extend the same courtesy. This isn't true of everybody, but I'd say it as a general rule.

Arcanine: I don't know what to tell you about your parents-- I'd probably take MDK's route personally, but as for overcoming your shyness... sometimes it just takes a confidence boost. Think of something else that you've always wanted to try but been afraid to. You mentioned swimming-- do you participate in competitions? Generally performing or being active in public events helps raise confidence. This might help with overcoming your fear of talking to the girl.

Jodd: If you know anyone who you could talk about it to who'd get on your case about it, that generally helps. My now-fiancée did this for me and it worked wonders.

Raunm: Generally I've found the closer a girl is to your age the more satisfying the relationship is, but I also think that, instead of thinking the problem is with younger girls (it's not, really) you've just been getting in too deep with people you don't have strong connections with in the first place. Seem accurate?

Originally Posted by Jodd

I have a question. I beat off like, 6 times a day, upward. How do I kick the habit of jerkin' the gherkin whenever I have a spare minute. I should be using that time to study, not shake hands with the president. Does anyone know some ways to keep my hands off the tool?

Get someone else to do it for you.

@Raunm: I've gotta say, that's some awfully bad luck with women you've had. I hold a similar belief to Forte, in that high school relationships generally aren't taken seriously by one party or the other. For those like myself who search for something genuine, they tend not to be the answer. This is probably why you find yourself drawn to college women, as they seem so much more intelligent and mature.

I'd advise you not to put too much faith in this generalisation, because at the end of the day, a lot of college women are simply high school girls that have changed schools. I'm of the belief that college is the best place to meet a woman - I met my girlfriend in my second year - but believe me, a lot of people in college are the same idiots as they were in high school with more time to be idiots. All I can suggest is: give it time. I wouldn't advise looking for a college girlfriend until you're in college yourself.

Originally Posted by Lelouch

Get someone else to do it for you.

Oh man, I love you.

Originally Posted by Jodd

I have a question. I beat off like, 6 times a day, upward. How do I kick the habit of jerkin' the gherkin whenever I have a spare minute. I should be using that time to study, not shake hands with the president. Does anyone know some ways to keep my hands off the tool?

This seems like the perfect question for Power Shot, master of such things.

As a personal choice, I do not masterbate. This is mostly because I have noticed its addictive qualities and I myself do not want to be addicted to something like masterbation. I have never done so, and I will say that it makes me much more powerful, and gives me a great advantage over women, who believe us all monsters who cannot control ourselves. I am the exception.

Methods vary, but my experience is that most people masterbate due to a lack of any other way to relieve tension. I suggest learning the arts of Tantra, searching for others ways to relieve your stress. You will find that this will greatly increase your success with women, primarily because all of your attention can be brought upon getting them. Destroy any belief that you need to masterbate.

However, like any habit, it is incredibly difficult to kick. Try masterbating less and less each day, until you find you no longer need to in order to make it through the day.

Originally Posted by Jodd

I have a question. I beat off like, 6 times a day, upward. How do I kick the habit of jerkin' the gherkin whenever I have a spare minute. I should be using that time to study, not shake hands with the president. Does anyone know some ways to keep my hands off the tool?

So, from what I've learned, the best way to get yourself to stop gettin' off constantly is to find another vent for stress and such, as Powershot said. My recommendation? Exercise, or some sort of semi-high intensity physical activity. Sure, its not easy to get into, and its not always super fun, but the benefits are endless. You'll feel better, gain more energy, feel accomplished, and lastly tire yourself out enough that you won't need to get yourself off every twenty seconds.

And hey, to be honest, when you do get around to masturbating it'll feel that much better.

Butttt, getting someone else to do it for you is the pro choice. >>

Originally Posted by Jodd

I have a question. I beat off like, 6 times a day, upward. How do I kick the habit of jerkin' the gherkin whenever I have a spare minute. I should be using that time to study, not shake hands with the president. Does anyone know some ways to keep my hands off the tool?

I have the same exact problem. Usually, when I want to get my mind off of it, I start exercising like push ups or something. If that doesn't work, play whatever video game is lying around at the moment. But in the end, we can't and will never win. Masturbation always wins. I HOPE THAT HELPS.

Originally Posted by Power Shot

As a personal choice, I do not masturbate.

Lies.

Originally Posted by Power Shot

This seems like the perfect question for Power Shot, master of such things.

As a personal choice, I do not masterbate. This is mostly because I have noticed its addictive qualities and I myself do not want to be addicted to something like masterbation. I have never done so, and I will say that it makes me much more powerful, and gives me a great advantage over women, who believe us all monsters who cannot control ourselves. I am the exception.

Methods vary, but my experience is that most people masterbate due to a lack of any other way to relieve tension. I suggest learning the arts of Tantra, searching for others ways to relieve your stress. You will find that this will greatly increase your success with women, primarily because all of your attention can be brought upon getting them. Destroy any belief that you need to masterbate.

However, like any habit, it is incredibly difficult to kick. Try masterbating less and less each day, until you find you no longer need to in order to make it through the day.

I also do not masturbate for similar reasons. Another reason is that it seems so nasty. I'd rather not start. I think another reason I don't is because everyone in my school who is a complete dumbass, well they just happen to masturbate constantly. I'm not saying that stupidity is linked to masturbation, I'm just saying that, they're idiots, and they do it. I, for one, have self control.

Originally Posted by Mr. Lexxi Aileron

LoserMaster: By "she doesn't want to talk" do you mean you're essentially talking to a wall before class or she just never wants to talk about herself? Also, should you give up? No, keep being nice and friendly. It may not get anywhere, but at least it's got more potential than giving up. If she starts to give indication that she's creeped out you might want to tone it down a little, though.

"So from your homework it looks like you're majoring in Business."
"Oh... no... this is a minor."
"What are you majoring in?"
"This."
"You planning on becoming a producer?"
"I don't know."
"Well if you do, I can always use the money."
"..."

Not so much talking to a wall, it's just difficult because the most I get are short word responses. I am getting a vibe of being a creeper, because after class she darts out the door. We are in the middle so maybe she's trying to avoid the traffic of people. I offered an opportunity to her once about being involved in one of the bi-semester projects we have to do to which was rejected.

I'm not upset, I just don't this person to be uncomfortable and see me as a stalker.

I'm happy to see guys taking pride in and having control over their own sexuality, but I'd like to caution younger men still making choices in this regard.

I didn't masturbate for three years after hitting puberty. At first this was for purely for moral and spiritual reasons (all of which I still stand by), but over time I replaced those good reasons with general disgust at the process... unfortunately this spiraled out of control; disgust with masturbation became disgust with my own body, eventually reaching the point where I literally could not look at myself naked. My self-confidence, social capability, and personal hygiene all suffered: still all I felt was pride in my own self control.

Things eventually changed for the better (how is a looooong story) and I now have what I believe is a healthy relationship with my own physical sexuality. I learned the puberty and physical development are things you simply can not run from, and the earlier you confront them, the healthier and happier you'll be in adolescence. After you're comfortable with yourself, you might still feel masturbation is unnecessary and all power to ya.
---
Not that I don't still have my problems

Men of ZU, have you ever struggled with your sense of communal worth?

This summer, I worked at an active, fulfilling, 11-hour-per-day job. I was part of a team of three guys on a job that absolutely required three bodies. Every single day, I woke up knowing that If I didn't go to work I'd be a huge let down to my boss and my co-workers... I didn't think about it much at the time, but I guess I came to like being that essential to a larger operation.

Now I'm back at school, and things are completely different. I could lie in bed for an entire week, and the world wouldn't care much. My friends would worry and my grades would suffer, but life would keep moving without me. Its getting me down.... big time. I socialize plenty, and meet weekly with two clubs, so I don't feel separated from those around me, but I feel pitiful when I consider how little of value I contribute to my community.

Anyone been here before? Whats a guy to do?

Originally Posted by mmmmm_PIE

I'm happy to see guys taking pride in and having control over their own sexuality, but I'd like to caution younger men still making choices in this regard.

I didn't masturbate for three years after hitting puberty. At first this was for purely for moral and spiritual reasons (all of which I still stand by), but over time I replaced those good reasons with general disgust at the process... unfortunately this spiraled out of control; disgust with masturbation became disgust with my own body, eventually reaching the point where I literally could not look at myself naked. My self-confidence, social capability, and personal hygiene all suffered: still all I felt was pride in my own self control.

Things eventually changed for the better (how is a looooong story) and I now have what I believe is a healthy relationship with my own physical sexuality. I learned the puberty and physical development are things you simply can not run from, and the earlier you confront them, the healthier and happier you'll be in adolescence. After you're comfortable with yourself, you might still feel masturbation is unnecessary and all power to ya.
---
Not that I don't still have my problems

Men of ZU, have you ever struggled with your sense of communal worth?

This summer, I worked at an active, fulfilling, 11-hour-per-day job. I was part of a team of three guys on a job that absolutely required three bodies. Every single day, I woke up knowing that If I didn't go to work I'd be a huge let down to my boss and my co-workers... I didn't think about it much at the time, but I guess I came to like being that essential to a larger operation.

Now I'm back at school, and things are completely different. I could lie in bed for an entire week, and the world wouldn't care much. My friends would worry and my grades would suffer, but life would keep moving without me. Its getting me down.... big time. I socialize plenty, and meet weekly with two clubs, so I don't feel separated from those around me, but I feel pitiful when I consider how little of value I contribute to my community.

Anyone been here before? Whats a guy to do?

I don't masturbate, I'm proud of my self control, but I'm proud of my body. Truly am. I literally think I could be a male model when I look at myself in the mirror. Maybe I have a natural ego, maybe I truly am that hot. I don't know. And I'm 5 years into puberty.

^Which is excellent! I know people with my sort of problem will be in a minority, but I feel compelled to caution young men as I wish someone had cautioned me...

Originally Posted by mmmmm_PIE

^Which is excellent! I know people with my sort of problem will be in a minority, but I feel compelled to caution young men as I wish someone had cautioned me...

...doesn't sound like a good problem.

Speaking of which, recently I haven't had many problems. I used to be a VERY stressed out kid. I'm a very happy person now. Not only that, but I'm a better person now. Life is lookin' up guys!