ZU Men's Advice thread

Originally Posted by BigGoronSword

At first, there really isn't a way to tell (unless they've been known to gossip before you became friends). Trust is a fragile thing, and that's something you should get across to your friend. This may sound like a devious thing to say, but, "Forgive and Don't Forget (for now)". Say something like "Dude, why the hell did you go tell her for? If I wanted her to know, I would have told her myself. Ok, sure I may not be all that smooth with the ladies, but that's not the way to help me out. I told you about (INSERT GIRL'S NAME HERE) because I just wanted you to know, not to blurt it out to the world. I'm not angry, pissed, or whatever, I just wanted to know what you thought about it."

So forgive him, tell him what you wanted, and I'm sure you'll eventually forget the whole thing ever happened. But now that she does know, it may be a little easier to tell her how you feel (considering it won't come up as a surprise when you want to talk to her).

Hmm... Thanks BGS. I'll do that.

Originally Posted by LoserMaster

In my telecommunications lecture there was a girl who kept looking back my direction for about 3 days multiple amounts of times in one lecture. I get the impression she wants to know me or something like that. I'm looking for friends everywhere so the next lecture I sat next to her and introduced myself. She's really shy. If you know me then you know I love shy people. Doesn't look interested in me, I ask her a question about herself every once in a while before class and I talk about myself. I try to steer into a conversation but she doesn't want to talk. She stopped looking backwards when I sat next to her which means she was looking at me. I guess the reason she did that was because I'm "threatening" to her or something. I think I should give up. Thoughts?

Maybe you did come off a little too strong for her. It's not a bad thing for certain moments, but it wasn't for this one. Not all shy girls are the same, some can be quite a challenge. That's why you have to easy your way into their comfort level. If that doesn't float your boat then take a second glance around the class, there might be another glancing back.

-BGS

PS: Forte & MDK please take your conversation outside of this thread.

For all the Team Members, I've created this nifty banner if you any of you wish to use it in your signatures. Feel free =)



Glad the thread kicked off =)

Originally Posted by MDK

You make it sound as if he should be able to see it written on their faces just because he's pubescent. The world is not black and white, and neither are the people who live in it. This is a thread where guys can seek advice for any problems they may be having. This is clearly an issue for VN, and yet you offer no advice or support - instead you attempt to belittle and invalidate his issue. Surely a black-and-white individual such as yourself can see what's wrong here without someone having to spell it out for you?

...No I'm not. I understand that he can't see who he can and can't trust. He's in 7th grade. My friends in 7th grade were ass holes who did nothing but make me an ass hole. Trusting them was a huge mistake, but I learned from it. I'm sorry I'm not offering any advice or support, but when I went through the exact same thing, I did nothing but sit in self pity and I waited. I ended up shaking it off and got over it. That's not good advice, therefore I did not give it to him. I'm most definitely not a black-and-white individual. Although I can sort of understand why you think so considering the fact that you've never met me, nor have you had an actual conversation with me. Only a pointless argument which is changing nothing.

All I'm saying is that, eventually, he will know who he can and can't trust. At least, I can. For example, my best friend is not very smart, not stupid either. I know that's irrelevant but I pointed it out because he differs from me in that aspect. Also, he's a huge ass hole to most everybody. BUT, I trust him with my life. We get into stupid little quarrels every now and again, but I know that I can trust him.

I don't know how I want to start this, so I'm just going to start typing and see what happens.

There is a girl at school who I like. However, I have a really hard time approaching and talking to people, even with my friends, they have to start a conversation, I just simply can't talk to people, I'm to shy. My problem is, I want to talk to her, and ask her out. Also, for reasons I don't want to discuss, I can't have my parents find out (jesus christ, I'm nearly 17 and I'm not allowed to even be friends with a girl, never mind go out with someone).

Why don't your parents allow you to be friends with girls, Arcanine? Is it a cultural/religious thing, or is it just because they don't want you getting distracted from things like studies, or they don't want you getting hurt?

I seem to like Twilight Kitty a lot, and I've spoken with him for like 2 days. We have... interesting conversations over MSN. How should I act, really?

Originally Posted by Link?

I seem to like Twilight Kitty a lot, and I've spoken with him for like 2 days. We have... interesting conversations over MSN. How should I act, really?

Aww Link...dont act.
Just be yourself. Trust me, I'd be happier that way, and you would be too

Originally Posted by Twilight Kitty

Aww Link...dont act.
Just be yourself. Trust me, I'd be happier that way, and you would be too

Oh, I'll just jump into your pants without thinking then.

Originally Posted by Jodd

Why don't your parents allow you to be friends with girls, Arcanine? Is it a cultural/religious thing, or is it just because they don't want you getting distracted from things like studies, or they don't want you getting hurt?

I don't exactly know why I'm not allowed to, I just know I'm not, and I've been threatened to have things like my computer/phone etc. taken off me, and to have them stop paying for my swimming, which I do every other day. Also I know it isn't anything to do with religion, my family isn't religious, and the culture here there's nothing wrong with it. Though they are both from Canada (they lived in most parts of the country at some time or another), so I don't know what it's like there, I was only born there and brought up in N. Ireland.

EDIT:

Originally Posted by Forte

Hm, I've never had a girlfriend, simply because I prefer to stay friends. We all know what happens when a friend becomes a girlfriend. Anywho. Generally, I don't start conversations with anybody. I wait. Not the best way but it works. Although the best way to start a conversation with anybody, is to comment on something they said or did. For instance, this one girl who sits behind me in English class is now a good friend of mine. Why? Well because I volunteered to read something I wrote in English class and apparently, she liked it. My awesome ability to write about something I've done in the past sparked a friendship.

I do not think this helped all that much, but I do think that it helped somewhat. I'm not shy, so it's hard to help someone who is shy.

I would do something like that, but we are both only doing 4 subjects, and they are all really hard to talk about something in, as they are things that can't be argued (3 sciences and math, damn A levels...). Also we are both really quite so can't talk about something that one of us said.

Originally Posted by Arcanine

I don't exactly know why I'm not allowed to, I just know I'm not, and I've been threatened to have things like my computer/phone etc. taken off me, and to have them stop paying for my swimming, which I do every other day. Also I know it isn't anything to do with religion, my family isn't religious, and the culture here there's nothing wrong with it. Though they are both from Canada (they lived in most parts of the country at some time or another), so I don't know what it's like there, I was only born there and brought up in N. Ireland.

If I were you, I would demand to know the reason. Make the sacrifice, let them take away your belongings for a little while if that's what it takes, but you absolutely have the right to know why they forbid you to befriend someone of another gender, and they have no right to withold that from you.

Younger men dating older women.

Does it work?

Originally Posted by Raunm

Younger men dating older women.

Does it work?

That depends on exactly what kind of age gaps we're dealing with. What's yours?

Well I'm seventeen, turning eighteen in January, and I tend to like girls in their early twenties, nothing over twenty-five. I'd probably be fine if I just waited til I graduated High School. I'm just in an awkward place in life, too old/mature for these stupid high school girls, too young/naive for these older more developed college women.

Originally Posted by Arcanine

I don't exactly know why I'm not allowed to, I just know I'm not, and I've been threatened to have things like my computer/phone etc. taken off me, and to have them stop paying for my swimming, which I do every other day. Also I know it isn't anything to do with religion, my family isn't religious, and the culture here there's nothing wrong with it. Though they are both from Canada (they lived in most parts of the country at some time or another), so I don't know what it's like there, I was only born there and brought up in N. Ireland.

Perhaps the best thing to do, then, would be to solve your problem at the source: your parents. Sit down and have a talk with them, if you feel comfortable with it. Ask them why they feel you shouldn't be friends with girls. From what you've shared, they don't have a particularly good reason.

Being friends with only males excludes half the population from your potential list of contacts. If they do have some reasons, here are some counter-arguments I can think of:
They're afraid of you getting hurt - Getting hurt is part of growing up, and it allows you learn from your mistakes and mature as a person. Even if a girl does break your heart, better it happen now and you get over it, than in 10/20/30 years time, when such a loss would be even more devastating.

They don't want you to be distracted - Youth is all about juggling massive amounts of things. Friends, school, extra-curricular activities, all of these things. Adult life doesn't change much. You still have work, deadlines, and the like. Tell them that learning how to balance a romantic life now is a skill you will definitely need in future, and it's best that you be exposed to such an environment now, if just as a learning experience.

I had others, but it's 5am and I haven't slept at all tonight. If I think of others, I'll let you know. But seriously, the best thing to do is to resolve the issue with your parents first. If you don't feel comfortable designating a time to physically sit down and do the deep and meaningful conversation thing, try and bring it up casually with whichever parent you feel more comfortable with. Saying "Hey mum, why do you think this" while you're doing the dishes generally makes things a lot less awkward for males. Likewise, it might be better to talk to your dad if you're just watching a TV show neither of you are really interested in. Also, make it a situation in which either one of you can leave freely if the discussion gets awkward or turns bad. Bringing up the issue while driving means neither of you can really leave. Try and do it where you can say "Okay, I have to go now" at any time.

Originally Posted by Raunm

older more developed college women.

You'd be surprised.

Originally Posted by Forte

You'd be surprised.

Of how not developed and immature college women can be?

Originally Posted by Raunm

Of how not developed and immature college women can be?

Yes.

Right I'll try talking with my parents, probably my mum, because I hate my dad with a passion. I don't even mind them taking my belongings (though it does make talking woth my friends rather difficult, as they all live ages away from me...), it's taking my swim money that worries me, as its the only exercise thats easy for me to do, apart from walking my dog.

Originally Posted by Arcanine

Right I'll try talking with my parents, probably my mum, because I hate my dad with a passion. I don't even mind them taking my belongings (though it does make talking woth my friends rather difficult, as they all live ages away from me...), it's taking my swim money that worries me, as its the only exercise thats easy for me to do, apart from walking my dog.

As long as you have something to lose, they can control you by threatening to take it away, and from what I can tell, as Jodd says, they don't have very good reasons for manipulating you like this. You have to decide for yourself if it's truly worth the risk. I would be inclined to tell you that this is placing a huge restriction on you socially and emotionally, and it's not fair of your parents to force this on you, and so it may well be worth making life a bit more difficult in order to try and resolve this.

What kind of difficulties do you have with your dad?