ZU Men's Advice thread

Not that this isn't serious, but it doesn't need to be segregated into "serious business." To GCC it goes!

Friends are people you like and get along with. That doesn't mean you have to have the same interests, or they have to be a good influence. You should have a strong enough will to make the right choices. If you like your friends, then stay with them, just make them know that you're going to stay who you are, and how you are. If you are thier friend they'll be cool with that, if not, screw them.

Originally Posted by stalfos child

If I could rewind time things would be different.

In my area and maybe yours, the friends you make in about yr9 or yr 10 (14 an 15) are the ones you stick with till uni (i'm frm da uk). I'v just had a look at mylife so far (i'm 17) and realised that I hang around with a bunch of underachievers who mainly smoke weed, drink, an take the piss ot of each other the whole time. Now that I look at it i'v realised that this really isn't what I want, an I can't figure out how i got myself into this situation. I'v started to think that if I had the chance to rewind time, I would of made friends with different people. The thing is I don't know if I would of, you see i'm too loyal to them, even though I know most of them are bad influences, I don't really know why i'm posting this, but i'm hoping uni will give me a fresh start, can anyone give me some advice? Has anyone had a similar experience? Am I worrying for nothing?

If this isn't enough info, just say.

I've had friends like that before. Just ditch em'. You will find yourself making better friends when you do so, take it from me. A friend should be somebody you feel comfortable around, will accept you for who you are, scratches your back when you scratch theirs, and can trust. You shouldn't compromise with friends and you shouldn't have to try and change what you don't like about them. Just stop talking to them and let them change on their own. It'll be a bit hard at first, but you'll find yourself making better friends in the process.

Originally Posted by Nox

I've had friends like that before. Just ditch em'. You will find yourself making better friends when you do so, take it from me. A friend should be somebody you feel comfortable around, will accept you for who you are, scratches your back when you scratch theirs, and can trust. You shouldn't compromise with friends and you shouldn't have to try and change what you don't like about them. Just stop talking to them and let them change on their own. It'll be a bit hard at first, but you'll find yourself making better friends in the process.

Yeah, this is a influence Nox and myself wish to forget.

You will find cooler people my man, who won't ****in' piss you over, you know or try to change you.

Recently a friend of mine committed a serious crime of attempted murder and arson. He set fire to his apartment where his 8 month pregnant girlfriend was sleeping in. He is now being help in a prison and awaits trial still, he's on suicide watch and can't take a shower for fear of damaging himself. I can't sympathize with my friend. The way he set out to commit the crime was so preemptive that I doubt there was any form of state of insanity. I recognize that he has severe bipolar disorder causing him to have a temper problem. But the way he sought out to try and murder his pregnant girlfriend was not a lack of judgment. My friend has no form of transportation other than his own two feet. The place he shopped at was a mile away. He had to walk a mile and back, buy a container of gas, and walk another mile back. This is not just a lapse of decision good making.

Now it sounds easy to say "He's a terrible person, I hope he rots for life." but I knew this guy, he worked very hard to make sure that his kid would have a good life. He gave up a lot of his freedoms for his girlfriend and his child. However, it's ignorant to say that he doesn't deserve to be treated so badly in jail.

Now I bring this up because I'm caught in a conflict. My friend group in in support for the locked away friend. I hope that my jailed friend finds inner peace and becomes a better person. I don't want him to be bitter to the world, I want this experience to better himself. I don't support how my friends feel on the situation. They feel that he needs to be comforted. I can't comfort this man. He made a terrible and horrid decision. They had to have a C section to get the child out before treating the mom's severe burns.

While at the same time my parents have this completely black and white view of the situation. They don't see this person as human anymore. They see him as scum. He's not scum. He has potential, he could do everything I couldn't. they keep saying the phrase, "He seemed like such a nice person." I try to explain to them that he has had it worse that me in his life and everyone already treated him like **** for working to pay money for his child. But this is no excuse to them, obviously it isn't an excuse. He did a terrible thing, this isn't a slap on the wrist. I want them to realize that he has a personality and just because of this serious crime doesn't void him of his personality. They refuse me to do a jail visit to him based on their own views on this person. Because they feel he is a bad person I must be protected from him. When the trials are over I am figuring out the exact things that were going through his mind to make him come to the idea of wanting to murder his girlfriend.

I'm caught in the middle of two sides of a mystery I can't figure out. I'm not allowed to see the person so I can't figure out his motive, but I don't want to cozy his feet and treat him like a king. I'm lost.

Oh and I have tried to get in contact with his girlfriend, but we can not get in contact with her because I don't possess her phone number. I'm scared for he health, her child, and how she's going to survive with being a single mother.

I think your parents need a good talking to, LoserMaster. Point out to them that everyone makes mistakes, them included, and that you are friends with someone that just happened to make a large one.
As I've not been in a situation like yours before, there isn't much advice I can give regarding exactly what you should talk to your parents about, how to contact his girlfriend etc., but I can help you if you need help finding a way to talk to your parents if you'd like.

I found out that the girlfriend finally got out of her coma and that she had severe burns in her lungs. She got off the respirator yesterday. In the 3 week of her hospitalization her parents and grand parents were taking care of her child. Child Services thought it would be a good idea and take the child and put it into foster care. Now there's a legal battle over the sake of the child. Now with the girlfriend being conscious she may have a say in the subject of her child.

I finally have contact with her. I'm planning on sending her an extravagant gift. I still have no sympathy for my friend.

Jodd that idea didn't work, but thank you for your advice. Unless I can find a way to talk to a brick wall I'm stuck.

I was think of giving her something nice tomarrow, something small like an ice breakers mint.


would that be a good enough gift for a starter?

Originally Posted by aw9000

I was think of giving her something nice tomarrow, something small like an ice breakers mint.


would that be a good enough gift for a starter?

Such a gift is perfect for a starter unless you feel very romantic (eg, asking on the date romantic) and want to buy a red box of chocolate.

Originally Posted by Linkey

Such a gift is perfect for a starter unless you feel very romantic (eg, asking on the date romantic) and want to buy a red box of chocolate.

well you see I would do that on valentines maybe.

I failed to get into a full convers. with her. It was just small talk like


J.M: So how are you?
Me: Im fine I got great news my mom doesnt have cancer!
J.M: thats great!
Me: thanks.
J.M: *smile*
Me: . ..... . ....(Thinking: your beautiful)

And I didnt get the chance to offer her a strawberry ice breakers sour mint.

Im not gonna see her for another week.

Originally Posted by LoserMaster

Unless I can find a way to talk to a brick wall I'm stuck.

How did the conversation go, pray tell? I might be able to advise you further based on that. There are emotional appeals you could make to your parents that would help change their minds. They're not by any means infallible but they're worth a shot.

how should I invite her to my house if she lives far away but I see her every weekend?

Originally Posted by Mr. Lexxi Aileron

How did the conversation go, pray tell? I might be able to advise you further based on that. There are emotional appeals you could make to your parents that would help change their minds. They're not by any means infallible but they're worth a shot.

A is my step mom
B is me

A: You know you and your friends should be supporting Robin and not Jon. She's the real victim.
B: We don't support Jon's actions. And we've been trying to get in contact with Robin.
A: Well you should have asked me how to contact her.
B: You should have told me you had information that would give me a sign that you knew how to contact her.
A: What Jon did was terrible, he shouldn't be sympathized with.
B: He didn't become a monster, he has to take more medication than I do. He had severe bipolar disorder he was probably off his medication for a while.
A: Well, I think you shouldn't go see him.
B: I'm not allowed to go see him.
A: What I meant to say was if you had a choice you shouldn't go see him.

I was about to throw in the "Well your son went to jail and you visited and kept in contact with him" card, but our guest walked upstairs and I didn't want to make a scene.

I had a problem about 10 pages back, about me wanting to ask a girl out and problems with my parents, Things have actually gotten worse with my parents, but that's not what I'm about to ask. I've worked up the courage to ask her out, and I'm just not certain on a couple of things. I'm going to a concert type thing on friday night with some of my mates, because one of my other mates is singing in the choir at it. I was going to ask if she wanted to go with me to it tomorrow (wednesday here). I just want to know if I should, and if I have left it too late to ask or not.

If you could help me ASAP it would be helpful. Cheers.

Originally Posted by Arcanine

I had a problem about 10 pages back, about me wanting to ask a girl out and problems with my parents, Things have actually gotten worse with my parents, but that's not what I'm about to ask. I've worked up the courage to ask her out, and I'm just not certain on a couple of things. I'm going to a concert type thing on friday night with some of my mates, because one of my other mates is singing in the choir at it. I was going to ask if she wanted to go with me to it tomorrow (wednesday here). I just want to know if I should, and if I have left it too late to ask or not.

If you could help me ASAP it would be helpful. Cheers.

If you've been becoming more friendly with her over the last while and you are confident enough to ask her to go with you, there's nothing to stop you from asking her out.

The question you want to ask yourself now is whether or not you want your friends around, or if you'd rather be alone with her. If it's the latter, it might not be the best idea to invite her to this concert with your friends. It's purely up to you to decide what you'd be most comfortable with.

Originally Posted by aw9000

how should I invite her to my house if she lives far away but I see her every weekend?

If it would be difficult to arrange that, I'd leave that for a while longer. It doesn't seem like you're particular close at this point. If you see her at weekends, it might be better to arrange a meeting place, like a shopping centre/mall, you could go to see a movie during the day - you have plenty of options. Just invite her to hang out one weekend and see where that goes. Asking her over to your house might be a bit too personal at this stage.

Arcanine: I went back through and read your earlier posts. I say if you're confident enough to ask this girl to go out then go for it! You may want to take a couple of things into consideration though. What kind of concert are you going to? If it's going to be something really crazy loud, it might not be the best thing to ask her to because you might not really have a chance to even talk to each other much and that would be a shame.

Also, if your other friends are going as well, she may feel more like a pal tagging along than a possible love interest. Of course, the final decision is all yours and if she sees that you're a sincere and fun person that she likes to be around that's all that matters.

Now, as for your parents. That's a toughie. I don't know anything to tell you about that except just to sit down with them and let them know how you feel. Sometimes, they just need to be reminded about how you feel about something.

Hope that helps you a little. ^__^

Cheers guys. I just said to my ma that I wanted to go to it, but she's not going to let me go. What it was, was a concert with a couple of choir's in it, and we were going to it because one of my friends was doing a solo in it. You're advice is appreciated any ways.

Originally Posted by MDK

If it would be difficult to arrange that, I'd leave that for a while longer. It doesn't seem like you're particular close at this point. If you see her at weekends, it might be better to arrange a meeting place, like a shopping centre/mall, you could go to see a movie during the day - you have plenty of options. Just invite her to hang out one weekend and see where that goes. Asking her over to your house might be a bit too personal at this stage.

so, that is if i find a movie, if I invite her to a movie, what kind of movie is best, for say a


13 year old girl, that probably likes music and is kind hearted.

and for someone who is a year older, also loves music, and is also nice, and likes her so much.

And if I suddently tell her that I think shes cute, how would she react?

EDIT: I might see her tonight, any more ideas, or sould I just take the old "go with the flow?"

What a GREAT thread. *adds to signature*

Ok, so there's a problem. I really, really like this girl, but I don't know how to go about asking her out. It's not a courage problem, it's just a wording problem. I hear that it's not wise to just plainly say "will you go out with me," so what am I supposed to do? I never see her anymore, but two years ago, we had tons of classes together, and we still have advisory together twice a week for thirty minutes.

I hear a good way to do it is to open up conversation, and if an opportunity comes that's appropriate, just ask to hang out, and encourage the invitation of friends. Problem is striking up the conversation without being awkward.

Originally Posted by aw9000

so, that is if i find a movie, if I invite her to a movie, what kind of movie is best, for say a


13 year old girl, that probably likes music and is kind hearted.

and for someone who is a year older, also loves music, and is also nice, and likes her so much.

And if I suddently tell her that I think shes cute, how would she react?

EDIT: I might see her tonight, any more ideas, or sould I just take the old "go with the flow?"

Largely depends on what's on in the cinema at the time. The best way to find out is to ask her if there's anything in particular she wants to see.

If you're going to tell her she's cute, don't do it "suddenly". Don't catch her off guard. You have to time that well. Ideally, say it when you're talking to her, looking her in the eye, somewhere towards the end of your date. It's really upto you to decide when a good moment would be.

And don't get too stressed out about doing things right when you're around her. Relax and enjoy it - go with the flow.

Originally Posted by Andy

What a GREAT thread. *adds to signature*

Ok, so there's a problem. I really, really like this girl, but I don't know how to go about asking her out. It's not a courage problem, it's just a wording problem. I hear that it's not wise to just plainly say "will you go out with me," so what am I supposed to do? I never see her anymore, but two years ago, we had tons of classes together, and we still have advisory together twice a week for thirty minutes.

I hear a good way to do it is to open up conversation, and if an opportunity comes that's appropriate, just ask to hang out, and encourage the invitation of friends. Problem is striking up the conversation without being awkward.

You pretty much have the right idea. If you used to see her a lot, and still see her, if not often, but regularly, there shouldn't be anything awkward about it. Start with a greeting and a "how are you?" and often the conversation will direct itself. If not, ask her a question like "how are you finding the class?" or something similar - get her talking and she'll give you plenty to work with.

You are right, asking point-blank "will you go out with me?" is abrupt and wouldn't do you any favours. Once you've got a conversation going, ask her out when the opportunity presents itself, with something like "would you like to go have coffee/see a movie etc. sometime?". Keep it casual and you'll be fine.

And I'd just like to say to everyone that I'm more than happy to help out in any way I can, and your thanks make it all the more worthwhile.