Kassilex: Hippie Love

The following is a love story. Sort of. It's a collection of journal entry style posts on ZU tracking my relationship with one KasutoStve (soon to be Kassi Aileron) from its beginning to present-day.

It all started in Farore, as all good things do, around Thanksgiving-time, with a few posts in the Farorian Utopia. I had seen that she attended a university that a friend of mine had told me about in good ol' California, USA, and so I mentioned the fact to her, and we struck up a conversation that went from small talk to deep to full blown one-on-one on AIM in the wee hours of night.

We became close very, very quickly. Within the course of a week we were basically inseparable. By the end of the month we were talking on the phone, oftentimes for hours at a time.

In early December I realized something that blew my mind.

Not only did I have feelings for this girl who lived 1,300 miles away... I was in love with her.

The rest of the story you can glean from the posts, which are displayed below. Be warned: there is quite a bit of content below, and it's more than likely that none of you will be able to or want to read all of it in one sitting. Nevertheless, this is our happiness and our livelihood, and we want to share it with all of ZU, not just Farore.

Thank you, ZU, for making our romance possible. Thank you, ZU, for bringing me to the love of my life.

Behold, the posts:

10 Jan 2008, 6:48 p.m

It's been a wild month-and-a-half.

Never in a million years would I have thought I would be in the position I am in now. Never in a million years would I have thought I could find myself finally putting it all together. Never in a million years, not after all the trouble I've had deciding what I want, would I have thought I could have finally found myself able to open myself up to the will of God.

It was about four years ago, at about this time of year, that my faith in God evolved from a simple faith experience, a simple acknowledgment that "I have experienced miracles, I have encountered a Divine Hand", into the beginnings of a devout faith. [For those of you who don't know, I am a Roman Catholic, and I am fully convinced of every single facet of the faith that I have been exposed to (most of them are actually compatible with views I had held before I looked into the topics in question).] I started seriously taking part in the Mass [worship, for those who don't know], started really talking about God, faith, morality, love, and so on, started making friends who shared my faith, et cetera, in this time. I started to humble myself more and more, at least compared to how I might exalt myself prior (I still have so much ground to gain in this area). I started to devote myself more and more to prayer (still so far to go). I started to read more and learn more (even further still!). And I started learning to surrender my fears and apprehensions, my anger and frustration, to God, that I might find peace.

Since then my life has been rocky. I was taken advantage of emotionally by a girl junior year who completely broke down my inhibitions and stole my virginity. I fell into a deep depression for the next half of a year that severely damaged my faith. I went without attendance at Mass during my freshman year of college. I started severely doubting what I had already determined to be my callings and needs this past semester, giving up my English major for a train-wreck of a semester in Biology courses which damaged my GPA and pursuing a number of relationships where I had to make compromises with regards to my comfort, my personality, or my faith.

Through this time I have learned a lot about myself. I have learned a lot about my needs. I have learned a lot about who I am. I have learned a lot about where I want to be. I have learned a lot about what I need in relationships. Take all of this with open minds and hearts. I know what you are about to read may seem like foolishness. It may seem silly or crazy or a score of other things. Realize that I have put a lot of thought and prayer into this. Realize that I have gone over every ounce of doubt in my mind, confronted it wherever it has arisen, tested it, and found it to be just that... doubt. Realize that I have spent all my life trying to convince myself that I've been making the "right" decisions for my future, and that in this situation, I have found "rightness" effortlessly, and if I've tried to do any convincing, it's been to try to convince myself that I'm being absolutely insane and should keep my feelings more in check. But then I realize that being anything but true to my feelings would be a grave insult to myself and to everyone else, and to God.

If you haven't noticed, KasutoStve and I have been explicitly an item (have you read either of our sigs? :]) for a while now. We started off as friends, and began talking seriously on Thanksgiving of the year 2007, after I struck up a conversation inquiring about the University of California at Riverside, since, for one, Narisa had wanted to go there, and, on the other hand, I want to go to California, and was curious about the UC system. At first we talked a lot about silly nothings, but we found solace in one another in the wake of two relationships—hers longer than mine (and, indeed, longer than any of mine could have ever been), but both of them still difficult nonetheless. The company we shared was most healthy—we prayed for one another and talked about our struggles and difficulties and fears and so on, and grew close very quickly. But at that point it was far from a romance. We simply joked with one another, and shared one another, and learned about one another.

I was impressed to learn that she, like me, is Catholic, and from there I think we started to realize how much of what we wanted in a person, in a companion, not just a friend or spiritual helper but a life partner, a lover, a spouse, was really shared between both of us. We began to realize how much we agreed on everything—everything important at least. There are differences, minor at best, occasionally clashing, but usually not attended by tension, and they keep things exciting, keep us well-rounded and balanced and accountable to one another. But it was the similarities that really made me discover that what we had, whatever it was, was something special. The “I love yous” soon followed; unlike in other situations, where they might have been confusing, we both knew that we meant it, even if we didn’t know to what extent. We didn’t really care to what extent yet. We were just glad to be able to be that comfortable with one another, and to belong to one another in that way.

I would say that romantic feelings really developed, or at least began to show themselves, with a bit of silliness approximately a week before we confessed our feelings for one another, when I told her my last name. She reacted in a way I halfway expected, but then threw me the curveball of my life. At first she gave the typical response (and I quote): “OMG LIKE ROBERT PLANT!” Yes, I’d gotten that precise reaction before, many times, in fact. My AP Literature teacher senior year had called me “Robert” for the bulk of the first semester because she couldn’t remember my real name. But what she said next blew my mind.

“NOW I HAVE TO MARRY YOU! … Marry me. Now.”

There was something about the level of comfort that one can hope must exist between two individuals before such talk can even be thrown around. That comfort was present here. That level of trust and love had been achieved, even then. I accepted her “proposal” and she became my “fiancée”. It was pure silliness then, really, but even then I had a curious feeling that it was something prophetic.

I started talking to her on the phone on her way home from classes to help keep her company during the commute from that day on. It was a really cute, really sweet little thing that we did, to go along with our relationship, our “betrothal.” I may be being bold here, but I think we both found a certain comfort and gladness for one another’s company that was missing in other relationships and friendships. Not that other friends didn’t offer good company or comfort, this was just of a very different brand. I sensed even then that there was something special—that we would be friends for life. It felt as though we already had been.

I prayed with her for the first time not long after, ironically so that she could sort out her guy problems at the time—she was juggling feelings for Carlos, her ex-boyfriend of two-and-a-half years, and for me. And I suppose we all understand how that turned out so far, don’t we? May those prayers continue to be answered in the best way possible even today, and may they have been answered as such so far and forever.

It was when we actually prayed together for the first time, during our Rosary on the phone on the Saturday of the Feast of the Immaculate Conception, during that moment when our souls became united in purpose and in love for God, that I think we realized that we really, deeply cared about one another. That we needed one another. I know it didn’t really hit me for awhile, but that was the first moment I felt it. I’m glad I didn’t recognize it immediately, too, because it gave me time to mull over my feelings. And it gave her time to sort out hers.

Admitting my feelings for her was the most beautiful and most terrifying of such admissions that I have ever experienced because, for once, it was me first. I was the one to make the first move, to say the first words, to offer the first gestures—eFlowers, our date at the Farorian Christmas party, a would-be-kiss-were-we-in-the-same-vicinity. All of it was instigated by me. And I love and appreciate her so much for that, for giving me that space, for letting me be that guy, the guy who has a say in such things.

But it was also amazing in that she was able to tell me that she felt the exact same way. “Despite all that’s happened”, she said, “the feeling I have is beautiful.” And then we said our first “I love you”—our first real, solid “I love you”, that took into account those feelings on both ends. It was an incredible moment. I have never experienced anything quite like it. Sort of frighteningly, but, in retrospect, altogether beautifully, we both had already seriously looked at one another as potential marriage partners, indeed, as precisely what we wanted in a marriage partner.

“I feel silly telling you all this,” said she, “because of how I feel about you; you're something completely different. Like, I've liked guys before, but it's different with you, ‘cause of our spiritual relationship, and it's like, basically, you're the kind of guy I think I could marry… so if not you, then at least you've given me a guideline.” I felt the same way, down to the letter, except obviously with the genders reversed. Even considering the implications that she actually already wanted me to be that guy, as her words "if not you" revealed. I felt equally compelled.

So the feelings were there. The discovery of those qualities we wanted in a life partner were there. But if you believe in Providence, as I do, then the next twist might blow your mind.

I had a dream over this past summer (I suppose it was in May, really) that even then I knew in my heart was prophetic, was going to be one of the most pivotal dreams I would ever have in my entire life. It started with myself, standing on the edge of a frozen lake, it was clearly winter, and I saw a small five or six-year old girl with brown hair standing next to me. She had just won an ice-skating contest, and was now the Queen of the Cold. I asked the Queen of the Cold if she would like for me to take her home, and she said yes, and I took her by the hand and led her from the frozen lake down snow-nipped sidewalks into the park behind. She talked to me about how much she loved winter; and most of all how much she liked to lick icicles.

Then the scene shifted, and it seemed like it was a year or so later, no longer winter, but the beginning of spring. I carried a baby girl in my arms, walking with the little girl in the same place, and I said to her: "Look, look, this is your baby sister!" (Which, I must clear up, was of course absurd because how would she not have known her own sister, but it is a dream, after all.) She cried in that voice that only young children know how to use: "A baby sister!" and her eyes went wide. And then we talked about what we should name her and I went down a whole list of them, but then I said: "How about Zoe; I really like that name." And she said, "But that's MY name." And then I realized that I was a grown man in this dream, and that these were my daughters.

From that moment on I knew with every fiber of my being that I will someday have a daughter named "Zoe". And I knew that that name would be the prime keyword in finding my soulmate. I never realized that the dream would be as prophetic as it wound up being.

It was on her birthday that she had confessed to me something beautiful: she had already confessed her feelings for me, but it was that night that she said that she was in love with me. She came home after her birthday, and we got to being sappy and asking silly little questions about romance, dream weddings, and the like.

I asked her the question: "Have you given any thought to what you might name your children?" She responded: "I used to like the name Zoe..."

Needless to say, my jaw dropped to the floor.

That was the defining moment. I mean, sure, there were things about her that I found very marryable, that I had already determined were exactly what I needed and was looking for, but that sealed it. She carried the key. She would be the mother of my Zoe. I knew it then; I didn't just think about it, want it, wish it, pray for it. I knew it, with the same knowing I had had when I had the dream in the first place.

The other elements of the dream started finally to make sense. The dream's setting in winter; my discovery of Zoe (through her future mother) on the eve of the winter solstice. Zoe had beautiful brown hair; Kas has beautiful brown hair. I had the dream while on vacation in Italy; Kas's family hails from Italy. The Vatican is arguably the most holy geographical location in the Catholic world as the See of the Church; I am finding myself closer to God since I met Kas than I have ever been in my entire life. The icing on my cake was that this had come immediately after her profession of her love for me.

But perhaps you're still skeptical. Perhaps all this isn't enough for you. Let me put into perspective the impact she has had on my life.

We balance and support one another in the most amazing of ways. She longs for more intelligence, more meaning, more romance and spirituality in her life; I long to be more connected to the world, socially and through culture such as music and movies and ethnic heritage. We each have what the other finds lacking. She is a music junkie with a lot of outgoing flair and has a deep Italian background; I am very deep and romantic and find pleasure in the simple things. We feed off one another, we grow together and more whole, we are the perfect—yes, I said it, perfect—complements to one another in that respect.

When I feel down, when I start to lose my grip on faith, she brings me back to my Cloud Nine. She never fails to make me laugh; she never fails to make me feel loved; she never fails to make me feel like the most handsome man in all the land. She makes me want to grow deeper in my faith, in my prayer life, in my Catholic communal life, in my conviction to moral rightness, in my relationship with God. Even when things seem to not be going the way I want or need them to, she surprises me by saying something either really profound or really uplifting, and reminding me that we have the same faith and share a deep love and that, through that, everything will be made right.

It is this confidence, it is this compatibility, it is this discovery of what I seek that has compelled me

to ask her to marry me.

I did so at 4:05 a.m this morning. She said yes.

Now, there's still a long road ahead of us. I don't yet have a ring for her. We don't live anywhere near enough to each other to be ready to actually have grown enough with one another and as individuals and towards one another to actually be ready to tie the knot. I need to be out there in California (and look where looking into going there has got me!). Her family and mine will need time before we can make this "public." But we both know that, if nothing else, that's where we will wind up - together. There will be at least a year-and-a-half before it can happen, but that just means more growing, a lot more praying, and a whole lot of happiness.

Keep your skepticism if you want to. I might, in your place. I know how people can try to force love. I've seen it a million times. I've done it myself. In this case I did more resisting and testing and tempering than in the past. I may be being hasty, foolish, reckless. But I've seen certainty like this before - my grandparents eloped when they were two years younger than I am now, and after about the same period of time - and I've seen how true it can be.

In the here and now, I have no fear. I have complete faith. It may falter from time to time - I am human, after all - but I am strong. I am certain.

I love you, Kas. My real fiancée.


23 Jan 2008, 7:09 a.m

So, Kas goes to the University of California at Riverside, right? And that's in Riverside, CA, as the name suggests. She wanted me to transfer there, or at least to some school in the UC system. So I looked at Riverside and Los Angeles, the two UCs in the area. Regular fees and such didn't look too bad, and from what I could tell from their website, I could afford it...

Then I looked up out-of-state tuition for the school.
Upwards of $23,000.
*jawdrop*

Not gonna happen. No grants or aid will cover that, and I'm not interested in being that in debt from loans when I graduate. Getting my parents to support that would be out of the question. She's not ready to leave California, so he coming to school with me would be impossible, too. So we thought we'd be stuck separated until one of us graduates (me).

We prayed for a long time, that we find some way to make it work. It was a long and stressful process.

Then my mom suggested looking into the National Student Exchange program (and study abroad), so that we could go to school together that way (I love my mom; although she doesn't know Kas and I are engaged yet). Looking through that, I saw that UCR doesn't do Exchange... but a school nearby (about 30 minutes away), Cali State San Bernadino, does. I looked into that, and it's doable.

I also looked into cost of attendance.

It's...

also doable.

Out-of-state tuition is no more than a little over $10,000. General fees and such are really cheap. I could go there. I could do it. Easily.

I am so happy. Pray and hope that this is truly possible. That this truly happens. I need it. She needs it. We need it. If this can happen, there's a good chance we'll be married before we both graduate. We'll have a head start on our lives and starting our family. We'll be set. We'll be set for life.


6 Feb 2008, 5:37 a.m

ATTN: Farore

It turns out her mother didn't really have such a sense of humour about letting me visit. i.e., she's basically decided that she's going to forbid Kas from visiting me. How or why a parent c/would extend this much control over a 19-year-old is beyond me, but apparently that's the case. I don't know what to do. There's nothing I can do. I was willing to go the extra mile to make sure I made them more comfortable with the idea, but if it turns out that they don't even care, I don't really see much point.

The real problem lies in the fact that I can't get plane tickets without a credit card, and I can't use my mom's credit card unless I've spoken to her parents and they're okay with the idea and they can tell her that.

*sigh*

So much for March?


16 Feb 2008, 7:05 p.m

I just booked my flights for spring break.
I get to see my fiancée.
I'm so happy.

Saturday, March 15, 2008
Denver International (DEN) to Ontario International (ONT)
Departure (DEN): March 15, 8:34 AM MDT (morning)
Arrival (ONT): March 15, 9:46 AM PDT (morning)
Class: Economy

Saturday, March 22, 2008
Ontario International (ONT) to Denver International (DEN)
Departure (ONT): March 22, 7:56 AM PDT (morning)
Arrival (DEN): March 22, 11:15 AM MDT (morning)
Class: Economy


24 March 2008, 10:49 p.m

I don’t think I’ve ever been so anxious in my entire life. Telling Kas I loved her was scary. Asking her to marry me was the most nerve-wracking experience I think I’d ever gone through, even though I knew she’d say yes. But neither of these could even come close to comparing to the buildup to the first time we’d touch, the first time we’d see one another in the flesh, the first time we’d look one another in the eye and say “I love you.” I don’t think it had ever occurred to me that I was in love with and engaged to someone living halfway across the country who I’d never met in person before—our relationship had always felt so natural and so close that the distance was hardly an issue. It was an inconvenience, sure, not being able to really hold her, but that was how it had always been. We knew that physical closeness, being able to be truly and actually together, was missing, but we didn’t know just how amazing everything would be to be in one another’s presence.


Now we do.

There is not a shred of doubt in my mind that this week was the absolute best week of my life thus far. Not only was I spending time with the love of my life, but we kept so incredibly busy that there was never even half a dull moment. She planned the bulk of the week, and despite her claims that she was a poor planner and that there’s nothing to do in her region of the state, we had a ton of fun. More fun than I’ve ever had. And I’ve done some pretty fun things.

The flight up was really hard, actually. Really emotional. I had to journal tons just to keep from exploding with excitement, apprehension, and pretty much anything else that fits on the spectrum of human emotion that’s not on the anger or sadness side. Not to diminish her feelings at all, but I think she had this part easy, since she was asleep for most of the time I was in the air.

Then I landed in Ontario. I texted her immediately. I got off the plane. I wandered through the hallowed halls of Ontario International Airport. She was in Baggage Claim 2, she said. I followed the signs in the direction of baggage. I walked by rows of people waiting for their luggage or their loved ones by the exits. I didn’t see her for awhile, even after I came to the sign saying “Baggage Claim 2” in bold letters. I was beginning to think I might have been looking in the wrong place when…

I saw her. Her face was buried in her phone. Her father was sitting next to her, looking around attentively. I passed in front of him, and motioned to him to be quiet, that I was going to sneak up on her. He… tapped her on the shoulder. Despite my plans to surprise her shattering in that moment, when she looked up and saw me for the first time, the expression on her face was… perfect. I hugged her for the first time, and, for a moment, my entire world radiated with that perfection.

Her outfit wasn’t what we’d been planning—no cute white dress, it was too cold for that. I think it might have been better that way, because she was wearing the most adorable shirt. Yellow. My favourite colour. She was beautiful. Stunning. My fairy-tale princess. I had seen her so many times in pictures, some of which she had even taken just for me, but nothing could compare to seeing her in the flesh. That smile melts me every time. Her eyes take me away.

I know it sounds like cheesy puffs, but anyone who knows me well knows that I’m practically made of cheese. The rest of me is corn.

The whole first day is really kind of a blur. The first hour or so I remember really clearly because I was dreadfully impatient about getting back to Kassi’s house so we could dump off her dad and take her car around town without fear of prying eyes, but unfortunately none of that is stuff I like to think about when I recall the trip. It wasn’t one of the golden moments. What I was feeling at the time was amazing, but words cannot come close to doing those feelings justice.

Sunday we went to church together for the first time. It was a really amazing experience, and it had never been so easy for me to feel at home in the house of worship. I finally had someone to go with who actually wanted to go with me. Just me. Not a group of friends who I sat down with when I got there. Not a non-Catholic who was only going because she had nothing to do that afternoon. A bona fide Catholic, my closest companion and the love of my life, going with me to be with me as we worshipped my Lord. Absolutely beautiful. A whole new experience. And to think that before long I’ll be able to experience it every week! Oh, I am so very excited!

After that we went to Tom’s Farms, which is a marketplace plaza with a furniture store, a grocery, and a few other places to shop. We browsed candles in the furniture shop, and then went to the grocer to get some bread. We had just said aloud, “I wonder what we should get?” when a loaf of sourdough literally leapt off the shelf towards us. We glanced at each other, mouths agape, and both decided that that was the one. (And did I mention that "Love & Marriage" was playing in the background? Yeah, it was. Bear in mind that coincidences like these seem to have an unnatural obsession with me and anyone closely associated with me.)

Bread in hand (or in car, as the case may be), we decided to drive off toward Cajalco, down a road Kas had never been on that led up into the hills. The hills were green green green and full of flowers, a sight that Kas swears you almost never see there, though I say it looked so incredibly natural that I’m not sure I can imagine them any other way. We stopped at the side of the road and frolicked in the flowers.

We’re such hippies.

After that I got to meet the rest of the fam, save her middle sister, who wasn’t home at the time. Kas had been really nervous about this part, since her mother, at least, had gone into this procedure with really negative preconceived notions about the type of guy I was going to be. To put things in perspective, she had thought that the fact that I wasn’t going to rent a car, that I was going to need Kas to drive me around, meant that I wasn’t a man. Never mind that I’m 19, and Ontario Airport’s rental shop doesn’t rent to people younger than 21. Once she saw that I was really a respectable young man and not a shady do-no-gooder out to deflower her daughter and leave her battered in a ditch somewhere I think her opinion of me did a complete one-eighty. She had actually invited me to dinner that day.

Dinner was terrific, by the way, despite her father’s constant disgusting comments at the table. No one wants to hear about bloody movies or dead animals when they’re trying to eat. One of Kas’s predictions about her family’s reaction to me was spot-on—she had said that someone would comment on the fact that we are both slow eaters. We somehow ate at precisely the same pace that afternoon, and her eldest sister made bold note of the fact. I’m sure she’ll tell you more about the details of my first step into her family, and the good signs that came with it.

After dinner we lost our Smash Bros. Brawl virginity together. I played as Olimar and she played as Pit, and her older sister played as Zelda. … Neither of us won. XD I blame it on the fact that we were using newcomers and she wasn’t… I personally think Olimar is a blast, and she loves Pit, though. We had fun, and her sister didn’t win another match. =D

While I agree with Kas that the aquarium left much to be desired, the fact that I got to see one of my best friends, Narisa, who I hadn’t seen in almost three years basically made up for it. We got a lot of funny pictures in the process.

Like
me catching a fish
the fish strikes back
just keep swimming.

Tuesday she decided to surprise me with a little something that she referred to as “spoiler spoiler.” I wanted to suspect that it was a trip to Disneyland, since she’d been saying she wanted to go, but she’d also said that she’d been unable to get the free passes from her sister, who works there, and we’re really strapped for cash (we’re trying to get married before we both turn 20 for crying out loud), so I didn’t think that was it… until we started driving into Anaheim. I decided to let the surprise commence, though, and she soon revealed that her sister had found two day park hopper passes that she’d given to us. Everything worked out perfectly, as I should have expected by then.

Disneyland was brilliant. We didn’t really get to go on too many rides or see too many attractions, but we both had a lot of fun. Highlights of the day include singing and eating pineapple and pickle in the Enchanted Tiki Room, being disgustingly cute while we ate pizza and watched the parade, and playing DS while we waited in line. Ooh, and you can’t forget the fireworks show. [-insert more cheese here-]

I, of course, had to stick my head in every hole I found
and scare small children
but we’re cute, right?

Wednesday we took the train to San Juan Capistrano to see the mission there. Neither of us had ever taken the Californian trains by ourselves (me for the obvious reasons, she because she’s just a chicken =P), so we got to learn how they work together. We played Four Swords (the one for GBA, obviously) on the train to and from, and beat it in that day. The mission itself was beautiful, as she has pointed out. We found a cute little Catholic bookstore that I’m sure I’ll be stopping at on weekends when I go to live in Cali for real. =]

Me with my head in another hole… or trash can

she got a little carried away

Mugged in California! =O

On Thursday we went to Riverside to see her campus after she took her psychology final. We got pitas at a new pita place that opened up in the village off campus, and got Boba at a cute little shop not far away. Then we navigated our way to the botanical gardens… which were actually more like a hiking trail than actual gardens, but who was I to complain?

I saw a hill with really green flowing grass on it
so, naturally, I had to get a closer look
and climb it

Absolutely beautiful there. She’ll show pictures, I’m sure. <3

I also got to meet her best friend, who already approved of me through online conversations we’d had and I think was only further justified when we met in person.

The last Friday was full of a lot of down time, as we were tired from the rest of the week. Mostly we just played the Subspace Emissary portion of Brawl and moped about. We walked her dogs in the evening, and went to Good Friday Mass. The rest of that day is too deeply personal for us to really get into detail about.

although she is positively adorable.

Really intense, but in the good way. We worried about me leaving. We got excited about the future. We smiled and cried a lot.

Leaving was just about the hardest thing I’d ever had to do. At first I thought her dad was going to have to take her… but she was allowed to go by herself. I don’t know if that made it harder or easier frankly, but I couldn’t have done it otherwise, I don’t think. I needed to be able to hold her and cry with her before I left. For cleansing, you know. I think he must have caught onto the fact that we’re together because he had said that he’d decided not to come so he didn’t get in the way of anything. =3 That he would still approve of me even considering that is a comforting thought.

And the flight home was long and intense. I played the copy of Adventure of Link that I’d borrowed from her the whole way. I couldn’t really concentrate, though, so I mostly just died a lot and turned the power on and off to avoid getting a logged Game Over. I called her in the terminal during the layover in Denver and to pray with her before lunch. A million sighs on my end and a ton of sobs on hers later and I was home… or in Oklahoma, rather. California is home. Kas is home.

I’m sure you can tell that from the BIG DECISION she referred to in her post. We know we’re young and crazy, but we don’t care. We know what we want, we know that there’s going to be a lot of hardships to face whether or not we’re married and we want to face it together, as a couple. We want to share the financial hardship. We want to be there for each other in the most perfect of ways. And because these are our reasons, because it’s not about just being together but about being there for each other and being able to live the way we want to live, we’re going to make it happen as soon as conceivably possible. =3

I love Kas. I love her more than life. Best week ever. Not really much else I can say. <3

[I’d end with a picture, like she did, but she’s pretty much taken all the really appropriate ones.]

Hey, here's MY half! I'm not as good a writer as Lex, I know, but my stuff is a bit more blunt. I think it's, at times, easier to follow, so yay for me!

For anybody who believes it's impossible/silly to fall in love over the Internet, may this stand as testimony that the possibility is there. I do not consider Lex or myself in any way, shape, or form "desperate" or "sad and lonely" as the typical classification may be. It just sorta.. happened. Anyways, here are some posts from Farore that I made in regards to the whole situation. Read what you like, because it's quite lengthy. <3

I posted this bit after he popped the question:

11 January, 2008

I don't even know where to begin. I've already spent a good amount of time trying to write this up, and yet, I was so dissatisfied, I've begun an entire new response.

I know that my writing cannot illustrate nearly as beautiful as Seran Aileron's. He made such a wonderful attempt to display what exactly has gone on, yet, even he falls short of the full explanation. All words do.

He has thoroughly explained the logic and the reasoning to all of you who may need to see that to believe it. To think we're not crazy.

I think we're crazy.

I love it.

I know many of you may have looked at what Seran had to say and thought to yourselves, "Wow, that's a lot." In fact, I know this to be true because some of you have even told me so. He has so beautifully and thoroughly poured all his thoughts and feelings out. If you are at all interested in knowing what exactly our relationship is, I really encourage you to read that. If you are somewhat interested and want the shorthand version, feel free to read what I have to say. However, if you are going to judge, I must refer you to Seran's post. It really does make sense to us, and that's what matters. He explains it much better than I could, really. I do trust in Farore not to judge, but rather to support. As I've made it clear, I do love you all like my own family. Either way, I feel it proper to explain to my best ability what has gone on.

So, without further ado, Farore, I present you with my side of the story.

As some of you may or may not know, in November, I began the first step in ending my relationship of two and a half years. Inexplicable reasons led me to realize the many flaws there were. I was oblivious to them, and could very well have gone down an eternal path with them. I believe it was an unearthly intuition which struck up the courage within me to do what I had to do- to see what I had to see- to say what I had to say.

It wasn't easy. I did it, though.

Right away, I was free. I wanted that freedom that I couldn't have with him. Silly me. I thought that being in a relationship was only there to restrict your freedom. I thought that I could never live if I remained in one. I just wanted to be single and free.

Well, as you may have gathered, that didn't exactly happen.

Seran and I knew from the start that we needed each other. As friends? Perhaps. Very, very close friends, at the very least. We built a relationship (whatever it was, at the time we had no idea) that had a strong foundation in our Lord. We are both members of the Roman Catholic church. For me, I knew no one on this level. Like, sure I'm Catholic and there are many others, but I'm too shy to express the emotional aspect of it with anyone. No one would understand. He does, though. He feels the same Passion, the same Grace, all the same feelings as me. I really couldn't believe that I found someone to share that with. Really. This is just amazing for me. It's what I've needed so badly. From what I know, so does he. I do feel he is much more knowledgeable than I am, but that's a good thing. He can teach me. It is also in teaching that one can learn, so I'm able to help him as he helps me.

I look forward to praying with him each and every night. I look forward to the days that we can pray together, in each other's presence. I look forward to dancing in the sunshine with him. California has SO much sunshine. I love the heat, and I'm so glad he does, too. He will surely get to experience that once he comes here. He is so bold to make that choice, but really I can't blame him. I mean.. it's California. We've got Disneyland.

Really, though, he has to sacrifice a lot. He will leave it behind and come to this strange new place. There are many reasons and many factors, but I will be here for him to make the transition. California is very expensive. Homes are outrageous and the market is dying. I know all this very well. Our minimum wage has just increased to $8.00/hr, which as far as I know, is the highest minimum wage in the nation. I do not want a higher minimum wage. I find it unnecessary to be paid that much when the majority of those who make minimum wage are adolescents. That's a different tangent, though.

As he makes changes, so too will I. I am, for the first time in my life, preparing myself to leave the nest. I will apply for the aid I need and hope and pray that I will receive it so that I may dorm next year. It is nowhere near comparable to what the real life is, but it is a much better start. I will have more freedom from my parents. Then, perhaps, our relationship may begin to grow even better. My household is bustling and noisy, and I do not have any privacy in my own home. I do not get any freedom. Even if I don't have that privacy in the dorm, I will have the freedom to seek it. I will not have my family keeping me away from my family-to-be.

This is very difficult for me, but this is what I need to do. It's for the sake of our love.

One of the things about him that caught me off-guard was his willingness to sing. I asked him to sing for me, and he said, "Sure." Wow. No one would ever do that for me. Or rather, only one person had sung for me before. My best friend at the time, who had already had vocal lessons. Oddly enough, though, I felt courage enough to sing for him (Seran, that is). I did, despite my opinions of myself, I did it for him. There is a sort of willingness that I have never before experienced. With him, I really am.. free. I make so many mistakes. I ruin so much. He always forgives me. He has instilled in me such a confidence I have never had, but always needed. I have always struggled with my esteem and self-regard, yet, I feel okay with him. He has made me feel like I'm not a terrible person. Despite a troubled past, he loves me. He allows me to forgive myself. That is something I've needed so very much.

We feed off each other in the most amazing of ways. I smile thinking about our first time on the phone. He set me off into a line of laughing. I mean, many people have heard of my somewhat-notorious laughter explosions. Some of you have actually heard it. He actually induced it, on our first conversation. Likewise, he began to laugh. Laughter is important to me. I do it a lot. I enjoy sharing these laughs with him.

He's experienced my road rage. I don't mean to stay on the phone long, just long enough so I'm not alone as I walk to my car. Yet, we wind up chatting the entire time home. Talking, smiling, laughing, loving, and a lot of yelling. (My car and the freeway don't particularly do well together) I'm afraid to see my phone bill.

I look forward to introducing him to my very, very strong culture. My family has a very strong Sicilian background. Most of those here are, in fact, immigrants. He will be able to experience true Italian food. It is, let me say, superb. I will teach him about my random tastes of music, and leisurely activities. He will teach me to be an intellect. We will grow more and more into beautiful people. We fill in the voids in each others lives, yet, have so many essential similarities that lead to a healthy foundation. Of course, it was getting to this point that may have been a bit of a struggle.

It was so difficult for me to express this love. I knew it was there, and so did he. It was a matter of being able to say it, though. That, also, took courage, considering our circumstances. Early in the morning of my 18th birthday, I told him. 1:44 in the Californian morning, 3:44 in the Oklahoman morning, I told him, "I am absolutely and completely in love with you." (except, I used his first name. ^-^)

From there, it grew and grew. We began to wonder what exactly our "relationship status" was, but it didn't really bother us. We had each other, and that's all that mattered, right?

Well, sort of.

We were talking in the wee hours of January 10th. We were discussing lightly such a matter. We already were aware of the fact that we were going to get married. What exactly does that make us? What exactly IS an engagement anyways? At what point are you considered that? At least, those are the thoughts in my mind.

At 2:05 on my morning of January 10th, he asked me to marry him.

The first words to slip my mouth were actually, "Oh my God." I never take The Lord's name in vain. I.. had no control over my speech at that moment. I was dizzy. My heart stopped in it's tracks. That was it. I couldn't move, I couldn't function. He had no answer. I phoned him.

I said, "yes."

We are engaged, as far as we are concerned. Our households? Our friends and family at home? They.. don't need to worry about that. >_> <_< Once our futures become more possible, and once I am given that ring, and he gives me the WHOLE SHEBANG (I mean, excuse me for being a princess! xDDD), then our family shall know. We still do have a long way to go, and we both look forward to taking each and every step.

This is it.

We are engaged.

I love him. He is my fiancé. For reals this time.



PS: Does this make us the first Farorean engaged couple in real life?

[i]Now I suppose I should just skip straight to the week we were together[i]

Posted in Farore- 24 March 2008

It's true. As some of you may know, Lex recently flew 1,300 miles from Oklahoma to California to spend a week with yours truly! The Serious Discussion thread contained quite a few posts with the struggles leading up to that point. Most of them had to do with money and my strict parents. We were being watched over, though, and he landed here safely on March 15th, and remained here until March 22nd. We seriously had the best time of our lives, thus far.



Don't look so surprised! We became engaged on January 10th, and the enjoyment was BOUND to happen! Anyways, without further ado, I present to you the

KASSILEX MARCH EXTRAVAGANZA!

The day before the trip, I pretty much went crazy. I couldn't get all of my work done for school, and I couldn't think straight. Neither of us had really eaten. (I ate two bowls of Golden Grahams, which I nearly threw up) I was dizzy and antsy, and couldn't see straight. It would have been much easier if I wasn't driving all around town in preparation, but alas!

He was spending time with his brothers, too, and when he returned, we stayed up together in anticipation. I was SO dizzy! We finally hung up in the middle of the night when he had to leave for the airport, and I just went NUTS. Miraculously, though, I was tired enough to fall asleep. He texted me throughout the night, and in the airport. He finally landed in Denver with a layover, and we texted. Then, I was up, and wasn't going back to sleep. I couldn't eat, and it had been well over 12 hours since my previous bowl of Golden Grahams.

I spent the rest of the morning tidying up my room, and just breathing and preparing to meet him. I put on the TOTALLY cute shirt I bought to pick him up, and did my make-up and everything. I had originally planned to pick him up on my own, but my parents became increasingly uncomfortable with the idea as the time approached, and the compromise we settled with was my dad going to the airport with me.

Great.

I had to contain my excitement, because my parents didn't like the idea of him flying over here just to see me. XD My dad drove us to Ontario, and it wasn't as uncomfortable as I had imagined. Of course, I was still going CRAZY. I couldn't ponder and walk around the airport liked I'd normally have done, so instead, I just noticed my constant fidgeting and jumpiness. Then, he sent me a text message: "We just landed." I went NUTS!

My dad asked me if he knew where his baggage claim was, right around the same time he asked me if my dad knew. >.< We picked a spot around Baggage Claim 2, because apparently his Ted plane was supposed to be in that area. I was sitting in the chair to the left of my dad, sending a text in response to Lex's claim of being uncomfortable, saying something like, "You think YOU'RE uncomfortable?! Try sitting here with-" when my dad tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Shh!" I was so confused, and I looked up and I think my heart exploded.

There he was, walking toward me from the right. I could have died at that moment with excitement. He was.. SO handsome. Oh my gosh. He had this CUTE little half smile, and he was just.. GAH ADORABLE! I don't remember too much here, to be honest. I was seriously TOO excited to even remember what the first words I said to him were. I'd like to have said, "Welcome to California" but I lost everything. I do know we were closer to my seat by the time I stood up and hugged him. I didn't want to let go, but I didn't want my dad to get any ideas.

We were in the baggage claim, and I remember bumping his shoulder a few times. Our hands were DYING to hold, but we couldn't! We did spend a good amount of quality time in the parking lot, because my dad couldn't remember where we parked. =P I felt bad because Lex had his bag to carry, but he seemed okay. =0)

When we were back in my dad's car, I had to tell him how CUTE he was, but of course.. not in front of dad. I texted it to him. Then, to break the awkward silence, we started conversation about none other than Twilight Princess. That actually lasted a good portion of the ride back to my city.

We finally arrived at my house, and it seemed like AGES before my dad let us out of his sight. We wanted to go to In-N-Out and grab some burgers since it had been probably 17 hours since either of us had eaten. We told my dad we were off, and went in my car. As we turned the first few corners, he offered me his hand. =3 His hand was so perfect for mine. My heart got all fuzzy when I held it. I just.. couldn't let go.

We both realized we were still to antsy to eat, and decided to bypass the food for the time being and went straight to the mall. The trip was just adorable, with our giggles and blushes. Once we were finally there, our trip began. (Of course, about two hours after we had left my home, my dad already called and asked where we were. =P)

We just basically ran around Riverside and my city, playing in the mall and running through shops. The first picture we took together was actually on his cellphone, and here it is!

Presenting, KassiLex!



Here's us in the mall. The FIRST picture was on his phone, and this one was taken shortly after on mine. ^.^

Sunday was one of our more picturesque days. Some Hills


He's thinking that California's great. <3

Yeaup, he loves it here!
and so do I!

Well, on Sunday, we went to church and played in the field. We also saw a Passion Play. Silly me, the Mexican Ministry put it on, and I didn't realize that meant it'd be in Spanish. >.< We still enjoyed it, though.

Afterwards, we had dinner at my house, and lost our Brawl virginity together. When we arrived, the bit that caught me off guard was the fact that my annoying Pomeranian, Rufus, didn't bark one bit at him. Rufus is a pain in the butt. He barks at EVERYONE. He particularly doesn't like males, and/or those he hasn't met. (My best friend later commented on how he still barks at her, and we've been friends since before we got the dog) Saria was totally jumping all over him, though, and that was a lovely omen.

Sunday was just a fabulous day. <3
=O
Our Rings <3 We decided these rings would be similar to "promise rings," some what representing that we promise to be with each other. However, I think they carry a bit more meaning since we aren't just dating, but are, in fact, engaged. Since our families don't know yet, and our budget doesn't exactly allow for it, they're essentially our engagement rings. <33 It's quite nice to wear this ring every day, knowing the hands that placed it on my finger will be back here to hold my hand as soon as possible.

Monday, we went to Long Beach to go to the Aquarium of the Pacific. I do believe we were overcharged. XD It was decently fun, but not $15/person fun! =P

We had a lovely lunch at the Mexican restaurant I used to eat at as a kid! <3
He's really attractive when he eats.
We had a very mature lunchtime conversation. (This is a video file, mind you <3)

The aquarium was.. lacking a little. However, I snapped this cute picture of Lex sitting outside!

Jelly Fish!
Funny Looking Fish!

Monday was decently fun, as we got lost in Orange County. Okay, not really LOST, just couldn't find our way to the various train stations Lex's friend was supposed to meet us at. =P During the night, we found that Google maps SUCKS at bringing people back home, and kinda went nuts, but it was good fun. He really felt like my husband as he navigated uncharted territories.

Then there was Tuesday! It had been three months since I told him I loved him, and felt the need to surprise him with what we were to do that day.

I snatched us a pair of tickets to the fantabulous, world renowned Disneyland!

Of course, the first thing Lex did was get eaten by the nearest whale he found.
Being the fabulous fiancee I am, I felt the need to jump in after him.

Don't worry, he's safe. =3

Get ready to spin, babe!
Here we go!
Practicing to be an 80's glam rock star.
Oh look, a TREE! =3
On Splash Mountain.


Goodness, my hair was a WRECK!
This is my hair a little more toned down.

>.> <.<
Staying Loyal to Farore! We love you guys! <3

After all the excitement of our Disneyland trip on Tuesday, we toned things down a bit and went to the mission San Juan Capistrano. It's one of the several Californian Missions from, I believe, the 1800's.

It was beautiful!
The architecture, too, was gorgeous!
Just amazing.

We were able to find an old church, and say a prayer together. It was so wonderful to pray a Rosary, together, in the flesh, in such a BEAUTIFUL church.

That night, we had dinner back in my city at Chili's. Gosh, that's attractive.



Thursday was a little bit lesser, as I had to take a psychology final. I ended up getting 79/100 which wasn't so bad, considering I did my studying in the car on the way there, and I had to take the whole exam knowing he was sitting right outside my class.

We went to lunch at a pita place after that. <3

After lunch, we discovered the botanic gardens on my campus. We went up a trail, which ended up branching out into several trails. We found so many different paths; I had no idea it was so HUGE! Then, Lex's jaw DROPPED! He wanted to play in the tall grass! We climbed up the massive hill, stopping periodically to sit on some boulders. Once we finally got to the top, we were astounded at the view.

Afterwards, we enjoyed some fabulously wonderful boba, and drove back to my city. We met up with my best friend, whom he had also begun to talk to, and went to Panera. Then we were able to go to a very intimate church event, known as an Adoration. He had told me about it before, but I never got to experience it. I waited until I could with him. It was amazing. We prayed together, hand-in-hand before Our Lord, and everything was just.. amazing.

Friday was much more low-key. We spent the day relaxing and taking some much needed rest. We did go to a park I had taken pictures of before, and just walked around a little.

"I'm hungry."
"At least the weather's nice!"
Aww, he kissed my head. <3

We went to a wonderful Good Friday mass, and had a bit of an emotional moment afterward. Then he took me to dinner at Macaroni Grill. I thanked him so much for it, and he told me in that goofy voice, "I have to rho-MANCE you!" and we, of course, giggled like children at his silliness. We also drew all over the table with the crayons provided. =3



Friday was really a difficult night, because we knew our week was coming to an end. Saturday morning, though, was even more difficult. We took one last picture, but it was nothing too pretty. Then, of course, our stuffed animals had to say good-bye. I bought him a turtle at the Aquarium, and we also played with my piggie quite a bit. It was a dramatic good-bye.

It was during this trip that we realized just how ready we are to tie the knot. Originally, we just figured we'd get married within a few years. Then we picked a date two years from now. We've become increasingly more impatient, and I'm pleased to announce that we plan to be wed before the end of the year. Saying good-bye was hard, but luckily for us, it was the last good-bye we'll have. The next time I'll see him, he'll be coming to stay.

This was absolutely, hands-down, the most amazing week of my life. We had already fallen in love, and now we were granted the gift of experiencing it. Farore: I MUST thank you for all your support. I haven't received much skeptical criticism, and I thank you all for it. If there were any, though, I hope this serves as something to change your mind. Being with him this week wasn't in the least bit awkward. I love my Lexxi with my all. Now all there is to do is prepare to be married! =)



The end! <3
(of my portion, at least)



Wow, that's a lot, huh? I'm sure very few of you were willing to read all of it. If you did: Kudos. This is basically the story of Lex and myself, and I'm just glad to share it with you.

;3

Always a sucker for a love story.

Good luck, really and truly, good luck!

It's too bad the internet only gets in the news for bad things...never stuff like this.

Oh jeez, I am babbling, I'll leave, GOOD LUUUUUCK!

Originally Posted by lavvy

;3

It's too bad the internet only gets in the news for bad things...never stuff like this.

Hmmm...perhaps this would be good Podcast material?

But anyway, congrats to you two yet again! I remember reading many of those posts when they "originally came out" (haha), and now I'm off to read your mega thread in Farore after posting this, in fact. I'm very happy for you two and glad that it's worked out this well for you both!

Also:

Originally Posted by Lex

It all started in Farore, as all good things do, around Thanksgiving-time, with a few posts in the Farorian Utopia. I had seen that she attended a university that a friend of mine had told me about in good ol' California, USA, and so I mentioned the fact to her, and we struck up a conversation that went from small talk to deep to full blown one-on-one on AIM in the wee hours of night.

I remember seeing that conversation in the Utopia! I was the first witness! I remember thinking, "Hm...Lex doesn't know Kas yet? I thought Lex knew everyone in Farore!" Who knew back then that it would bloom into what it is now?

Congratulations--and keep us ever updated!

*melts* <333

Oh, good Lord, I'm in tears XDD. I am such a wimp.

What a beautiful, beautiful love story... It moved me all the more since, if anyone can understand long distance love, it would be a Liah. Spending a month with my baby last year was, up to this point, the most amazing, incredible, overwhelming experience of my life. I am so, so, so, so happy for you guys. I can't say that enough. If I've learnt anything with my Brandon, it's that love knows no limit - not even a multi trillion miles of it, it only exists, grows, fumbles now and again, but picks up again to learn and become something deeper, more meaningful and godddamnit, I sound like a freaking poet so I'll STOP XDD.

Honestly, Eve, 'Lex, thank you so much for sharing. I wish you both nothing, NOTHING, but happiness, joy, warmth and an eternity of beautiful memories you're both still to create. I'm on such a love high right now and day dreaming about my Brandon, thanks to you two <333.

*happy sigh* <3

I'm not religious, but congrats. Good to see that these things do work out sometimes.

Holy crap, I'm not reading through all that.

I'm going to assume it goes something like this:

1. Girl meets boy
2. Girl and boy meet up
3. ?????
4. Profit!