Did Paula Abdul a lie to me...

...or do opposites *really* attract?

Obviously a person and a cat are waay too different to ever work, but do you think there's any truth in the saying 'opposites attract'?

I'm not too sure. In my personal experience, I really don't like being with people who are *too* similar to myself, because there is then a real danger that one of us will end up dead and I wouldn't last in the big house.

Next week I'm supposed to be going out with a guy who've I've known for a few months now, and that's actually why this idea came into my head, because as far as I know we really have very little in common. I'd say personality-wise we're really quite different, in that he's a little more...reserved (?) than I am and maybe a little less neurotic (wow, I'm really struggling to come up with the right words tonight) than me. That's all well and good, because like I said earlier, it's never good if you're *too* similar.

On the other hand, you do have to have something in common; a few shared interests at least. I mean, I don't even think he knows what a Zelda or a Golden Girl is - I know, it's shocking but there are actually people who don't know who Dorothy, Blanche, Rose and Sophia are!

And, the most important thing in my opinion, is that you really have to share a sense of humor with them. I can't think of a worse fate than having to live with somebody who didn't make you laugh, or, God forbid, didn't laugh at *your* jokes.
*shudder*

Bloody hell, I'm going to die alone.

Oh, and let's see who's willing to admit that they understood the reference in the thread title.

Float your two steps forward, two steps back.

It's sort of a weird subject.

I personally think that how "similar" people are matters much less than how "similar" their abilities to operate in relationships are. If both members of the couple are "similar" as far as their personalities and interests, and both of them find enjoyment in that similarity, that only compounds how similar they are - but they're still going to be happy together. If both members are drastically different, both then have to find enjoyment in that difference - which is in and of itself a huge similarity.

So, really, what must be shared is the same sense of appreciation for one another - at least, in the loosest sense.

People are only attracted to people who are attractive. It doesn't matter how opposite you are; if you are unattractive then nobody will be attracted to you.

^ Phew, I have no worries then.

Well, the obvious answer is that it's more complicated than a simple statement of 'opposites attract' or 'like attracts like.'

Consider the idea of similar interests. If one person is very passionately interested in music, he may be frustrated by a person who absolutely does not care for music of any kind.

If those two people, however, enjoy exactly the same music, they may grow tired of conversation; re-affirming each other's tastes must get boring.

A person who adores classical and art music may do very well with a person who loves modern popular music -- the two can expose each other to different sounds and engage in dialogue about why they like what they do, and what the like and dislike about each other's music.

While obviously a meaningful relationship cannot be reduced to any single interest, I think this way of looking at it can reasonably be enlarged to consider relationships on a whole. You need some similarity of outlook, of overall personality, of interests; however, there needs to be some opposition to fuel conversation and interest in each other.


EDIT:

People are only attracted to people who are attractive. It doesn't matter how opposite you are; if you are unattractive then nobody will be attracted to you.

But how accurately can you measure attractiveness? I don't think of myself as a physically attractive person, yet my boyfriend assures me that he finds my body to be very good looking -- while I still would not be interested on a physical level in someone who looks like I do, I don't doubt his sincerity.

I also am quite convinced that most people are not so shallow as to determine whether to be in a relationship based entirely on how the other looks. My experience is that I start to see people whose personalities repel me as less physically attractive, and vice-versa. I'm sure that unpleasant people don't necessarily look worse than nice people, but I see them in that light.

Ah, well, I already posted this on Heretic-Gamer, but I'll copy and paste to here too:

I take it you're referring to that Paula Abdul song, "Opposites Attract." =)

Well, let me get on topic. Um, I guess it depends. Usually I'm somewhat repulsed by people who are the COMPLETE opposite of me, in sharing none of my interests and in having no similar characteristics to me. Now, I'll just bring up astrology briefly (if you believe in that)—I'll admit that opposite signs do have a tendency to attract. Aries and Libra, Taurus and Scorpio, Gemini and Sagittarius, etc. I guess it's some weird cosmic energy at work. Though an opposite sign relationship really depends on other additional factors and can be either a really loving one, or, well, the opposite. [/endastrologyrambling]

I think that if opposites do attract, it's more likely to be a short-term sort of thing that wears off over time as both individuals try to cope with the reality that they both have nothing in common. Then again, it would suck to be with someone who's the same. So I think a healthy balance is best: being similar and yet different at the same time. Personally I'd want a relationship, not a clone. But that's just me.

Originally Posted by Trico

But how accurately can you measure attractiveness? I don't think of myself as a physically attractive person, yet my boyfriend assures me that he finds my body to be very good looking -- while I still would not be interested on a physical level in someone who looks like I do, I don't doubt his sincerity.

There is no real way to accurately measure attractiveness, ultimately. It's completely subjective, the clichéd "eye of the beholder" sort of thing.

Originally Posted by Trico

I also am quite convinced that most people are not so shallow as to determine whether to be in a relationship based entirely on how the other looks. My experience is that I start to see people whose personalities repel me as less physically attractive, and vice-versa. I'm sure that unpleasant people don't necessarily look worse than nice people, but I see them in that light.

I'm sort of like that, too; people whose personalities I don't like are often less physically attractive to me, and vice versa. That's just how I see them. Again, the subjective sort of thing.

Originally Posted by Trico

But how accurately can you measure attractiveness?

I was referring to physical attraction as well as attraction to personality. As human beings, there are certain things that we find attractive, and things that we do not. Most people fall somewhat in between; some are extremely attractive; and some are the polar opposite of that. You really don't have much to worry about unless you're at the bottom of the ladder.

Relationships need some common ground as a base and enough individuality inorder to grow from one another and not bore the hell out of each other.

Just as no two people are exactly alike, I don't think there is ever a clear-cut opposite of any person. I've been attracted to ladies who I have very little or nothing in common with, and I've been attracted to ladies who I have very much in common with. When it came down to it, it didn't particularly matter if we had similar or dissimilar interests. If we enjoyed eachother company, that'd be enough. If I can walk away from a date or whatever thinking "Wow, I had a lot of fun," then that's all I really need. I don't need them to have the same taste in music or movies or dress or whatever, I just need to be able to have fun with them.

Originally Posted by Trico

Consider the idea of similar interests. If one person is very passionately interested in music, he may be frustrated by a person who absolutely does not care for music of any kind.

This reminds me of a not-so-relevant story.

I am one of those people who is very passionate about music. About eight or nine times out of ten, when I have a conversation with some one I had recently met, it will get around to music. Music talk takes up a lot of conversation time with some of my friends. One of my good friends and I, after knowing each other for three or four years, had never discussed music, but now that we have, it is a large part of what starts our conversations.

Anywho, I was getting to know a girl on my floor when I lived in res my first year of university. Not as a potantial relationship (floorcest ew), but just because I'm a friendly person in real life (SURPRISE!), and especially when I see people aren't making friends quickly, or something like that. So after a couple months I bring up music, and to my surprise she has little to no interest in it. She doesn't have any particular favourite artists, and didn't even own a record by any one artist, just some compilations and stuff like that. Music was not at all a big part of her life.

Despite that, we ended the year by being really good friends. I get that its just an example, and that this has little to do with anything...but I LIKE TO TYPE.

I will end this by emparting the knowledge that the opposite of one person is just the very same person, only inside-out.

Hm, well, if I'm to think on my own relationship with my boyfriend, he and I have some major things in common, and some major differences, and I find almost all of his differences/similarities with me attractive. One major difference is that he's usually quiet and easy-going, whereas I'm talkative and out-going. But we both can be very stubbourn and argumentative. Sometimes there are differences in similar interestes - like we'll both like a movie, but for totally different reasons, or a fictional character for different qualities. Another major difference between us is that we grew up in totally different socities. I've been brought up with a collective nature, whereas he's had an individualistic upbringing.

It can be hard at times when trying to understand why he does something the way he does, or vice versa, but in the end it's the will to understand/compromise that keeps us together. Plus, we laugh at the same things and can talk about almost anything together. Crucial factors, I believe - humour and communication.

Actually, when I think about the first thing that attracted me to my boyfriend, it was the fact that was he was very different from me at first glance. I found it intriguing. But as we got to know each other, we found that we were more similar than we had first thought, but there were differences that existed and it still made things interesting.

So do opposites attract? It did for me, but what kept my relationship going was the similar value my partner has to understand, adapt and compromise.

Ceranos D'Bergerac (sorry,...I know I must have messed the spelling up, there) would have a thing or two to say about this!

But for me, I tend to fall for girls who are very much like me as far as intelligence, experiences, and future-hopes go, but they need to be different from me in perspective. Like, how they see things must differ. When I meet this kind of person, they help me to see things in a whole new light, while still being "on the level" in their reasoning.

I find intelligence very attractive. I would rather go out with a girl who isn't exactly "prime real estate" but who has an incredible mind than go out with a girl who can't think for herself but is a "nice cut of meat". (pardon the vulgarity of the expressions)

Originally Posted by sea

I was referring to physical attraction as well as attraction to personality.

Regarding physical attraction vs personality- I genuinly tend to fall for personality first, physical second. This is based on my past- every person i can remember falling for, i have fallen for because of their personality. I usually pick up on physical things later.

Anywho. I think i go for people who are like me, mostly. Who share interests with me, similar taste. I like people with a sense of humour that matches mine- that's very important. Intelligence, that's a grey area- i like inteligent men, but frankly, when they're too smart they scare me off I like to have a head start in relationships. It's a serious flaw. I feel that if a male is more inteligent than i am, he's going to manipulate me and **** my **** up. So people who are about as inteligent as i am are pretty hot.

Also, like Galedeep, i like people who like music. I also like people that don't hate Bjork.

Actually, if you're male and you are a Bjork fan, I WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABIES.

Oh, and i like people who are socially inept! Because it makes me feel less socially inept. In fact, the socially inept should really stick together.

The problem with being socially inept is that none of those people ever seek each other out, despite usually getting along very well.

Originally Posted by Holic

Regarding physical attraction vs personality- I genuinly tend to fall for personality first, physical second. This is based on my past- every person i can remember falling for, i have fallen for because of their personality. I usually pick up on physical things later.

That's pretty different from pretty much...well everything that I've ever known about initial attraction. With every single person I've ever been friends with or ever spoken about the subject to, it's always something physical that sparks initial attraction. Not always just purely physical attractiveness, sometimes its something specific, like a lot of girls I know are really drawn to eyes. I know a couple people who are drawn to a person with a certain sense of style, or who wear really nice shoes.

It was always my belief that in order to form an immeadiate attraction, it would have to be something physical, because that's the thing that is readily apparent when you first look at a person. Of course, once a person opens their mouth and starts displaying their personality, that attraction could strengthen or vanish completely. It is of course entirely possilble to feel attracted towards someone based solely on personality, but general that's something that develops, not something that is so apparent right away.

There always has to be a physical attraction of some sort, even if it doesn't come immediately or you're not explicitly looking at it. But I mean, you're selecting a sexual partner here, essentially. Instinctually we first go for people who we find physically attractive.

Originally Posted by LexLionHart

It's sort of a weird subject.

I personally think that how "similar" people are matters much less than how "similar" their abilities to operate in relationships are. If both members of the couple are "similar" as far as their personalities and interests, and both of them find enjoyment in that similarity, that only compounds how similar they are - but they're still going to be happy together. If both members are drastically different, both then have to find enjoyment in that difference - which is in and of itself a huge similarity.

So, really, what must be shared is the same sense of appreciation for one another - at least, in the loosest sense.

Very nicely said.

Originally Posted by Trico

Well, the obvious answer is that it's more complicated than a simple statement of 'opposites attract' or 'like attracts like.'

Y