A List of People You Will Always Find at Shows/Concerts

A List of People You Will Always Find at Shows.


So a while back, my friend Sarah and I attended the "The Academy Is..." show on campus. She was kind enough to get the tickets and we scored ourselves some awesome seats with plenty of leg room. While watching the concert we proceeded to observe the people around us (we weren't particularly thrilled by the two opening acts) and began to notice a disturbing trend about people who attend shows. There are always the same kinds of people at shows. That is to say, they're not the EXACT same people, but instead, you will always find at least one of the following kinds of people at any concert you go to.

DISCLAIMER: I am not nearly this clever. Alright I am, but Sarah did help with these observations extensively and deserves an equal amount of credit.

THE FAT FRAT GIRL WHO JUST HAS TO DANCE!!! (and her NOWHERE-near-as-enthused friend):
This girl is inevitably in your line of sight. She is, after all, impossible to ignore, as her body is usually flailing wildly, shaking rapidly, and generally just moving in ways that are reserved for people in the late stages of Parkinson's disease. She does this for about 3 minutes-ish, whereupon she abruptly stops, and looks with a wild eye stare at her nearby friend. She pauses only briefly however, as she soon grabs her friend's arm, and begins to dance with her, or at least attempt to. The friend smiles wanly and begins to slowly pull away as the fat frat girl pushes herself closer in a vain attempt to get her friend to dance. The friend looks about, a bit embarrassed, praying that no one is watching the spectacle. Soon, the fat frat girl gives up and goes back to dancing by herself and the friend breathes a sigh of relief. The friend is safe... until the cycle begins again 5 minutes later.


THE IDIOTS WHO CAN'T FIND THEIR SEATS DESPITE EXPLICIT INSTRUCTIONS:
Pretty self explanatory and not necessarily at EVERY concert. In a concert where there is assigned seating, and where ushers lead you to the row you're supposed to sit in, you're bound to find these people. They usually mistakenly sit in your row, or one of the adjoining rows. They have somehow wandered away from the seats the usher showed them and decided that THESE seats, on the OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM, were theirs. And it's not simply that they were being dicks and trying to steal better seats, it's really that they simply don't know.


THE PEOPLE WHO SWAY AT INAPPROPRIATE TIMES:
It's not a ballad ass hole. Stop that swaying shhit. These people will sway at any and every song that plays, including at death metal and hardcore screamo concerts.


THE PEOPLE WHO GO CRAZY AT INAPPROPRITATE TIMES:
It IS a ballad ass hole, stop jumping up and down and pumping your fist in the air. You are a tool.


THE MORONS WHO CAN'T KEEP A BEAT:
Alright, so once in a while, you clap at an inappropriate time or start to sing the wrong verse to a song. That's ok, we all do it.
THESE people are perpetually off beat. They clap at the completely wrong times, usually half to a quarter beat off what the band is playing. Sometimes they attempt to sing along, the words they are singing being half a beat off as well (usually but not necessarily the same amount off from their incorrect clapping beat). This is done for the entirety of the concert, and they are inevitably seated directly behind you.


THE PEOPLE WHO BRING POPCORN AND OTHER SNACKS, SIT, AND EAT THEM FOR THE ENTIRE SHOW:
These weren't actually at The Academy Is... concert, but they exist.
Are... are these people confused? Do they think this is a movie? Where the hell did they get 2 pound bag of popcorn from?!

To give credit where credit is due, Panique came up with this one while I was talking to her about the article.


THE FAMILY:
This was not at The Academy Is... show, but this was at a My Chemical Romance show Sarah and I went to.
Allow me to set the stage for the time Sarah and I witnessed this occurrence. So Sarah and I (with my little sister) enter the MCR show. We are immediately surrounded by people with 20+ (visible) piercings, with more eye makeup on than mimes have, and wearing shirts that have a heart with a dagger through them, and either have ridiculously long hair or hair dyed blood red and styled in ways that vaguely reminded me of barn animals. Sarah and I are about the only normally dressed people there. So we find our seats and talk for a bit when suddenly one of us spots a FOUR YEAR OLD GIRL sitting 5 rows in front of us, with a baseball cap on. We sit, double taking back and forth between each other and the FOUR YEAR OLD CHILD for a little while, when the rest of the family joins: Another girl who cannot POSSIBLY older then 10, a mother with glasses and a straw sunhat on (concert was in fact inside and at night), and a father wearing an Eagles jersey. I again remind you this is a MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE concert.
What the hell is wrong with these people? Since when was My Chemical Romance considered a family day out? Go watch Barney on Ice!

I feel I would be remiss in my duties if I didn't mention that after the opening acts, the father stood, stretched out, and took off his Eagles jersey to reveal a JUDAS PRIEST TOUR T-Shirt. We both thought that was just... special.


THE ANGRY GUY:
He stands for the entire concert, arms folded, scowling at the stage, yet he has a slight bit of sadness in his eyes and the seat next to him is empty. He probably stood in line for hours to buy these tickets for his girlfriend, as a surprise, maybe even for her birthday. And then... they broke up. So he went alone... he doesn't smile once, he doesn't sing along, he doesn't do anything but stand and glance at the seat next to him, angry, sad and lonely. His seats are, of course, right next to...


THE HAPPIEST COUPLE ON THE PLANET WHO FEEL THE NEED TO MAKE OUT AFTER EVERY SINGLE SONG:
During all songs, they hold each other close (regardless of the song), the girl gently leaning her head on the guy's shoulder, and the guy wrapping an arm around her, holding each other's hands tenderly... and then the song is over and they decide to eat each other's faces until the next song begins. If we're lucky, the angry guy glances over at them too and grimaces even more. Fantastic.


P.S. The show was very enjoyable and feel free to add your own.

Heh...I doubt any of you can relate to this, but there is one kind of audience member that I just love. Montreal is a pretty French city, and this doesn't translate so well into English, but anyway...I often go to small classical concerts, and there's always a short gap between the end of the piece and the beginning of the applause. Every once in a while during that gap, an old man, usually sitting near the stage, says, "Et voila!" in a very low, satisfied, quiet voice. I mentioned that to a couple of my friends, and they knew exactly what I was talking about.


At more regular shows, and this probably fits your list a bit better, we also have the somewhat drunk guy who is way too into the music, pumping his fists right at the front of the stage, while everyone else just looks at him awkwardly.

Originally Posted by Fox

THE HAPPIEST COUPLE ON THE PLANET WHO FEEL THE NEED TO MAKE OUT AFTER EVERY SINGLE SONG:
During all songs, they hold each other close (regardless of the song), the girl gently leaning her head on the guy's shoulder, and the guy wrapping an arm around her, holding each other's hands tenderly... and then the song is over and they decide to eat each other's faces until the next song begins. If we're lucky, the angry guy glances over at them too and grimaces even more. Fantastic.

Oh, that happens way too often. The worst (in shows where you stand) is when they move around as they eat each other's faces, as if the rest of the audience doesn't exist, and they just bump into everyone else. I usually just push them, pretending I tripped and bumped into them by accident.

*Brr* *Shiver* *Shake*

Why is it so cold in this threa - oh wait, it's just the ramblings of the ICE QUEEN. This kind of vitriol should *only* be used in controlled environments. Like a Joan Rivers gig or something.

Oh well, I'm feeling pretty spiteful as well today so I'll join in to. :]

I love going to see Rocky Horror whenever it tours, although there's *always* somebody in the audience who manages to have me rolling my eyes in contempt. If you've ever been to see Rocky Horror, then you'll know that the audience is supposed to shout things at the stage and it's all very funny and everybody has a wonderful evening - blah blah blah. That's great and all, but there's always at least one person in the audience who thinks that we've all paid our money to see *them* and hear *their* hilarious quips.

Even when the crowd starts to boo them, they still wont sit their arses down and STFU.

*yoga breaths*

Float your acid tounged Jewish comediennes.

Then there is the creepy fat dude who takes off his shirt and dances like a maniac in front of the stage scaring off customers.

Indeed and completely.

There are always some idiots that stand on the stage and sing or play instruments in front of everyone while I'm trying to have a good chat to my friend.

Bastards.