Love thread.

I'm 14 and in the 8th grade.

Originally Posted by jimmypage

This sounds to me like saying a psychiatrist should not treat a psychopath, because she is not one. I'm not using the analogy to imply I'm an expert on the subject, because I'm not. However, I do have an interest in human psychology and behavioural science or social science from a scientific perspective (not as in philosophical theories). Therefore, I think I'm in the position to formulate a perfectly valid opinion on these matters. Simply being in highschool doesn't make you an authority on the issue; you need good arguments (and no, repeating mine doesn't count).

Telling someone to potentially sabatoge their own love life, whether directly or indirectly, purposely or accidentally, is the worst possible advice you can give them.

Inciting violence on this forum, I should think, is not (or, at least, should not be) tolerated.

Im 14 and Im in the 8th grade too.

But anyway.....that was the most horrible information I have read EVER jimmypage, that would probaly get you expelled from the school if you got into a fight duh, and that doesn't go good with your Permanenant record.

Originally Posted by Mokujin
Well,I was in that situation not too long ago and I talked about that problem in the old love thread but,what I did was I tried not to look at her and ignore her or you could try and get
a friend to talk to her or you cansomehow get popular and then she might'll talk to you.


^ No offense Mokujin, but that isn't the best of advice.
You should calmly talk to the person, not run away. The smoothest path isn't always the best one.
Heh, I made a random analogy. Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet.
The second half of your advice ticked me off a bit, though. Trying to get popular so that someone will talk to you?! If someone you have a crush on won't look at you because you aren't "popular", they aren't worth s***. Such shallowness is detestable.

THE GOLDEN RULE OF RELATIONSHIPS
For someone to truly like you, you must be yourself. If they fall in love with your mask, what will they think when you take it off? Trust me, they won't like it that much. Respect both the person you like and yourself, and the relationship will go far.

If you are in a relationship, follow that rule, and you will most likely have a lasting relationship.
I feel so smart now.....

I agree, you should just be yourself, or try to be yourself. Never try to be someone you're not. In addition to "what will they think when the mask comes off", it can be harmful to yourself, to be acting as someone you're not, you could end up spiralling out of control. Lying about everything, completely making a different person up altogether, which is harmful to yourself and to your family/friends/etc. Like a digging yourself deeper into a hole kinda thing.

As for my own problem? OK, well, back in.... December, I went on a trip, this girl tried to get close to me... I blew her off because I was "taken" in an LDR, which turned out to be a farce (from her point of view, and it hurt... so I don't like to consider it anymore to be honest), so obviously, being the haplessly devoted individual I am, I blew her off. The LDR broke down in about late January, I "drifted" and then... I don't know, I just fell for that girl and I actually regretted turning her down (what with recent events).
She still looked at me, smiled, she dropped a hint that "Don't we all want love and affection" which appeared to be delivered into my general direction, and was always looking at me etc etc, and I was doing the same, so last Thursday I asked her if she "wanted to do something sometime" (since I've no experience, go for the simple question). Her response (and she was in a rush mind you), was "Umm, yeah (it seemed a genuine yeah, not sarcastic), I'll get back to you". It's now a week later, and still no response, but she's still looking at me, exact same way, everything the same (plus, she doesn't have a boyfriend that I know of), she's "Aww"ed at my plight with a bad cold/cough/bug thing I've got (yes, I still go to school with it >_>), etc etc.... I'm just confused... that's all... I would try asking her again, but I'm not sure... Little help here? Please?

Originally Posted by Jordan L

I agree, you should just be yourself, or try to be yourself. Never try to be someone you're not. In addition to "what will they think when the mask comes off", it can be harmful to yourself, to be acting as someone you're not, you could end up spiralling out of control. Lying about everything, completely making a different person up altogether, which is harmful to yourself and to your family/friends/etc. Like a digging yourself deeper into a hole kinda thing.

As for my own problem? OK, well, back in.... December, I went on a trip, this girl tried to get close to me... I blew her off because I was "taken" in an LDR, which turned out to be a farce (from her point of view, and it hurt... so I don't like to consider it anymore to be honest), so obviously, being the haplessly devoted individual I am, I blew her off. The LDR broke down in about late January, I "drifted" and then... I don't know, I just fell for that girl and I actually regretted turning her down (what with recent events).
She still looked at me, smiled, she dropped a hint that "Don't we all want love and affection" which appeared to be delivered into my general direction, and was always looking at me etc etc, and I was doing the same, so last Thursday I asked her if she "wanted to do something sometime" (since I've no experience, go for the simple question). Her response (and she was in a rush mind you), was "Umm, yeah (it seemed a genuine yeah, not sarcastic), I'll get back to you". It's now a week later, and still no response, but she's still looking at me, exact same way, everything the same (plus, she doesn't have a boyfriend that I know of), she's "Aww"ed at my plight with a bad cold/cough/bug thing I've got (yes, I still go to school with it >_>), etc etc.... I'm just confused... that's all... I would try asking her again, but I'm not sure... Little help here? Please?

She might think you've got a little too much medicine in you, and you are drugged (since you said you have a cold). Try asking her again, this time being being more specific of where exactly you would take her out. Try not to sound impaitent. I hope this helped.

I agree that you should ask again with a specific plan, but not before intriguing her a bit. Exactly how depends on her, but here's a useful general concept: Psychology research has shown that a person tends to like more other people who increasingly like that person. If how much person A likes person B is a function of time f(t), then how much B likes A depends more on the first time derivative df/dt than it does on f(t). For those who failed calculus, Zelda will tend to like Link more if Link didn't like her at first and then started liking her than if Link liked her the same from the beginning. To be more effective, make sure she thinks she was fully responsible for any change, for example after some conversation with her, i.e. she earned your appreciation. It's much harder to reject something we earned than something that was just handed to us.

By the way, if this conflicts with your worldview or whatever, don't start complaining to me again. Experiments show that this is just the way the human brain works.

Also, being yourself is overrated. And if you actually have to "try to be yourself" as you said, it's probably not the real you anyway.

Originally Posted by jimmypage

I agree that you should ask again with a specific plan, but not before intriguing her a bit. Exactly how depends on her, but here's a useful general concept: Psychology research has shown that a person tends to like more other people who increasingly like that person. If how much person A likes person B is a function of time f(t), then how much B likes A depends more on the first time derivative df/dt than it does on f(t). For those who failed calculus, Zelda will tend to like Link more if Link didn't like her at first and then started liking her than if Link liked her the same from the beginning. To be more effective, make sure she thinks she was fully responsible for any change, for example after some conversation with her, i.e. she earned your appreciation. It's much harder to reject something we earned than something that was just handed to us.

By the way, if this conflicts with your worldview or whatever, don't start complaining to me again. Experiments show that this is just the way the human brain works.

Also, being yourself is overrated. And if you actually have to "try to be yourself" as you said, it's probably not the real you anyway.

. . .Overrated? Eactly how?


If you have to try to be yourself than that really isn't yourself? Well, sometimes, people accidently make a BIG reputation of themselves, so big they forget who they are, and they now can't be themselves, or it is hard to be themselves.


Also, that brain thing is confusing. . .even if it involves Zelda romance. *head throbs*

Well, for one thing jimmy, yes, it's your view, I respect that. Plus, to an extent I agree: What is the "real" you. We all wear maks to an extent. There are a lot of things that the majority of ZU don't know about me. There are things I've tended to keep secret. Plus, I may come across as all sweetness, light and happy and bright in my posts, but in reality, I'm more cynical and dark. It depends... I have moodswings... (No I'm not having the male version of PMT! )
But I'm leaning with Princesstetra7, you should be yourself, or try to be yourself, because they never fell in love with you in the first place, they fell in love with someone else. Show off by all means if necessary, but never lie outright (e.g.... umm... one for me would be "Yeah, God I'm no virgin! I've had LOADS of chicks!", y'know, that'd just be an outright lie).

Plus jimmy, I don't know what you mean, she's already intrigued Heh, well what I mean is, she knows I'm at least interested in friendliness, plus she's always (or is when I'm looking) looking at me.
Thanks for the advice BUT (yes, it is a big butt ) I'm too shy, I just go all like jelly when I'm near her. It took me a few minutes to just try and get her attention by saying "Hi" So that's my problem, yeah, I would ask her out more specifically (and I get the feeling that she wants that), but I'm too shy/quiet/nervous/scared/in awe. (Not that I mind the "in awe" part ^_^) That's my problem, not knowing how to find the words (as my Custom Rank says)

no one answered my question.

Originally Posted by jimmypage

And if you actually have to "try to be yourself" as you said, it's probably not the real you anyway.

I think by that she means "try not to be someone else" rather than "try to be yourself", because you don't really have to try to be yourself but you do have to try to be someone you're not.

...I hope that was somewhat coherent.

Originally Posted by Cedric

no one answered my question.

Ops.


I think I know what question you mean. . .

It is likely not love, Cedric, you just like her a lot.

Love is when your knees feel weak when you see him/her and you see him/her EVERYWHERE and it feels like you can't breathe and you become REALLY over-heated everytime you think about him/her.

Sadly, the word love is tossed around too much these days. . .v_v Nothing personnal Cedric, I'm just saying so MANY people are like, "Oh I love him/her!" and they don't even know the person sometimes.

well, i am really close to her

Originally Posted by SearanoX

Following the success of the previous one, this thread is to be used for discussion related to relationships and such. Ask for advice on how to ask someone out, what to give a girlfriend or boyfriend for their birthday, etc.. Note that this thread is not for finding an "online boyfriend/girlfriend" and that so-called "ZU marriages" are to have no place here.

crud im not spillin the beans the walls have ears

Originally Posted by PrincessTetra7

Love is when your knees feel weak when you see him/her and you see him/her EVERYWHERE and it feels like you can't breathe and you become REALLY over-heated everytime you think about him/her.

Oh dear.

I think that even you have love confused with infatuation. Love is more like a devotion--you want to spend all your time with this person and make sure he/she is happy and content for the rest of his/her life.

Don't tell that to me, tell that to Meg Cabot, who said that was what love was in every single book she has written. No offence, but she has been married for 11 years. . .

so...which is it, love or not?

My answer is still no. It seems like it isn't at all love.

Ya see I love this girl that has been on my bus since kinder karden,seen been freinds at school,are freinds out of school and i dont know if she knows i like her ore not. But i cant tell her that i like her because let's just say other people say i'm "Socially Challenged" and i'm a fraid that if i say that i do like her people will start saying bad things about her. And i dont want that to happen. I really like her beacuse she isnt a little miss popularity and come and rescue me girl. Known her for a loooooong time.

You are 10. You don't need to worry about love right now. But anyway, try to get your confidence up and ask her. You never know, maybe she will say yes, and hopefully no one will say anything bad about her.