jokes,quotes and funny sayings

post jokes quotes or saying that ya like
the first one I have is a funny saying:the cost of living is so expensive but yet it's so popular.

May the farts be with you.
I made up this really funny one in my oppinion but its to inapropriate for the forums.

joke from FF Spirits Within... the book *hangs hea in shame* Am I that obssesed?

Jane saw Ryan and Neil crept down at the contol panel.
"Honsetly those two can't be left alone for a minute."
She walked up to them silently.
"What do you think you're doing?"
Neil would've normally jumped but this time it was a good thing he didn't, as he was messing about with wires... wires?
"Hey whatchit! You could kill a guy sneaking up on him like that!"
"I'm considering it anyway."

Not to be some mean dude... But isn't this supposed to go into the Official Fun thread, where everything funny is supposed to go? People have to search threads more nowadays, I saw alot of threads just about a little funny video, and those stuff could have gone into the fun thread.

But oh well

There's the Official Fun Thread down there somewhere...can't remember if I made it or not...it might have been another.

It bothers me that I've gone insane and nobody has seemed to notice...

I dont know where it's from. I have it posted on my site and my one friend and I say that alot. So hows that one really?

See ya'.

Here is a funny FFX video. Most of you prolly has seen it though..i dunno.

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view.php?id=66335

Just look at my quote!

I'd say the sentence in my signature is funny enough (it also belongs to my nickname)

Here is a quote from.....me.

"Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but those whose differ from mine must die..."

Heres a bunch I recieved in an e-mail:

v Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

v He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

v Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film.

v A day with out sunshine is like, well, night.

v On the other hand, you have other fingers.

v I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

v When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

v Seen it all, done it all, can’t remember most of it.

v Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.

v “You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.”

v I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be with out sponges?

v Despite the cost of living have you noticed how it remains so popular?

v Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

v It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.

v The 50-50-90-rule: Anytime you have a 50-50- chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.

v It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, some one would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

v You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?

v Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world’s population.

v If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.


v The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.


v Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.


v Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.


v A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.


v It recently was discovered that research causes cancer in rats.


v Everybody lies, but it doesn’t matter since nobody listens.


v I wished the buck stopped here, ‘cause I could use a few.


v I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.


v When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

I've got a body of a god, unfortunatlly it's Buddha.

I dont love money, i love the things that money buys

Im not to awake now, so no making fun of what i wrote, and i might think of some more later.

Originally posted by forrest_66
I've got a body of a god, unfortunatlly it's Buddha.

I dont love money, i love the things that money buys

Im not to awake now, so no making fun of what i wrote, and i might think of some more later.

buddha is not a god... i think

Buddha is too a god, havent you ever heard of Buddism?(sp) Like i said, im not awake and i cant think, so i cant help to much in convincing you that buddha's a god.

yes buddhism is a religion- but there are no gods. (well maybe there are some, but buddha is not one of them) after being reincarnated many many many times you can reach a state of buddha- according to buddhism of course. but buddha himself/herself/itself is not a god.

and that famous fat guy "buddha" was supposedly one of the few people that reach the state of buddha.

What'chu talkin' 'bout Willis? The famous lines uttered by Gary Colman. Who is also running for governer of California. Man, Cal. is going through some wierd times right now. A pornstar, a body building actor, another actor, a porn star, a porn magazine guy, and a wierd guy. Anyways...hm....funny phrases.......OH! FAMOUS LAST WORDS! I love these things. Just as a side note, these might be famous last words, but they were meant as a joke.
FLW: "Uh oh."
FLW: "What does this button do?" FLW: "C'MON MITCH!!!! SHOOT THE CIGARETTE OUTTA MY MOUTH!!!"
FLW: "Did that sign say watch for precipice?" FLW: "Does something smell like gas?"
FLW: "Honey! It's not lipstick! I SWEAR!!!"
FLW: "It's our anniversary?"
FLW: "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE, COPPERS!!!"
FLW: "Ok Bonnie, as soon as we make it down this road some, we'll be home free."
FLW: (note: this one is just because of my dislike of this one movie) "Hey! Let's go see Final Destination 2!"
FLW: "Ooh, there's a penny in the road!"
Ok, that's it.

You want funny? Read anything by Douglas Adams, his "hitch hikers guide to the universe" series is his best work.

is HitchHikers Guide to the Galaxy.
but yes Douglas Adams is funny

"The Alien ships stayed in the air in much the same way that bricks don't."

'Dont drink and drive; smoke weed and fly'

XD Well I think its funny.

[Off Topic]Ok, just to finally clear things up, Buddha is not a god or a goddess, but a state of mind. It is a person that has being freed of ignorance and now sees the world with cleared eyes. Ignorance isn't bliss. End of discussion[/off topic]

I like funny names, like Hugh G. Rection o_o