Post your funniest life stories (Part II)

When I was shopping with my brother at Gamestop for the Steam Summer Sale, I bought a Steam card and as my brother and I walked to the door into the rain, a man opened the door and my brother was ahead of me and the man said, "Ladies first!"; then, I walked through the door since I had a clean shave and long hair and laughed along with it.

Last year, when I was working at a doctor's clinic, I had my Spongebob Squarepants moment and ripped my pants; instead of making people laugh out of embarrassment, I was the one embarrassed. I got up immediately, checked out, all while my arms were covering the hole in my pants that revealed my underwear, started pacing with my arms covering my hole, looked around to see if anyone noticed; up till I reached my car and drove home, I was censoring my ripped pants area.

Later that night, my mom could not sew the hole since I ripped it twice, so, the next morning, I grabbed my mom's headscarf and tucked it to where the ripped area was covered, and, my colleagues were still speaking to me with a serious face and I did not hear laughter or snickering behind my back or from a distance. I'm sure they were laughing, though.

Early last year, I called a worker at the pharmacy for a prescription, and, I asked whether my voucher was eligible, and he said, "Yes ma'am! The voucher is eligible!" I went to the pharmacy and displayed my voucher to the clerk and he said it was ineligible, and I told him that his employee said it was eligible and the man who I spoke to on the phone said, "I was talking to a woman (aka Mohammed) on the phone about the voucher." End of day, I paid with credit card for the refill.

End of the day, I am used to total strangers I speak on the phone with addressing me as if I am a woman. The first thirty callers, I told them I was a male. But, after the 30th time, I let random phonecallers address me as 'ma'am' even though they can't bother to think why would a woman have the name, Mohammed, hmm??

Same time last year as the pharmacy visit, I was assigned at the front desk to schedule appointments for patients. One patient I called had her phone on answering machine; her answering message was a three-minute gospel song of the Word of Jesus Christ, then she said, "Leave a message!" After I hung up, I said, "I truly admire that woman's sense of faith."

My dad told me the joke that DARE stood for "Drugs are really excellent" when I was 10. I then repeated the joke to my basketball coach who became concerned over amused.

One time I was sitting next to this black kid who was on a bunch of X and all the sudden I had to yell "♥♥♥♥♥♥, ♥♥♥♥♥♥, ♥♥♥♥♥♥, ♥♥♥♥♥♥, ♥♥♥♥♥♥, ♥♥♥♥♥♥" in a super fast motion. I blurted the words so quickly no one undertstood me , fortunately. I don't know why I said it then and there but it just came out my mouth and people noticed I said something but didn't understand it.

When I was in the 1st grade, my pants fell down in front of 3 girls revealing my Power Rangers tidy-whites for all to see.

Beat that.

Childhood. Childhood love.

When I was a young girl things weren’t as unnecessarily complicated as they tend to be nowadays. “I am hungry” meant “I eat”, “I am tired” meant “I sleep” and “love and fidelity” meant “hold hands with (e.g) Simon one day, and hold hands with (e.g) Marcus the next day”.
It was easy! It was ok! Things worked that way. Therefore, I could get away with my favourite childhood incident;

One particularly sunny day in the sand box, I spent some quality time with the love of my life for the time being. Me and Robin were destined. A whole week we had been the talk of the kindergarten. As a true gentleman, Robin of course wanted to impress his lady. His method of choice being creating culinary masterpieces from sand, he craftily created a sand pizza for me. I was of course very impressed by this demonstration of manly muscle power and he gained even more nourishment for his pumped up boy-ego.

Things were Eden-like. Harmony among the six-year-olds. Fabulous weather. A brand new set of swings in the playground. However, according to Murphys law, everything that can go wrong really goes wrong. At least this was the case of my prince charming. Along came the Snake and he tilted the balance in paradise.

His name was Adam and he was Robins twin brother, back on track after recovering from a broken leg. Oh boy could he bake sand pizzas! I was overwhelmed by this incredible skill, I was breathtaken by this larger-than-life, mythic, oh this epic talent that he possessed! Soon, I would say half an hour after the pizza-performance, he possessed my heart as well.

Thus, I, with no hesitation nor delay, told Robin that I wanted to go separate ways. He was now as attractive as yesterdays news. He was as attractive as ordinary shoes when you could have pink Spice Girls shoes with built-in light that flashed when you walked instead. Robin was the past. Adam was the future. At least the very near future.

So, in short: my female-child-casanova inside dumped my boyfriend in favor of his twin brother with the critical point being sand pizza.