Maturing, and looking back on yourself

I used to be one of the biggest noobs ever. Then I got into Graphic Design and figured out how to behave on a forum. (This was my first ever forum)

oh gosh I thought the title said masturbating.
clearly i have matured quite elegantly.

but i did join this site when i was 12 and I'm 20 now so obviously i've grown up quite a bit. I'm less... whiny, I suppose? More coherent, definitely and not afraid to interact with other members and post.
I can not think of too much right now it is early for me and i am tired

I don't feel like I mature or change all that much
(I mean obviously I've changed a fair bit over the years but...not really)
but that feeling when you look back at how you used to be? Like, realizing how ♥♥♥♥ty/pathetic/try-hardy/etc you used to be?
I get that feeling at least 3 times a day.
MY ACTIONS FROM 3 HOURS AGO ALREADY EMBARRASS ME

That's just in general.
As for like, starting out here?
Uh, I think my focus and areas of activity have shifted mostly. And maybe I'm less dumbbbb?

I've matured in many ways over the years. Obviously, it's natural to grow up and become more mature with age. However, I can't sit here and go on a pretentious lecture about how you should grow up like me etc. etc., because there are still many ways I need to mature.

One of the main things for me is figuring out how to do things for myself. I feel no shame in staying with my parents until I finish community college, but without a job, I don't even pay for gas. That's not to say I don't help out around the house. I have to ferry my two sisters around, and stay with my older one (who has Downs Syndrome) all day while my parents are at work. While these responsibilities are important, I've realized that I need to start doing more things for myself.

For one thing, I need to get a job. I've applied a couple of times, but I've never been very serious about it. Granted, not wanting to work at a fast food place doesn't give me a ton of options for a first job; but there are still many things I could apply for. Heck, I should probably go apply to a fast food place even if I would hate it. But before that, I know I should take the time and try to find a job somewhere besides that, but for the most part, I haven't.

I also need to stop beating myself up over everything. Perhaps this is less about maturity and more so about just the way my mind works, but I'll throw it in anyways. It seems that no matter what happens, I beat myself up over even the meaningless things. It's like that I know I shouldn't, and yet I still do. So in that way, I definitely need to grow as a person. Maybe not maturing; but it follows the same idea I guess.

I guess half the issues I have right now is that soon enough I'll have to grow up, move out, get a job, etc. That is friggin scary for me. I've never had to do anything like that by myself. I know my parents will always be there to help me, but I also don't want to be the guy who lives with his parents his whole life (no offense to anyone, just not for me). I want to move out, get a job, possibly find a guy, and if it's legal in my lifetime (most likely), get married and adopt/raise a kid or two. But to do that, there are things I need to fix in the way I deal with life. Even though I know this, I'm still lazy about growing up.

I'm very much a procrastinator. It is rarely a hindrance for me, as I kind of plan out how I'm going to procrastinate until the last minute (which I think makes it worse :V ). Honestly, I don't think I'm going to face some of my fears and goals until they are forced upon me.

So I guess what I'm saying is: I get looking back and being proud of how I've grown as a person; but personally, I know I have a ton of maturing left to do, so I'd rather not focus on the past. The sad thing is that this post will probably be all talk, as it is incredibly hard for me to get motivated.

I've been an immature little turdnugget my entire life.
I've just gotten a little bit funnier.

Actually, I used to be really against everything I didn't understand, I was really into anime and manga, really into wolves, hated boys, what ever, man.
All that dorky little kid stuff that some of us went through.
Thankfully, I'm not a close-minded butthead anymore, I have more of a musical and artistic interest now, and I'm more realistic, I'd say. And uh,
I'd say my humor is more /sophisticated/ now, ahem.

i still laugh at farts though, aheheh

EDIT:
you know what? actually thinking about it, i was a little jerk to some people.
I would really like to apologise to people i was absolutely horrible to. I caused them such
annoyance really, that they never deserved.
I want to say sorry, but I'm so embarrassed.

I've matured a lot over the past few years.

3 years ago, I had no way of handling my emotions, and ended up alienating myself from my friends, some of whom I've only started to talk to again in the past few months.

When I first joined ZU, I was desperate for attention, more on the internet than irl (lol freshmen). I was a lot like a young puppy, bouncing around trying to get someone to notice me. It came out in my posts, where I would complain or something if nobody was noticing me. To justify it on some level, most of my threads die pretty quickly if they get any replies at all.

Now, however, I'm a lot more laid back. Don't want to listen to me? Oh well. I don't need everyone to pay attention to me anymore. I get that people have better things to do, or just don't feel like it. And that has made me happier as a person because instead of worrying about that, I can improve in other areas.