Personal Grievances

~Personal Grievances~


In this thread you can rant about things that weigh on your mind! Talking about your issues might get rid of the negative feelings, so you are welcome to use this thread as a place to vent. However, those in need of serious input and advice please head to the Help section.

Two things to keep in mind:

~This is a serious-labeled thread - please create your posts accordingly. Put effort into them; one-liners are going to be deleted.

~Remember that this is not the community thread: chit-chat is not allowed - but mild discussion is, so if you want to add something to a fellow member's post, you are encouraged to do so!

~Remember that if you've got a personal grievance, be sure to KEEP it personal. Any passive aggressive posts about members, threads, or staff will be not be allowed.

~This thread is meant for getting your troubles off your chest. Not for upping your post count or playing games. Please limit your posts to something that legitimately grieves you, or anything to that nature. Posts like "I can't fly and I hate it" are not going to be allowed, unless you can give a good explanation as to why not being able to fly is such a bad thing.

We hope this thread will help you with whatever troubles you! :D


~Special thanks to Chris and Nesi, my partners in crime for this thread.~

Am I gonna be first? Okay.
Something's been on my mind and this thread pops up so hey might as well spill my guts. What's to lose?
It's a secret. Don't read it:

Spoiler:  

My personal grievance is my unhealthy relationship with food. I have sooo much trouble even bringing up the slightest hint I might have a problem, but the truth is, I do. Have a problem. Anyway, I've been trying to get myself to bring it up with someone for a while now but I just can't do it. Because even if they know, would they help? Do I necessarily want help? Do I want to change? I've been like this, on-and-off, since I was 13 so it's mostly routine for me to love and despise eating so much, to starve myself because I'm weird or gorge myself because I'm stressed, to binge and purge, to make myself throw up, because I can't stop and I tell everyone oh of course I've stopped four years ago duh that's not a thing that I do that's not who I am. And why do I do it? Can someone in the audience tell me why? Because I don't know the answer either, at first I started it because it was some form of ♥♥♥♥ed-up self punishment but now I just do it because I have to.
There are maaaany things I want to change about who I am and how I'm seen but I don't know if the food-thing is really one that's adjustable. I accept it as a part of myself that I have no self control and if I'm going to eat a pint of ice cream and throw up because I'm bored and I want to then...wait...what the ♥♥♥♥ is wrong with me?

Anyway ZU, I still want to be the same person whether I've got this disorder or not I'm still me me Mackenzie kezzer so. Ugh I don't want anyone thinking different of me, or that I'm disgusting or something I mean we all have our problems and things we're a lil bit crazy with. Sure, I could rupture my insides, ruin my teeth, and burn out my esophagus but at least...I'm not an alcoholic? Right? Or on drugs. So it's not so bad. I'll be fine.

I just want to make sure people will still see me as me even if they do read this whole thing and know now.

Fffff this is dumb don't listen to me don't read this post.
I'd post something in the help forum if it were a thing I really wanted serious advice on but really I dunno I'm just upset today and blabbing blabbing blabbing.

Some things are best left unattended and unspoken but i can't keep this in, not this week...

My personal grievance is that no matter what i do i get into heaps of s**t at home. i can do all the work around the house and then begin to argue and the roof comes crashing down on me. i am always included in the bad things and the only way to get away is through school. But at home it’s like i NEVER do anything right... no matter what...
If i argue with my brat of a sister its like i never stop and its apparently always me, and its aparently me being loud, and its apparently me that picking all the fight. IN HELL I AM!! She never listens 2 me, do they expect me to put up with that. Ever since mother died i have had to act as the mother and then BANG! ACT LIKE YOURSELF!! How do i do that, i have been "acting like a mother and wanting all the control" for 5 years. No, i just did what i was told...
And now apparently i act like a snoby b***h, yeah well if so, It’s probably because this tomboy has had enough of having so much blame placed upon her!
Forgive me for speaking my mind in a confused blur but that be how i perceive these things today. Not to mention i have red, puffy, sore eyes from crying since yesterday and i can't stop breaking down into tears today, infront of the school and all... it's not good... i'm broken.
It doesn't really help when my boyfriend dumps me coz he found out i like someone else but he don't like me (i think).
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Soz for all the ranting and raving, i snapped, suff keeps pilling, thats buts and bieces of whats been going on, again, sorry.

Oh boy, here we go.

Spoiler:  

I've had a struggle with my weight since about... ever, really. I've been 180 pounds for the longest time and just haven't budged from that, no matter what I do. I eat a lot? No movement. I exercise to the point of pain? Nothing. I'll starve myself on most days because of this, which of course it's the stupidest thing to do but I can't stop. I'm so unhappy with my body to the point of hating myself and being unable to look in the mirror on some days. I get motivation to lose weight? Great! But it's gone two weeks later and I'm back to my old habits. I don't understand why I'm like this. I'm joining yoga and Zumba classes soon, but what will happen when I lose the will to go? Or if I get frustrated that I'm seeing no difference in my weight after a month? I'll give up, like I always do. I feel pathetic because of it.

I want nothing more in the world to lose this excess weight and be happy and healthy with myself. I'm not saying skinny = beautiful because that's not true but healthy = beautiful sure as hell is. But I just don't have the motivation. It's not there. And I'm scared for my future and my health.

The family dog Lady is dying and my parents expect me to take care of it.

My dad absolutely refuses to take care of her - he woke me up this morning to make me clean up a mess she made, rather than clean it up himself, then had me carry the dog outside because she had made another mess on herself. I'm the one that has to feed her, give her water, clean up after her when she makes a mess, get her in and out of the house, and you have to remember that this dog is dying. It's bad enough I have to do all this ♥♥♥♥, but to have to do it by myself, given the circumstances, is really hard. I'm the only one taking care of this poor dog and my parents have basically said "here, we don't want to take responsibility for our dog, you take care of her until she dies."

My mom is at work all day, so at least she has a reason to hand the responsibility to me, but my dad is not. He sits on his butt all day and watches TV, ♥♥♥♥♥ing at me about the dog, as if I can help it that she's dying. This dog has been in the family for fourteen years, and he doesn't even care about her. I had to endure fourteen years of him screaming about how much he wanted to shoot her in the head, of him kicking her when she made him mad, of him telling me how we should just put her down and get her out of the way. He can't even have some sympathy for her when she's dying. Granted, for the past few days he's been better, but only because I'd get upset when he was being awful to her.

I hate this.

It's not really something, but I have to get it off from my chest or else I start to act again. :/

Spoiler:  

I'm so sick and so tired of people ignorning even though I'm not use of attention. I mean is my voice not even loud enough is there something wrong with me? No matter what I do, no matter what I say it would go through them. So tired of it all. If I speak louder nothing happens the same thing happens. Are people are use of me being this quiet that I all I say is nothing? It gets me thinking of bad thoughts, and I don't like it because it's finally getting me to like those feelings of loneliness and saddness, I'm started to like them. Is it finally becoming something that I'll be one day?

I sometimes see it in here. All of my old friends would sometimes won't even respond back. I know that they are busy and are with their other much more better friends now. It still gets me. I would get jealous sometimes and even consider ignoring them. I know it's just the interent and not that important but I really don't want these feelings back. I'm sorry if I spoke of these nonsense. I would try to change a little bit of me to see if people would like me, I mean who wants boring Kaguya? Who would hear this from someone who isn't that memorable? I'm realy am nothing to people.

Spoiler: Florina's life beef  

What im sick of is people expecting me to do things and not really think for myself. I was expected by my boyfriend, to work a mundane job and live a rather boring existence. Even expected to look and dress a certain way. "You should show more skin!" he would often say. Why though? Im not comfortable that way so im not gonna do it. "You should work here!" But ive applied a million times and never got a lead. Why the ♥♥♥♥ should i keep trying to work there? My mother was the same way for a while. Why should i do things that dont make me happy? My boyfriend broke up with me (while remaining friends) partially because i wasnt conforming to his expectations. Umm....wtf. So im not exactly allowed to be my own person?

Fortunately, my mother realized that by trying to conform, im becoming more and more miserable. That i need to do what i really want instead of just following someone else's idea. She does get angry that i want to aim a little lower in my goals and be more realistic in my expectations of life. I dont think she realizes that its not me selling myself short, but just...being realistic! My dream is a simple one: Get out of this damn town and move to SF. Get a job there that would hire me. Thats pretty realistic. And yes, mum realizes i have no future here. But my aiming lower upsets her. OH WELL! Deal with it!

When my boyfriend broke up with me, i realized how much he was holding me back. It was like i was being let out of a cage in a way. But still, i just put into a bigger cage. Im still a bit trapped and i need to get out before i really lose my mind.

I'm surprised I'm not doing this right now. So tomorrow is my web registration for fall classes for University. I was planning on going part-time taking two courses, PSYCH 111 and PSYCH 113. Last I checked I was in the class for PSYCH 113, but checking the night before, it says I am 21 on the waitlist!! Complete bull♥♥♥♥! So now I'm in desperation to get a second course to choose (debating between Zoology or Human Anatomy) and while I'm trying to figure out what timetable is suitable for me and works with my work schedule, THE SERVER TIMES OUT and says, "please try again later", meanwhile I need to register my courses by tomorrow morning at 9:30!!! Deep inside I am boiling like you don't even know. Surprised I haven't Hulk'ed Out yet out of my shirt.
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Rant over. Anyways, share your stories where you have just lost your cool, or where you wanted to rage really badly but just decided not to.

Hey;
I merged your thread with our Personal Grievances thread, so that all kind of rants and negative feelings can be shared here, okay?

If you have a problem with this, feel free to shoot me a PM. :>

Well the only thing I grieve is dying.
I'm not afraid of death but I am confused.
I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night if I'm not already awake and ponder as to what will happen to me or the world when I am gone.
Sometimes I think nothing will exist anymore but then I see the world moving on without me.
I see people I love or loved and their everyday lives.
Nothing else really saddens me or is an issue.



If I might add, for those who need motivation, you might just need a friend who will constantly bug you.
Depending on how you are: you could just write goals down on a notebook or think of how good things would be if you achieved your goal. It's hard to give tips in general.
I have had a lot of experience with motivating people but it would have to be personal.
I did motivate one or two people to stop the use of drugs and healthy ways to lose weight but they did everything, I just showed them the way