As apt for my first non-introductory thread in this institution, I’d like to bring an element of overt debauchery and decadence to the forums. We don’t necessarily need any more, but you can never have enough moral degradation, nor too much absolute repulsion.
Post anecdotes about the most shameful and improper moments of your life, either that have been witnessed by you, or even better ... experienced.
I recall a particularly cold night a February ago in which I woke up in a companions’ house with terrible stomach cramps and a head made hazy from overconsumption of substances the night before. Getting up and stepping over the sleeping bodies of other people who had also crashed over at the house of a friend who I could not remember with great clarity at the time, I walked out of the door and decided to head home. The walk was about an hour and the frost was biting. As the stomach cramps which ailed me got steadily worse, I soon found myself vomiting on the front garden of a property I was passing as I started becoming very unwell. It was not too long afterwards that I had forgone my footwear and walked in an entirely wrong direction – at least if my house was the destination. It was hard to know at this point. An unspecified amount of time later, I was recouping my lost body heat in the house of a couple who had let me in -- I, covered in vomit, barefoot, and looking cadaverous and pallid from the weather. The stomach cramps took a while to shift as well; whilst I probably devalued the house I was residing in with a leak of urine.
This is told from the perspective of my nearest and dearest friend who luckily had me accompanying them whilst they drudged home at 3am with no idea what was going on. I would never be so silly as to forget to pee before I shamble home.
I’m unwilling to humiliate myself so much as my friend until the mood is set. Come, darlings, let’s defile and demoralise this forum with our failures as pure and innocent human beings.
It's like you wrote this story, looked in a thesaurus and chose the longest or fanciest sounding words you could find and replaced them to sound smart. Reading it the whole time was like, why bother using these words in succession like this unless you're trying to sound well educated?
My guess is that it was for humor, and not to sound smart?
No one, NO ONE talks like that naturally, especially not in an internet forum.
As for my story, I was going over to my girlfriend-at-the-time's house to surprise her, but began to feel ill on the ride over. I ended up walking pass her as she opened the door and throwing up in her sink. lol
Well there are some people (at my local college, mostly) who so this. They study a dictionary just to use "big words" to sound smart... it's just annoying. But now that I know you did it for humor, I can appreciate it
I thought it was pretty obvious they were doing it to be humorous. The words themselves sound humorous when used in the context.
This is kind of personal, but whatever:
Back when I was binging/purging last year, I had just come from the University dining hall after having eaten plates and plates of food. I decided to purge in one of the University halls, it's a big building with 4 floors. I decided to go to the fourth floor restroom, thinking it would give me more privacy and less chance of getting caught.
I was just about done when a woman walked in. I just so happened to be exiting the stall right as she came through the door. So there was me, my chin and cheeks covered in puke and saliva, with blood on my fingers from an open cut, snot running down my nose and my hair all messed up. She looks at me, then the stall I just came from, and very stupidly asked: "Are you finished in that stall?"
I wanted to say "No, you dimwit, can't you see my bag is still in there?" but, I just said "no, just a second." I washed my hands while she just stood there looking at me, even though there were three other stalls she could have gone into. No. Apparently she just had to have the one I was in. So I washed my hands and the puke off my face, and hurriedly left.
I can only imagine what that woman thought I was doing in there.
The first time I got arrested is quite a story, it's really a story that's way better when I tell it in detail and in person, but long story short. I walked miles from my house because I was kicked out of my friend's house because my other friend ate a bunch of food and I had really bad restlessness at the time. I went and stole a bunch of beer, robitussin, benadryl and cookie dough. I left all the cookie dough/benadryl outside of a store I was getting the beer from (thank god), but after I drink all 12 beers and take 600 mg of DXM (two bottles of robogels) I walked further into the border of another town so I can steal from K-Mart and Lucky's which were over there.
During the walk all the DXM started to kick in and being 2 am, the stores were closed when I got there. I was getting really on, so I had to lie down. This gaurd was yelling at me, but because his voice sounded so young I thought it was someone just ♥♥♥♥ing with me, so I lied completely motionless because I was in spheres and all that, until the cops came and a cadet I had school with was there too. I have been to school with him off-and-on since 3rd grade.
He looked like a complete dweeb and was laughing in unison with the rest of the cops (all talking a whole bunch of ♥♥♥♥ about me) trying to fit in with all the big boy cops. One thing I liked about robo was you could see through people being fake. I wouldn't tell them what I was on, (they assumed shrooms or meth), and I told them my alias was "t-Bone" and that I had a huge Norteno tattoo right across my chest. That was when they realized I had lied about everything except what my name was.
During my trial and following probation I found out that the records of that arrest were apparently missing, even the results for the blood test weren't ever located. I figure they just got pissed off and smoked my weed out of my fantastic unbreakable pipe that I know still is alive out there.
God damn it, that was not a long story short and I still skimped out on like half of it. But any shorter and it would have been a boring post.