At what point should I call the cops?

Okay, so, I'm starting to panic. My mum has been doing this internet dating thing for a while and tonight she took the car to go on a date with this new guy. He's quite a bit younger than her and though they've been talking, she told me that she was definitely not going to get into a relationship (including sexual) with him because he was younger than my brother and that was creepy. Of course, she could just have been bluffing because she was embarrassed. My mother is kind of famous in my book for picking the creepiest, most inappropriate (and often dangerous) men she can possibly find.

Now it's 1:30 in the morning and I've called her phone about fifty times, left messages, sent texts, etc. She has not once picked up. It's rung through, so I know it isn't dead or off. It's very unlike my mother to ignore my calls. I went on to her dating profile online and looked at this guy -- and he looks like a total creeper! He's really dodgy, and completely not her type. The guy says he smokes often and the only interest he lists is motorcycles. My mother thinks that smoking is completely disgusting and she freaked out on both my brother and I when we got our motorcycles; she sees the Harley culture (though I like a different kind of bike) to be 'trashy'. Plus, he's kind of got a pig face, and these really suspicious-looking eyes.

What the hell is my mum thinking? And at what point should I do something about it? Should I wait another hour? I don't know his name or where he lives. For goodness' sake, this is what the teenage daughter is supposed to do to her parents, not the other way around!

You should chill out first.

Now your mother is an adult, when I go out, sometimes I don't even come home and just stay on the street all night. 1.30 is still in some circles, very early in the night, so you shouldn't really be too worried.

Wait until 3, if no one comes or you don't hear from her then perhaps you should be worried, but I doubt it will reach that point.

As for this creepy dude, when you get a chance, sit down with her and explain to her in the most civil manner possible, the issues you have, and just ask questions. I'm sure he has some rational explanations.

Stress less babe.

-sigh- You're right. I should chill. Foremost what I'm worried about is that midnight is quite late for her (she's early to rise and early to bed) and that it's so unlike her to not answer my calls or keep me updated. But contrary to what my message seems to express, I've never told her what she can or can't do. She's always given me that much, too (and lucky for her, it turns out I'm far from a party girl and would never touch mind-altering substances.)

I'll take your advice and wait until three. At that point it will be so out of character for her I might be justified in freaking out.

Let us know that your Mum's okay, please.

Police won't investigate a missing persons report until the person has been missing for 48 hours or more. You have some time.

Originally Posted by nolan

Police won't investigate a missing persons report until the person has been missing for 48 hours or more. You have some time.

As far as I know this is a common myth, but is generally incorrect.

Of course, it'll depend on what country you're in, but my understanding is that in most places police start investigating as soon as they hear the report, rather than risk a lawsuit or similar if the person could've been saved if only they'd started searching earlier.

Originally Posted by John

As far as I know this is a common myth, but is generally incorrect.

Of course, it'll depend on what country you're in, but my understanding is that in most places police start investigating as soon as they hear the report, rather than risk a lawsuit or similar if the person could've been saved if only they'd started searching earlier.

I was going to say that sounded off.

@John: I know that the 72 hour wait period is basically a myth, but I am pretty sure unless there is evidence of violence or other reasons to believe the circumstances of the person's disappearance is unusual, they don't start after a person has been missing for a few hours.

In this case we have an adult female who went out on a date and is a few hours late coming home. Is it cause for alarm? Maybe. Will the police start an investigation based on that? Probably not.

From past experience i dont have a very high opinion of the police for me thieve bin nothing but a waste of time they dont show up when they should, they do when you no longer need em, they rarely make the problem go away and nearly always make it worse.
But if you have faith that your local police will not be utterly useless im not going to persuade you otherwise and giving them a ring if shes acting really out of character couldn't hurt especially if shes still missing as it definitely a few hours later by now.

She just came home crying. He was a total ******* and had held her up, insisting she couldn't go until this, or that, and then finally he started screaming at her and she ran out of the house and got in the car and drove away. She'd been scared. Technically he didn't do anything illegal -- he didn't threaten or touch her -- but I'm notifying the internet dating site to tell them what this guy did, and they may or may not delete his profile. Might not do much in the long run, but at least I got my mum back. And apparently she'd left her phone in the car. (-facepalm-)

Thanks for the support, guys. It really helped to be able to talk about it.

Originally Posted by vesperrault

She just came home crying. He was a total ******* and had held her up, insisting she couldn't go until this, or that, and then finally he started screaming at her and she ran out of the house and got in the car and drove away. She'd been scared. Technically he didn't do anything illegal -- he didn't threaten or touch her -- but I'm notifying the internet dating site to tell them what this guy did, and they may or may not delete his profile. Might not do much in the long run, but at least I got my mum back. And apparently she'd left her phone in the car. (-facepalm-)

Thanks for the support, guys. It really helped to be able to talk about it.

I'm glad she's back and alright. I may not know you at all but I was worried for you and your mother and had decided to check up on the thread to make sure she was alright. If I were you I'd be worried just the same, and would have probably called the police :3.

Originally Posted by vesperrault

She just came home crying. He was a total ******* and had held her up, insisting she couldn't go until this, or that, and then finally he started screaming at her and she ran out of the house and got in the car and drove away. She'd been scared. Technically he didn't do anything illegal -- he didn't threaten or touch her -- but I'm notifying the internet dating site to tell them what this guy did, and they may or may not delete his profile. Might not do much in the long run, but at least I got my mum back. And apparently she'd left her phone in the car. (-facepalm-)

Thanks for the support, guys. It really helped to be able to talk about it.

If he attempts to contact again, that is when you call the cops.

This is unbelievable... convince her to quit this online dating service. And if that bastard attempts to contact her, hang up or call the cops.

Originally Posted by vesperrault

She just came home crying. He was a total ******* and had held her up, insisting she couldn't go until this, or that, and then finally he started screaming at her and she ran out of the house and got in the car and drove away. She'd been scared. Technically he didn't do anything illegal -- he didn't threaten or touch her -- but I'm notifying the internet dating site to tell them what this guy did, and they may or may not delete his profile. Might not do much in the long run, but at least I got my mum back. And apparently she'd left her phone in the car. (-facepalm-)

Thanks for the support, guys. It really helped to be able to talk about it.

This is the same thing that happened when tnf and I met. She got over it and came back for round two. After a week in my basement she broke and now we're getting married!

But yeah, this is why most "normal" people don't trust/like/take seriously internet dating, and I don't really blame them for being skeptical of it. Just be happy your mom's okay (and I'm sure you are!) and hopefully her next search goes better than this one.

Did she meet him at his house or something? That was her first fault. You never go to the guys house. .__.

Well, either way I drop in to say that I'm happy that things are okay now.

I know I haven't given you a calming word or an advice, but honestly, I had no idea, either, and I still don't know what I would do in such a situation.

So, go ahead and have a tiny little chat with your mom, and tell her that she scared the living **** out of her with this and she should make sure that she'd never leave her cellphone again, when she leaves with a stranger guy.

Much love, babe. :3

if you had called the cops they probably would have come after something bad had happened.
there lazy *******s

Originally Posted by hero of the gorons

if you had called the cops they probably would have come after something bad had happened.
there lazy *******s

Ah yes, it's totally not because if nothing had happened, they would have wasted several hours of the taxpayers money (which they would be criticized for) and time that could have been better spent elsewhere (which they'll be criticized for). You know, like investigating something that actually needed investigating.

Glad to hear she's alright. Like another poster said, I would let the cops know if he makes any more attempts to contact her.

Definitely call the cops if he comes knocking again. I wouldn't risk it.