Women's Advice Thread

Ladies of Zelda Universe


Welcome, ladies, to your very own support and advice group!

This thread is geared toward female specific questions and issues which probably won't really pertain to guys, which is fine because the men have their own thread.

If there are any female-specific concerns you may have, make yourself at home and ask! Of course, if you think it's too personal, you may want to send a PM to a "big sister."

If anybody would like to volunteer as a "big sister" please say so! Big sisters are here to help ladies with more delicate matters via PM

Sisters!:

• Breeze
• Cortana
• Liah
• Margar

(Volunteeeeer, GO!)

Some topics you may feel the need to discuss:

General life advice-- For any of your questions about life's many mysteries. The only thing that we ask that you not solicit for is an expert medical or psychiatric opinion-- we're not doctors, just normal people who like to help others deal with the trials of life.

Romance and relationships-- For any of those killer crushes or fancies. Those of us here are in a wide variety of relationships. We've all been through these types of things and have some pretty good advice. Romance ISN'T for everybody, but if you feel you need advice, then please take us up on this offer!

Family and friends-- For problems you have with your family, or just that your family is having. A lot of families these days suffer from being dysfunctional or have abuse or alcoholism, so it's important that we have support groups set up to help people cope or respond to these problems. Also, rumor has it that annoying siblings are increasing in number in recent years. If you're having a spat with a friend or just need a friend, ask about it here.

General wellbeing-- To help you recognize that every person is worth it. If you're just a little down and need some cheering up, too.

Grief and crisis management-- We can't properly deal with these problems in most cases, but if you need to vent or talk to someone about a lost loved one or an emergency crisis that really has you stressed, we'll try to be available to hear you out.

Oooh that menstrual cycle and all the goodies it brings. Need I say more?

Anything else is up to you! =)

Remember, ZU rules still apply, but I want to highlight the NO TROLLING rule. Posts which are clearly flaming/trolling (ie, put-downs, namecalling, etc) will be deleted and infracted immediately, NO QUESTIONS ASKED.

Concern, disagreement, or questioning, however, is NOT considered flaming/trolling, and is encouraged.

Get comfy and get posting!

It's about time we got a shiny new one. :3

Pani, we made one first! (Artemicion just stole my idea and his lasted. BUT THIS ONE LOOKS PROMISING! >=D)

So, there's this girl I've been eying, and I would like to ask her out on a date. I managed to land being her penpal (although she only lives like a ten minute bus ride away), and she's quite cute, and I would really like to get to know her more.

However, I think she just got of a relationship recently, so I don't want to rush things. I can't remember the last time I asked someone out on a date, or anything of the like. I'm out of practice.

Help!

Originally Posted by beejoker

So, there's this girl I've been eying, and I would like to ask her out on a date. I managed to land being her penpal (although she only lives like a ten minute bus ride away), and she's quite cute, and I would really like to get to know her more.

However, I think she just got of a relationship recently, so I don't want to rush things. I can't remember the last time I asked someone out on a date, or anything of the like. I'm out of practice.

Help!

Take things slow in the beginning, and then make it clear what you want, but don't rush things. :3
And make sure she feels the same way before you take the next step.

You girls!! Always with the sexual discrimination!

Awe! We have our own thread! (I sure hope I'm actually old enough to post in... who am I kidding? Of course I am!)

I however will wait a few days to post my dilemma because I gotta be sure my mom won't help me with it first ><

Originally Posted by beejoker

So, there's this girl I've been eying, and I would like to ask her out on a date. I managed to land being her penpal (although she only lives like a ten minute bus ride away), and she's quite cute, and I would really like to get to know her more.

However, I think she just got of a relationship recently, so I don't want to rush things. I can't remember the last time I asked someone out on a date, or anything of the like. I'm out of practice.

Help!

You see, you have a wonderful medium of communication (letters) already open with her that's so special because few people send hand written mail anymore.

Like Cortana said, of course you want to "take it slow" (as nearly everyone will say) but the specifics of "taking it slow" really depend on the dynamics of your relationship with her. I don’t know the details of how long or how close, and for you to delineate that for us probably wouldn’t get you much better advice because we are just speaking from the sidelines. You are the one actually in contact with this special girl and it’s up to you to discern the right moment and the right way to broach your affections to her.

That said, I still suggest that you take care to continue your pen pal relationship. Maybe you could be a little more open about who you are with her; sharing more of yourself helps the other person to trust and confide in you more. You could even subtly hint at your affection for her through a little poetry. Prose works just as well for this, but to verse your feelings in poem shows that you took a little extra step, a little more care to phrase your feelings as close to the truth as possible whereas prose can sometimes come off a little blunt. At the same time however, some poetry can sound forced and effected, so take care with your words.

And some people are just more apt with prose and can convey their feelings in such an emphatic and evocative way that the person they’re writing to can’t help but to at least consider the person behind the pen.

In any case, one of the first things you can do is inquire about her relationship status and offer to be a listening ear if she needs someone to talk to. Just, you know, don’t get overwhelmed by her cuteness if she happens to cry and turn into a pitiable bundle of adorableness and you can’t help but confess your love for her with the loud proclamation of “B MINE NAO!!11”

That might scare her ^^, but then again a little spontaneity like that at just the right moment has been the start of many a relationship.

Best of luck, chica *^_^*

Originally Posted by Bethany

Awe! We have our own thread! (I sure hope I'm actually old enough to post in... who am I kidding? Of course I am!)

I however will wait a few days to post my dilemma because I gotta be sure my mom won't help me with it first ><

^ That's just cute *^.^*

Let us know if you got the help you needed. If not, we’re here too!

Also, how does one apply to be a big sis?

I wonder how to apply too. :3

Uh Chibi, I think that post alone merited you being a big sis. You've demonstrated your ability to give sound and thorough advice. =)

Cortana- PM me. <3

Bret- No you can't be a big sister. Please don't stink up our thread with your flatulence.

Bethany- You can always pm a big sister if you'd like. ;D If your mom gives you good advice, that's fine. BUT! Don't just assume it's the best advice for you simply because it comes from your mother. (Something that was hard for me to swallow, too!) Second opinions are always nice to help you make your own decisions.

Originally Posted by beejoker

So, there's this girl I've been eying, and I would like to ask her out on a date. I managed to land being her penpal (although she only lives like a ten minute bus ride away), and she's quite cute, and I would really like to get to know her more.

However, I think she just got of a relationship recently, so I don't want to rush things. I can't remember the last time I asked someone out on a date, or anything of the like. I'm out of practice.

Help!

Hm, was the relationship she just got out of very serious? And how long ago was it?

I think if she just had her heart broken or something along those lines, you should wait a bit.

Some people start dating immediately after they get out of a serious(loving) relationship only to try to get over that person. Sometimes people don't even realize that is why they are dating so soon. It's like, subconscious. And that wouldn't be fair to you, if that is the case.
A friend of mine started dating my best friend after breaking up with the girl he loved only a few weeks prior. He was only with her to try to get over the other girl =/ And so, as soon as he was able to get over that girl, he dumped my best friend, and broke her heart.

But if this is not the case at all, I say you should just go for it. if you know her well enough to go out to lunch or a movie together, why not make it a date? =)
Do you guys flirt? Or have some kind of connection? If so, then just ask her out :3 See what happens.

This is stupid. Advice is advice, regardless of gender. What are we going to do on this thread, talk about what happens if a pad leaks? If you have problems with that, you should talk to someone in your personal life, not some stranger on a forum.

^If you don't like it, get the **** out. Don't come in here getting all Debbie ****ing Downer for something that's intended to be nice for the community. Advice is advice, blah blah blah, but some girls feel more comfortable speaking to other ladyfolk about personal probs. If they wanna do it here, that's fine. If that's not something you're for, that's your choice. It's clear others are making do with the presented opportunity since some have posted already. Not your thing, that's fine, just don't be posting here with your zomg-this-is-so-stupid attitude.

*sidles in* ^agreed, no need to be miss negative Nancy about it *sidles out*

I would like to be a "Big Sis".
I've given lots of advice, and I did, at one time, have the "ZU Psychologists" banner
Anyone who's known me around here for a while probably has seen me give advice at some point, I think my rapport around ZU is known ^___^.
(hopefully what I think my rapport is and what it actually is are the same )

I think we have more people wanting to help with problems than people to help :\ so let me throw a little situation at you kind ladies to see if you can help me.

After all, even big sisters have problems, right?

So let me prelude this by giving you a bit of my background. I won't mention the names of the religions in question here, but I think from context, you can probably guess what they are. And the language that I use to try and sidestep identifying a religion will be a bit cumbersome, so bear with me. I don't want to mention which religions in particular because I want to know how you ladies would handle this situation without taking sides purely for the religion's sake and forgetting about little ol' me. ^_-

---

Since I was healthy enough to be taken out in public, my family has involved me in their religious practices on an almost daily basis. With high ranking members of the clergy living on each side of me, three generations of my family in the religious body's administration, and the very head of the body my own great uncle, it only follows that I would be raised to be active in the body as well. I lead study groups, gave children's sermons, and even directed the children's choir on a district level. I was happy with my involvement, and really felt that I was making a difference in the lives of children in my community.

All the rosy stuff aside, the place where I worshipped was not without its own little corruptions: money laundering, tax evasion, the leader taking prolonged sabbaticals only to be found cruising on the laity's funds. I know this because I was very close to the heart of the matter, although I was physically overseas. The laity's funds were bouncing between my own family members who where in charge of the religious body's finances.

And here's where the shaking of my faith began.

I know that people make mistakes, and the religion that I practiced encouraged forgiveness, but the hypocrisy was so disenchanting . . . Now the whole religion just seems so contrived, as if it was thought up just to make a happy home that would pay happy dollars to a happy clergy for a happy time. As sickeningly cloy and sardonic as it is to read "happy" so many times, I felt far worse to know that these were the same people who taught me how to live, who taught me one course through life that I was "happy" to follow, and who assumed the role of teaching the children in my stead.

Now they're all gone from that particular body; I had temporarily left a year before the exposure for academic reasons (study abroad), but I decided to make my absence permanent.

The members of my family involved in the scandal are know practicing in other religious bodies of the same denomination, but I've decided to take a slightly, well, vastly different path that I'm very sure my family will neither understand nor agree with. After all, they're trained to hate the people which I joined, and there are several points in the histories of many countries where those of my former religious identity would hunt and kill those of my present religious identity, and their views haven't changed much in our present time.

So here's my question to you, ladies of ZU, how would you, if you would at all, broach the subject of your new choice in religion to your parents? Your extended family? Your friends? Would you go on leading a double life with the people you don't have the courage to come out to? Would you just blatantly come out to everyone and expect them to except you?

This has kind of had me down for a while. . . I wish my biggest problems were life partner related, but this is kind of more important, because it wouldn't just affect my partner and I, but myself and my entire social network.

(Also, those of you who know my new religious identity, shhhhhhh ^.-)

Chibi--

You know, for a long time I went to Church without really thinking about why I did so. I was born and raised a Catholic, but when I became a teen I started thinking "why am I doing this? Because my parents want me to?" After that, my faith waned. I started seeing more of the hypocrisy in my parish, even with my own parents, and my faith dropped.

Now, my situation wasn't exactly likes yours, but what I discovered later on was that religion is a personal thing. I couldn't go to Church by my parents' wishes, rather I had to go because I wanted to. It took me years to discover that and, to be honest, I'm still learning.

My point is that your faith is yours, the choice is yours. It's personal and is something for your heart alone to decide.

How should you approach your family and friends? Part of me thinks you don't even have to answer to them... but I think if it were me, the only people I'd honestly want to sit down and talk things over with would be my parents. I wouldn't be asking them persmission, either. I'd be telling them this is what I believe and though it's not what you think, I ask that you respect my decision.

Should you expect acceptance? Theoretically, yes, I think it *should* be the way it turns out. However, I'm not naive enough to think it'll be that easy. Religion is a touchy issue and there's a chance you could get some negative attitude for this. But you have to ask yourself what's more important--being true to yourself and your beliefs, or being what everyone else wants you to be.

If you wanna talk more, you can PM me, hun. Good luck (:

Originally Posted by Chibi

I think we have more people wanting to help with problems than people to help :\ so let me throw a little situation at you kind ladies to see if you can help me.

After all, even big sisters have problems, right?

So let me prelude this by giving you a bit of my background. I won't mention the names of the religions in question here, but I think from context, you can probably guess what they are. And the language that I use to try and sidestep identifying a religion will be a bit cumbersome, so bear with me. I don't want to mention which religions in particular because I want to know how you ladies would handle this situation without taking sides purely for the religion's sake and forgetting about little ol' me. ^_-

---

Since I was healthy enough to be taken out in public, my family has involved me in their religious practices on an almost daily basis. With high ranking members of the clergy living on each side of me, three generations of my family in the religious body's administration, and the very head of the body my own great uncle, it only follows that I would be raised to be active in the body as well. I lead study groups, gave children's sermons, and even directed the children's choir on a district level. I was happy with my involvement, and really felt that I was making a difference in the lives of children in my community.

All the rosy stuff aside, the place where I worshipped was not without its own little corruptions: money laundering, tax evasion, the leader taking prolonged sabbaticals only to be found cruising on the laity's funds. I know this because I was very close to the heart of the matter, although I was physically overseas. The laity's funds were bouncing between my own family members who where in charge of the religious body's finances.

And here's where the shaking of my faith began.

I know that people make mistakes, and the religion that I practiced encouraged forgiveness, but the hypocrisy was so disenchanting . . . Now the whole religion just seems so contrived, as if it was thought up just to make a happy home that would pay happy dollars to a happy clergy for a happy time. As sickeningly cloy and sardonic as it is to read "happy" so many times, I felt far worse to know that these were the same people who taught me how to live, who taught me one course through life that I was "happy" to follow, and who assumed the role of teaching the children in my stead.

Now they're all gone from that particular body; I had temporarily left a year before the exposure for academic reasons (study abroad), but I decided to make my absence permanent.

The members of my family involved in the scandal are know practicing in other religious bodies of the same denomination, but I've decided to take a slightly, well, vastly different path that I'm very sure my family will neither understand nor agree with. After all, they're trained to hate the people which I joined, and there are several points in the histories of many countries where those of my former religious identity would hunt and kill those of my present religious identity, and their views haven't changed much in our present time.

So here's my question to you, ladies of ZU, how would you, if you would at all, broach the subject of your new choice in religion to your parents? Your extended family? Your friends? Would you go on leading a double life with the people you don't have the courage to come out to? Would you just blatantly come out to everyone and expect them to except you?

This has kind of had me down for a while. . . I wish my biggest problems were life partner related, but this is kind of more important, because it wouldn't just affect my partner and I, but myself and my entire social network.

(Also, those of you who know my new religious identity, shhhhhhh ^.-)

I personally believe that living a double life is the wrong choice to go with. I would definitely just call them up on the phone and just tell your family about it. You just have to tell them because there is a chance for anything to happen. Although from what I've read you are definitely taking a risk by telling your family, the first step to get accepted by them is to tell them.

I cannot predict how the family will react in anyway. But time can change anything. Even if the family denounces you on your decision, maybe in a few years time they may just want to start accepting your new lifestyle. It doesn't mean they will accept you even with time, but if you keep them in the dark then there will be no chance of acceptance at all.

And with friends, you should just tell them. It really depends on their own beliefs to see how they'll react. But if they are your friends, then a simple change in religion shouldn't be a concern to them.

Aw, Liah- you're the sweetest person alive!

I was thinking for a while that I would just keep it to myself. . . but I guess I should at least talk to my parents. And your right, to ask them just wouldn't do; It would be as if I was still a child (well, I am their child, but I'm no little kid) asking for permission.

I have that much authority over my life, at least. I guess that it's just getting up the confidence to really own that authority.

*^_^* Thanks Liah!

Any other thoughts?

edit: ninja'd by chari o.o;

Thanks Char ^^, but I'm pretty sure my parents would denounce my knew religion, their religion is diametrically opposed to my new one, so that's bound to happen unless they no longer identify with my old religion either :\

Although, they may still accept me for who I am, as their daughter. That's the most, and really, that's all hat I hope for.

As for telling my friends, well, my roommate just so happens to have been my friend since 4th grade, and I don't even feel comfortable telling her. . .

Liah's right, religion is a personal thing. I don't have to go confessing to everyone I know that I've made a new life decision. It would be like someone's who's just come out of the gay closet going up to everyone he knows and telling them his new sexual identity. Some people do it, and for some, it's rather cathartic, but it isn't really necessary, and I don't feel that I need to take that step.

But thanks again for your input, Chari!

Even in your circumstance I wouldn't describe this as "leading a double life." Religion is a personal thing between you and God, you have no obligation to tell everyone else. If you feel as if you need to tell anyone though, I would tell your parents. Certainly your parents would rather you believe in something rather than nothing? I would, however, recommend that you talk to them about this in person if possible.

If you decide to talk to them about it, tell them how you feel and how you've found a new religion that speaks to you as never before.

As for your friends, if they don't ask I wouldn't mention it. Especially if you are uncomfortable doing so. If you want friends that you can express your spirituality around, I would recommend finding some in your new religion. Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold.

Anyway, I hope I could be of help. I was in a similar, but less severe, situation as you when I decided to tell my mother, who is very Catholic, that Catholicism is empty for me and that I doubt the existence of God. She still accepts me and loves me, she was only a little hurt that all of her efforts to raise me as a "good Catholic" had failed. It's hard to say things to your parents that you know they don't want to hear, but you're your own person. This is about you, and if you feel as if you are hiding this from them and you do not wish to (as I did), I would tell them. It may be awkward at first, but you'll probably feel better in the long run and if nothing they should recognize that they did well to teach you to be so honest.

Best wishes and the best of luck to you Chibi!