Women's Advice Thread

Originally Posted by Liah

You don't have to have a disorder of some sort to fall with your self esteem considering your appearance, but it can happen.

Anyway, I've come to a point in my life where I know I'm not getting rid of mah womanly curves and like hell if I ever want to. I can work heels, dresses, skirts, a bikini and goddamnit, I can eat a cheeseburger while I'm at it. Spread the love.

I quite literally almost starved myself to death because I had such a screwed up body image. For me it was a self-fulfilling prophecy. I thought that if I lost a few pounds, it would mean I showed great self control and everything in my life would get better. However, even when I was losing weight rapidly and my bones were sticking out, I would look in the mirror and see myself as overweight. I literally hallucinated about defects/fat that weren't there.

You answered my question quite well, and right on about the curves. I have an hourglass figure and I've learned to accept it and even love it. I love food, too, and looking back I cannot even fathom doing what I did to myself again. It's why it aggravates me so much when I see girls obsessing about such minor things that don't matter. It also scares me to death, because quite frankly I don't want to see any of my friends go down the path that I did.

Originally Posted by kreebby

I quite literally almost starved myself to death because I had such a screwed up body image. For me it was a self-fulfilling prophecy. I thought that if I lost a few pounds, it would mean I showed great self control and everything in my life would get better. However, even when I was losing weight rapidly and my bones were sticking out, I would look in the mirror and see myself as overweight. I literally hallucinated about defects/fat that weren't there.

You answered my question quite well, and right on about the curves. I have an hourglass figure and I've learned to accept it and even love it. I love food, too, and looking back I cannot even fathom doing what I did to myself again. It's why it aggravates me so much when I see girls obsessing about such minor things that don't matter. It also scares me to death, because quite frankly I don't want to see any of my friends go down the path that I did.

Wow. Thats pretty rough. Im so glad to hear you overcame it though! You'd be really surprised how many dudes prefer curvy ladies to the stickfigures.

Originally Posted by kreebby

A reason I speculate is that a lot of guys will go around comparing them. There were a few times in the scrapbook thread where people said they're prefer so-and-so to "camwhore" instead of myself. I was able to talk to myself and tell myself that it was all in good fun, and nobody meant anything vicious by it. However, what about girls who aren't so secure with themselves? I know several females who, if something like that were said to them, they'd feel hideous/fat and subconsciously (if not consciously) compare themselves to the girl they were compared to until someone was able to talk them out of it.

It's unrealistic to watch what you're saying 24/7, but sometimes you have to be careful with who you're saying it too. That kind of stuff could really damage a person.

This is when you tune out the negative and just listen to the positive. Sure, there's a guy out there who thinks you're ugly. Yay. Pretty positive, there are guys out there who think you're beautiful.

Though, I know girls who won't listen to the positive cause they're convinced about the negative. :<

That irritates me as well. In reality, I highly doubt that a guy is going to be sitting there looking at you thinking "Screw this girl, I don't like the way her thighs are shaped/nose looks/whatever".

Sad thing is, some guys actually do this. As some girls do.

If it makes you ladies feel better, men like curves. A lot. Like a stupid lot.

Originally Posted by kreebby

I quite literally almost starved myself to death because I had such a screwed up body image. For me it was a self-fulfilling prophecy. I thought that if I lost a few pounds, it would mean I showed great self control and everything in my life would get better. However, even when I was losing weight rapidly and my bones were sticking out, I would look in the mirror and see myself as overweight. I literally hallucinated about defects/fat that weren't there.

If you almost starved yourself to death, I'm really sorry about that. However, if you're talking about other girls who have, as you say, a warped image in their heads of themselves, then that's what I refer to. You ask why girls do that, I'm telling you. If that girl goes as far as to start making herself throw up, chances are she isn't "normal" and is sick. Perhaps not to the extent that you were, though I have known someone who died from an eating disorder. I've known 16 girls who've suffered it seriously, so I'm honestly speaking from dealing with it right in front of me and not theory.

Edit: Alex, I know, babez, believe me ;D

Originally Posted by brokenjoker

This is when you tune out the negative and just listen to the positive. Sure, there's a guy out there who thinks you're ugly. Yay. Pretty positive, there are guys out there who think you're beautiful.

Though, I know girls who won't listen to the positive cause they're convinced about the negative. :<

:< I have to agree, you have a point.
I can go on and on about how beautiful one of my friends is, but the second a guy calls her ugly/chubby/just "average" looking, it's all over. After that, nothing I say will cheer them up.

I know better because hey, everyone has different tastes. Some guys prefer girls with blue eyes and dark hair. A lot of guys prefer blondes (I learned this back when I was blonde and it shocked me to discover how true it was). There are guys I know who prefer flat chested girls and others who only give girls with unrealistically huge breasts the time of day. You can't please everybody.

Originally Posted by Alex

If it makes you ladies feel better, men like curves. A lot. Like a stupid lot.

Rock on.

I'm pretty comfortable in my own skin right now. I'm a little above the weight I should be (Not to the point where I'm considered overweight, though), and I'm completely comfortable with that. Because I think I look cute when I'm a little chubby, and I have a big butt because of it.

The only times I really get negative is when I overhear somebody making rude comments on my appearance. Only has happened twice so far, and both also came with a good comment so it balanced out. Most of the guys in my school are too shallow, so I guess it's to be expected.

Originally Posted by kreebby

That irritates me as well. In reality, I highly doubt that a guy is going to be sitting there looking at you thinking "Screw this girl, I don't like the way her thighs are shaped/nose looks/whatever".

To be quite honest most people make remarks to themselves about a person's appearance when they first see them. Its not intended to be mean, its just natural to form opinions, no matter how wrong they may be. After awhile the more you see that person the more your opinion on them will change, and that initial appearance won't matter any more. But that leads me to my next point, the guy isn't going to pursue a date with a girl if he does not find her attractive. So while one guy may be turned away by that nose or thighs, another guy may be very attracted to those features. I'm assuming the same is true for girls.

I'm sorry if it sounds mean, but you really can't say that it is 100% wrong to have an opinion on somebody's looks. Personality is important yes, but saying looks aren't at least a little important to most people would be wrong.

It also seems like every girl I talk to seems to have this image issue. I have honestly given up trying to tell them they look nice. They just never seem to want to accept the compliment and go on complaining about their image. /random closer

Originally Posted by squall24

To be quite honest most people make remarks to themselves about a person's appearance when they first see them. Its not intended to be mean, its just natural to form opinions, no matter how wrong they may be. After awhile the more you see that person the more your opinion on them will change, and that initial appearance won't matter any more. But that leads me to my next point, the guy isn't going to pursue a date with a girl if he does not find her attractive. So while one guy may be turned away by that nose or thighs, another guy may be very attracted to those features. I'm assuming the same is true for girls.

I'm not talking about major defects.
I'm talking about girls who think that because their nose isn't perfectly straight, a guy will dislike them. Or a girl who thinks that because her thighs slightly touch a guy will think she's fat. I don't think a guy is looking at you with magical measuring tape in his head measuring your thighs or making sure your nose is straight.

The fact of the matter is, these small "imperfections" that a lot of girls obsess over often go unnoticed by the people around them. They spend so much time staring at themselves that they eventually see these very slight things that are wrong with them, and nobody else even notices this crap. Everyone does it, including me. Every single one of my friends has done this at least once in the time that I've known them.

People judge on appearance, yes, but they don't scrutinize you that much.

I am in need... of some big time advice.
Most of the people who read this thread know about my car accident. I got another car. It passed its inspections perfectly and I really liked it. It broke down on my today when I was driving home from school--yes, in the middle of the road. The battery just died out of no where. They're saying I need a new alternator, but we won't know for sure until it's looked at tomorrow. The car dealership is going to cover it if it's as simple as that because I have a warranty and because if they sold me a faulty car they owe me every last cent of my money back (by law).

But I have no car for the week. I had to have my car towed and my dad come out to pick me up.

I get home and continue working on my philosophy reading notebook. I have to go through and outline/take notes on the entire textbook, as well as write one page per chapter summarizing it and writing another page of personal reflection. I had two chapters to go. Except for when I was in school and the four hours of sleep I got last night, I've been working on this thing nonstop since 1PM on Sunday to try to get it finished. This isn't counting the MANY hours I've spent on it here and there since school started. It's due in nine hours.

...My computer crashed. The hard drive short circuited and my computer isn't turning on. I don't have it on a backup because about a month and a half ago my USB flash drive broke (after three years of use) and I was unable to obtain a new one. Thirty-five pages of work, not even finished yet, is gone. It's part of my midterm grade and I need it to do my midterm, which is in nine hours. In about four hours my dad is leaving to go to Pennsylvania. I'm broke, so I can't do some quick data recovery run.

Right now I have no car, a zero on my midterm, no computer, hours of effort and hard work wasted, and I also lost my research paper for my psychology midterm, which is due in six days. I was three-quarters of the way done with that paper and it's GONE. My teacher doesn't take broken computers as an excuse because he's "heard that one" before. My entire family is still angry at me because of my car accident. I can't find a job, and I'm applying everywhere, and I'm in desperate need of money. I was promised an interview but the guy never called me back.

Oh, and because I graduated a year early in high school I had to complete two summer courses (I was a few credits short). I completed them over a month ago and my high school lost my diploma and is refusing to call me a graduate.

I am in a very bad state of mind right now and I don't know what to do. I can't stop shaking. My eyes keep tearing on and off and I'm still shaking--or trembling. I don't know the word.

I don't know what to do. What do I do?

Originally Posted by kreebby

I am in need... of some big time advice.
Most of the people who read this thread know about my car accident. I got another car. It passed its inspections perfectly and I really liked it. It broke down on my today when I was driving home from school--yes, in the middle of the road. The battery just died out of no where. They're saying I need a new alternator, but we won't know for sure until it's looked at tomorrow. The car dealership is going to cover it if it's as simple as that because I have a warranty and because if they sold me a faulty car they owe me every last cent of my money back (by law).

But I have no car for the week. I had to have my car towed and my dad come out to pick me up.

I get home and continue working on my philosophy reading notebook. I have to go through and outline/take notes on the entire textbook, as well as write one page per chapter summarizing it and writing another page of personal reflection. I had two chapters to go. Except for when I was in school and the four hours of sleep I got last night, I've been working on this thing nonstop since 1PM on Sunday to try to get it finished. This isn't counting the MANY hours I've spent on it here and there since school started. It's due in nine hours.

...My computer crashed. The hard drive short circuited and my computer isn't turning on. I don't have it on a backup because about a month and a half ago my USB flash drive broke (after three years of use) and I was unable to obtain a new one. Thirty-five pages of work, not even finished yet, is gone. It's part of my midterm grade and I need it to do my midterm, which is in nine hours. In about four hours my dad is leaving to go to Pennsylvania. I'm broke, so I can't do some quick data recovery run.

Right now I have no car, a zero on my midterm, no computer, hours of effort and hard work wasted, and I also lost my research paper for my psychology midterm, which is due in six days. I was three-quarters of the way done with that paper and it's GONE. My teacher doesn't take broken computers as an excuse because he's "heard that one" before. My entire family is still angry at me because of my car accident. I can't find a job, and I'm applying everywhere, and I'm in desperate need of money. I was promised an interview but the guy never called me back.

Oh, and because I graduated a year early in high school I had to complete two summer courses (I was a few credits short). I completed them over a month ago and my high school lost my diploma and is refusing to call me a graduate.

I am in a very bad state of mind right now and I don't know what to do. I can't stop shaking. My eyes keep tearing on and off and I'm still shaking--or trembling. I don't know the word.

I don't know what to do. What do I do?

For your computer problem, maybe if its taken into a shop you can get a write up from the technician to tell your teacher that it really is broken. If you work as hard as it sounds you're teacher will most likely then believe that you have been working on it a long time and are not a student who just put it off to the last minute and is looking for an excuse.

Many times schools will allow for a certain amount of grade forgiveness's. If worst does unfortunately happen, and you are allowed to retake the class, your GPA won't be effected at all. I'm not trying to say that the work isn't important, but its always been my philosophy that stressing over work is not a good thing for anyone to do. Take a breather and work at your own pace. If you are calm the work will go much easier. You are only human, sometimes things will come up that are totally out of your control. Sometimes the best thing you can do is to do your best while you go through this tough time.

I don't know if this really helped, and I don't know how clearly I typed this up. What I mean to say is, yes you do have it rough right now. The best thing I think you can do right now is not focus on the negative. The more you do that, the harder work will be to do. Stay calm as hard as that may sound, and you may be surprised how well you can do in a shorter amount of time.

Sorry if this didn't help at all.

Originally Posted by squall24

For your computer problem, maybe if its taken into a shop you can get a write up from the technician to tell your teacher that it really is broken. If you work as hard as it sounds you're teacher will most likely then believe that you have been working on it a long time and are not a student who just put it off to the last minute and is looking for an excuse.

Many times schools will allow for a certain amount of grade forgiveness's. If worst does unfortunately happen, and you are allowed to retake the class, your GPA won't be effected at all. I'm not trying to say that the work isn't important, but its always been my philosophy that stressing over work is not a good thing for anyone to do. Take a breather and work at your own pace. If you are calm the work will go much easier. You are only human, sometimes things will come up that are totally out of your control. Sometimes the best thing you can do is to do your best while you go through this tough time.

I don't know if this really helped, and I don't know how clearly I typed this up. What I mean to say is, yes you do have it rough right now. The best thing I think you can do right now is not focus on the negative. The more you do that, the harder work will be to do. Stay calm as hard as that may sound, and you may be surprised how well you can do in a shorter amount of time.

Sorry if this didn't help at all.

It did help, actually.
I just got back from taking my computer to the shop, and they're going to have a look at it. Worst case scenario is I have to buy a new motherboard. Right now they're in the process of trying to recover what was saved of my reading notebook (the midterm thing). It's going to be an incomplete, but I'm going to show my teacher the receipt and explain what happened.

I'm using an old computer downstairs, and it doesn't have MS word. It does have wordpad, however, and I'm going to try to make it compatible with the printer and do the last two chapters as fast as I can.

Your post made me feel as though I was being taken seriously, and I truly appreciate that. It made me smile. Thank-you.

EDIT: Reading notebook has been recovered, and I'm probably going to miss my philosophy midterm. But on the bright side, it's better late than not at all.

Originally Posted by kreebby

It did help, actually.
I just got back from taking my computer to the shop, and they're going to have a look at it. Worst case scenario is I have to buy a new motherboard. Right now they're in the process of trying to recover what was saved of my reading notebook (the midterm thing). It's going to be an incomplete, but I'm going to show my teacher the receipt and explain what happened.

I'm using an old computer downstairs, and it doesn't have MS word. It does have wordpad, however, and I'm going to try to make it compatible with the printer and do the last two chapters as fast as I can.

Your post made me feel as though I was being taken seriously, and I truly appreciate that. It made me smile. Thank-you.

EDIT: Reading notebook has been recovered, and I'm probably going to miss my philosophy midterm. But on the bright side, it's better late than not at all.

I'm glad. It sounds like you have a solid game plan there. Also, this may help. I'm sure you know but you don't always need a standard usb drive for some things. I lost mine about 2 years ago and have gotten along fine without it. I use either my PSP, Ipod, or phone to backup my documents on. At least while they are relevant. Its saved me quite a few times actually, dunno if that helps though.

I also forgot to address the high school bit earlier too. I've only been in college for 3 years now and I have learned that all schools are lazy. The best thing to do is pester both schools, its the only way to get things done. It took so long to get my transcripts to this school, and they wanted to refuse me classes because of it. But I kept pestering them for about a week with paper work and phone calls and they got it sorted out. If you do the same I know you'll be fine. They keep records from students for quite awhile, so if you present them with proof regularly they'll have no choice but to fix the problem for you.

Originally Posted by squall24

I'm glad. It sounds like you have a solid game plan there. Also, this may help. I'm sure you know but you don't always need a standard usb drive for some things. I lost mine about 2 years ago and have gotten along fine without it. I use either my PSP, Ipod, or phone to backup my documents on. At least while they are relevant. Its saved me quite a few times actually, dunno if that helps though.

I also forgot to address the high school bit earlier too. I've only been in college for 3 years now and I have learned that all schools are lazy. The best thing to do is pester both schools, its the only way to get things done. It took so long to get my transcripts to this school, and they wanted to refuse me classes because of it. But I kept pestering them for about a week with paper work and phone calls and they got it sorted out. If you do the same I know you'll be fine. They keep records from students for quite awhile, so if you present them with proof regularly they'll have no choice but to fix the problem for you.

I'll have to take your advice on that. Luckily my college is still letting me take classes. I have an ipod. I totally forgot about the document feature, I'll use that from now on!

I got my car back today, the dealership replaced the faulty part and my car runs smoothly again. This makes me very happy.

I was able to recover a good portion of my reading notebook off of my hard drive. My professor gave me some extra days. I "failed" the midterm, but instead of giving me a zero my teacher gave me a 59, and considering I'm acing everything else in the class it shouldn't be too big a problem. He said I looked like a kicked puppy, and he couldn't just give me a zero with how upset I looked (I was busy recovering the data from my harddrive so I arrived an hour late for the midterm). He let me off really easy and says he understands I've had it rough lately.

I ♥♥♥♥ing love my philosophy professor.

Originally Posted by Alex

If it makes you ladies feel better, men like curves. A lot. Like a stupid lot.

Agreed.

And I'd just like to say that the only person that notices stupid things like if your nose is slightly misshappen, whether your thighs are too wide, etc. is you and if somebody insults them then who cares they're not the right person for you anyway. Well there's my two cents.

Originally Posted by Demon Majora

Agreed.

And I'd just like to say that the only person that notices stupid things like if your nose is slightly misshappen, whether your thighs are too wide, etc. is you and if somebody insults them then who cares they're not the right person for you anyway. Well there's my two cents.

You're a sweetheart. And you're so right ^___^

Okay, so I'm a guy, but I'd like advice from females about this seeing as it pertains to my sister. She's a 15 year old freshman in high school, and she's dating an 18 year old senior. She didn't really tell my parents about him, she snuck around and texted him and called him, pretending she was just talking to one of her girlfriends. So right off the bat it seems like my parents would be more cool with this if she was just up front about it. Apparently he wanted to meet the parents right away and my sister hid him away from them. My parents have banned her from dating him, but have allowed her to keep in contact with him as long as it's totally platonic.
He's coming over to dinner tonight, and mother has specifically pulled me aside and told me I'm to "measure his douche level" or something to that degree.

I guess my question is what you all think of this. I'm cool with age gap romance, my last girlfriend was 23. But I was 18 and feel that somewhat justifies it. My sister's real young and still pretty naive. I dunno this guy so I guess I'll get a read on him tonight. But yeah. So what do you all think?

Originally Posted by raunm

Okay, so I'm a guy, but I'd like advice from females about this seeing as it pertains to my sister. She's a 15 year old freshman in high school, and she's dating an 18 year old senior. She didn't really tell my parents about him, she snuck around and texted him and called him, pretending she was just talking to one of her girlfriends. So right off the bat it seems like my parents would be more cool with this if she was just up front about it. Apparently he wanted to meet the parents right away and my sister hid him away from them. My parents have banned her from dating him, but have allowed her to keep in contact with him as long as it's totally platonic.
He's coming over to dinner tonight, and mother has specifically pulled me aside and told me I'm to "measure his douche level" or something to that degree.

I guess my question is what you all think of this. I'm cool with age gap romance, my last girlfriend was 23. But I was 18 and feel that somewhat justifies it. My sister's real young and still pretty naive. I dunno this guy so I guess I'll get a read on him tonight. But yeah. So what do you all think?

Quite honestly, that sounds like it could be a bit dangerous.

Your sister, being 15 and naive, as you described her, will be on a very different level than an 18 year old senior. She will be more willing, and easier to lead into things that she might be too young to get into. And, no matter how "douche-y" or nice he is, he will most likely always have an agenda set, if you know what I mean.

Also, the fact that she went behind your parents' backs and dated him, obviously because she wasn't so sure of their reactions...ehhh, I don't know.

This might seemingly go smoothly for her, but I always see these things crash and burn in the end, with the little girl in tears. Anyway, this is just my take on it. I've witnessed things like these times and times again, and have developed a bit of a negative view.

Be sure to warn her and talk to her about the possible dangers of the relationship, though. She may get tired of it, but better safe than sorry.

Originally Posted by Calypso

Quite honestly, that sounds like it could be a bit dangerous.

Your sister, being 15 and naive, as you described her, will be on a very different level than an 18 year old senior. She will be more willing, and easier to lead into things that she might be too young to get into. And, no matter how "douche-y" or nice he is, he will most likely always have an agenda set, if you know what I mean.

Also, the fact that she went behind your parents' backs and dated him, obviously because she wasn't so sure of their reactions...ehhh, I don't know.

This might seemingly go smoothly for her, but I always see these things crash and burn in the end, with the little girl in tears. Anyway, this is just my take on it. I've witnessed things like these times and times again, and have developed a bit of a negative view.

Be sure to warn her and talk to her about the possible dangers of the relationship, though. She may get tired of it, but better safe than sorry.

Yeah, that's how I feel. I'm pretty cynical when it comes to relationships, especially ones with people around the age 13-18. She's totally in Ga-Ga land and believes she loves him and all that. It's stupid. The boy had this huge picture of her on his mypace saying "I'M IN LOVE WITH MCK**** ***** *******!!" Full name and everything, then some long spiel about it. It just seems very vapid and misinformed.

Originally Posted by raunm

Yeah, that's how I feel. I'm pretty cynical when it comes to relationships, especially ones with people around the age 13-18. She's totally in Ga-Ga land and believes she loves him and all that. It's stupid. The boy had this huge picture of her on his mypace saying "I'M IN LOVE WITH MCK**** ***** *******!!" Full name and everything, then some long spiel about it. It just seems very vapid and misinformed.

Yeeeah, no, I know exactly where that is going, and trust me...you don't want it to go there. The only problem though, is persuading her that she doesn't. Guys like that go through those poor little girls so quickly, like a hot knife through butter. They take advantage of the girls seeing everything through rose-colored glasses, and...ah, it kills me.