Women's Advice Thread

^huh. that's...interesting.

How exactly is that even... possible?

O_o

it sounds like voodoo magic or something.

Originally Posted by RENEEgade

Well I was a bit of a wild child in my "early" teens and I guess my mother viewed that as malevolent (which is , I guess , why I'm not at home.) . Since I'm so far away, it is easier for my mother to watch over my sister when she makes phonecalls/emails etc.

Something similar happened to me. I had an aunt who thought I was like the whore of Hitler or something and she'd try to limit my interaction with my cousin (whom I loved dearly). For a long time I tried to do sneaky things, you know, like secret letters, meeting up at places to hang out, yada yada yada, to see her. Eventually, my aunt started zoning in on that, too. So, I was left with two options--leave it as it was or confront my aunt. I choose the latter. I called her on the phone and spoke to her. I told her that I wanted a chance to have a have a relationship with my cousin and it wasn't fair that she would be like this. My cousin backed me up and made it vocal that that's what she wanted too. It took a while, but my aunt grudgingly let us start communicating without her constant eye on us.

Now, the major difference is your distance so it's not like you can see her in person anyway, huh? Have you tried talking to your ma, then? I know the thought of doing so might make you wanna punch some random person (well, that's how I felt) but in the end I had to ask myself what was really more important--my beef with my aunt or my relationship with my cousin. See, I considered still sneaking around, but I eventually figured out that I didn't want to give my aunty anything to use against me, and she was that kinda woman, believe me. I kept it forward, honest, without kissing her blubbery ass (whoops, that was a bit spiteful xD), but I made my stand clear as did my cousin.

If you have already spoken to her, maybe your sister might have to intervene to let your ma know that what she's doing isn't right. Even if that is her child, you're her sister and you both have the right to have a relationship.

Is there, maybe, another adult you can turn to to talk to your mother? Dad, maybe? I don't want to push too much into personal details here, but sometimes it'll take another adult to make an adult see reason. Sometimes adults will look at youngins and not pay heed to what they say because they feel they know better (and sometimes that's the case, but I wouldn't think so with your ma being the barrier she's being).

My Brandon suffered something similar while growing up; his parents tried to stop his contact with his grandparents. It backfired, though, because when he got older he found out they were hiding things from him and that his grandparents had kept trying despite his parernts effort to stifle their relationship. It was a distance thing like your situation, too. Now, his parents look pretty bad for what they did and since his grandparents were always honest about it, Brandon appreciates that.

That's a tough situation, Renee. Lemme know how things work out for you. Good luck, sweetie!

Originally Posted by Erasmus

wait I thought this was supposed to be the women's advice thread...and there's liek...a lot of Peni's here.....

uh, I just had a quick question:

Is it true that girl-roommates will actually synchronize their "cycles" after a few months living together?

O_o

That's news to me xD

Do this many girls post in the guys' advice thread? I mean, there have been a handful of times that I've posted in there, but I generally stay away and don't even look.
A little privacy?

(there's always the lassies group...)

Originally Posted by Bravo

Maybe here?

Thank-you SO much.
This website is amazing o_O

Erasmus: Yes, there is some tendency for women to synchronize their periods when living in close quarters.

Several explanations have been put forth. The most likely explanation is to do with pheromones. When women ovulate, they release certain chemicals in their sweat. When other women are exposed to these pheromones, it's often found that their own menstrual cycles tend to shorten or lengthen, until they're in sync with each other. It depends though on how sensitive those women are to the chemicals, because not all women are affected by it.

Another explanation is that women living together may share similar stress patterns. Stress can have the effect of delaying a woman's ovulation, so women who share the same stressors are more likely to ovulate at around the same time when the stress lessens, and so have their periods together two weeks later.

Is it true that girl-roommates will actually synchronize their "cycles" after a few months living together?

Yes. Its happened to me. Its also not uncommon for good friends to do the same, regardless of location. I know thats weird but it happens. It may have something to do with Lunar cycles. Alot of women synchronize with the cycles of the moon. I for one, am one of them. When Aunt Flow comes to visit its usually a full moon.

Also was Asta said.

Originally Posted by kreebby

Thank-you SO much.
This website is amazing o_O

No problemo. Googled it in seconds.

Originally Posted by Margar

Do this many girls post in the guys' advice thread? I mean, there have been a handful of times that I've posted in there, but I generally stay away and don't even look.
A little privacy?

(there's always the lassies group...)

Fair enough. Didn't realise it was a problem.

Originally Posted by Liah

^If you don't like it, get the **** out. Don't come in here getting all Debbie ****ing Downer for something that's intended to be nice for the community. Advice is advice, blah blah blah, but some girls feel more comfortable speaking to other ladyfolk about personal probs. If they wanna do it here, that's fine. If that's not something you're for, that's your choice. It's clear others are making do with the presented opportunity since some have posted already. Not your thing, that's fine, just don't be posting here with your zomg-this-is-so-stupid attitude.

Ouch, did I touch a nerve? You seem really sensitive about this. Which is too bad, considering that if you had read my previous post correctly, you would've found that it was mostly meant to be funny. Which is why I hate the internet, because sarcasm isn't taken well.

Oh well, there's no need for a big riot. My point was simply that you shouldn't get advice solely from other women, because that's one side of the issue. Getting advice from everyone would be much more effective and therefore would be more whole. People are people and all have the capacity for helpful advice, regardless of what their genitalia look like. Simply discouraging sexual discrimination, that's all.

Well, there's already been a Men's Advice Thread for several months, so I think you're fighting a long-lost battle. We may as well also have a Women's Advice Thread.

Also, some women just feel more comfortable talking to other women about their problems, rather than men. This thread is for those women in particular.

Oh, don't flatter yourself in thinking your post was worthwhile in touching any sorta nerve xD. Your sarcasm was unwanted and not needed, contributed in no way other than make you look like you're supposed to be Ms. Attitude. If I read your post wrong, then you've read mine wrong thinking I was throwing some sorta tantrum at you. If anything, that was me rolling my eyes and thinking you're being lame. And if that was supposed to be funny, it's not lame, it's incredibly lame. If you want it stated in a nicer tone, I'll say it again: if you've got nothing to contribute when this thread that has clearly helped out some ladies already, don't post. You claim it was humourous but, well, you probably were laughing on your own .

I'm tempted to start posting in the men's advice thread for advice to see if I get answers, haha.
I wonder if they'd get mad at me.

This isn't really asking for advice, so much as asking a question.
Why do so many females have completely unrealistic ideas of how they should look?

I have a friend who used to be underweight, and she looked really unhealthy. She gained about 10-15 pounds and is now in the healthy weight range. She has breasts and isn't flat chested anymore. She no longer has sunken eyes or dark circles under her eyes and she looks GREAT.

She's going on about how fat she is and how she needs to lose the weight again.

And I sit there thinking "Um, no you don't."


Why do girls do these things to themselves?

Didn't you just ask a couple of days ago in the Scrapbook if you were fat because you gained 5-7 pounds?

Originally Posted by Panique

Didn't you just ask a couple of days ago in the Scrapbook if you were fat because you gained 5-7 pounds?

That was a really bad night. I wasn't thinking straight at all and usually when I'm like that I don't go online (because I say stupid thing or ask questions that don't even make sense). I was in an extremely bad state of mind. Of course, a bunch of people saw it as fishing for compliments and now they think less of me.

Speaking of which, what do you do when people jump to the wrong conclusion like that?

Well I guess what I meant by that post is that why not ask yourself the question you originally asked, since it seems like you'd get it more than I would. :/

Originally Posted by Panique

Well I guess what I meant by that post is that why not ask yourself the question you originally asked, since it seems like you'd get it more than I would. :/

I suppose you're right.
I'm in recovery for an eating problem.
I used to have a very, very messed up self image.

Now for the most part, I'm better. I just have nights like that sometimes.

What I don't understand is why normal girls do this. Having an eating problem is one thing, but a lot of these girls don't have this problem at all, they just have some warped body image. I really don't understand that.

Originally Posted by kreebby

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Why do so many females have completely unrealistic ideas of how they should look?

Insecurity? A want for acceptance? I'm not really sure. I haven't been in those boots before - well, to such an extreme. I'm not professional here, but these are the things I've noticed with females who have this mindset..

.. first off, they want to be as good looking as the other girl. They want others to notice this and acknowledge it, and comment on it, and reassure them about when they think they're losing it ("it" being whatever). It's such an iffy situation really. Sometimes I want to scream at girls for thinking like this, and then other times, it's really not their fault. There's so many different reasonings behind these things.

However, when a girl compares herself to another girl, or wants to look like Angelina Jolie, instead of being comfortable in her own skin, I just want to take her by the shoulders and tell her how it is. There are some girls that are already beautiful, that are not obese, that are healthy, etc. When I see an attractive girl putting herself down or wishing she had this kind of hair, or those colored eyes, I can't help but get a little angry.

You are a beautiful girl. You don't have lovehandles hanging over your waistline (and even if you do, love them regardless). You don't take up two seats on the bus. You can see your feet. You can walk with two legs. You can hear, talk, see, taste. You have a head full of hair. You get told you're attractive on more than one occasion. People give you that double look. So, why in the world would you want anything more, when there are some girls on this planet that would die to have what you have? (Not speaking to you kreeby, but just girls who think like this).

But, like I said, everyone has their reasons, that may go deeper than anything I'm aware of.

Society tends to paint an image on what girls should be. Its pretty sad and i hate that. I used to be pretty underweight myself back in the day. Around your age, i was about 5'9" and 115 pounds. That for my body type was very underweight. I didnt have an eating problem really. I was diagnosed with ADD and was taking ritalin which severely curbs your appetite. Plus i was kinda eating badly just because i was in school and stuff. I ended up with ulcers (ritalin and other stimulants have that side effect). It was pretty crappy. After i no longer needed the ritalin i gained more weight. (i could stand to lose a few pounds nowadays though.. )
Insecurity like Beej said is also a factor. (its also why overweight girls are so damn cranky and bitter.)

However, when a girl compares herself to another girl, or wants to look like Angelina Jolie, instead of being comfortable in her own skin, I just want to take her by the shoulders and tell her how it is. There are some girls that are already beautiful, that are not obese, that are healthy, etc. When I see an attractive girl putting herself down or wishing she had this kind of hair, or those colored eyes, I can't help but get a little angry.

Omg i know! I mean, i know im not freaking Milla Jovovich or anything like that but im no longer insecure about the way i look. When pretty girls say "oh im fat" or "im so ugly" i just wanna shout at them!

It comes from a lot of things like what they see in magazines, on television, blah blah blah, what others have said. It's not just ladies; guys feel pressure too to look a certain way and sometimes it can be even worse because they're of the stereotype to not talk about such issues since it's not considered "manly". Other factors can contribute, sometimes even cultural. For example, I'm Samoan and in my culture it's normal thing for adults to be extremely blunt in telling children how they look, and I had aunts/uncles tell me I was chubby as a kid. I took it to heart. It took me years to finally see and LOVE the fact that I have an hourglass figure. I wouldn't change that for anything now. My best friend is of a culture where it's considered beautiful to be thin and pale. Stuff like that.

I don't have an eating disorder, in fact I'm likely to punch someone in the face if they try to ♥♥♥♥ with my food, man. But I have had times where *I've* felt pressured to be super-thin because I thought that's what boys liked, that's what I thought society considered beautiful, it's what I thought my parents wanted me to look like, that's what I saw in movies, yada yada yada. You don't have to have a disorder of some sort to fall with your self esteem considering your appearance, but it can happen.

Anyway, I've come to a point in my life where I know I'm not getting rid of mah womanly curves and like hell if I ever want to. I can work heels, dresses, skirts, a bikini and goddamnit, I can eat a cheeseburger while I'm at it. Spread the love.

Hope that answered your question some, kreebby.

Anyway, I've come to a point in my life where I know I'm not getting rid of mah womanly curves and like hell if I ever want to. I can work heels, dresses, skirts, a bikini and goddamnit, I can eat a cheeseburger while I'm at it. Spread the love.

RIGHT ON!
In fact when i was a teen i had no figure. It was awesome to finally aquire one!

Originally Posted by brokenjoker

.. first off, they want to be as good looking as the other girl. They want others to notice this and acknowledge it, and comment on it, and reassure them about when they think they're losing it ("it" being whatever). It's such an iffy situation really. Sometimes I want to scream at girls for thinking like this, and then other times, it's really not their fault. There's so many different reasonings behind these things.

A reason I speculate is that a lot of guys will go around comparing them. There were a few times in the scrapbook thread where people said they're prefer so-and-so to "camwhore" instead of myself. I was able to talk to myself and tell myself that it was all in good fun, and nobody meant anything vicious by it. However, what about girls who aren't so secure with themselves? I know several females who, if something like that were said to them, they'd feel hideous/fat and subconsciously (if not consciously) compare themselves to the girl they were compared to until someone was able to talk them out of it.

It's unrealistic to watch what you're saying 24/7, but sometimes you have to be careful with who you're saying it too. That kind of stuff could really damage a person.

Originally Posted by brokenjoker

However, when a girl compares herself to another girl, or wants to look like Angelina Jolie, instead of being comfortable in her own skin, I just want to take her by the shoulders and tell her how it is. There are some girls that are already beautiful, that are not obese, that are healthy, etc. When I see an attractive girl putting herself down or wishing she had this kind of hair, or those colored eyes, I can't help but get a little angry.

That irritates me as well. In reality, I highly doubt that a guy is going to be sitting there looking at you thinking "Screw this girl, I don't like the way her thighs are shaped/nose looks/whatever".

Originally Posted by brokenjoker

You are a beautiful girl. You don't have lovehandles hanging over your waistline (and even if you do, love them regardless). You don't take up two seats on the bus. You can see your feet. You can walk with two legs. You can hear, talk, see, taste. You have a head full of hair. You get told you're attractive on more than one occasion. People give you that double look. So, why in the world would you want anything more, when there are some girls on this planet that would die to have what you have? (Not speaking to you kreeby, but just girls who think like this).

..I'm not beautiful? D: (kidding)
This... this is exactly what I want to say to my friends who think this. When my attractive friends call themselves fat I send them pictures of obese women just to prove a point. It very rarely works.

I want to fix it, somehow, and make them stop thinking about themselves this way.