My view of Link's feelings after TP

Many years have passed. Link has been found back in Ordon. After saving the world and returning to Ordon, he was living his life with Illia. Happy as they were, Link felt something wrong. Had he not become a hero, he would not meet his friends. Suspicion had grown in him after he suddenly became a hero. He wasn't sure if he had the bravery to do all those things before. Something had led him on and made him a legend. Midna. She had done it, hadn't she? She pushed him and she helped him through. With out her guidance, he would be nothing. He hadn't a chance to see her, before she had gone back to the Twilight World. It was a tradegie but he could not fix it. What was done was done. If he would of had a choice to go with her, he might of. This made him think a bit. Now he wondered if living with Illia was the right choice. She made him happy but not as happy as Midna. Link started thinking really hard now. Was it weird to love Midna? She was a princess and he was a hero. Heroes can't marry princesses, can they? Link's mind was racing by now. He looked out the window. The sun was setting.

Like it? If you do, post three or four comments and I'll go on. Thanks for reading everybody!

mph. not a bad start. lots of potential, yada yada yada. keep it up, let's just see how it turns out.

Thank-you so much! I really appreciate it! People in my community tell me I have bad story writing skills. I never really believed them. I hope more people share the opinion you do. =)

He had to get to sleep. He had a big day ahead of him. After coming back to Ordon, he continued farm work. Epona, his horse, helped him herd the goats. Link tried to get to sleep but he was having troubles. He sat up and climbed the ladder back to his window. He was sure he was having a nightmare when he looked out there. He saw Moblins taking Illia away. He ran outside but nothing was there. Was he dreaming? Very confused, he walked back inside. The next morning he had practically jumped on to his feet and he ate breakfast. He ate the left-over pumpkin pie.Link had wondered if Illia was in the basement. He quickly grabbed his lantern and climbed down the ladder. No one was down here except a few spiders. He walked towards the mirror and looked at his reflection. It was not what he had supposed. He saw Dark Link's reflection. He gasped and jumped away from the mirror. He slowly walked back towards the mirror. He was relieved to see his own reflection. "Link! It's almost herding time! Grab Epona and get out here!" He heard from outside. He quickly ran outside and got Epona. He didn't feel like riding her. He walked her all the way to the ranch. Now, it was herding time. Link readied himself and went. He had gone much slower than before. After the goats were all herded, Link walked back to his house. Without looking up. Without speaking a word.

Wow. I think I'll go a bit further with this. =)

While this does have potential, paragraphs are your friend. Every three to four sentences, start a new paragraph. Also, new lines of dialogue go on new paragraphs. Consider making the chapters longer; while this is mostly due to your lack of paragraphs, your chapters are too short to really draw much interest at the moment.

For now, paragraphs are your main concern at the moment. :3

Thanks for the advice! =)

When Link got home, he just sat by the window. He feared he would again see another horrible thing. Nothing yet. Link felt safe enough to go search for Illia. He saw nothing as he walked outside but, continued on.

He looked right and left. Up and down. He searched the whole town. She wasn't there. It was possible that she had been captured.

He ran back to his house. He didn't go sit by the window. He ran down to the basement and grabbed something very important. His Hero Clothes. He got Epona and zoomed off to Kakario Village.

No one knew were Illia was. They did, although now where the Moblin hideout was. Link thanked them, got the information and left. He had not known that the Moblins planned for him to come and try to save the day.

They had guards everywhere. They were ready for Link. They braced their-selves as they heard him coming up the hill. Their hideout was a cave but it had a secret entrance. Link came up and realized he didn't have a sword!

He tried to go back but the Moblins grabbed him off the horse. He had no choice but to fight back. He kicked the Moblin that was holding his legs. Then he elbowed the Moblin on his torso. Another Moblin came charging at Link but alas, wasn't fast enough.

Link jumped on his horse and rode off. When he got back to his house, he was thinking about how an idiot he was to leave without a sword. In spite of his forgetfulness, he ran back down to the basement in hope to find a sword. He searched all the chests and boxes. He was afraid it was gone until his lantern light was gleaming off of his sword.

That's definitely easier to read than before. Now, looking at it, it seems you're still having an issue with length. Typically, a decent-sized chapter has around a thousand words in it. Try and add more content to your chapters; if a chapter is too short, people will lose interest quickly, and if it's too long, people will also lose interest. A thousand words is just the right amount.

Okay! You're a great help to me so I have viewers that like my stories! I hope you stick around to see future improvement! Thanks so much!

He grabbed it and ran outside. Right when he got outside, he got smacked in the back of the head with a club. The Moblin that had attacked Link, grabbed him by the feet and pulled him to the Moblin Hideout. The Moblins took his sword and stuck it in the ground. They also took his shield.

Suddenly he awoke. The Moblins were all shocked. Link gasped when he got up. Mobins surrounded him and they grabbed their clubs to attack. One Moblin tried to attack Link with his club but Link ended up ducking in the nick of time.

The Moblin accidentally hit another Moblin and they both fell down. Link ran for his sword and grabbed it out of the ground. Link turned around and saw all the Moblins crowding him. They were about to attack when they all heard a deep voice yell, "Enough! Give the boy some room!" Link looked at where the voice was coming from and he saw a Moblin the size of Gannondorf blocking the entrance.

"What brings you here, young one?" The large Moblin asked. "I-I-I..." Link started but the Moblin interrupted. "DO NOT STAMMER! WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE?" Link cleared his throat and began, "I was looking for my friend, Illia. You see, she disappeared and no one knows where she is. So I came here to find her..except...I was at home then I felt a large weapon hit me in the back of the head and I guess they took me here." Link had said it all so quickly the giant Moblin had trouble understanding.

The Moblin listened and grabbed out his sword. "I am the King Moblin! I'm afraid I do know where this girl is but, you won't live long enough to find out!" Link took his sword out and with that, it was a fight. The King Moblin charged at Link. Link jumped up high and stabbed the King in the head. It wasn't enough to kill him but it was enough to partially knock him out.

Link stood there for a second, looked up and said, "Anyone want to tell me where Illia is?" Every Moblin stood there until one stepped out and said, "She was taken to Kakario. That's all we know." Link grabbed his shield and ran out the exit. He didn't bother to get Epona. It was no hope.

When Link got to Kakario, it wasn't what he had expected. There were Peahats flying around everywhere and Darknuts. What happened to this place was beyond Link. It wasn't the least of his worries though. He just knew if he got caught by one of these Darknuts, it would be good-bye Link!

Three things here- One, (as I've explained previously), dialogue goes on a separate line. , i.e-

"So what did you think of my ring?" he asked.

"It's beautiful!" she replied.

Also, description goes on separate lines from dialogue, unless it's part of the previous sentence.

Second, some of your punctuaction is off. Ellipses (aka "...") need three periods, and if it's occuring at the end of a sentence, it needs a fourth period to signify the end of a sentence. If the ellipses is in the middle of a sentence, put a space between the end of it and the next word.

Third, this is still too short. If you're using Notepad to type this up, consider getting a different word processor. Most have a word count feature. Check out the Word Processor Thread in the Writing School for some different options. :3

Wow..=( Not doing to good here, am I?

Originally Posted by Link2789

Wow..=( Not doing to good here, am I?

It has nothing to do with that. Either way, keep that in mind next time when you're writing.

Again, he looked around the corner. He was closest to the sanctuary. If he made a run for it, maybe he could get to it. He carefully tiptoed past the guards until he heard a grunt. One, two, three, then four guards were chasing after him.

He continued running toward the sanctuary. Finally he had made it. He knocked on the door. The door slowly crept open until Link ran inside. He locked the door as quickly as he could.

He looked around but saw no one. He had wondered how the door creaked open but that didn't matter at this second. He heard the sound of Moblins. He looked down the emergency escape hole. Sure enough, he saw a few Moblins coming up.

He got his sword out and cut the rope. The Moblins fell down, uninjured. Link looked around and found a pot to throw at them.

"How'd you like that, suckers! Link one and ugly creatures zero!" link chanted.

He heard a knocking on the door but, it wasn't a friendly knocking. It was a "let me in right now!" kind of knock. Link ran to the door and heard yelling.

"Let me in! Let me in right now you foul beasts!" The voice said.

Link opened the door and saw the mailman running in. Again, Link quickly latched the door shut. He looked back at the mailman and just stood there. Suddenly, there was a crack in the ceiling. Link didn't want to see anymore so he grabbed the mailman and jumped down the emergency escape hole.

The Moblins down there cornered Link and the mailman. They ran towards the exit but it too was blocked by Moblins.

"Nice going, genius. Jumping down this hole with ugly Moblins and no way out was a great way to save ourselves." The mailman said.

Getting better, but I still have a few things to point out-

1) Consult a thesaurus. All throughout this part of the story, I noticed you using the same word repeatedly. "He continued, He wondered, He heard, He ran", ect, all become very repetitive and in turn really pull the reader out of the story. Find a different way to word your sentences so they don't all sound the same every time.

2) While this looks like a mistake on your part, proper nouns should always be capitalized.

3) This isn't very descriptive. Take the time to show me what some place looks like. "He was in a sanctuary" is boring to read. Describe the place! What does it look like? Does it have an old, dusty smell? Whenever you can, incorporate the five senses into your descriptions- sight, hearing, taste, touch, and smell.

4) These chapters are still way too short. If you really want to garner any sort of interest, you will need to consider adding more content to your chapters. As I've explained before, if your chapters are always short, people will lose interest in your story. Get a different word processor that will allow you to do a word count.

That's all for now.

"I'm thinking, alright?" Link responded quickly.

The Moblins came closer to the two. The mailman stood behind Link in order to stay protected. Link unsheathed his sword and charged towards the exit. Killing two Moblins he looked back only to see more Moblins cornering him. Link looked straight up to see sunlight.

When it seemed as though all hope was lost, a Moblin collapsed. Lay atop it's head, was a rock. Link spotted where it came from to find the mailman had thrown it. The other Moblins looked down at the body. Link felt it was quite a good time to use the spin attack.

"Whoosh! Slash!" The sound of the sword echoed.

The mailman stared down at the two Moblins as if he was going to cry. Link grabbed a hold of the ladder and climbed halfway up. He looked down at the mailman to see he was standing there.

"Aren't you coming?" Link asked.

"Y-yes. Y-you kind of f-freaked me out." The mailman echoed back.

"It happens all the time." Link replied calmly.

They both climbed up the ladder to the sunlight. As they looked at Hyrule Field, they saw it was not the same. The grass had gone and the trees were all dead. It looked as if a wildfire had been here before them.

"Well, I went to Kakario Village, almost got caught by Darknuts and Peahats and nearly got killed by fifteen Moblins, all for nothing." Link said grimly.

As they looked at the field again, they had slowly started to realize something. If this had been Hyrule field, where was Hyrule Castle? Link looked in the sky to see nothing but a black night sky. As he looked closer, he spotted something out of the ordinary. It looked like a glowing rip in the sky.

Eager to find out what it was, Link had started running towards it. The mailman, however, stayed where he was. As Link was running he heard something. He looked toward a hill. The ground was vibrating and Link was shaking.

Soon, he saw a--

"STAMPEDE!" Link hollered.

He held is sword in his left hand and his shield in the right. There were Moblins riding hogs. Not small hogs but, giant hogs. He got ready as they got closer and--BOOSH!

Link had gotten rammed by the hogs but ended up flying away. He was unconscious and both his sword and shield had flew out of his hands. Link kept on flying up until he quickly bolted to the ground. He would have been dead, had he not landed in the water. Slowly beginning to gain consciousness back, he identified where he was.

Link was in the one and only Zora Domain!

There were waterfalls everywhere and the water was sparkling. It had glistened in the sunlight. Link had felt so comfortable but there wasn't a second to waste! He got out of the water and jumped down a waterfall. The wind blowing in his face felt relaxing but this wasn't a good place to relax.

"This wasn't one of my best ideaaaaaaaas!" Link yelled as he got closer to Lake Hylia.

SPLASH! Link had landed on a lily pad. As he floated back to surface, he looked around. How had he got from that weird place to the Zora Domain? It didn't matter to him until he remembered he left the mailman at the peculiar land. He pondered it for a second.

He hadn't known what to do. The mailman knew Hyrule like the back of his queer pants. Link hadn't known what that strange land was nevertheless how to get back. He thought for a second and realized something. What had he used to get to the City in the Sky?

A cannon! He had flew to Hyrule, now, if he could find out there direction of the land, he might, just might, be able to get there. Lucky him, he was close to his cannon. Link got out of the water and sprinted toward where the cannon was. Still where it was last year.

Link pondered for a minute and aimed the cannon upward. He might be able to find the queer land in the sky. As he flew atop the City in the Sky, he did a cannonball and landed in the pond. He looked down but say nothing. He grabbed his Hawkeye and looked again. There it was!

He had to fly southeast! He got into the cannon on the City of the Sky and pointed it Southeast.

(In this chapter, queer did not take on it's current meaning. It took it's older meaning. Queer-A strange or peculiar thing)

I've just read through your work and I think you've improved a lot Keep it up; your writing has gotten better! Just make it a bit longer

Thanks for the advice! I really appreciate it.