[ZGen] The Legend Of Zelda: Dreamer's Plague (T)

This is my first fanfic, and probably my last, seeing as I have no ideas for any other Fanfics. Anyway, it's set after LA, but as a fantasy of mine, as opposed to after what actually ahppened. I changed events. Not entirely sure the age rating is okay, but I thought 16 was a bit too much.
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Link was immensely enjoying life on Koholint Island. Three years previously, he had washed up on the island,and set out on a quest to wake the Wind Fish, a mysterious, near-omnipotent being that was dreaming of the Island's very existence. Over the course of his adventure, he had made many friends, including the inhabitants of Animal Village, Mabe Village, and at the time, if he was truthful to himself, most importantly Marin, the pretty, red haired girl whose voice he had awoken to at the start of his journey.

When the time came to wake the dreamer, he had found that he could not bear to see the inhabitants of Koholint Island, which he had come to know so well destroyed and forgotten, like a dream, and nothing more.

He had returned to Mabe Village, and settled down to life on the island. Since then, his relationship wih Marin had developed from a sweet crush, to love. They had settled into a house by the beach, where a strange talking crocodile used to live. Normally quiet and shy, Marin had been the only one Link could open his heart, and indeed his mouth, to.
From the beach, where he and Marin would spend hourse swimming together, to the high, egg capped Mountain of Koholint, the island was every bit his home as the great kingdom of Hyrule had once been.

Some tips:
1. Create a small storyline, just one or two chapters centered around one idea. Example: Marin and Link goes to the beach, Link and Marin visits the wind fish's egg. Something simple and easy to grasp for you as a author and a idea easy for the readers to pick up on.

2. Descriptions. This is was writing is all about, to describe beautiful scenery, characters and thoughts. Add some flavour to you work by diving into a character and describe how they feel being with the other character.

3. Don't give up. Getting good at writing is hard business but you only get better when you write. So see you storyline through to the end and afterwards you have grown as a writer, you may not feel like it, but you have.

I wish you luck on your endeavours.

Why thank you. I've had this idea in my head for a while, but I couldn't quite type it out the way I wanted to. I'm going to take into account your advice. I haven't actually goyt an idea for the next chapter, so I need to think it up.

I like what you've written so far. It does a great job setting the scene for your story. Now as you move on from here give more description about the characters and settings they're in (like Peder said).
I'm looking forward to reading more.

Chapter 1: The begining

Link awoke on a bright, early and beautiful morning to Marin's singing. Or, more accurately, he fell out of bed, and let the beautifully sung notes wash over him, easing and soothing the throbbing, burning pain in the side of his head. The floor was wooden, and he had hit it quite hard.

Marin laughed and kissed Link good morning. She loved Link with all her heart, but couldn't help laughing a little on those rare occasions when Link rolled out of bed. His groggy groaning when he got up was always an ironic sound that never failed to bring a smile to her face, even on the darkest and rainiest of days.

On any average morning, he would wake up shortly after Marin, sensing her slim figure leave his side. But recently, his dreams had been plagued by nightmares. Of a boy, drifting through the sea alone, pale as a ghost and on the verge of becoming one. Other times, his homeland of Hyrule under siege from sinister, shadowy creatures he knew could only be nightmares.
The idea of his homeland destroyed by such beast repulsed him and kept him awake for hours at night.He didn't tell Marin any of this of course; it hurt him a lot to see her worried.

As soon as Link had washed, dressed and eaten, they headed down towards the beach, their favourite spot on all the island. They each stripped down to their undergarments, and ran into the water, where they began a water fight. It was a hot day, with a breezey wind, swaying the trees almost lazily, and a burning sun shining down on the island. A water fight seemd like a good way to enjoy themselves and cool down at the same time. Sometimes, in the evenings, Link and Marin would come down to the beach, and gaze up at the stars, simply listening to the roll of the waves and the occasional cry of the seagull. Link would tell Marin stories of Hyrule, of it's troubled times, the beasts that lived in the land and the wicked, vile monster
that had once taken over the kingdom. Such capturing tales never ceased to amaze her, captivating her mind and sending her mind into a whirl of imagination.
At the moment however, it was early morning, and they were having a water fight.

"Hey! No fair! You've got flippers!" Marin laughed as she was splashed in the face for about the tenth time. Link was wearing his flippers and could, quite literally, swim rings around her. It was through this method that he had so far managed to avoid being splashed too much. He could however, not avoid everything, and did get his commupance after Marin splashed him, grinning as she wiped away the hair from his eyes.

Eventually, at around midday, they decided to leave the beach. In a way, they were forced to do so by the sudden appearence of a group of oktoroks, the like of which had not been seen for years. They had just opened the door of their house, when a scream, carried on the wind reached their ears. As far as they could tell, it was coming from the village. The sound was alarming, and startled them very much. Forgetting their cold, they shook off their instincts to run away and headed for the village. They only stopped once, for Link to collect his sword and shield. These trusty weapons had seen him throuhg many a fight, and he regarded them witha certain fondness, polishing and sharpening them at least once in a while. He had a horrible feeling that Mabe village was under attack, by none other than his dread enemies, the Nightmares. If his home, or any other part of the island, indeed, his home, was under attack, he would do everything in his power to stop it.
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The quest begins!

Good job! I definitely see improvement and I'm curious to see where you're going with it.

My one suggestion would be to try not to tell things to your readers, show it to them. For example instead of saying 'Link loves Marin;' show the reader how he holds the door for her as they leave the house, carries her towel to the beach for her, looks away when she undresses and jumps in the water, and when she has trouble getting a stray piece of hair out of her face he comes over and helps her wipe it away. It's your story so show it in the way that appeals to you.

You can show the heights of love or the depths of hate all by the way a character interacts with the people around them and by showing instead of telling you will go a long way towards hooking and maintaining your reader's interest.

You've got a good start at this in the first chapter keep up the good work.

My, my; this is Bloodsport, my dear friend!

Originally Posted by Bloodbeast

Why thank you. I've had this idea in my head for a while, but I couldn't quite type it out the way I wanted to. I'm going to take into account your advice. I haven't actually goyt an idea for the next chapter, so I need to think it up.

Soo, I really support your idea of writing, if an idea is in your mind all the time. The best oyu can do, is write it out! And yes, you improved a lot between the two chapters. Or... between the prologue and the first chapter. Whatever.

I'd suggest to plan the main things in the next few chapters. Always. It helps not to write illogical things; and you won't forget what did you want to write.
Descriptions are another thing I'd support: details are important. Details help us to imagine what you want us to see. But be careful, because too much details are bad again. Life sucks, isn't it?
And the last thing I'd tell you is to continue your story. ^^ Seems it'll be exciting soon, and I'm curious about the writing of my Bloodsport friend. ;3 Good luck!
Yours Nesi :3

I agree that I need tow work on character interaction. It's one of my weak points. I'm far better at description I think. Thanks for all the comments! Makes me feel appreciated :3

Hm..I like it but it would be better with some work. First of all, the paragraphs are a little to big. try shortening them out. Other then that it's pretty good. The size isn't too bad. Remember, too short and the readers will lose interest. Too big and they think it's too much to read, therefore they lose interest. Keep it up! =3

There is a lot of progress between the first and second entry Bloodbeast, keep heading that way. Zeldafreak83 brings up a good thing with "show don't tell". That's a good thing to think about when you continue writing.

Also I do not agree with Link2789 comment, the size of the paragraphs are in my view not to big - just make sure they contain interesting things.

About the chapter length.
My research has shown that between 1000 and 2000 words is a preferred length among some fanfiction readers, I don't know about the readers here at ZU. I kept The Awakening of Love around 1500 words I don't think many read that. I would myself prefer longer chapters but thats just me.

Looking forward to the next chapter.

I'd like some more comments please. Preferabbly from other people. If i have more opinions on how to improve, I can incorporate them into my next chapter, etc

"Here he is..no worse than when I found him..."
"Is he okay?"
"Impossible to tell..I'd hope so though."
"Look at all that blood!"
"Most of that's monster blood..I think.."
"Then he'll live?"
"For now..."
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"Link...Link, please, wake up!"
A despairing cry awoke Link from his slumber. The voice could have brought him back from the edge of death and the gates of the underworld. It was Marin.
"Link..." That voice again! He sat bolt upright, his eyes alert for danger.

The last thing he could remember was collapsing, besieged by a gut wrenching agony. He remembered wanting nothing more than Marin beside him, holding him and whispering soothing words to him, but she never came. He supposed it was his fault. He should've protected Mabe village, instead of investigating the rest of the island. His equiptment was several years worn and not up to as much as it could have been a few years ago. And now he was here. Wherever here was.

He climbed his way off the ground, gripping a tree close at hand for support. He was surrounded by a wilderness. Thickly grown grass, several tall cliffs and mountains towards the northeast, and if he craned his neck he could just see a beach down to the south.
The place was, he concluded, not dissimilar to koholint.

He decided the beach was where he'd go first. He had no idea where he was and terribly missed Marin, but he'd find answers somehow. The beach was as good a place to start as any.

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This probably isn't great, but it's what I have so far. I'll have the next bit soon hopefully. I think I'm improving though.