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View Poll Results: What do you think of my story so far?
I love it! This is really good, don't stop writing it! 1 20.00%
Not bad but there are some things you need to work on. 3 60.00%
It's ok, but there are lots of things you need to fix! 1 20.00%
I hate it! This is awful! Stop writing it! 0 0%
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Old 08-11-2009, 02:13 AM
Nightshade Nightshade is a female United States Nightshade is offline
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The Legend of Zelda: The Shadow Queen

This is my first fanfiction so I hope you enjoy it. I want to make my story as good as I can so please tell me if I made a mistake so I can fix it. My story takes place about two years after TP. I hope you enjoy it!


The Legend of Zelda: The Shadow Queen
Ch. 1 The flash

It was a quiet morning, the sunlight had just come through the window of Link's small yet comfortable house. Link slowly opened his bright blue eyes and stretched. He put on his work clothes and was about to walk outside when he noticed his green tunic lying on his table with his sword and shield. “I can’t believe it’s been two years since I defeated Ganondorf. I never thought I would be the hero of time either.” He sighed then walked outside.

As soon as he came outside Fado came through the gate.
"Good you’re already awake. I need you to get the goats out into the field." He said.
"Sure thing, whatever you say Fado." Link climbed down the ladder and started to untie Epona. “Come on Epona, let’s go.” He mounted Epona then slowly rode to town. Link continued to ride slow so Fado could keep up. “It’s so boring around here, I wish I could wander Hyrule field and fight monsters again.” He thought. Fado looked up and noticed Link’s cheerless expression. “Is something troubling you Link?” “No, it’s nothing.” “Alright, if you insist it’s nothing.”

They walked up to the gate and stopped. "All you have to do today is get the goats out into the field, and then you can do whatever you want for the rest of the day."
Link nodded then started to walk towards the barn. When he got inside he started to push the goats out of the barn and into the field.

After about an hour, he finally finished. He walked outside and spotted Fado asleep sitting in a chair. He decided to leave him alone and to just go home. He spotted Epona lying down in the middle of the pasture eating grass with the goats. He smiled then whistled and Epona immediately got up and ran towards him. He stroked her mane then began to lead her back to town.

As soon as he entered the town Talo, Malo and all the other children ran up to Link.
"Link! Link! You have to go to the forest! We saw some sort of bright, flash!"
"What did I tell you about going into the forest without me? You could have been hurt!" "We weren't actually in the forest. We were playing on the bridge, when we saw the flash.” "Alright, I will go and check it out but you have to stay here." Link began to walk towards his house, but stopped when Talo ran in front of him. "Link we want to come with you!" "The answer is no! You can't come with me it's too dangerous in the forest!" He then mounted Epona and left without saying another word.

He quickly climbed up the ladder and started to put his green tunic on. "Finally, after two years I get to do something fun." Link quickly grabbed his sword and shield and ran out the door. After he closed the door he jumped off of the floor and landed right on Epona’s back and rode straight towards the forest.

When he entered the forest he noticed that there wasn't any bokoblins walking around. "Hmmm, that's odd. There is usually a couple of bokoblins around." he thought. He got off of Epona and started to walk down the path when the triforce on his hand started to glow. Link quickly drew his sword and looked around. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a figure on the ground collapsed. He slowly walked up and saw a tall, dark woman on the ground.

I'll write the next the chapter in a couple days. I hope you are enjoying it so far!
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Quote:
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that's a nice name mine is Shelby
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Last Edited by Nightshade; 08-11-2009 at 06:57 PM. Reason:
  #2 (permalink)   [ ]
Old 08-11-2009, 02:15 AM
Silver Silver is a male United Kingdom Silver is offline
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Re: The Legend of Zelda: The Shadow Queen

The dialogue is extremely bland, and description is scant to non-existent.

There are are also a few errors, most notably when double L's are involved. Run it through MS Word before posting it. While you're at it, add some descriptive language so the story isn't mind-bogglingly boring to read.
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Last Edited by Silver; 08-11-2009 at 02:17 AM. Reason:
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  #3 (permalink)   [ ]
Old 08-11-2009, 02:27 PM
Nightshade Nightshade is a female United States Nightshade is offline
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Re: The Legend of Zelda: The Shadow Queen

Is that better?
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If you dare be someone your not....
Don't you dare be like them around me.....
I won't take you seriously.....

I have a fanclub.....please join it......

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Alcidus is my big brother.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pattington
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nightshade
that's a nice name mine is Shelby
Wow. Shelby is an awsome name!

It makes me wanna bake you cookies. ^^
Let the cookie baking BEGIN!
Join my group Sacred Heroes best roleplay group ever
  #4 (permalink)   [ ]
Old 08-11-2009, 05:40 PM
Seeker Seeker is a male United States Seeker is offline
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Re: The Legend of Zelda: The Shadow Queen

Okay, I don't know much about writing fanfiction, but it seems that you described the wrong things. We already know that Link has bright blue eyes and a green tunic. It would be more productive to emphasize people like Fado and Talo. The minor characters that we may have forgotten about.

It would also help if you developed his "cheerless expression" more. I wasn't sure what was bothering him.
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Old 08-11-2009, 06:59 PM
Nightshade Nightshade is a female United States Nightshade is offline
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Re: The Legend of Zelda: The Shadow Queen

Sorry, about that. I explained what was bothering him and I'll also describe the minor characters more.
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Awesome sig by the awesome Diaz

If you dare be someone your not....
Don't you dare be like them around me.....
I won't take you seriously.....

I have a fanclub.....please join it......

http://www.zeldauniverse.net/forums/...e-fanclub.html

Alcidus is my big brother.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pattington
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nightshade
that's a nice name mine is Shelby
Wow. Shelby is an awsome name!

It makes me wanna bake you cookies. ^^
Let the cookie baking BEGIN!
Join my group Sacred Heroes best roleplay group ever
  #6 (permalink)   [ ]
Old 08-17-2009, 06:24 PM
Midnight Fox Midnight Fox is a female Mexico Midnight Fox is offline
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Re: The Legend of Zelda: The Shadow Queen

I liked it alot. It's not like a real book, but I understood everything. I can't wait until the next chapter.



Please make another chapter.
Last Edited by Midnight Fox; 08-30-2009 at 11:12 PM. Reason:
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Old 09-22-2009, 04:40 PM
Ninetails Ninetails is a female United States Ninetails is offline
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Re: The Legend of Zelda: The Shadow Queen

Why won't you make another chapter? You do need to work on some stuff but I bet you could make a great story.
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  #8 (permalink)   [ ]
Old 09-22-2009, 05:17 PM
Veyrael Veyrael is a female United States Veyrael is offline
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Re: The Legend of Zelda: The Shadow Queen

Please do not revive old threads.
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