[Hor] The Legend Of Zelda : Midna's Return

Okay this is my first story >.< Dont be like, this is the worst thing i ever read or saw. Give me a break! Anyways, this story is called The Legend Of Zelda : Midna's Return. Okay dont EVEN say anything about a back story or whatever. If I get more then 5 comments about a back story then I will not keep making the story. -.-


PART 1: LINK'S VILLAGE



Far away in a misty land called Hyrule there was a hero named, "Link" He was known as the hero of time all over the land. 8 years ago, Link found a firend named, Midna that helped him out of a prison. From the on they crossed the misty land covered in darkness. They beat Ganon/Ganondorf, but when that was over.... Midna left for her real home, the "Twilight Realm". ~*8 years later*~ Link looked at his sheild and sighed.. without a sword he though... i wont be able to cross to Hyrule to see Zelda! He wondered why monsters were still all over Hyrule Field still. "Link! Can you help me out again!" a voice called out from Link's window. Link peeked out the window. " Oh yeah! Sure hold on let me get down!" Link went down the ladders and took his sheild just in case anything, unusall happen. "Were's Epona?" Fado said while looking puzzled?.. Link paused and replyed. "Ilia must have her again... I'll be right back!" He headed toward the spring and found Epona and Ilia. " Ilia! Can you stop taking Epona and not telling me?! I have a job to round up the animals." Ilia paused and glanced at Link " Epona is a living thing! I have to clean her hoofs every week for her to look pretty!" she yelled. Link glared and said, "Yeah! Well if you want to do that, go in the wild and clean those wild horse's hoofs! She's my horse! Not yours Ilia." He gave a dirty look at her and got on Epona and rode to the farm. She watched while he rode off with Epona. "Huh! My father is the head of this town. He can tell what Link can do and can't do! I'll have to talk to my dad so he can buy Epona for me!" She had a sinster look. Link while almost to the farm heard Fado yell, "WATCH OUT! GOAT COMING!!" Link jumped off Epona and ran to were the goat was coming, he held the goats horns and threw it off balance. Ilia's father looked at Link and said "Fado and the goats again...." he sighed. Link replyed, "But atleast i'm here to control them most of the time!" he smiled and got on Epona and rode the farm. Ilia ran up to her father and looked into his eyes and said, "You have to buy Epona off of Link for me!" Ilia's father almost fell, "What!? I can not do that! Never I will! Ilia you might be my daughter, but I can not do that!" he said. Ilia though for a moment and said.. "But father, you are the head of this town! You can say anything and people follow it!" Her father paused, "No Ilia. Link has no parents or any family living that he knows of. Link only thinks Epona as family." he said. Ilia ran into the house slamming the door and locking herself in her room. Link came back from the farm and asked, "What was that?"... "That was Ilia." Her father replyed. Link glanced and said, "Oh, well i gotta go its pretty late." he rode off to his house. Rusl on the other hand was searching for any creatures that were harmful, he was doing this ever since the darkness came 8 years ago. He sighed and said "None." he headed home. ~*everyone went to bed*~

( yay next Part! )



PART 2: WEIRD SIGNS!



~*Next Morning*~ Link woke up from a huge eching sound." What was that?!" He jumped out bed hoping he didnt a sword. Link jumped out and looked around. "That almost sounded like a Shadow Beast....." He kept looking around then he got on Epona and went to Rusl. "Rusl! Do you have any time of sword i can have or borrow?!" He called. Rusl almost falling into the pond, "WOAH! Link! Anyways a sword eh? Hm.... i'll see..... for now you'll have to live with this." He took a branch and carved it into a wooden sword and gave it to Link. 'Oh.... A wooden sword... I guess this is good for now." he frowned. "Link, i cant forge a sword right now. I'm forging a Water Sword for Hyrule called, Kasakune." He patted Link on the back. "Fine." Link agreed and set off with a wooden sword. Then Link heard the sound again this time it sounded closer. "Huh?!" He hopped on Epona. And went to the Forest, and saw a Shadow beast. "Woah! Epona stay back." Link said. Link saw twilight around the Shadow beast. "Huh?!" He hopped on Epona and started attacking the beast, but in the middle of it, his sword broke, so he jumped on Epona and rode to the desert. "This isnt making any sence....." When they got there, Link sawa little imp circling the broken mirror. "Epona onto that platform sticking out. I wanna see whats going on." Epona stepped on the platform and then Link jumped off of her. "Epona, stay here ok?" He gave her some carrots and headed to the mirror. ~*END OF PART!!! hahaha!~*

Hm. No one looks at this >_> sorry bout the 2nd part, i had to rush.

I love it so far, but you made Llia a bit jerkish. She is strict about Epona in Twilight Princess, but not that much, anyway, it's pretty awesome!

Okay, before I even start to read this, it has one apparent error that makes it almost a pain to try and decipher: the utter lack of paragraphs. Both parts of your story are walls of text that make identifying the talking characters more strenuous than it should be.

Originally Posted by IHaveAMallet

I love it so far, but you made Llia a bit jerkish. She is strict about Epona in Twilight Princess, but not that much, anyway, it's pretty awesome!

Yeah lol. i did that becuase i really dont like Ilia, if you look at her hair, it can poke a eye out .___. lol thanks

Originally Posted by Sir Calibur

Okay, before I even start to read this, it has one apparent error that makes it almost a pain to try and decipher: the utter lack of paragraphs. Both parts of your story are walls of text that make identifying the talking characters more strenuous than it should be.

Okay hold on! I'm new at this and really dont know how to write the GREATEST. I'm trying to write them but it isn't working out the least bit i want it too. I'll hopefully get the hang of it. >.<

Okay guys I fianlly got to be able to countiue this Story! ( Extensive COLORS NOW! lol )



Part 3 ~ Twili Imp?

Link ran to the Imp and gasped, at what he saw in front of his face.
The familiar Imp turned around and saw Link. "What!?"
The Imp was totally surprised.
He was straight at her. "M-Midna?!" he cried.
He stepped back and almost fell.
" I'm surprised as much as you are, Link." Midna sighed and countinued to circle the mirror.
Epona ran to Link through the sand frighten by monsters.
Link saw Epona and looked frighten also. "Epona, calm down!" Link took a boulder threw it at the monster
Midna yawned and turned to Epona, "I see your still as same as I left this place." She smiled.
Epona nayed and stood on a platform.
"Link!!" A voice called, the girl stopped when she saw Midna. She ordered her horse to halt.
Link turned around as saw the girl. "Zelda?! What are you doing out here?" He yelled.
Midna looked more surprised then Link. "Zelda."
Zelda hopped off her horse and ran pass Link and ran to Midna. "Midna?! Your..... a Imp? Again?!"
Link turned to Zelda's horse and said "Who's horse is this?" He looked at Zelda's direction.
Zelda turned to Link and said. "It's mine. His name is Blaze." She turned back to Midna.
Midna was puzzled, "Zelda why are you giving Link a total attitude?!" She crossed her arms.
Link backed up and said, "Okay! okay! Ya' don't have to get mad at me!" He petted Blaze.
Zelda also crossed her arms. She looked mad then ever before at Link. " Because. " She used her Magic and picked up Link and threw him in the sand.
"Zelda!!!!" Midna cried. "What's with you?"
Link tumbled in the sand and noticed it was quick sand he was slowly going under. He was thrashing trying to get out. "AHH!!!!"
Epona was frighten so she started running towards Midna.
"Zelda!!!" He was going under fast now. He was gulping down sand. He kept thrashing, till he went completly under.
Minda backed up and dove into the quicksand she took Epona also. "Come on!" she yelled.
Zelda turned around and couldn't belive she killed Link because of a stupid mistake he made after he killed Ganon/Ganondork/Ganondorf.
Link fell to the solid ground wondering were he was. "Where am I?" he rubbed his head.


( part 3 ovar! w00t! )

1. Use Paragraphs.

2. The spelling and grammar is not good.

3. Don't use coloured text; it hurts my eyes and makes it unreadable.

These factors are turning me off from reading it. Fix them.

Yeah, pretty much what Silver said. Use paragraphs and don't use colored text. It's hard on the eyes.

Originally Posted by Silver

1. Use Paragraphs.

2. The spelling and grammar is not good.

3. Don't use coloured text; it hurts my eyes and makes it unreadable.

These factors are turning me off from reading it. Fix them.

Okay i cant fix the grammer, I can fix the Text and Paragraphs, anyways anything ALSE i need to fix?

( I finally got the time to do this, I hate school -.-)



PART 4 - UNDERGROUND TEMPLE


Link kept looking around, he heard a slam he turned and saw Epona and Midna. "Midna? Epona?!" He looked surprised. "Geez Link, Zelda is awful mad at yah huh?" She giggled. Epona stood there looking around. "Midna, why did you bring Epona?" He glared. "Link... This is the underground temple. You'll need Epona to run over the bridges to cross in time." She said. "Oh..." He looked at Epona and saw a twilight bug on her, the ones that gave him Light Tears. "M-Midna.... I can see that like a wolf.... What's going on!?" He stepped back and almost fell. "Link..... the twilight mirror.. has been shattered... but into 6 pieces this time. And who's fault it is, none other than another trader, not Zant but... someone alse.." She paused. Link balanced himself and heard a feint sound.. it was like a song. "Midna... do you hear that?" Link looked into the direction of it.
Midna looked at Link. "Link I hear it too." She floated closer. But suddenly, a monster-like creature appeared. "Whoa!" Link fell on his back. The monster went for Epona, Link with no sword defended Epona with his sheild. "Midna, WHAT ARE THESE THINGS?" He kept getting hit. Epona starting running like crazy, "Link! Those are one of them, the traders servants, its called a Acasia!" Midna yelled out. Midna made a Twili sword and threw it at Link, use it!" Midna yelled. Link grabbed it and slashed at the Acasia. "What the? Midna how did you make it?" He said surprisingly.
Midna stared and said, "What a girl can't learn new stuff?" She smirked. "What ev Minda." Link put his sword and sheild on his back. He calmed down Epona and heard the same feint song. After that Link,Epona, and Midna completed the temple. But only to deafeat the boss.

~(END OF CHAPTER/PART 4!!!!)~



*How did you guys like it? I have school now -.- so i wont be doing this MUCH often... So i'll continue when i ATLEAST get one reply, and srry for all the typos and stuff )

gah. i didnt turn into paragraphs... stupid thing. -_-

Wait, how did Link get to the desert? Wasn't he in the forest? I know how frustrating it is to be a first time writer. You have all these good ideas, but you just don't know how to get them on paper!! At least, that's how I felt.

Originally Posted by SkyDragon

Wait, how did Link get to the desert? Wasn't he in the forest? I know how frustrating it is to be a first time writer. You have all these good ideas, but you just don't know how to get them on paper!! At least, that's how I felt.

oh oops lol yeah, i usually totaly forget stuff -.- man.... but u get the point right? lol im gunna edit that soon, but theres so MUCH school work.

I like the story idea, and it's worked okay so far. But like Silver said, paragraphs are a must. And grammar. If you can't fix the grammar for whatever reason, at least make an effort with the spellings and paragraphs.

Other than that, nice story.

Originally Posted by Bloodbeast

I like teh story idea, and it's worked okay so far. But like Silver said, paragraphs are a must. And grammar. If you can't fix the grammar for whatever reason, at least make an effort with the spellings and paragraphs.

Other than that, nice story.

Thanks! I'll try making it as best i can.