The Secret of the Triforce: The Descendant [T]

Rated T for: Language, violence, and war.
Genre: Adventure/Action, Romance.
Characters: Link, Ganon, Zelda, Ordon village, Ralis, Skull Kid, Kakariko Village, Dark Link, New characters.

Short biography:

It has been a year since Link defeated Ganon, and in his town of Ordon, he receives a letter from the Zora's, claiming Prince Ralis has been kidnapped. As they ask for Link's help, Link runs into a beautiful amazonian girl named Adaeze who has lost her memory. As each day grows, she remembers something new, and each memory leads them closer to the secret of the Triforce. When she recovers full memory, she tells Link her kingdom has been overthrown by dictator Asai. Asai is trying to kidnap all the members of the Triforce, but when he does, he requests for six people; not three. As Link and Ade grow closer and closer, her kingdom breaks a peace treaty with Hyrule and neighboring lands. She must stop it with the help of Princess Zelda, Skull Kid, Prince Ralis, and to her, even Ganondorf.

EDIT: How do I edit the thread name? Thanks (:

Prologue

‘Link stared up at Midna, watching her go into the Realm of Twilight. His chest heaved, and his vision blurred, but he still stared up at her beautiful, yet demonic face, smiling as he did so. She turned back to him and Zelda, her face smiling too. Smiling always seemed to make good-byes a bit happier, although there was no truth to them.

“In another time.” And with a lift of her arms, she dissolved into the World of Twili.

Link sighed. He knew that he and Midna would always be friends, and keep close. But then a pessimistic thought struck him in the back of his mind.

“What…what if-“

He was cut off by the sound of the Mirror cracking, and he realized what Midna was doing. The Mirror exploded, beautiful shards of dust and glass flying in all directions. Link and Zelda covered their faces, and both glanced at the Mirror. She had done it. Midna would never be seen again.

Link felt angry, but struggled not to show it. He didn’t want to burst with the Princess Zelda beside him. She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder and felt he was tense. “It’s alright. Let it out.”

Link growled, and with a burst of angry strength he pushed the Mirror of its stand, letting it fall onto the warm sand harmlessly. He stood there panting, then took a deep breath, and dropped to his knees. He didn’t cry, nor did he scream. Instead, he pounded the rock with his fist once, and dropped his head.

“In another time” he whispered. “In another time.” ‘

Author’s Note - Please review! This is my first fanfiction EVER and I would really appreciate some feedback. I also need to know what you think of the dialogue, as I sometimes feel it’s too staccato or rushed. No flaming please! Thanks (:

Chapter 1: The Tree House

“Come on, Link! C’mon!” Talo shouted, tugging on Link’s hand. “C’mon! You walk so slow!”

“What is it Talo?” Link asked. He was originally supposed to be at the Ordon Ranch, helping out Fado with bails of hay, but the children had ‘kidnapped’ him from his house, and they were off, walking in a group, towards the Ordon Spring. He was guessing the children wanted to show him what they had built in the forest. Colin had mentioned something about a tree house yesterday at the Annual First Day of Spring Ordon Barbeque. Link smiled. These children had so much spirit.

“You should see it Link! It’s HUGE!” Beth exaggerated, as she usually did. “It has a little kitchen, and a couch, and a-“

“Oh shhh Beth! Let him find out when he gets there!”

“But-“

“No!”

“Fine” She grumpily folded her arms. “But I was just getting to the part where-“

Colin decided to join the conversation. “You know Beth, Talo is right. You should just let Link see it when he gets there.”

Malo smirked. “Wow. Colin and Talo actually agreed.”

Talo shot him a dirty look. “Shut up!”

Beth whined, then hugged onto Link’s strong right arm. “But, he wants me to tell him!” She looked up at him, batting her eyes. “Right, Link?”

Link chuckled. “Let me just see it Beth” He leaned down and whispered in her ear. “You’ll ruin the surprise, k?” Then he winked at her. Beth literally almost fainted.

“So, this tree house…it’s a tree house right?”

The children all replied with “Yup! Sure! Of course!”, and one “Duh” from Malo.

“Okay. So, you say this tree house has a kitchen and all inside, right? How did you all build that?”

Colin shook his head. “We didn’t build it. We found it.”

Link raised an eyebrow. “Where, exactly, did you find it?”

“Don’t get mad, but in the Faron Woods! Near that really pretty forest!” Beth said. “Oh, it’s sooooo pretty Link!”

Link halted, surprising some of the children holding on to him. “You mean the Sacred Grove?”

Talo stopped short. “The Sacred-what?”

Link scratched his head. “The Sacred Grove. Where Midna and I found the Skull Kid.”

Colin cocked his head. “What’re you talking about Link? Who’s the Skull Kid?”

Beth stomped her foot. “Yeah, and who’s Midna? Your girlfriend?”

Inside, Link felt hurt by that statement. It’d been a while since he got over Midna, but every so often, those damned feelings would show up again. But Beth was just a child, so he took it easy.

“No Beth. She is not my girlfriend. She’s just a friend…was a friend.”

Talo and Malo looked at each other and shrugged.

Talo gripped Link’s left hand again, and tugged. “So, are we going or not?”

Link suddenly fell out of his daydream and back onto earth. “How did you guys find it? You know you’re never supposed to go beyond-“

“The Ordon Bridge. Yeah yeah, we know. Chill. Illia was with us.” Malo replied, walking ahead.

Link raised an eyebrow. “Illia was with you? Since when does she have an interest for going in the Faron Woods? And where was I in the midst of all of this?”

“It was only yesterday, during the barbeque. You were helping our parents get ready, and Illia took us out for a little fun.”

Link cocked his head. “That doesn’t sound like her at all.”

Beth squeezed Link’s arm harder. “I know! Maybe it’s that boyfriend of hers…”

Link chuckled. “Maybe”

Illia had met a boy from Castle Town not too long ago, when Rusl had gone back to the town for a meeting, and took her and Link for a ride. Before she knew it, she and the boy, Adam, were dating. Apparently Bo wasn’t very happy about the whole thing, and made Link swear that he would watch out for them. Which he didn’t.

When they finally arrived at the Sacred Grove, Link couldn’t help but feel he was being watched. Not by something evil, but he was definitely being watched by someone. He had brought along no weapons, but supposed his fists could be weapons on their own. After all, he DID wrestle the Gorons with his bare hands…and won. But figured he didn’t need to use violence. It was probably just the Skull Kid looking over them anyway.

Beth shrieked. “There it is! There it is!” She let go of Link and ran toward it, along with all the other children, except for Colin, who stayed by Link’s side.

“Isn’t it cool?” Talo asked from atop a rope ladder. “And fun too!” He swung the rope ladder back and forth, almost knocking Beth off.

“Hey! Watch it, will ya?”

Link looked down at Colin, and put a hand on his shoulder. “Why don’t you go ahead? I’m going to look around.”

Colin nodded and ran off, then turned around. “Wait! You’re not coming?”

Link nodded. “Yeah! I’ll be there in a sec.”

He walked off to his left, following the path of turquoise rock and grass. The Sacred Grove was beautiful, and somewhat chilling in a way. He walked by little ponds and ruins. He eventually found himself at the ancient Hyrule ruins. The door that led to the Temple of Time still remained standing, the Triforce symbol etched across the stone. Link wondered if he could still enter the door, but figured he couldn’t without his Master Sword, which was left safely in his basement back in Ordon. He put his hand on the door and sighed. He was going to miss his adventures with Midna. She was so cocky, and he would miss those little unique things about her. He once again fell out of his daydream and heard the laughter of the children, and walked back to the tree house. He smiled when he saw the four kids running around the tree house, playing and pretending to be people they weren’t.

Talo caught a glimpse of Link and waved to him. “C’mon Link! Come and see it!”

Even though Talo was 20 feet up in the air, he was still as loud as a cucco being attacked. Link climbed up the rope ladder in within five seconds, and entered the tree house. To his surprise, his head did not hit the ceiling, as the ceiling was high above. That’s strange, he thought. Whoever built this tree house must be as tall as Link, who stood at six feet and two inches.

Link looked about the wooden house, and Beth was indeed correct. There was a small kitchen, with a small table as well. He also saw a “couch” made entirely of hay, grass, wood. The rest of the house was empty, but provided the children plenty of room to play in. Out of the corner of his eye, Link noticed a small necklace, sitting atop one of the shelves in the kitchen. He walked towards it, and picked it up gently. It was made of leather, with an ornate onyx symbol as the pendant. He’d never seen anything like it. Someone has to live here. But, where could they be?

He placed the necklace back down, and sat on the floor, facing the children. He watched them play for ten minutes before Malo said “Well don’t just sit there. Do something”.

Beth sat beside Link. “Hey! Why don’t we all tell stories!”

Talo laughed. “That’s dumb! Let’s keep playing tag!”

But as he talked, Colin and Malo sat in a circle with Beth and Link. Talo sighed, and joined them.

Beth clapped her hands. “Okay! Who wants to tell a story first?”

Talo raised his hand. Beth nodded to him. “Yes Talo?”

Talo sat up proudly. “I volunteer that Link tell us a story!”

All the children replied with “yeah!”

Malo frowned. “But we’ve heard all his stories. We already know he defeated Ganon with Zelda’s help. What else did he do?”

They all sat in silence, thinking. Then Beth broke the silence. “Oooo!!! Tell us who Merna is!”

Link grinned. “You mean Midna.”

“Oops. Yeah…her.” She blushed wildly.

Link sighed. “Well, you know how Twilight took over Hyrule, right?”

“Yeah”

“Well, Midna was the princess of the twilight. She was another race, known as the Twili. I met her in the dungeon when I was turned into a wolf. She helped me escape, and ever since then, helped me throughout my journey.”

“What did she look like?” Colin asked.

Talo bounced up and down. “Did she look like a demon?”

Beth smirked. “Was she ugly?”

Link held up his hand. “Haha. Enough questions.” He ran a hand through his dirty-blonde hair. “Well, she had two different looks. I met her when she was an imp. She, and I, we’re cursed by Zant, who overtook her kingdom, and turned her into…well…this little demon looking thing you could say.”

Beth’s smirk grew larger. “So she was ugly!”

Link raised an eyebrow. “She wasn’t…ugly. Just…different. She was a foot tall, with black and blue skin, and bright green tattoos all over her body. Her eyes were three colors. Red, orange, and yellow. Her hair was also bright orange, like her eyes.”

Beth folded her arms. “Sounds ugly to me.”

Link sighed. “If you say so. Well, when I defeated Ganon, the curse was lifted from her. Midna looked entirely different. Her skin was still pale blue and black, her hair was still orange, and her eyes were still tricolored. But, she looked like a princess. She was taller than me-“

“TALLER THAN YOU?!” Talo shouted. The children covered their ears and groaned. Typical Talo.

Link nodded. “Taller than me. She was very elegant. Very…beautiful.”

Beth frowned. “Aww”

Link winked at her. “Don’t worry. You’ll always be my girl.” Instead of almost fainting, she just tossed her hair and said “Duh!”

“So…that’s my story, kiddies.” He looked out the entrance of the tree house. “It’s nearly sundown. We should be heading back.”

The children awed, but Link knew he’d get lectured big time if he didn’t play the responsible adult role. So, one by one, they got down the rope ladder, and headed off into the sunset, back to Ordon. But what Link didn’t know was that Beth had taken the leather necklace from the tree house. That little act of thievery, would soon change Link’s life forever.

Author’s Note - Hey guys! So I already have the first three chapters written, I’m working on the fourth one now. (: Please please PLEASE review! I need to know if its likeable or not (: So, I have pink-eye, and I have this medication ointment for my eyes and I went blind. SERIOUSLY, BLIND. Haha! My vision was completely blurred, so, excuse me for any mistakes or anything. Thanks (:

Chapter 2: The letter

When they arrived back to Ordon, the sun had already set. Link figured the parents knew about their children heading off with him, but when he arrived, 7 pairs of Hylians marched up to Link and snatched their children, all yelling angrily at him. He just stood there, looking dazed. When Bo arrived, he addressed the issue. “What seems to be the problem?”

Pergie, Talo and Malo’s mother, stepped forward. “Our children have been gone for almost the whole day, and just returned now, with Link!” She stabbed a finger in the air at him. “He is the oldest child in the village, and should’ve been responsible enough to tell us he had our children!”

Link winced and rubbed the back of his neck. “I figured they told you.”

Pergie narrowed her eyes. “But they didn’t, and neither did you.”

Link threw his hands up in the air. “I don’t know what the big deal is! They WERE with me! They were perfectly safe!”

Bo sighed. “Yes, but Link, the last time they were with you, they got kidnapped while you got knocked out, remember?”

Link lowered his eyes. “Yes…of course I remember. But I was just a farm boy then. And you Bo, of all people, know what I’m capable with with my bare hands, hm?”

Bo sighed again. “Oh yes. I taught you to wrestle myself” he muttered so only Link could hear. “But that’s besides the point Link! The children’s parents had no idea where they had disappeared to, and for all we could’ve known, they could’ve been taken again.”

Link put his hands on his hips. “Who would steal them? Ganon is gone, remember?”

“There are still gangs out there.”

Link looked to the ground. He knew he had lost this argument, as social fights were not his thing and he usually lost. He looked back up to the adults. “I’m truly sorry for making you worry. But you needn’t worry so much. They’re not babies anymore. They won’t know anything about the world if they’re cramped up in a tiny village all day.”

Sera stepped forward and spoke now. “Link, Talo and Beth and Colin are nearly 7 years old! And little Malo! Only 5! They’re so young! They need to be back home by sunset, with US knowing where they have gone. Do you understand?” She gave him a stern look.

Link bit his lip. “I understand.”

The adults walked off, grumbling and grasping their children tight. Little Colin turned around for a moment, and waved to Link. Link gave a small smile and waved back.

Link just stood there, feeling disappointed. He felt the adults didn’t trust him anymore, and ever since his journey to defeat Ganon had happened, they had been as stern as ever. He kicked a rock, then turned around back to his house. As he shut the entrance and walked briskly into his home, he heard a knock on the door. Four knocks. It was Illia. When they were small children, they would talk for hours after midnight. They had a secret code that was four knocks in a row. He could always tell it was her. Unfortunately, he was not in the best of moods at the moment, so he walked over lazily, and opened the door violently. “What?”

Illia raised an eyebrow. “Someone got pecked in the head by a cucco.” She smiled. “I wanna talk to you about something.” She made her way into his house, as she always did when she wanted a point to get across. She sat comfortably on his sofa and crossed her legs.

“Oh yes. Just march into my house like it’s all good.” Link sat on the coffee table in front of her. “What do you need to talk about?”

Illia blushed a bit and scratched her arm, which was a nervous habit of hers. “Well, I think I want to break up with Adam, I just don’t know how to do it without hurting him.”

“Well, there’s no way it won’t hurt him, but you can do it in the nicest way possible.”

“Yes, but Link, I’m not very good…well…”

“Getting the point across nicely?”

Illia narrowed her eyes. “Exactly”

Link laughed. “Well, why are you breaking up with him in the first place?”

Illia groaned and rolled her eyes. “Oh my gods, Link! He is sooo clingy! It’s ridiculous! He writes to me everyday, saying the same thing: I love you.” She rubbed her temples. “I just don’t feel the same way.”

“Hm. That’s sounds like you! Super clingy!”

“Shut up. And whenever we meet eachother, all he does is stare at me like I’m an orange rupee or something. Its like ‘Hello?! What do you want?’” She sighed. “Any tips?”

Link shrugged. “Honestly, I’m no good at the whole romantic-i-love-you-but-i-hate-you sort of thing. Sorry.”

“What’re you talking about? Of course you’ve been in relationships before!”

“Illia…I was six. You were four. That doesn’t count.”

“But we were each other’s first kiss! So, you must have some knowledge in that area. Besides, you’re a guy. All guys are the same in that area.”

“In what area?”

“The romantic-i-love-you-but-i-hate-you-thing.” She smiled. “Oh, you’re no help at all.” She stood up to leave and walked slowly to the door.

“Illia, you just came here to talk to me didn’t you?”

She turned around quickly. “What? N-no I didn’t! That’s horse manure!”

“Then why are you blushing?”

“I-I’m not b-blushing!”

“And you’re stuttering. Are you breaking up with Adam because you like me? Oh yeah, that’s definitely it.” He teased.

Illia rolled her eyes. “You’re such a jerk, Link. If only the adults saw this side of you.”

Link smirked. “I’m just messing with you. Don’t take it personally.”

Illia relaxed herself back onto the couch. “Yeah, well I do take things personally.” She looked away momentarily. “But, yes, that’s part of the reason I’m breaking up with Adam.” She looked at his big, ocean blue eyes. “I really admire you Link.”

Link laughed. “Jeez! You’re a good actress Illia!”

“No, I’m serious Link.”

He stopped laughing and looked in her eyes. She was serious. “You…have a crush on me?”

Illia giggled. “I think every girl that’s ever encountered you has had a crush on you.”

Link shook his head. “I seriously doubt that.”

“No it’s true! All my girlfriends’ told me they’ve had a crush on you at least once in their life” She smiled. “Pinky promise”

Link smiled. “So, I’m like a womanizer huh?”

“Pretty much.”

“What is it? My handsome looks? My sexy sword? My strong body?” He tapped his chin for a moment. “Wait, it’s definitely the hat.” He joked.

Illia laughed. “Oh yeah, definitely the hat.” She looked at him sincerely. “No, I think its pretty all those things. Your…kinda perfect.”

Link blinked twice, then burst out in laughter. “Me? Perfect! That’s a joke.” He looked at her face, expecting her to be laughing with him, but she looked serious. And the way she looked at him. He felt awkward. “I hope you weren’t serious.”

She looked a bit hurt. “I was.”

Link’s smiled died. He rubbed the back of his neck. “Oh. Um, I’m sorry for laughing at you. I didn’t mean it…I was only-“

What happened next was what Link had not expected at all. She cut him off with her lips pressed to his. He still had his eyes open, and winced. He loved Illia, but like a sister. She tried to engage the kiss, but he pushed her away softly. She looked up at him worriedly. “Oh! I’m…sorry.”

Link bit his lip. “Illia…it won’t work.”

“What won’t?” She asked, afraid of the answer.

“Us.”

She stared at him for a moment, then stood up, and made her way to the door. Before she left, she said “Thanks for the advice”, slamming the door shut.

Link just sat there in disbelief. Illia…kissed me? That was…weird. Does she really think I’m perfect? Then he realized what he just did. I really hurt her. But she knows I’m not into her like that! Gods, she is so manipulative! He got up, got out of his clothes, changed into his sleeping pants, and slept a nice, long sleep, trying to forget the day’s events.

The next morning was rough. The whole village was pretty upset with him, especially Illia. He walked into town awkwardly, and collected Epona from the ranch. He decided to keep her there at night so she would be more comfortable in a stall then tied up to a tree. He began to help Fado with the rams, letting them out into the field. As he made his way back into town, Talo, waving something in his hand, and Colin ran up to Link, screaming their heads off. “Link! Link! You have a message!”

Link smiled when they reached him. “A message eh? From where?”

Talo looked at the message in his hand. “Um..Zor-Zorie? Zzzzzz…Zora!”

Link took the message from his hands. “Zora’s Domain.” He unfolded the message, reading the neat handwriting.

‘Hello Master Link. We are sorry to disrupt you, but

our prince, Prince Ralis, has been taken from our kingdom.

We call upon you to help us look for him, as this is the second time

he has disappeared. Once again, we are sorry to bother you, but we would

greatly appreciate the help.

Sincerely, Head Guard of the Zoran Watch, Rupa Hutiyle Zora.

Link folded the letter back up and stuffed it in his shirt pocket.

“What did it say Link?” Colin asked politely.

Link scratched his head. “Apparently, Prince Ralis has disappeared from Zora’s Domain, again. They’ve asked me to search for him.” Link tapped his chin. “But why would they need me to help?”

Talo gasped. “Because you’re a hero, Link! The greatest hero in all of Hyrule!” Talo puffed out his chest. “I’ll be just like you one day!” He elbowed Colin. “Right?”

Colin shrugged. “Sure. Why not?”

Talo put on a big grin. “See? Hey! Can we come with you?”

Link shook his head. “Unless you want to sleep on the ground, walk until your feet are sore, and eat two slices of bread a day.” He winked at them. “One day though.”

Talo punched the air. “Really? Cool!”

Colin smiled. “That would be cool.”

Link put his hand on Colin’s shoulder. “Listen you two, I’ve got to go get ready. Do you think you could tack Epona for me?”

Talo groaned. “Ughh…I hate that stuff”

Colin smiled. “I would love too! Maybe Illia would like to help too?”

Link’s smile died a bit. “Um…I don’t know if she’s exactly in the mood today. But, you can ask if you want.”

“Sure!”

“Thanks guys.” Link headed off to Uli and Rusl’s house, and told them he would be gone for a week or so. He did the same with Mayor Bo, who he luckily found talking to Pergie outside her home. With approval of departure, Link turned back to his house, and readied for his next adventure, which he had no idea of how unique it would get.

Really? I'm actually not too fond of the begnning. The middle is my area of expertise. But thanks! This is btw my first fanfiction ever (:

Chapter 3: The girl in the Grove

When the sun had barely risen, Link was packed and ready to go. He had on his Hero’s outfit: white collared shirt, gold chainmail, green tunic, beige pants, brown leather boots, leather gloves, green hat, Master Sword and Shield, and his pouch. Link had forgotten too quickly of what it was like to be dressed this way. He loved the feeling of an adventure, although the stress of it might not always be favored.

Link climbed down the ladder to his house to find Beth, Colin, Talo, Malo, and Illia waiting for him. In Illia’s hand was the rein to Epona’s bridle. She handed it to him. “You look like a hero.”

Link bit his lip, which was becoming quite a habit of his. He took the reins gently. “Thank you.”

“When will you be back Link? Soon?” Beth asked.

Link looked down at her. “Soon. About a week or so. If I’m not back by then, don’t worry.” He winked and she grabbed her heart. This caught Link’s attention. Not the gesture, but her neck…or necklace to be exact. It was the same one from yesterday. “Beth, where did you find that necklace?”

Beth blinked, then put her feet together and gazed away. “From the tree house.”

Link sighed. “Beth, you can’t just take things from people’s houses!”

Beth opened her eyes wide like saucers. “But no one lives there!”

“But you don’t know that. I’m sorry Beth, but that doesn’t belong to you. You’re going to have to return it.”

“How? We’re not allowed at the Grove anymore, remember?”

Link thought for a moment. “Fine. I can return it myself on the way. Is that okay?”

Beth stared at him hard, then sighed. “Fine.” She took it off angrily and threw it on the ground. “There.”

Link folded his arms. “Pick it up.”

“No.”

“Beth…”

“No!”

Link kneeled down and put a hand on her shoulder. “How about this; I’ll get you a necklace from Castle Town on the way back. Heck, I’ll just get you all souvenirs. Is that okay?”

The children jumped up and down screaming yes. Beth even bent down and handed the necklace to Link.

“Thank you.” He stuffed it in his shirt collar and glanced at Illia. She looked away shyly. Link lifted her chin. “Don’t get cranky with all these kids.”

She gasped and slapped his hand away, then pulled him into a bear hug. He knew she was probably dying inside right now, from joy, but Link kept that to himself.

Illia pulled away sooner than he thought. “Be safe.”

Link smiled. “You know I never am.” And with that, he lifted himself unto Epona’s back, and rode off into the forest.

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When Link entered the Sacred Grove, leaving Epona back in the Faron Woods, the sun had just entered the sky, placing a beautiful and eerie shadow across the grove. It was pink and orange, and contrasted with the turquoise colors. It was absolutely silent, except for a breeze that would every so often rustle the trees. There was only one word that could describe it: Peaceful.

As he arrived at the tree house, and made his was slowly up to it. As he was about to grab the rope ladder, he heard voices. He stopped and listened, his Hylian ears doing their work. He raced up to the tree house, but no one was there. He looked around. It looked the same as yesterday, hadn’t changed. Link sighed, then took the necklace out of his shirt pocket. As he did so, however, a ring of laughter came from the woods. Link stopped, and listened. It was either a female, or a young boy’s voice. It was faded, slightly angelic. Link put the necklace in his pocket, and climbed back down the ladder. He followed the voice, and it soon switched from laughter to singing…or humming. He couldn’t tell. He strolled along slowly, trying to be as silent as possible.

One of the trees to his left stirred, and Link’s head shot to it. Still, nothing there. The voice stopped singing, and the grove was once again silent. Link did not like being tampered with, and he had a rather important task to return to. “Skull Kid, if that’s you…show yourself.”

Still, silence.

Link was becoming agitated, as he suffered from short-temperedness. “I have something of yours I think you would like back. I was nice enough to come back and return it…so please. Just retrieve it.”

An alluring voice laughed in a tree in front of him. “Really? What is it?”

Link gulped and closed his eyes. It was definitely female voice. “A necklace” He took it out of his pocket, and held it in his left hand. “See?”

The voice hummed for a bit, then said “Yes, I see” A laugh. “But why do you have it?”

“One of the children took it from a tree house yesterday, presumably yours”

“My tree house? Oh yes. With all the children”

“You were there?”

“Hiding…like now”

“Why are you hiding? Just…show yourself”

“If you say so. Look behind you.”

Link turned quickly, but the voice was playing with him. There was still no one there.

As he turned back around, he said “Really? C’m-“

He stopped abruptly. The voice’s owner was standing before him, smiling. Link blinked twice, then gulped. He was not expecting this. The woman was about his age, seventeen, eighteen. She had the most luxurious skin he’d ever seen. Everyone who was Hylian or Elfish in Hyrule had cream-colored skin, or light tanned skin like his own. But hers…no. Hers was different. Her skin glowed a dark bronze, seeming to sparkle. It had a tint of gold in it, and made her seem like she was radiating. Her eyes were bright hazel, and her lips were plump and cherubic. Her hair was long, over her breasts, and was a hazelnut brown color. He also made note of her curves, very similar to Midna’s. What accentuated them was what she was wearing. Her slim figure was wrapped around in a goddess-like dress, white like snow. It wrapped around her chest, exposing her left hip and stomach, and covered her bottom to the knee. What he noticed lastly, was how tall she was…for a female anyway. She had to be at least six feet tall, his length. Her beauty was striking, and Link stared. “Hello”

The young woman smiled innocently. “Hello!”

“I…um…believe this is yours.” He handed her the necklace quickly, blushing.

She glanced at the necklace, then smiled at him sweetly. “Thank you”

“Your…welcome” He rubbed the back of his neck, then handed out his hand. “I’m Link”

She cocked her head to one side. “Link?”

“Yes…that’s my name”

She looked at his hand, and instead of shaking it, she stuck it out like his. “I’m Link”

Link raised an eyebrow. “No…what’s your name?”

“Name?”

Link just stared. She doesn’t know what a name is? Who is she? “Yes. My name is Link. It’s what I call myself, so other people know who I am. Understand?”

She just nodded and took the necklace from his hand. “Thank you, Link”

Link sighed with relief. Thank gods she catches on quickly. “So, what is your name?”

She looked down, embarrassed. “I…don’t know”

“Hey, it’s okay. I don’t know my last name, so don’t be embarrassed. Um…so have you always lived here?”

“I don’t know. I know I was very young when I was brought here”

“By who?”

“By these men. They come once a month to take something from me”

Link bit his lip. “Take…something from you?”

“Yes”

“Like what?”

She put a slender finger on her chin, thinking. “Well, usually a piece of jewelry, but sometimes they ask for rock. Like, that one.” She smiled and pointed to a ruby on the ground. “They say they take it to their master.”

Link felt this was going somewhere bad. “What happens if you don’t have what they want?”

Her smile faded, and a looked of fear swept across her face. “They hurt me.”

“How?”

She gripped her hands together. “They hit me quite hard, or they take one of those” she pointed at Link’s sword, “and say if I don’t have the next item they will use that on me.”

Link stood there horrified. This girl was slave…a slave to men. He couldn’t let her stay here. “What do you eat?”

“Eat?”

Link gasped and took her hand. “That’s it, your coming with me.”

She gasped as well and smacked his hand. “No! Where am I going?”

“To safety. If those men threaten to kill you, it’s not safe to leave you here. You don’t even know what food is!”

She narrowed her eyes. “Well, I am sorry.”

“Don’t be, your coming with me”

“No”

Link turned around, angry. “Why would you want to stay here?!”

“This is my home!”

His face softened, and he relaxed his grip on her hand. “Your home?”

“It is the only place I ever remember staying at. I’m…I’m afraid of what’s out there.”

Link took both her hands in his. “Listen to me. You can trust me, okay? I’ll keep you safe.”

She looked in his eyes, and the look of fear swept away. She smiled again. “Okay”

Link nodded, and began to lead her out of the grove. Then she stopped walking. He looked back at her and tugged. “C’mon”

She stood there, listening. He stopped and listened too. After a couple of seconds, he heard voices. Rough, male voices.

Her face tensed and Link felt her shiver. “Those guards! They’re here!”

Link turned to her. “You’re sure?”

“Of course!”

He clenched his jaw, and gripped her hand tightly. “C’mon…um…hide in there” He pointed to a large cave-like opening underneath an oak tree. “I’ll take care of them.”

She tugged on his arm again. “No! They’ll take you! I don’t want them to take you too! I found you!”

Link grinned and led her over to the cave, and once inside, he said to her in a cocky voice, “There is no way in hell those guys can take me down.” And with that, he ran out of the cave, leaving her in the darkness.

You're welcome. For your first fan-fic it's really good.

it is almost like more is being added every minute lol, but it is really good, keep it up!

Well yeah haha! It's already written, so I'm adding piece-by-piece. I'm working on Chapter 5 as we speak...so, it should be up by tomorrow. Damn...you guys read fast!

Woah!!! Really? Thanks. So you guys want me to put up the next chapter already?? Haha...or maybe I'll make you wait....and die. (:

no!!!I want to read more!!!!!!

Are you sureeee??? (:
I think I'll wait for a while

then i'm problity going to die....

oh welll......

Chapter 4: Clothes stay on your body

Link exited the cave with a smirk. This is going to be fun. He pulled his sword out of its sheath, and stayed close to the walls and trees.

He followed the male voices, until he finally arrived at their presence. Five males, all of them tall like the girl, each one wearing a different colored fringe on their helmets. Where are these people from? He noticed they spoke in a different language, rough and very precise. The five men had to be at least six foot nine, and all had huge body-builder bodies. They weren’t wearing much, only dark pants with a golden design threaded into them. It was the same symbol as the pendant the girl had. Link waited until they noticed the girl wasn’t around.

“CHICKA! HYU ISTA REIULA GIGIORA!”

Link had no idea what the red fringed one said, and frankly he didn’t care. He assumed they were calling her.

“SUREA DIU REIULA ERIU PALOPOEN!” The blue fringed man screamed, and all five of them unsheathed their swords. Link’s jaw dropped when he saw their swords. The hilts were covered in bright rubies, and glittered in the newly-found sunlight. The sword itself was made out of gold, and in the center of each one was a rather large opal. That’s one hell of a sword.

“CHICKA CHOOCO RSIALGAR AHAH MIA MIU!” and they all hit their chests with their left hands and “oohed.” Link decided this would be the best time to attack.

He sheathed his sword, and climbed up the tree he was hiding under. He shook the tree with all his might and the men below were yelling. They think I’m her. Link grinned evilly. I’m having too much fun with this. When he caught their attention, he unsheathed his sword for a second time, unleashed his war-cry, and jumped out of the tree, sword in his left hand, and shield on his right. The men looked puzzled at first, and screamed,

“JABA JO JABA NO CHICKA!”

Link rolled onto the hard ground, and hit the flat of his sword against the man with a gold fringe’s head, knocking him unconscious. “That’s right. I’m no chica.”

The four other men stormed onto him. The red fringe one sliced his sword at Link, but Link easily dodged it and they connected blades. Link furrowed his brow. Damn! Those swords are amazing! They’re so strong! Link blocked the man’s blade, and then quickly did a spinning slice. Link’s sword cut the man’s hip, through the chainmail and armor, and he fell to his knees, injured. A third man came at Link, a blue fringe, and threw a kick at his chest. Unfortunately for him, Link rummaged his sword through the man’s sole, boot, foot, and into the leg. As Link pulled out, the man screamed in pain, fresh blood sparkling on Link’s sword and onto ground. Three down, two to go. A green fringed man came at Link, not only with one sword, but two. He sliced and diced and wheeled, but missed Link every time. Link simply thrust his shield to the left sword, knocking it down. He then swung his own sword with all his might at his opponent’s other sword, sending it twirling out of the man’s grip. Link grinned evilly at the man and swung his sword and shield on either side of the man’s head. He fainted in an instance.

Link glared at the last man left, the purple fringed one. “I hope you’re not as easy as them.”

Purple Fringe replied, “I’m their leader.”

Link froze. “You speak Hylian?”

Purple Fringe put his shield on the ground and his sword in its scabbard, throwing it beside his shield. “As head guard, I must know all main languages of the world.” The man smirked. “You are Link?”

Link grit his teeth. “How do you know my name?”

The man laughed. “No reason…that you should know anyway.”

“Are you gonna stand there and laugh or fight like a man?”

The man stopped laughing, and raised an eyebrow. “Fight like a man? You want to fight like a man?” He rolled up his sleeves, exposing his unreal, muscular arms. “Fine, we fight like men. No weapons.”

Link smirked. “You sure that’s wise?”

“Not for you.”

Link tossed his belongings on the floor. “I wouldn’t be too sure about that.” Time to do this Link style.

Purple Fringe raised his arms into fists, and came running at Link. Link easily side-stepped him, then knelt down, and did a spinning kick, causing the man to lose his balance and fall onto his back. Link then straddled the man down, and forcefully held the man’s throat. “Convinced yet?”

Purple fringe choked and gripped Link’s hand, trying to remove it. Link placed both hands on the man’s throat now, waiting for him to turn purple like his fringe.

“Link?”

Link didn’t lose concentration, but glanced at the voice. It was the girl. “Hey! I told you to hide!”

“Link, your killing him!”

Link realized his grip had been too strong, and relaxed it a little. The man took in a gasp of air, and lay there, panting. Link turned his head to her. “Get out of here!”

“No! I don’t want them to take you!”

“As you can tell, I have it under-“

“LINK!”

But it was too late. The man cheated. Instead of lying there, praying for air, he had sneaked his sword into his left hand, and gave Link a deep gash on his left waist. Link gasped and instinctively held his waist with his left hand, his right hand now tightening on the man’s throat, harder than before. The man once again struggled, and Link, in pain and bleeding, sat one knee on the man’s chest, and shoved the other into the man’s jaw, causing it to snap. He suddenly stopped fidgeting, and lay still.

Link rolled off the man, and lay on the ground, gasping in shock. He knew he was okay, even though the wound was serious. But he knew he’d make it.

“Link! The men are waking up!”

He turned his head to the pile of groaning men beside them, and got up on his right knee and arm. In one swift movement, he gathered his floored belongings, set them away, and grabbed the girl’s hand, sprinting off. She struggled to catch up to with him, but eventually got the pace. Although every movement caused a jolt of pain eating at his side, Link did not die down…not yet anyway. He led her out of the grove, to the charming horse standing before it, enjoying her free time and endless helping of grass. Her head shot up as her master came running from the woods. Epona sensed something was wrong. Link moved quickly, trying not to spare time. “Up! On the saddle!”

She climbed her way up, and Link followed up behind her. “Hold on tight.”

With a kick and a whoop, Epona sped off. The girl clung to the horn for dear life, afraid to fall off at such a great speed. Link managed the reins in his right hand, which was difficult being that he was left-handed.

He ran them out the Faron Woods, into Hyrule Field, heading for Kakariko Village. He needed this injury mended now, and more importantly he needed this girl to stay somewhere place. That was the thing about Link; he always put others before himself, even in the direst of circumstances.

Link glanced up at the sky, half-closing his eyes to look at the sun. It was approximately 110 degrees into the sky, meaning it was late morning. Link all of a sudden yelped and immediately stopped Epona with a lift of the reins. He grabbed his left side with both hands now, wincing as he did so. The girl looked over her shoulder and inhaled a squeal. He looked at her, his face saying “I’m in pain, but it’s alright! Just think positive” with a weak smile to add to it. She smiled as well, and he winced again.

“How bad did that mean man hurt you?”

Link looked at his hand, his gauntlets covered in blood. Link’s eyes widened. He was losing a lot of blood, and quickly. “It’s…..fine. Don’t worry. You’re safe.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.” He took in a deep breath, and took hold of the reins again. He led them up a hill, a little shortcut he always took on the way to Kakariko. It was covered with cute trees, and a small puddle of water beside it. He loved nature. Growing up in Ordon, you had too.

“We’re almost ther-“

He yelped again, but this time very loudly. The girl turned back startled. He was moaning and groaning, almost like a dramatic death sequence. Then, his eyes rolled to the back of his head, and fainted, falling off Epona onto the grassy earth.

“Oh my! Link!” The girl clumsily got off the saddle, and ran to him. “Oh…I don’t know what to do!” She bit a nail nervously. She then eyed him and tapped his face lightly. “Stop sleeping Link! Stop-“She then halted, and froze completely. She stared ahead, completely lost in thought.

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“Mother! I don’t want to read this book! I want to read that one!” A little girl demanded, pointing to a fairytale book.

The little girl and her mother were inside a glamorous library, made entirely of mahogany wood. It wasn’t a traditional look, but followed the look of their tribe, The Cirineu. It had big, carved windows that streamed in light and humidity from the forest around them. The chirps of birds, monkeys, and insects could be heard, along with the usual rustling of the huge palm trees. The library had its own natural ambience.

The library had books from all over the world, from Mistruyar, Hiroshymika, Hyrule, Lothlorien, and many other famous countries. The little girl pointed to the fairytale book again. “I want to read the story of the hero who saved his land and defeated Gan...Gan…”

The mother sighed. “Ganondorf. Corazon, I read you that tale every night. We need to move on to something more educational.” The mother lifted up a dusty “Princess Etiquette” manual and smirked. “I know that it’s not your most favorite book, but it is very important. And I hope one day you will realize that.”

She handed her daughter the heavy book, and she took it sorrowfully. As she turned the pages, she pointed to a picture in the book. “Mother! I want a shawlness like that one!” She was referring to a long, white gown the princess in the picture was wearing.

The mother chuckled. “That will be you one day, mi corazon. Now, flip to Chapter 27: The walk and gait of a princess’s entrance.”

The little girl rushed through the pages, looking for the chapter. “Chapter 27, chapter 27, chapter 2-OW!”

The little girl withdrew her hand and held out her right index finger. “My finger hurts!” As if on cue, blood slowly appeared at the cut. The little girl panicked. “MOMMY I’M BLEEDING! I’M BLEEDING!”

The mother took her finger gently and examined it. “Oh sweetie, your fine. It’s just a paper cut.”

“IT’S BLEEDING!”

“Well, do you know how to stop the bleeding?”

The little girl shook her head.

The mother took a handkerchief out of her dress pocket, and ripped a section off of it. “You tie it to the wound, and tie it tightly, but gently. The pressure stops the blood from leaking out.” The mother tied the girl’s tiny finger. “See? All better!”

The girl frowned. “It’s not better until you kiss it.”

The mother smiled and took her finger again, kissing it. “Is it fine now?”

The little girl smiled. “Yes! All better!”
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The girl broke out her dream, and shook her head. Who was that child? And the mother? Where were they? So many questions, and no answers.

The girl realized she was gripping onto Link’s unconscious form, and inhaled calmly. She lifted herself off the ground, and strolled over to Epona’s back. She took off the blankets and bag, and ripped a piece of cloth from the blanket rather easily. She went over to Link and removed his belts, sword and shield, green tunic and gold chainmail, and wrapped the cloth around his waist like in the dream. She tied it firmly, but gently. She then leaned down and kissed his waist. All better. She took the rest of the tack from Epona, eventually figuring it out. She tried her best to place a blanket beneath Link, but he was much too heavy to actually lift, so she inched his body, part by part, onto the soft cloth. She then got the cumbersome saddle, and put Link’s head to it, using the saddle as a pillow. She stood up and looked at her success. She smiled widely and clapped her hands once.

She went to Epona and rubbed her nose. “So, now we wait, hm?” And with that, she plopped on the ground, and stared at the clouds.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Link’s blue eyes shifted in their sockets. Twice. He groaned and put a gauntlet hand to his forehead. He felt as though he’d been in a stampede full of Gorons. He rubbed his face a little, not even noticing the smell of blood on his stained hand. He opened his eyes to discover the sky was no longer blue, but black, with pretty diamonds in the sky. It was nightfall. Had he been knocked out for so long? And, why did he faint? He didn’t remember much of what happened, but didn’t think it was all that important. He was alive…and…where was the girl?

Link tried to get up on his elbows, but a jerk from his side made him cry out in pain and fall back on the ground. But, it wasn’t the ground. Link made notice of a blanket over him, and his head resting on a saddle. He felt lighter than usual, and noticed the only shirt he was wearing was a blood-stained collared shirt, his others beside him. He felt a tightening around his waist, and removed the blanket halfway to see his waist was bandaged firmly. Who did this? Did she do all this? Apparently his cry had woken her from her slumber, as she was sitting Indian-style next to him, Link barely noticing.

“Are you okay?”

He turned to her surprised, and nodded. “Yes. Uh…did you do all of this? For me?”

She nodded, obviously very proud of herself.

Link smiled weakly. “Thank you. It’s actually very comfortable.” He rubbed his face, and glanced at the dark sky. “I’ve been asleep the whole day. Sorry.”

“It’s fine. Waiting wasn’t so bad. I watched the clouds make funny faces.”

Link cocked an eyebrow. “You waited all day? Morning ‘till now?” Link propped himself on his right elbow. “You must get easily excited.”

“Well, I fell asleep too.”

Link looked around. “Are we on Hyrule Field?” He looked at her face, her expression clearly confused. “Yes, I think we are. I don’t really remember what happened.”

Her eyes lit up right away. “Oh! Oh! I do! I do! You see, we were riding on your horse, and you started screaming and then…you just fell asleep. And you fell of your horse too!” She smiled. “Mhm! That’s what happened.”

Link looked at Epona. “That’s why my head hurts.” He noticed some oak trees nearby and thought it was a good time to start a fire. “Hey, can you do me a favor?” She nodded. “Go to those trees over there,” he pointed, “and take about five armfuls of branches, and bring them back here. Is that okay?”

“Yes Link! I’m excited to do so!” And with that, she took off and skipped off to the trees.

“Well that’s good to hear” He said to himself. He plopped his head back unto the saddle, resting.

About five minutes passed, and he heard her footsteps getting closer. He propped himself up on his elbow again, and waved to her. As she got closer, Link’s mouth gaped open.

“I got you the branches!”

Link blinked. “Yeah, you brought back the whole forest. Damn, how did you carry all of those?”

She shrugged and placed the wood to his right, between him and her blanket. “Are these all you need?”

He nodded and smiled. “That’s perfect.” He then reached for his bag, but couldn’t reach it. “Could you get that for me?”

“Oh! Of course!” She said, handing it to him.

He pulled out a bottle of lamp oil and his lamp, refilling it. He placed the bottle back in the bag, and set it beside him. He ignited the lamp, feeling its’ comforting heat rush to his skin. He swiped it over the branches, making a fire. He then put out the lamp and set it beside his bag. “We should be fine sleeping here tonight. You don’t mind sleeping on the floor do you?”

The girl sat in front of the fire, deeply engrossed in its’ beauty. “No. I always sleep on the floor.”

Link cocked his head. “But you have a couch. Don’t you sleep on there?”

She widened her eyes. “You sleep on couches?! I thought you just sat on them!”

Link just looked at her in disbelief. She had a LOT to learn. He ruffled his hair, rubbed his eyes, yawning as he did so. He looked at the fire for comfort, but instead saw the girl’s finger outstretched to it.

“So…pretty.”

“DON’T TOUCH IT!”

But, she did anyway. She retreated her finger, screaming. “OW! That hurt!”

Link groaned. “Of course it hurt! It’s fire. Don’t you know what fire is?”

She shook her head. “No…but it hurt my finger.” She crawled over to his side and showed him her hand. “See?”

Link nodded. “It hurt because it’s fire. It burns skin, wood, leaves, hair. Just about anything.”

“How can something so beautiful be so evil?”

Link shook his head. “It’s one of the world’s greatest mysteries.”

“Can you kiss it?”

This caught Link off guard. “Huh?”

“Can you kiss it? In my dream, I saw little girl get a cut on her finger. As her mother, yes…her mother, wrapped it in cloth, she kissed and said its all better. And the little girl said it didn’t hurt anymore!”

Link just sat there, staring at her. Should I kiss it? I mean if it makes her happy. It’s not like I’m kissing her. He took her finger, and kissed it softly. “There. All better?”

The girl stared in amazement at her index finger. “It really does work!”

Link smiled. Not that I wouldn’t mind kissing her. He watched her retreat to her blanket, sitting on it, staring at her finger.

Link decided it was time to look at the wound. It should’ve stopped bleeding by now. He unwrapped the cloth carefully, and removed his shirt and threw it beside his other garments, his muscular, bare chest naked in the air. Link bit his lip at the wound. It was a deep cut, but it would heal in no time. How did this happen? How did a guard get me like that? I bet it was that sword. It was spectacular. He glanced at his Master Sword beside his garments. But not like mine. Mine is truly unique.

“Your body is so hard!”

Link realized something was poking his abs, and it was the girl. She felt his chest and his arms, and cooed. Link felt like bursting out in laughter. Which he did.

“What’re you doing?!”

She looked dazed, then bore her hazel eyes into his blue ones. “Why is it hard like rock?”

Link chuckled. “They’re muscles. I use them a lot.”

“I use mine a lot and I don’t look like that.”

“Yes, but you’re a girl. And you don’t use them in the same way I do.”

“Oh. It’s really pretty.”

“Did you just call me pretty?”

She grinned. “Yes.”

Link laughed again, then nodded. “Thank you, I suppose. “ This girl has just made my day.

“Why did you take your clothes off?”

“Because I have an injury, and I need to examine it” he said as he re-wrapped the cloth.

“Oh.”

Link grinned, wide and proud. “Look, let’s get some more sleep okay?”

She nodded. “Okay.” She walked over to her blanket and lay still underneath it.

Link sighed and slept on his uninjured side, thankful she was finally quiet. Then, after about five minutes, he heard footsteps again. He moaned, rubbing his eyes. “What’re you doing now?”

“Oh nothing, taking my clothes off.”

“Oh. Okay.” And fell back into a light slumber. Then he realized what she said. Did she say taking her clothes off? He looked to his right and gasped when he saw her bronze back completely exposed, nothing covering the front. He gulped. Was she crazy? She then turned to him, unaware of what she was doing. Before she could completely expose herself, Link shielded his eyes and managed to say “What’re you doing?!”

“What?”

“Why’d you take your clothes off?!”

“Because you did.”

Link groaned. “Yes…but I’m a boy. Boys can take their shirts off. Girls can’t.”

She squawked. “Well that seems unfair!”

Link silently laughed at the ludicrousness of the situation. “It is, in some ways. It’s just…our chests are different.”

The girl looked down at hers, then looked at Link’s. “Oh, I see. They are very different. My chest is round, and yours is flat!”

Link still shielded his eyes, shocked. “Yes. Our chests are very different. And besides, I’m injured! Your not!”

“Yes I am! I burned my finger!”

Link silently knocked himself over the head in his mind. All my fault.

“Is my chest ugly? Is that way you don’t like it?”

“No! No! It’s not ugly at all! It’s just…the rules.”

She gasped. “The rules?! Well why didn’t you say so?”

“Yes. It’s part of sacred code.” Link rolled his eyes. Sacred code? Really?

“Well then, for the sacred code, I will put my clothes back on.”

Link heard more footsteps, and after about a minute heard her say, “Goodnight Link!” Then she whispered, “Thank you for telling me the sacred code.” And she finally went to sleep.

Link uncovered his eyes and glanced at her, seeing a white cloth atop her chest. Link sighed with relief. It was like talking to a baby. They just did everything you did. She is definitely staying in Kakariko. And with that, he once again drifted off into deep slumber.

Thanksss! Unfortunately, I only have half of the next chapter done...but it should be done by tomorrow (:

Thanks! But do you have any criticism? Like, on how to make it even better? (:

Nice job first off, if you want criticism then I might suggest you keep going for a while. There aren't any obvious mistakes but if you keep going a few small holes in your writing style might be revealed. For now though, you're doing perfect.

Thank you so much! I'm almost done with Chapter 5 (:

While I appreciate your attempt at giving Kelsey advice, DragonSovereign, continuing to write won't help her weed out the errors in her story.

What I suggest doing next time is (once you're eye is doing better), try proofreading your chapters for spelling and grammar errors before posting. Better yet, read the story out loud to yourself. By reading it out loud, it makes it easier to spot those errors. What I also suggest doing on top of doing your own proofreading is getting a friend or buddy to further proofread your work as well. I know that after many hours of typing up a chapter that even when I proofread, I may still be unable to catch all of my errors.

If all else fails, use a spellchecker- either use the one in your word processor, or an online one.

EDIT: DragonSovereign, double posting is a no-no, as is advertising your story in another person's thread. Stop doing it please.

Haha, I do all of those things actually. I read it to myself twice, then read it to my sister, then act it out. And I STILL miss things. What I mean by criticism though is like, "Is it too rushed? Is it too slow?" Things like that.....:/